Broken Dates: Blown Off & Stood Up

Oct 7, 2019 by Coach Corey Wayne
Photo by iStock/Victoria Gnatiuk

How to prevent broken dates, getting blown off and being stood up so women keep their dates with you.

In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who recently set a date with a woman who said yes, told him that she was free anytime and made definite plans with a definite day, time and place to get together. Despite this, when he arrived at their agreed upon meeting place only two days after setting the date, he texted her to tell her what he was wearing.

She responded an hour later to tell him she wasn’t coming and that she never agreed to meet. He shares the details of how he set the date and what she said when agreeing to the date and how he handled himself after she stood him up. He asks my opinion on how he handled himself and what he could have done better. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hey Coach,

Longtime reader and viewer, first time writer. On flakey behavior… I asked a young lady out, she said yes. I asked when she was free, she said anytime. I invited her to join me on (date) at (time) at (place) and to text or call if something comes up, but that otherwise I’d see her there. She said ‘okay’ with a happy face afterwards.

Photo by iStock/Tero Vesalainen

Seems legit. One thing I want to point out here is if you’re going to pick her up, she knows you’re coming over. So if she wants to cancel the date, she’s going to text you. If it’s somebody you just met on a dating app, and you’ve only really texted back and forth and never really talked on the phone, you may be thinking “I’ll convince her to like me in person.” I never do that. I never text back and forth and then meet somewhere. I definitely make it a point to talk on the phone.

Look at it from this perspective. If the conversation is not easy and effortless on the phone, there’s no reason to meet them in person. If it doesn’t go well on the phone, it isn’t going to go well in person. The idea is, you don’t want to waste your fucking time. You didn’t say where you met her, but more than likely you didn’t have a lot of rapport. If you’re just meeting her some place, she has low interest, she just says yes to it and she’s a feral human, she won’t care if she stands you up. It doesn’t mean anything to her.

But it’s a good thing it happened this way, because you spent zero dollars on her. You didn’t have to go out on three or four dates to find out she had no integrity. You knew before you even had a date with her. If she’s already got character flaws, how much time and emotional energy are you going to invest in this girl before you find out she has character flaws? You got stood up, but you know not to waste any fucking time with her going forward.

That was Thursday night.

So you made plans on a Thursday night to go out on a Saturday evening. We’re talking 48 hours ahead of time. It’s not like it was a week or two in advance. I’ll make plans a week or two in advance. I’ll put it on my calendar, and it’s like, I know they’re going to be there. But people that don’t have integrity, they don’t give a fuck. That’s just how they go through life. They go through life dicking people over.

I didn’t text or call to confirm Saturday evening. I just showed up at the place like I said I would and made myself comfortable. I had a drink, socialized with some folks.

Another way you want to look at it, you’re going out to have fun. And if this girl that you’ve invited to join you shows up and you have a good time, awesome. If she flakes or bounces or stands you up, you’re still going out and having a good time. And if she stands you up, you’re not going to go out with her again. She saved you money, and on top of that you went out and had a good time.

Photo by iStock/skynesher

If you can’t go out by yourself and have a good time, you’re really not going to be great company when you’re with somebody else. You’ve got to get to a place in life where you enjoy your time alone, where you enjoy actually hanging out by yourself, and you don’t feel like you have to have another human being with you. If you look at the world and wherever you go like everyone could potentially be a friend of yours, or somebody you’d like to get to know, you’ll meet people wherever you are.

Anybody that works and travels for a living, you’ll spend your time in restaurants, hanging out in the hotel bar, having a meal, having a drink or two, and it’s interesting. It’s fun to talk to complete strangers and find out where they’re from, what they’re up to, what they’re doing there, what they’re traveling for, or what it’s like where they live. I enjoy things like that. That helps your social skills, because you never know who you’re going to meet.

Say you get stood up and you’re in a nice place where there’s lots of other people around, so what. You got stood up by the girl who was your date, but you could easily meet somebody else, so big fucking deal. It’s all how you look at it. Wayne Dyer used to say, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” That’s the kind of attitude you want to have. Easy come, easy go. Don’t take shit personally. Remember, a date really is a compatibility test. It’s like test driving a car. If the car doesn’t even make it into the lot, then you probably don’t want to be driving it anyway.

About 20 minutes after she was to join me, I texted her that I got here and was wearing (clothing description). About an hour later she said, “I’m not coming there… sorrryyyyyyyy.”  

What a fucking asshole. Just 48 hours earlier, “Oh yeah, I’m looking forward to it.”

I continued to enjoy myself and after about two hours wrote back that I don’t do flakey behavior and told her to take care. She replied almost instantly declaring she never said she’d be there.

