Boundary Violations: Is This Relationship Salvageable?

How to know if your relationship is salvageable after repeated boundary violations.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who just broke up with his girlfriend of 2 years due to repeated boundary violations. She kept hanging out with a male friend who just became single and was hitting on her. He told her to stop, and she said he was being controlling and if she couldn’t hang with the male friend it was a deal breaker. He’s hurting and asks my opinion.

My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “Boundary Violations: Is This Relationship Salvageable?”.

So this particular email is from a viewer. He just broke up with his girlfriend of two years due to repeated boundary violations. So apparently there is a male orbiter who “he’s just a friend. You don’t have to worry about him.” And this male orbiter just became single. And it’s pretty obvious that he was hitting on her. She’s like, “oh, I’ll even show you the texts.” So he’s like, you need to stop.

He had just bought a house for the two of them to live together. I don’t know if he put her on the deed or not. It may have been his house, hopefully. He makes 200 grand a year. She probably doesn’t make anything. So she’s living with him in his nice house. And meanwhile she says he’s being controlling for wanting her to not go and hang out with some single guy, some guy that just broke up with his girlfriend.

He ain’t wanting to hang out with his buddies and pals. And she wants to go hang out with him because she clearly likes the guy. And so she told him, the emailer, that it was a deal breaker if she wasn’t allowed to hang out with this guy. And there were a couple of other things that he went through. And this is I mean, this is what happens. You’ve got to set the boundaries. I mean, if you’re going to be financially responsible for everything, you’re going to have children with a woman like this.

You’ve got to at least know that she exhibits the qualities of a loyal woman. A woman who lives with her boyfriend, but yet wants to go hang out with a single man at his place at 1 a.m. in the morning is trying to get fucked. That’s the bottom line. She’s open to allowing some other guy to seduce her, and then she can go, “Oh, it just happened. But I did tell you about him. I didn’t expect it.”

The bottom line is it’s family oriented women. Women that are raised right with their fathers who did a good job. Girls are not going over to some male friend or male orbiter’s house at 1 a.m. and hanging out to be pals. I mean, that’s just that’s nuts. But you can tell she’s probably been influenced a little bit by feminist propaganda. And so she would agree to these boundaries, and then she would immediately try to go back on them and nag him and keep pushing.

And there was a couple of other things you’ll see here as well. She just doesn’t respect his boundaries at all. She clearly doesn’t respect men. And if a woman won’t respect your boundaries, you can’t be with her unless you’re okay with waking up one day and realizing half your kids are not even yours. Their DNA doesn’t even match yours. I’ve had so many clients over the 20 years that I’ve been doing this, that that’s their situation.

Because they went ahead and married women like this, probably from a broken home. But again, a woman who doesn’t respect her father, or if the guy wasn’t around, if she doesn’t respect men in general, she’s not going to respect you no matter how good you are or how much you know 3% Man. This book is designed to work on good, normal, healthy women, not the chicks from broken homes.

Because again, when you apply what’s in the book, the girl from the broken home is going to push back. And she’s probably got a bunch of feminist type friends that are telling her this is all okay. It’s okay to have male friends. It’s just not. A lady’s not going to do these things. A whore who’s not loyal to anybody is going to expect to do it, and is going to call you controlling. So the thing now he ended up breaking up with her.

And obviously he’s kind of suffering over it, obviously. But I mean, she clearly chose wanting to basically act single. So why would you want to build a life around a woman who wants to give other men outside your relationship that she’s potentially open to getting seduced? These are fuck buddies, friends with benefits, sex playmates. These are not wives. These are not girlfriends. This stuff should be common sense, but common sense is not that common, unfortunately.

So let’s go through the email. And today’s Members Only Video is like the exact opposite. The girl was doing a bunch of disrespectful things. He said, “cut it out. That’s it.” And when she realized he was really serious, so far she’s respected all his boundaries. So you’ve got two different women. You’ve got the first one for the free Newsletter everybody sees, she’s not going to respect boundaries.

She’s not going to respect anybody’s boundaries. If you get into a relationship with a girl like this, this is exactly how she treats you. When she doesn’t respect you or she’s not happy or she’s bored, she just goes and invites attention from other men and feels entitled to do it. Because again, dad did not do a good job if he was even in her life. You’ve got a vet for character, because character is destiny.

Viewer Email:

Corey,

I’ve first read your book 5 times or so 7 years ago.

