Why attracting a soul mate is the side effect and result of the person you become, and not a matter of making a soul mate your purpose in life.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a retired US Air Force Pilot who left his wife of over ten years due to a loveless, passionless and sexless relationship, where he had become a beta male butler for his wife. A year ago, he met a woman who knocked his socks off and who he felt helped him to reconnect to his authentic, masculine core in a potential soul mate style love story. His wife wants her beta male do-boy back in his place, but his heart wants a true love soul mate style romance.
He wants to know if his life objective can be to find and create a soul mate style relationship, or if this is just his old needy and clingy tendency trying to manifest itself in another form. He is unsure if he will be able to keep his soul mate, because he has spent so much of his life being alpha in his career, but being beta in his romantic relationships. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.
My warmest ‘THANK YOU’ for coming as my teacher now that I, the student, am ready!
(As the old saying goes, when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. I don’t believe in accidents. I believe everything that happens in life, every person you meet, is there to help give you an experience from a soul perspective, so you can experience and become whatever you intended before you came into this life.)
I got an Audible membership through you, purchased your book and am reading it for the third time with at least seven more to go! I am also reading from your booklist “The Way of the Superior Man” — another great book!
(If you want to know what other books I recommend, just go to my website and click the Products tab, and you will see a list of Amazon books and products I recommend that are self-help related and will help you.)
Your videos are fucking inspiring, or as we say in the military “SHIT HOT!”
I am a 25-year veteran who flew in the first strike package to Baghdad, the first night of Desert Storm.
(I appreciate your service.)
I have a shit ton of missions in the air and on the ground in Iraq and have always had high confidence in myself at my job. I love fast vehicles, weapons and dealing with bad guys, so I had no problem transitioning to police work once I got out of the Air Force.
(Thanks for your continued service. That’ a tough line of work. I’ve got lots of friends and family in law enforcement.)
My love relationship however, as you can already guess, is where I showed myself as needy and insecure. Even though I have more kids than you can count on one hand, I came to realize that I had “settled” in marriage. The past 10+ years have steadily progressed downward in misery.
Almost a year ago, I met a lady who knocked my socks off. She showed me what true love and finding a soul mate is and revived my masculine core.
(I don’t believe there is just one soul mate. I believe there are lots of soul mates potentially. And when you meet that person, it could be a best friend or a lover. When you meet a best friend, you just kind of click. You have similar goals, similar values, similar interests, maybe a similar sense of humor. It’s easy to be with each other.
The same thing happens when it comes to being with the right woman, you just click. Some women are really easy and fun to be with, and with others you’re just trying to keep the conversation going. It’s like pulling teeth. It’s much more fun to be with somebody who’s easy going and easy to be with, who doesn’t get easily butt-hurt or offended, and kind of has a live-and-let-live type of existence.
Anybody who totally gets sent into orbit at the littlest fucking thing, bringing drama and toxicity into your life, those are the types of people you definitely want to hit the delete key with as fast as possible.)
I filed for divorce six months ago. My wife wants me back in the box as the beta male I used to be with her: controllable, sexless, and fearful.
(Well, that sounds like a really emotionally compelling reason to go back to her. No thank you! And besides, your kids need to see at least dad happy and in love. That would give them something to emulate. Most people say, “We’re staying in it for the kids,” and yet they can’t fucking stand each other, and they’re not affectionate.
And guess what, the kids grow up and marry somebody that’s exactly the same kind of relationship. How is that a victory? How is that a win? All you did is perpetuate another generation of dysfunctional, unhappy, loveless, sexless relationships.)
It’s very, very possible I may lose this new love due to decades of neediness imprinted on my core.
(That’s why I say, read my book 10-15 times, because all of those different stories I put in there, things I’ve experienced, you start to get an understanding of the principles, the fundamentals and why they work. You’re not so much focused on trying to use a technique or a strategy, as just reacting instinctively and intuitively to how the woman is showing up in your life. But if you don’t know the material, because you haven’t read it 10-15 times, oftentimes you can come off as being robotic, trying to use techniques, just not natural, and women are going to be able to pick up on that. So make it easy on yourself.
