Captain Save A Hoe To The Rescue!

Why trying to rescue and save bad women leads to pain, rejection and heartbreak.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who is in the military and lives abroad. Over the past year he started talking to a girl he grew up with. She comes from a broken home, seeks male attention and validation through social media and is more suited to a friends with benefits type of relationship. However, the emailer is trying to be captain save a hoe. They recently got together for their 3^rd date in person and hooked up, but he had performance anxiety. He reached out a few days later and she never responded. He asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “Captain Save A Hoe To The Rescue.”

Well, this particular email is from a guy. He’s in his early 20’s. He’s in the Military. And as you guys may or may not know, dudes in the Military, especially Marines, for whatever reason, love Marines, but those guys like to wife up the strippers and the hoes, and the crazy girls when they’re home on leave. And then they go back off and get deployed, and meanwhile she’s sleeping with their best friends and half the neighborhood back home.

And I think maybe part of it, it’s guys that go into the Military, they’re not, for the most part, are not going in it because of the pay. They’re going into it because it’s a calling. And just from my own friends that have been in the Special Operations community, the thing I hear over and over is they fucking hate bullies. They hate bullies. And that’s a big reason why they go into the Military, especially the guys that go into Special Forces. And so maybe on some level, guys that are going into the Military because they feel it’s their duty or their calling, they want to help people.

They want to protect people. They want to beat up bullies. They want to kill bullies. They really enjoy it. I have to say that guys that go into Special Operations, they really enjoy murdering bad people. That scares a lot of people, but that’s just a fact of life. And quite frankly, when it comes to Special Forces, Special Operations guys, that’s what you want. You want those people to be fearless, to go after your enemies, especially the worst people, and take them out.

And so I think part of that mentality that causes those men to want to protect and to save people, save the innocent, they come across a beautiful girl who comes from a train wreck background and are like, “I can work with that. I can fix this. I could save her.” And so, this particular guy got involved. Because I talk about these things often, like when I was younger, I thought this stuff was really kind of common sense, but unfortunately it’s not. Common sense is not our uncommon common sense, if you will. And so, you got to look at a person’s character.

Typically if they come, this is not in all cases, but the overwhelming majority of cases people that come, especially girls, come from broken homes, non-existent father, bad relationship with their mother. They tend to not respect a man, and they seek a lot of attention and validation on social media. Just because dad wasn’t there to fill her bucket of self-esteem up. And so to make up for that and that need that was never fulfilled in childhood, they go on social media and they get it from lots of men, even when they’re in relationships, they do this.

And so, there’s just some kind of some women that are for having fun and hooking up. And there’s other women that are more family oriented, loyal, make good partners, make great teammates to make great humans with. And so you shouldn’t try to be Captain Save-A-Hoe. You got to see reality as it is. And this guy is kind of projecting his fantasy of what he wants this girl to be, and is ignoring, and he’s known her his whole life, so he got that as well.

Because he’s like, “I grew up with this girl. It’s like I know her.” And so, it’s hard when you grow up with somebody and you know them your life. In this case, he’s in his 20’s, so he’s known her for, like I said, multiple decades. And he’s projecting his fantasy and just completely ignoring the reality. You got to see reality as it is not better than it is or worse than it is, but as it is. And he’s seeing her reality as better than it is. So let’s go through his email.

Viewer’s Email:

Hi Coach,

I’m a male in my early 20’s living abroad as I’m in the military. I’ve been seeing a girl who is a couple of years older back in my home state. I’ve known her since childhood and was my first crush. For context, she didn’t have a mother figure growing up and her dad wasn’t around.

So you can just imagine there’s just no balance in her life. There was no dad to teach her how to chill out. No dad there to teach her how to protect herself. No dad to teach her which men you can trust and are safe and which ones are stranger dangers.

She also had an abusive relationship with her boyfriend.

So probably she’s got low self-esteem. And so, because she didn’t get the love she wanted from her dad and her mom. She chooses to be in a relationship with somebody that’s abusive because she doesn’t have a high opinion of herself, and so therefore she justifies staying with somebody that’s abusive because he makes her feel the way she feels about herself. So it’s natural. It’s normal to her. That’s what’s different when a girl comes from a broken home versus a girl who grew up and loves her mom, loves her dad, and just lives to make her parents proud.

That’s what you want to see. And so that just didn’t happen in this case. It sucks. It’s a tragedy. But I believe we choose our parents. And as souls, we all know what we’re getting into when we’re born into this world. But if you’re looking to provide a stable, especially if you’re in the Military and you’re going to be deployed a lot and you’re not going to be around, you need a woman that’s loyal. And you’re just not going to see it typically, unless the girl has gone through therapy and has said, “I don’t want to be like my parents”, and has really made an effort to fix herself and work on herself. And unfortunately, most people will not.

