The importance of happiness and feeling good about your life, lifestyle, relationships, purpose and health, and how this influences your ability to make good choices that lead to changes and growing through the seasons of your life.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a female viewer who is twenty-four. She was introduced to my work through an older man she was dating, and was able to successfully re-attract using the principles taught in my video titled, “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.” She ended up moving to a different city, and they decided to break up once again, because neither of them wanted a long-distance relationship. Now she is in the process of moving back to his city, and she wonders what will happen. He does not tick all of the boxes of her ideal man, but he treats her well and she has a really good time with him. She thinks in time she could really love him, but she is scared what will happen. She does not feel like she would be setting, because he really makes her happy when they are together, but she wonders if it’s better to look for a new man who ticks all of her boxes of the ideal guy. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of her email:
Dear Corey Wayne,
I have written to you before about my relationship with an older man, who I managed to get back thanks to your “7 Principles” article. (This is a reference to my article and video, “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.”) I moved to a different city and sadly had to end it with him. We both didn’t want a long distance relationship, but I’m moving back to his city, and I’m wondering what’s going to happen.
I have read a lot of your video newsletters and am reading your book. I have started to turn my life around and do something I have always been obsessed with and take exams, (When you put excessive amounts of time into something you love and have a passion for, you can’t help but become really good at it over time), so I can teach people horse riding. I feel much more positive now, because I have had the balls to go for what I really want, instead of being too afraid to make changes. This positive impact has made me think of my relationships in a different light too. (The more you grow and the happier you become in one area of your life, the more you will look at the other areas that have fallen behind and put more effort into those to achieve a more balanced life.)
I have been doing what you said in your book, and I wrote a list of all the things I want in a man. This older man has lot of the qualities in my top ten list, but some of them he doesn’t. I don’t really lust after him like I have with other boyfriends, or even find him very physically attractive. (Women fall in love slowly over time. The more you hang out, have fun and hook up, the more attractive he will become over time in your eyes.) However, I have an amazing time with him, and feel like I could really love him. He has helped me become a more confident person, (He’s helping you become a better woman. He’s adding value in your life. That is really important), and it was him who showed me your work. We spend days together and only need an hour apart to recharge before we want to see each other again.
What I’m confused about is this: should I NOT get back with him if he wants to, because he does not tick all the boxes in my top ten list, and try and find someone better, OR should I see where our relationship goes? (As a coach, It’s not my job to make your decisions for you. As Steve Jobs said, “Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become.” You haven’t mentioned anything negative about this guy. If you’re moving back to the city where he lives, continue dating him, but also be open to the possibility of meeting someone else who also has the qualities on your top ten list. Keep your options open, and focus on your outcome, what you want and what is important to you.) I don’t want to miss out on the amazing times we have together and the wonderful way he makes me feel. Having sex with him wasn’t that great for me, but maybe that has to do with insecurity that he might dump me again. (Women tend to be more emotionally focused. The more a man makes you feel heard and understood, the more you will develop feelings for him.) Maybe I’m just afraid I won’t find someone better? Maybe I shouldn’t be so insecure and worrying that I’m not good enough, and just enjoy our time together? (Instead of trying to make a decision right now, just see how it goes.) I had a difficult upbringing, and until my mum recently married a really nice man who loves her, never had a solid loving relationship to look up to. I feel like I am still full of insecurities and doubts about love and myself. I have been trying to tell myself I deserve a good relationship and am a good catch, either for this man or for someone else. (Date other people also. Don’t just jump right back into having a relationship with him.)
How can I make a good, confident decision about him and have the self-knowledge to know it is the right decision, and not just one based on fear and insecurity? (Trust your heart and give it time. Most importantly, see how you feel. Focus on your outcome and what feels right.) I don’t think being with this man would be settling, because he makes me really happy, and I am only 24. (You’re young. You don’t have to make a decision right now. Learn to trust your heart, your curiosity and your intuition. The more you trust what you feel inside, the more the choices you make in your life will bring you circumstances and people that will help keep you in a peaceful and relaxed state.)
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Personal and professional relationships that stand the test of time do so because of mutual respect, admiration, great communication, shared goals and values, growing together, being kind and appreciative, building each other up, supporting one another, honesty and adding value to each others lives. The happier you are, the more your choices will bring you people and circumstances that contribute to and expand your happiness. Spend your time with people who are easy and effortless to be with. People who cause friction, drama and restlessness should be avoided and deleted because they will rob you of your peace and ability to enjoy your life and reach your full potential.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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