She’s just an asshole, and you called her out on her bullshit. Then she tries to turn around and say, “It’s not my fault.” Now, why would a woman react that way? Because she’s a fucking narcissist. Selfish, narcissistic — that’s what that reveals. That’s what a narcissist does. They try to turn it around like it’s all your fucking fault. There are a lot of people who are fucked up, grow up in fucked up families, and they take no responsibility for anything. And on top of that, they try to blame it all on you, like it’s your fault.

Photo by iStock/skynesher

So you avoided getting involved with a narcissist, ding! And you had a good time by yourself, ding! And you spent no money on her, ding! That’s a win. Otherwise, what you could have done was, three or four hours ahead of time said, “Hey, I’m kind of running late. I’m jammed up today. Can we meet at 7:30 instead? Does that work for you?”

Say she kept the date and you went out with her, how long does it take for you to find out that she’s a fucking narcissist? Three dates later? Four dates later? After you’ve slept with her? After you’ve been involved with her for a month? But here, it costs you nothing. Zero dollars invested in her. Right away, that’s it. She’s disqualified. I mean it sucks that it happened. It would have been nice if she had shown up, but now you know. You’ve pre-qualified her right out of your life. She doesn’t meet the minimum standards.

When we argue with women, we lose, so I stated I invited her out, that she’d said okay, and had said that if something came up to let me know. Because her reply was so brief and super flimsy, I told her we shouldn’t continue talking and exited the conversation. How did I do?

I think you did fine dude. If you’re worried about a girl ditching you, you can have them come to you. Say, “Hey, when you’re five minutes away, text me, because I live across the street, and I’ll just meet you.” That way, if they stand you up or they’re late, you don’t have to leave or go anywhere. Let them do all the fucking work.

If you invite somebody out, you’re going to pay, because it’s your show. So you can look at it like you got stood up, or you can say you weeded out a piece of shit. It’s all how you look at things.

I wasn’t upset. Having never been stood up before, I didn’t know how it was to go, but I told myself if she did reach out with a solid excuse, apologized and asked for a do-over that I would only travel the distance from my couch to the front door to let her into my home. The whole ‘I never agreed to come’ thing was a wild pitch, but I can’t make time in my life for that kind of communication, kablooey.

Yeah, she’s a fucking liar and a narcissist. She’s a feral human.

I wound up having a great night regardless, and having read your work and watched a lot of your newsletters, I felt the strongest negotiating tool was to walk away and mean it.

Absolutely, because a lot of guys would look at that situation and go, “I got stood up. I can’t believe it. She was so cool. What could I have done differently?” Again, you showed up. You said you were going to be some place on a certain day, at a certain time. You invited her out and were going to pay, and you had enough integrity to show up. Obviously the person you made the date with didn’t match your level of integrity. So, you don’t take it personally. The fact that other people are fucked up is not your problem. The girl did you a favor. That’s reality.

Photo by Angela Weiss/Getty Images

The sooner you can find out that somebody is undesirable, the better off you’re going to be. I see it in my phone sessions all the time. I would say, 30-40% of the phone sessions I do are men and women that are involved with people that are feral human beings or people that are just low quality, but they are looking at the ideal of the person they want, projecting what they want, fantasizing what they want onto the other person, and they’re ignoring the fact that they’re displaying all kinds of undesirable qualities.

In the dating world, the overall majority of women you’re going to interact with, you’re not compatible with them, even if you think they’re hot. So you can’t get impatient that you haven’t found “the one” or “the right person,” because even when you find “the right person,” you may date them for a couple of years and decide, “Hey this has been great, but I’m moving to another city, I don’t want to settle down, or I want to see what else is out there.” I share all these things so you can speed up your success and be where you want to be quicker.

Hoping you’re well, man. Your wisdom allowed me to handle the situation in a manner that left me feeling just fine and I appreciate that.

All the best,

Bob

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“A person’s true character and integrity is revealed by how they treat people who can do nothing for them and those they barely know. Honorable people tend to treat others like they want to be treated. Trashy and feral humans tend to treat other people like dirt. They go through life looking for ways to screw people over in ways they themselves got screwed over or taken advantage of. They are the type of people who are habitually late to appointments, display flakey behavior, are time wasters, stand people up for dates, steal from them and drive slow in the left lane and won’t move. They go through life looking for ways to give the world the hairy middle finger. The reality is that you reap what you sow. You can’t outrun karma. Don’t take it personally when you encounter these trashy feral humans. Instead, feel sorry for them, because the universe will manifest, match and mirror all the bad things they do to others upon them tenfold.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne

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Published on October 7, 2019

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