And it’s like, all you guys got to do is like, how many of you have read this Book, and it’s helped you a lot? Obviously, my Book, 3% Man. And how many of the guys that you’ve given it to, or told them that they needed to read, it actually went and read it and got the help? Lucky if maybe one out of ten actually cracked The Book? And the rest are all, “Ah. I’m Busy. I got this. I gotta get my tennis elbow fixed. I gotta sell my jet skis. I gotta get my knee looked at. I got these bunions in my toes I gotta get fixed, shaved off.” Whatever. In other words, most people major in minor things.

After high school, she gained a high body count.

Oh, so she was a town bicycle.

And was a party animal. She later moved away from that scene to pursue college and “get her shit together.” She still seeks male validation on social media constantly with male orbiters commenting on her posts.

Again, if you know that’s her background and you see how she operates in social media, it’s, the Social Media takes the place of the father. So dad wasn’t there. So she gets validation from a bunch of strange men literally all over the world. And that’s not healthy. Again, if you want somebody that’s going to be totally committed to you. You don’t want your girl posting her bending over in her yoga pants, and everybody gets to see the camel toe and all that stuff for clicks. It’s like, that’s just not what you want.

   I got her Snapchat after not seeing her for a couple of years since the pandemic hit and began talking for most of 2023. I would’ve went out with her more but I’m unable to do that as I live in another country and she didn’t have a passport.

Well, it’s pretty easy to get a passport. All you got to do is go to the post office. You pay a fee, they’ll even take your picture for you. You mail it off in a matter of weeks later, it comes in the mail. You need a birth certificate. I think two forms of ID. Again, you do it all at the post office. It’s really easy. And they even have people that expedite it. Like if you need a certain visa for her to come to where you’re at, there are people that are near the consulate of whatever country you’re going to go visit, and they will go.

You’ll send them her, she’ll send the passport to overnight it. Then they’ll go and they’ll walk it through, get it stamped, send it back to you, and then she can go visit you. So it’s an easy process. So if she really likes you, she should be willing to at least go get her passport and get the visa. Again, there are companies that provide the service. They can do it in a matter of days or a week or two. It’s not a big deal. I’ve used it before. It works very well.

Eventually I would go out with her on two dates with high attraction on her end. I even bought concert tickets on her birthday later in 2024.

Well, you’re kind of treating her like a girlfriend, yet your long distance. You had two dates and now you’re buying these expensive tickets, assuming you’re going to be in her life. And so now you’re living in the future. It’s like you’ve already decided she’s the girl for you. And your whole mindset and focus is, “How do I get her to like me?” And so when you’re in that mindset, you’re not paying attention to anything that you need to be paying attention to, to better properly.

Because in your mind, she’s the girl for you. You’ve already decided. So when you’ve already decided, you’ve basically created a scotoma. And so your brain will see all the red flags. There might be more red flags than they have in red China. But, China, we’re going to take our jobs from China. But you’ll just completely ignore it because of the scotoma.

Your brain will see it and your eyes will see it. But your brain will just completely ignore it because again, your focus is, “How do I get her to like me?” And so you can’t vet it. You’re not even trying to vet when you’re in that mindset. You’ve already decided she passed. She passed her background check.

Leading up to the third date, her attraction decreased as I’m away constantly. She texted me less and less.

So that tells me you were probably texting more as she backed off. And all you really needed to do is understand the concept that women are like cats. And if you’re long distance, maybe once a week, every week and a half or whatever, just do a Skype video date or a FaceTime video or something like that. And have dinner or have some drinks together and have a kind of date that’s digital. And that way you can continue to grow rapport.

But if you’re just always talking and texting constantly throughout the day, it’s going to be normal that you’re going to see an ebb and flow where her text will be real long and full of emojis. And then the more you text, you’ll notice you kind of overdo it a little bit and her replies become shorter. She takes longer to reply and then the emojis disappear from it. So you got to pay attention to that and then just match and mirror that and back off. It’s like you’re trying to go slightly slower than she is. And if a guy is in a state of fear and he feels her backing off, because women are like cats, this is just what they do.

Then what happens is the guy doesn’t know any better. He starts calling and texting more to make up for the fact that she’s kind of backing away. And then the more she backs away, the more you chase and then she backs away even more. It’s the analogy of the cat was in your lap. It was purring. You were petting it, and then it stopped purring and it jumped out of your lap and wanted to go do its own thing.

