Broken Dates & What They Mean

How to decipher a woman’s intentions and interest when she breaks dates.

In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who met a girl at a party who was super friendly and asking him lots of questions. He called her a few days later and set a date. She seemed a little nervous but made a date, and then he got off the phone. Two days before the date, she canceled saying she was seeing someone else and it wouldn’t be right.

He wonders if he did everything right, despite the broken date. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

He shares the story of what happened because he thinks he did everything right. And, quite frankly, it looks like he did, but it’s always good to reflect, because the goal is to get better. It brings up a good point, because this is going to happen to every guy. Sometimes you’re going to meet a woman and there might be other dudes in the picture. She might have an ex that she potentially is trying to work things out with.

Ideally, if you’re going to get involved with somebody, you want them to be ready, willing, able and open to dating you. And that means, if there are any exes, you want that situation to be resolved, over and done with. And that’s why I always recommend, if you start dating somebody that is in the process of getting divorced, or they’re separated, or they say they’re leaving their spouse, that it’s best not to get involved with them, just because they’re going to be like a yo-yo.

Sometimes they will be back when they are finally single and ready to mingle. It might happen a year or two from now that they get back in touch with you. It might happen in a few weeks, it might happen in a few months. You just never know. I’ve had clients I’ve talked to, they’ve had women pop back up in their lives seven, nine, ten years later. So, you never know what’s going to happen.

I learned this from a good friend of mine who’s been married for almost 30 years. When he started dating his wife, because she’s very beautiful, she was also dating other guys. And my buddy, he was a bit of a fuck up. He liked the party a lot, but he was a lot of fun, everybody liked him. He was very popular when we were in high school. And she was dating a guy that was older, who was successful, very well off. After about a month, they went out two or three times, and then she told him she was going to get serious with this other guy that she’d been dating for a month, or a few weeks before him, and it looked like things were going to get serious with this other guy.

And he was not happy about that at first, but he said, “Hey, you never burn a bridge.” So he says, “Hey, give me a call if it doesn’t work out.” And then, I think it was like five or six weeks later, she did get in touch and she said, “Hey, let’s go out.” And so, they went out and they’ve been together ever since, so it worked out for him. And that particular woman came from a good, healthy family, and they’ve had a pretty good marriage. So, if a woman ever cancels a date a day or two before the date, tell her to get in touch if she changes her mind, and then walk away and never look back. Sometimes they will be back when they are finally single and ready to mingle.

Viewer’s Email:

Hey Coach,

I’m fresh out of college and work right next to a different college campus in a different city. Because of the nature of my work, people recognize me and my work, slightly the “talk of the town.” Not the level that you were at where people were noticing you on the street, but I definitely meet a lot of people.

Yeah, it’s kind of weird when dudes literally run down the street and chase after you, just because they want to come and shake your hand. It’s nice, but it’s still kind of weird, because I’m just another guy. And my friends that are with me, they usually get a kick out of it. They think it’s pretty fucking funny, because they’ve known me for a long time.

I was at a party last week and was talking to a girl. She was super friendly and asked me a lot of questions. Her friends were also cool. I didn’t think that she was drunk, but I can’t be sure.

Well, the other thing is, obviously, we know that she later cancelled the date, but she’d been drinking and she was more open, if you will. And so, she gave him the number. Because, you’ll see in a minute, once we get to the phone call where he set the date, she seemed a little different than she was the night they met.

Overall, seemed like a quality girl. Later in the night I said, “I’ve gotta go, but we should grab a drink.” She happily gave me her number. I texted her my name 45 minutes later, and she replied very well. The next morning, I actually saw her and her friends walking through the glass but didn’t make eye contact—they could have seen me working on my computer, but I have no clue. A few days later, I call her, she seemed surprised, and I think there was nervousness in her voice.

Probably because at that point, she sobered up and she remembered, “Oops, I gave my phone number to that guy.”

I asked her how her weekend was, and she was brief. She said her schedule was wide open and I got her address. Done.

So far, so good. And the other reason she might be nervous is because he’s calling her on the phone. Girls that age, because everybody communicates through text or a social media app, she’s probably shocked that a guy actually picked the phone up and called her. Which is what you want anyway, because it shows a lot of confidence to do that.

I’ve had so many compliments, especially from younger women in their 20s when I’ve called them. They like that. And I see a lot of the younger guys going, “Oh, you don’t understand, Coach. Our generation is different.” It’s like, well, if you want to be different, if you want to set yourself apart from other guys, show that you’ve got the balls and the confidence to actually call her. If she likes you, she’s going to want to hear from you, she’s going to want to hear your voice.

The call was a minute long. Again, it sounded like she was nervous/surprised, but perhaps it was low interest.

I’d say she’s probably just not used to guys calling her on the phone. And also, she might have been, on some level, feeling guilty, but she says, “Hey, my schedule is wide open.”

Today, (two days before the date), she said she thought we would have a lot of fun…

In other words, she’s saying, “I like you.”

…but didn’t feel right grabbing a drink, because she had been talking to a guy from school. “I’m sorry to cancel, but it just doesn’t feel right.”

So, it could mean maybe she was a little tipsy, or in between the time he got the number, things maybe started progressing with this other guy. Maybe, like she said, she’s been talking to this other guy. And maybe at the time that he met her, it didn’t look like it was going to go anywhere with this other guy, and yet she had really developed some feelings and wanted to see where it went with him. So, in between the time he set the date with her, maybe things progressed with that other dude. And therefore, she was hoping that it’s going to work out the other guy.

That’s why you just never know. Maybe that dude was in there three or four weeks before you, and so, she’s got a little bit more time invested with that particular guy.

From what I can tell, I did everything textbook.

You did great, dude. You should be proud of yourself.

I thought the shortness on/of the call was because she was nervous. What are your thoughts?

Well, it could have also been that maybe she had just sobered up. Maybe it’s because things were starting to progress with the other guy, and maybe she doesn’t like to date more than one dude. I’ve dated women that are like that, that only want to date one guy at a time. They’re rare, because most pretty girls, especially in the West, they get lots of attention from dudes. It’s just constant.

Could she actually have been talking to a guy, and once she had some time to think about our date, she didn’t think it was right? Or am I just BSing myself?

Thanks

Bob

Quite frankly, we don’t know. But based on the evidence, the limited amount of evidence in her actions, we don’t know. We don’t have enough information to make an intelligent and informed decision. But if she was a woman of integrity and things were progressing with another guy, she’s not going to want to get involved with two guys. And so, that could mean that she’s a good woman.

But again, we don’t know. That’s why the best way to handle it is just to say, “Hey, if it doesn’t work out, get in touch with me.” And then, oftentimes, they will. You’ve at least got a 50/50 shot that’s going to happen. Because if it wasn’t working out with the other dude, there’s a good chance it won’t work out in the future, especially if you walk away and you never look back.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.

“Typically, women break dates with guys they aren’t romantically interested in. However, you never really know what’s going on in women’s lives and they probably have several guys who are interested, but there’s also the possibility of an ex in the background they are trying to work things out with. That’s why you never burn a bridge. If a woman ever cancels a date a day or two before the date, tell her to get in touch if she changes her mind and then walk away and never look back. Sometimes they will be back when they are finally single and ready to mingle.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne

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