Come on man, 10 to 15 times. Part of his problem is the attraction, I’m sure has been going like this since they’ve been together. But this is what you see here when a girl’s interest is low, she invites attention from other men and wants to go hang out with them one on one at 1 a.m. at their house. And just trust me, it’ll be, it’s okay. And the flip side is, is she going to be okay with you going and hanging out with the hot single girl or single girls from the office who like you and think you’re cute at their apartment or their house at two in the morning?

Any normal woman’s gonna be like, “yeah, you’re fucking those girls.” So it’s like common sense. It’s like, hello. So clearly he didn’t read the book enough and he didn’t take me seriously. But this is what you see, what happens when you slack off? What happens if you stray from the book and her interest drops? If a girls has got low character, she behaves this way, if she’s got high character, she’ll tell you she’s not happy.

She’ll give you an opportunity to correct things. And eventually, if you don’t get your shit right, she’ll leave. Be single for a while, take time to heal, and then she’ll start dating when she’s ready. She’s very selective. She’s not going to just date 50 different fucking dudes. She’s gonna date a handful of guys and pick a guy that has, and shares her values, and reminds her of her father and the relationship that the father has with the mother.

Another 3 times 3 years ago and been back at it.

Well, once you get through the 10 to 15 times, every six months, ideally you should go back through 3% Man just to keep it fresh. Because remember, if you’re watching traditional TV and movies, you’re getting re-brainwashed to accept that, this is totally okay. Going and hanging out with male friends at 1 a.m. at their house. And oh, just trust me, nothing’s happening.

It’s strictly platonic until it’s not. Until his dick ends up inside her. Oops. Then it just happened. Sex has got to be the man’s fault. And when a woman continually puts herself in another man’s orbit and tells you just to trust her, that nothing’s going to happen. And then when something does happen, oh, I couldn’t say no. I had too many drinks. Oops.

Your teachings have done wonders, but I clearly miss the mark at times. Forever grateful for the read and videos.

Well, again, that’s why I say 10 to 15 times. You don’t listen. But at the end of the day, you can’t make good wine from bad grapes. And it’s good that this girl got exposed for who she really is now, and you ditched her before you married her.

Dating this girl for almost two years. We live together, I bought a nice ass house for us (I know, dumb as fuck-blinded by that ass).

It happens. It happens.

Two months ago my girlfriend, now ex is 24 years old, and I’m 32, bumped heads and she went to a single dude’s (coworker) place and stayed there till past 1AM.

So you’re having a disagreement. She’s not happy. Maybe, you know, probably what typically happens is women will pick a fight over something that’s kind of silly when their interest is low and they’re thinking about breaking up with you. And then now you know, they’ll end it. And the guy will think, “oh, if I just had a been calmer, if I’d handled it differently.” It’s like, no, she picked that fight on purpose.

She took something that was like, not a big deal and blew it up in a big deal, the end of the relationship. But I suspect that’s part of the issue here. She’s bumping heads. She’s picking fights because her interest is low. And this guy hadn’t really been through the book and didn’t realize it. So she goes over, and I’m sure she knows deep down that this is not appropriate, but she don’t fucking care.

I let her know how that doesn’t slide with me. We talked and I thought all was good. The next week I’m away for a work trip. While out, I gave her a call at 11PM and she answered almost as if she was caught doing something wrong.

Well, if you’re living with somebody. I mean, women always share their locations with you, typically unless they got something to hide. Your girlfriend’s going to want you to know, and she’s going to share a location with her family and her girlfriends. She’s going to want everybody to know where she is at. And if you’ve got a girl living with you and she hasn’t shared her location, that’s not good. That’s like, this guy made a lot of mistakes in the beginning.

And moving this girl in probably wasn’t really paying much attention because as he said, “the ass coach, you don’t understand. The ass was so nice. I could bounce a quarter off it. It was amazing. I love watching her walk around naked with her little G-string. Like, we know, but just because she looks hot doesn’t mean she’s a good person.

Just because the car looks nice on the outside with a nice paint job doesn’t mean the engine’s not fucked up, and the transmission shot and the suspension’s done for. Gotta take it for a test drive. Character is destiny. You’ve got a vet for character. You can’t get hypnotized by the cute little ass. I know it’s hard. We want what we want.

I find out she was at the same dude’s place while I’m 9 hours away. I was pissed, did not follow your teachings and blew up.