And then you run after it, pick it up, force it to sit in your lap again and pet it. It’s not purring anymore. It’s just looking for an opportunity to jump and get away. So that’s basically what guys typically tend to do. And so when the cat stops purring it jumps out of your lap. Just let it be. It’ll come back at some point. Don’t take it personally. That’s just the way they are.

She texted me less and less but one day she randomly texted me a funny photo to which I took this opportunity to ask her when she’s free and setup a definite date as I would be in town.

Yeah, that’s what happens. You back off a little bit and she sends you a meme. So she’s reaching out to you. That’s what happens. And so as she gets bored or takes you for granted because you’ve been talking and texting too much and she kind of backs off a little bit, you’re going to actually back off more than she does, and she’ll feel that.

And when she feels that and she becomes uncomfortable with the space and she becomes unsure of where she stands with you, then she reaches out, she sends you a meme. And then he correctly assumed, “oh, she must want to see me.” So now he’s making the third date. So what happens on the third date?

We went on and had an ok date. I made sure she did 80% of the talking by asking her high value questions but would receive half assed answers and concluded she truly wasn’t what I was looking for long term.

Well, that’s good because again, she’s come from a broken home. She’s seeking validation on social media and just she’s got tons and tons of male orbiters.

I also never mentioned anything about relationships, not like last time. I was only focused on hanging out, having fun, and hooking up for the first time ever! The sex started off ok but eventually I got performance anxiety and couldn’t finish.

Well, there is an article in The Book that I reference, a Video I did many years ago, “How Men Can Have Multiple Orgasms.” And if you’re a guy that worries about that, especially if it’s the first time with a girl and you really like her, it’s good to use that technique, to get your body ready. So even if you get over excited and you’re super anxious and you blow your wad right away, you’ll still stay hard.

And you won’t have a problem getting hard if you prepared your body properly and doing the exercises from the article and Video, “How Men Can Have Multiple Orgasms.” Again, that’s referenced in The Book. And so, whenever I see that or I get an email from somebody that’s been following me for a while and they got Performance Anxiety Issues, even when I’m doing, I’m on the phone with guys, it’s like, “did you watch the video?” “No.”

I was like, “you got to participate in your own rescue. The technique you don’t use won’t help you. If you’re anxious in bed and you have performance anxiety, and yet you don’t do the exercises to prepare the meat missile to do its job. Well. If the meat missile can’t get off the launch pad, well, that’s on you. Because you failed to prepare.”

As Confucius said, “Success depends upon prior preparation, and without said preparation, there is sure to be failure.” And so the importance of having sex with a girl is that you want her to enjoy it. And a little tip for you guys is the clitoris is on the outside of the body. And when your bodies are together like this, moving this way, it really stimulates it. So just remember that your bodies slapping and moving.

And messing with the little hooded bandit on the outside of her body really makes her feel good. So just remember that when you’re having sex instead of just pounding away. A dog barked. My neighbor’s dog barked when I did that. So it’s like you got to think about that. You got to understand what parts of her body are being stimulated, because the nerve endings that help a woman are that really are responsible for a woman orgasming are on the outside of her body, just like for us guys, all the nerve endings are in the tip of the penis.

So you got to understand anatomy and what needs to be stimulated, because you want her to go away like, “oh, it was so amazing.” Not just like, because, you know, if you get around a group of women, it’s like they all have a story about a guy they started having sex with, and the guy just starts,[claps hands together] smacking away. And girls like, “Pfft.” It’s not, she’s not even really getting stimulated if he’s not doing it right and hitting the, making sure the friction is happening in the proper way to stimulate. Got to think about those things.

Because if you give her a bad experience and on top of that, you’ve been doing unattractive things, talking and texting too much. The sex sucks. Then she’s really not going to care to see you. But if you’re fucking up and you’re acting weak or whatever and your game’s not really tight, but you fuck her brains out. It’s like she’s going to remember that because you made her feel really good and she’ll be thinking, “well. At least it’s really good dick.” And she’ll definitely come back.

So it’s just, these are things that are the controllables. As I say, to borrow a phrase from Mastering Yourself, for those of you that are in the coaching industry. Control the controllables. And in this case, you have control over your body and how you prepare before you get to the point where you’re ready to beat up each other’s pelvises. And if you don’t do the work ahead of time and you crash and burn, well, that’s on you, because the information is there. It’s in The Book. It’s on Video. It’s been out there for a long, long, long time.

I could tell she was not feeling it so I called it off and took her home after she said her sister was wondering where she was.

