Why being who you really are is one of the smartest choices you can make that will help you reach your full potential, but why it can also be so destructive to your current lifestyle and relationships.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a female viewer who says she has been married to a beta male for the past fourteen years. She is very comfortable being in her masculine, but she has grown tired of always having to be the man in her relationship. She has been focusing on becoming more comfortable in her natural feminine essence, but her husband seems to resent her changes and often becomes angry with her because of them.
She wants to know if it is possible for her husband to change into an alpha male, even though he has no desire to change and is not supportive of the positive changes she is making in her life. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of her email.
I have been married for 14 years to a beta male. For many reasons l have been very comfortable being in my masculine, hence me being married to him. (Men and women both have masculine energy and feminine energy, but typically masculine energy is the more dominant essence in men and feminine energy is the more dominant essence in women. However, this also applies to gay and lesbian couples. Sexual polarity has to exist where one person is more masculine and the other is more feminine, it doesn’t matter if anatomically they are the same sex. If people are not in their natural essence, the sexual polarity and attraction will evaporate, and they will have no desire to have sex with one another.) I am, however, tired of this and have been and will continue to be, working on being comfortable in my feminine. (More than likely, in your upbringing you in essence had to become like a man. Perhaps your parents’ sexual polarity was screwed up because they weren’t comfortable in their essence.) The problem is that he has no desire to change and seems to resent my changes, even being angry. (What’s behind anger? When people get angry, it’s because they are afraid. Human beings have two primary fears, 1) Fear that we are not enough, that we don’t have what it takes to achieve the outcome we want to achieve, and 2) Fear that we won’t be loved or accepted by our friends, family and peer group. If you’re moving into your feminine essence, that will force your husband to move into his masculine. Since he has become more comfortable in his feminine, being a beta male, that shift will make him feel uncertain and uncomfortable. On some level he may fear he is losing you.)
My question is, can a man change from beta to alpha simply by default? (He has to want to, and he has to understand what it is. You should suggest he read my book. It could help him understand himself better.) Or, as I would guess, does he really need to want to change? (Until he gets to a place where he realizes the way he’s going about life isn’t working, he won’t do anything about it.) What would be your advice? (If you’re going to continue to work on yourself and get more comfortable in your feminine essence, as much as you nudge your husband in the right direction, he may not be interested in it. You may come to a point in your relationship where you have to make a choice. If he’s unwilling to co-create with you and balance out the sexual polarity in the relationship, you may have to give him a choice. It’s up to you. Hopefully he’ll see the value in it and make the choice to evolve. The strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and mean it.)
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“The only way most people can become open to making changes in their lives is if they realize their current belief system is no longer valid, or if they simply have “hit the wall” metaphorically in life. It’s usually when we hit rock bottom in our lives that we are forced to move in a new direction. Successful people know reaching their full potential is the result of constantly pushing the boundaries outside of their current comfort zone. Stepping outside of your comfort zone involves taking risks that don’t necessarily lead to immediate success, but in the long run when you look back, they will have been absolutely necessary in order to become all that you’re capable of becoming. Ships are safe if they stay in the harbor, but ships were not built to stay safe in the harbor.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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