Well again, you told her this is not okay and she did it anyways. You set a boundary and she’s like, “Yeah, fuck you and your boundary. I don’t care.” Again, if you’re gonna have kids with somebody. It’s like, this is not the behavior you want to see from somebody you want to put a ring on or live with or have children with. This is the hoe you kick to the curb.

She wanted to prove he’s “just a friend” and showed me their texts.

It’s like, that really doesn’t matter. It’s like we had an agreement. You weren’t going to do this and you’re doing it anyways.

It was obvious he’s a male orbiter, looking to get laid. I mean he said that in their texts and this chick responded to it.

So he even came right out and said he wants to get laid. That’s nice. Yeah, most guys in society don’t give a fuck if it’s your girlfriend, or your wife, or your baby mama. If they want to smash your girl, they’ll do it. They’ll smile to your face and shake your hand. Meanwhile, they’re trying to rip your chick off.

The writing was on the wall, Corey. This dude just so happened to break up with his ex of 5 years 3 days prior to my now ex going there until 1 AM.

So he’s probably telling her at work, “oh things aren’t working out. I’m not happy.” Then maybe they went to lunch. Maybe they went to a company happy hour. You didn’t know any of this because she didn’t tell you. And then he becomes single and then really puts the full court press on and say, “Hey, come on over. Come hang out” at 1 a.m..

No married man or dude that’s living with his girlfriend or has a girlfriend is going to be okay with his girl hanging out at a single man’s house at 1 a.m. in the morning. It’s just again, that’s the town bicycle. That’s the situation with a woman like this is. Yeah. You’re fucking her. He’s fucking her. It’s probably 2 or 3 other dudes fucking her. And you should practice safe sex.

Homie is looking for a rebound and she just happened to show up at his door.

Because she’s giving him the opportunity to seduce her, despite what she’s telling you. Because she’s a liar. She’s a hoe bag. She has no character. She’s a person of poor character. Just like Giselle, Tom Brady’s ex-wife. Now, in all fairness, you could say, well, he ignored her for years. I mean, she should have left him and divorced him and then started dating. But she met this guy while they were together and she didn’t fucking care.

Her attitude was, well, Tom chose football and so she’s went and fucked somebody else and had his kid. If you don’t date and court your girlfriend or your wife properly eventually some other guy will. Depending on the character, determines how nasty or how nice she is about the breakup. Giselle was fucking nasty. This girl is fucking nasty. Her interest was low and she’s nasty.

My ex believed she was in the right and continued to fight my boundary.

Again, she doesn’t respect men. she’s not going to respect your boundary or anybody else’s boundary. And 95% of the relationships that come from cheating end in cheating.

At first, she was okay with it and was basically on her knees begging me not to break up.

It’s like, oh, waterworks. “Oh, sorry. It’ll never happen again.” You buy it. You buy the bullshit that she’s selling you, that you take the shit burger and you go, okay, I’ll put a little barbecue sauce on it. La la la la la. It still tastes like shit.

But after a few days, the conversation of “controlling”, “unfair boundary” would pop right up. I’d shut it down, but she kept pushing.

Again, this is like she did not respect her father. Because oftentimes when I’m doing phone sessions, guys are like, “oh, she loves her dad. They’re really close.” I was like, “okay, well, tell me about the family dynamic.” And this is what you see. Mom doesn’t respect the dad. The daughter doesn’t respect the dad. The other daughters don’t respect the dad. They just nag. When he says no, they just nag him. And every couple of days take another run at him. And finally he’s just like, we’ll do whatever you want. And he’s just a pushover because he’s a pussy. He’s a pussy.

We live together, we planned shit for the future, and she continues to fight my boundary.

Again she’s a hoe. She belongs to the streets. She belongs to the streets.

The only other boundary is no drugs in the house and in my sight. I was 3 plus years sober and that’s immensely important for me. I’ve built my life through sobriety, and she loved that aspect of me. But she smokes weed occasionally, has an Adderall prescription, drinks here and there, and continues to leave it out in the open despite my gripes with it.

That just shows she don’t respect you. And again, that’s because her interest is low. You’ve probably been soft and squishy with other things because you really weren’t paying attention to the book, but doesn’t really matter. You can’t make good wine from bad grapes. She’s not a good person. But, you know, it actually worked to your advantage that you were kind of sloppy with your game because now you realize what you were dealing with.

If your game was tighter and cleaner, maybe you wouldn’t have noticed it more. Or maybe you would have seen these things right away, and you would have booted her out a long time ago. I suspect other things happen over the two years, and you were just like, coach that ass. Oh my God, that ass.