The more you do things right and the more you see patterns of behavior I talk about in my book show up in your interactions with women, that’s going to build your confidence. You have a lot of history doing things wrong, and that led to some very painful experiences — loveless, sexless, unhappy, unfulfilling type of relationship. That’s a lot of pain, and remember, people will do more to avoid pain than they’ll do to gain pleasure. Being the old way is very painful, but being the new way is easy, it’s effortless, it’s natural.
The way you feel in your career and the fact you’ve always been successful in your career, that vibe, that energy, when you see the patterns I talk about in the book, that’s going to give you confidence. What’s in the book is for most people the complete opposite, in most cases, of the way they’ve always thought and shown up.
So when you start doing things that may feel a bit uncomfortable at first, but are different than anything you’ve ever done, and you start to see the patterns over and over, seeing those same fundamental principles at work, that’s going to build your confidence. That’s going to make you more sure of yourself and more sure of your actions, which will have a positive impact on your current soul mate.)
You, Coach, are helping me, as David Deida writes, to understand my “masculine core is mission, purpose and direction in life.” But my question is this: is it wrong to desire a soulmate as an emotionally compelling life purpose?
(Okay, so you get your soul mate, and then what? Who are you as a man? What are you about? What is your mission and purpose? By being a really successful, happy law enforcement officer, that puts you in the right vibe, the right mindset, the right frame of mind, so when you encounter a potential soul mate, she can tell that you’re lit up on the inside. You’re happy. You’re excited about your life and where you’re going. You’ll look at her and look into her eyes with confidence and certainty, instead of timidity. It’s a night and day difference. It’s about becoming what you want to attract.
If guys focus on making a woman the center of their life, once that wears off, they’re faced with the fact they’re not happy. Maybe they don’t have an emotionally compelling mission or purpose in life. If you’re not happy and content in your mission and purpose in life, if you don’t get up every day feeling like you’re following your true calling, you’re not going to be able to sustain your happiness in a relationship with somebody, because you weren’t happy to begin with. The important thing is to do the work on yourself first, so you can start to make your life and lifestyle the way you want it to be. That will make you an attractive human being now, instead of looking for another person to complete you.)
Can a 10 out of 10 be the desire “to love and be loved?” I have found in a soulmate a deep joy and the ability to move mountains that I never could before!
(I talk about that in the book. When you meet somebody, you fall in love, they’re in love with you, and you know how to keep them in love with you, as a man, any feelings of inadequacy don’t happen anymore. You don’t feel like you’re lacking anything. You feel happy, you feel love and you want to share that with everybody. People will see a magic the two of you share that most people don’t get to see very often.
As a man, when you feel awesome, sexy, attractive, and you have a woman who knocks your socks off on your arm, you feel like you can do anything. We tend to take on bigger responsibilities, bigger challenges, we may start our own business or make a lateral move in our career, we may sell our business or we may change careers.
As you improve other areas of your life, there’s always another level of evolution you can go through. You can always become better and more. By having someone you feel is a true equal, you both push each other to become better, even more than you were.)
A priest said at a funeral for a friend last week that “the only thing you take with you is love.” Isn’t this valid as something that matters most, or is it just neediness in disguise?
(Focus on your mission and your purpose in life and becoming the kind of person that you want to attract. Become the kind of awesome guy who would easily attract a soulmate who would appreciate you. In other words, you’ve got to become a person of value first,and then everything else falls into place. As a man, if you don’t feel like you’re handling your purpose and mission in life, a woman’s going to sense that.)
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“You attract a soul mate by the person that you become. Who you become is what you will draw to you. Learning to trust and follow your heart, curiosity and intuition attunes your vibration and experiences with what you want to attract. You then literally draw them to you like a magnet, and they show up when you are totally ready, willing, able and open to them at the perfect time. They are long in coming. Synchronistic events and signposts appear more frequently, and those similar to your ideal start to show up ever more frequently the closer the right one that matches your intention is to manifesting in your reality. You’ll simply know when you look into each other’s eyes for the first time. It’s on!” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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