Yeah, she’s like, “oh, my sister wants to know where I am.” It’s like, that’s her way of saying, “whew, it’s getting late. I got to get out of here.”

 On our way back we talked about random things and the vibes seemed ok. I dropped her off and said goodbye. She hasn’t texted me since which is the first time she’s done that after a date. Four days after, I texted her to which she left me on delivered and never opened it.

It’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. So what do you do in that case? You hit the ball over the net. And you’re waiting. You’re waiting. Nothing came back. So, time to go play tennis with somebody else. Don’t call, don’t text, don’t do anything. You got to give her the space and the time and the opportunity to either follow through on her plans and commitments to you and in this case, just returning or opening and then returning your message.

Or to flake out and disappear from your life forever. So if you’ve noticed that she’s left you on read like that, you don’t do anything. And if she always texted you within a day or two and you don’t hear from her like normal. Maybe you should have held out a few more days. But if you had sex for the first time and then you text her four days later and she always reaches out after you see her and you’ve been chatting for a year or however long it’s been, they’ve been talking again. And she doesn’t reply.

Well, that tells me that your performance in the bedroom was subpar, and wasn’t exciting enough for her. So again, it’s really important to understand a woman’s body and how to stimulate her. So she thinks of you as like, “it’s really good dick.” And you want her coming back for more.

I applied no contact since and plan on selling the concert tickets.

Probably a good move.

If she does text me one day, I plan on getting to the point and asking her when she’s free to come have dinner at my place and have fun. Any advice on improvement and how should I proceed if she reaches out?

Bob

Well, if she does reach out, what I would do, and you’re back in, wherever you’re based at on the other side of the world. I would do a video date with her. And then say, “you should come visit me in my country.” And send her one of those companies that will facilitate getting her a visa to where you’re at. And give her instructions on how to go get her passport and tell her to come see you. And then from that point on, I’d let her do all the calling, texting and pursuing, see if she actually goes through with it, see if she.

Because again, if she really wanted to, she’d get her passport in a matter of weeks. And it’s like you can actually because I know in Florida there is a consulate in Miami that you can drive to and get your passport all in the same day, or you can go to the post office, get your pictures taken, fill out your application, everything. Give them your forms of ID and mail it off and you’ll get your passport in 2 to 4 weeks I think it is?

And then once you get your passport, then you can send it to an expedited service. And then they can get your visa for whatever country, because again, they basically take your passport and they go to the consulate of the country you’re trying to get a visa for, and somebody personally walks all that stuff through, gets your visa, sends everything to you, and then you’re good to go. And then she can buy her ticket and come see you.

She should be willing to do that. Hopefully. If not, it’s like, “hey, I’ll see you in town next time around.” But. Again, seeing the fact like we talked about in the beginning, she’s lots of male orbiters. You’re deployed in the Military. And quite frankly, you guys that marry girls like this, then you’re shocked that they cheat on you. Because the attention never stops. It’s like those guys are always in the background. And then when you slip up.

Then one of these guys is sliding into her DM’s. And so just from what you shared, it doesn’t. And even you said, “yeah, she’s not what I’m looking for in long term”, but you can have fun with her. Hang out, have fun, hook up. But don’t be thinking that you’re going to be Captain Save-A-Hoe and you’re going to fix and you’re going to save this girl. We can all be sad for her. That this was her background and where she came from.

But there are girls to have fun with, you should definitely wear a raincoat. And there are girls that you can date and have relationships with. But from what I’ve seen here, just the randomly sleeping around and not giving a shit. Plus all the you know about who she sleeps with, or how many guys she sleeps with. In other words she’s giving herself away because she doesn’t value herself. And on top of that, she stayed in an abusive relationship and slept.

You know, she was a town bicycle for a while and did a lot of partying, did a lot of drugs. I probably would not be raw dogging a girl like this that has, that exhibits this kind of behavior. Again, it doesn’t mean every single one of them that comes from a broken home is bad, but the overwhelming majority of them are just they’re going to be a train wreck. That’s reality. But you got to notice when she backs off and she’s not making the effort that you got to kind of match and mirror that.

And so guys will see this if you’re not prepared and your game is not very tight and then the sex sucks, then you’re like, [makes displeased face.] But if your game is kind of sloppy but the sex is amazing, then she’s going to keep coming back for more of that sex. And that’s what you want. And then you could decide. But again, I wouldn’t be considering somebody like this for girlfriend long term. And he did say that it’s not somebody he’s looking for long term. But we’ll see what happens when his emotions get involved.

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