I’ve relapsed due to my inability to control myself (hand up accountability… I struggle) and she still leaves her shit out.

Again, that’s the wrong girl for you. She’s not trying to help you. She doesn’t give a shit. And by the way, I’ve got the fan going, I just ran two miles. It’s kind of hot. I know there’s occasionally a dude in the comments like, “oh, the damn humming your microphone sucks.” No, it’s not the microphone. I’ve got a fan. The ceiling fans going, whoosh.

Two boundaries are constantly broken and disrespected.

Well, you could set the boundary, but if she’s gonna violate it she’s out. Especially the boundary around other dudes. She told you she was going to comply and she lied to your face. So, no, that’s it. She’s out. You can’t fix that. Her dad sucked, he didn’t do a good job. And here you are. Here she is.

She came out and said the boundary with her male friend was too much and said it’s a deal breaker if I don’t change it.

In other words, she wanted to continue hanging out with that guy and giving him the opportunity to fuck her.

I broke up with her and calmly laid out my reasons. She’s devastated.

It’s like, tough titty. You told her, she didn’t listen so she can go on down the road.

I’m hurt, but I also have to look in the mirror and realize I’m only 32, made $200,000 this year, work out, am sober (yes, always at it and staying at it because I’m now out of this train wreck) and consistently stay centered.

Yeah, if you’re trying to stay sober and no drugs in the house, and yet your girl just continually loses that shit everywhere. It’s like she don’t respect men. She don’t respect you. That’s a deal breaker. It’s not fixable. You gave her the opportunity to fix it. And she’s like, yeah, fuck you. I’m gonna lie to your face. As soon as I think the coast is clear I’m gonna go right back to lying.

This is why I say people don’t change who they are. They may become a better version of who they are, but they don’t change. A liar is always going to be a liar. They just become better at hiding it. Or they might lie a little bit less. But still, the big things, they’re gonna blow sunshine right up your butt.

I go through all kinds of emotions as I go through this. Looking for tips on how to get over this girl who’s clearly naive, immature and selfish.

She has a low character. You can’t feel bad about the way that she is. It’s not your fault.

She has shit I love mainly physical, but I had to run. Looking for help on how to move on because I’m running through all the emotions.

Thank you, Corey.

Bob

Well, you got to feel it to heal it, my man. But as the saying goes, the quickest way to get over a woman is to get underneath a new one. So get back out there and find a woman who loves and respects her father and trusts his judgment and listens to his authority. She doesn’t nag him. She doesn’t lie to him. She respects him. Because if she respects her dad and the parents have a good relationship, she’ll respect you. And if she doesn’t, her dad wasn’t even around.

It’s like the odds of that working is slim to none. You’ve got to see reality as it is. But in this case, again, in the beginning, you revealed you weren’t a very good student in the book and so your game was sloppy. And again, as you said, mostly what you really liked about her was the physical appearance but you kept ignoring all the character. This is why these things happen to you, because you got to pay attention to a woman’s actions, not her nice little ass and 34 double D’s that you love to motorboat.

I get it, it’s nice to motorboat 34 double D’s or even bigger, but if she’s a hoe, she’s a hoe. If she’s community property, if she’s like a doorknob and everybody gets their turn, that’s not your fault. That’s dad’s fault. So get back out there. Start dating, date women that have similar values and similar goals. If you’re totally sober, a girl that’s, you know, got an Adderall addiction, or she’s smoking weed or doing drugs or drinking all the time, and you’re a sober guy.

That’s not really a value system alignment there. So again, there’s nothing you can do about it. It’s just you got to move on and find somebody else. So it just takes time. Take time to feel it and heal it, but get back out there and circulate. I know it’s the last thing you want to do, but again, as soon as you meet somebody who knocks your socks off, again, you’re going to completely forget about this hoe bag.

But you’ve got to pay attention to character. And it’s clear from your own admission here that you did not. You were hypnotized by the pussy and the nice ass. And so you can ignore reality, but you can’t ignore the consequences of ignoring reality. So don’t be sad it’s over. Be glad that it happened and you learned a valuable lesson.

I mean, you’re not one of those guys that’s writing me after marrying somebody like this and finding out three out of the five kids you got are not even yours. And now you got to pay a big settlement and an expensive divorce because you didn’t do a prenup either. Interesting tidbit of info. Couples that do prenups last and have a higher rate of success than couples that don’t do a prenup. That’s something to think about.

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