Character Is Destiny. Once A Cheater. Always A Cheater

Why character is destiny and disloyal women will always be disloyal if they aren’t happy and having their needs met.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who married his current wife despite the fact she cheated on him when they were living in different countries in year 2 of their relationship. They have been dating for 15 years and been married for 11. Over time, he slowly let himself go, got fat, and stopped dating and courting her properly. Once again, she started an affair with another man. They are living apart, he is dating other women, but they are now friends with benefits. After therapy together, things are better, but he doesn’t feel it should go beyond a friends with benefits type of relationship since he doesn’t trust her anymore. He asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter. And the topic of today’s newsletter is going to be, Character Is Destiny. Once A Cheater, Always A Cheater.

Well, this particular gem of an email comes from a guy who’s been dating his wife for 15 years. They’ve been married for 11. And what’s interesting is, I guess back when they were dating, they were dating for like a year or so. And then they were living apart for like a year because they were working in different countries.

She ended up cheating on him. With some other dude. They worked it out. They got back together and then got married. And then he got fat, let himself go. And like this email just perfectly encapsulates what so many men have discovered. Is that they get into relationships with women that are disloyal.

They work things out. Hey, we put that behind us. And then what happens? He lets himself go, he gets fat, and it happens again. So this is a great email, a cautionary email, because she cheated on him again. And they’re just like friends with benefits.

And she wants to get back together. And he’s like, is she really going to be loyal? Because they’ve done a lot of therapy together. So, it’s an interesting email because it just further drives home the point, “Once a cheater, always a cheater.”

Somebody that’s disloyal; if you take her back when she’s been disloyal, you’re enabling her behavior. You’re telling her, “Hey, it’s okay.” And then, What happens? He lets himself go. She falls out of love. She’s bored. She’s not happy. He’s a fat slob. She cheats on him again.

This is, I mean, it’s as predictable as the sun coming up in the East and setting in the West. Now, a woman who’s got integrity is going to be upset. She’s going to threaten to leave. And if he just never gets his act in gear, then she’ll leave.

She’ll be single, she’ll get her life back in order. Then when she’s ready and healed, she’ll start dating again. Whereas the liar and the cheater is going to monkey branch, or just go get dicked down by somebody else. And not feel any remorse.

Viewer’s Email:

Hello Coach,

Firstly, I want to thank you, I appreciate and cherish your work. The last 4 months I am going through hell, and you have been a beacon of light. I have listened to lots of advice, but you are the one that I usually fall back on, due to 100% solid advice.

Well, I teach what works. It’s as simple as that. Even if you think I’m full of shit. If you apply what’s in My Book, this one here, 3% Man, you’ll see that it works for you. You’ll get better results than you may get on your own, trying it your own way. But I can’t stop you guys from making bad decisions or dating women or marrying women you shouldn’t marry.

I read Your Book 9 times in the past 4 months, plus I have listened to tons of your newsletters. I have been married for almost 11 years and have known my wife for almost 15. I am 39 and she is 36. In the 2nd year of the relationship, while we were living in different countries, I found out that she had an affair with another guy, which she ended and stayed with me.

Well, obviously commitments, loyalty don’t mean shit to her. At least then they didn’t, and it doesn’t look like they do today either.

I found out as we were moving together to another country and felt terribly betrayed.

Yeah, it not like she revealed it. It’s like he discovered this.

I asked her to tell me everything, which she initially lied, but then she did. We separated and I started dating other women. She started chasing me and being 100% focused on us.

See how that works? You’re just like, “All right, I’m gonna move on.”

She has been doing everything for me for years, up until now. However, I never fully trusted her.

It was like, duh.

And I was sleeping with one eye open.

Yeah, it’s right in The Book. But then again, he just found out about me recently.

I ended up not taking care of myself, becoming fat, playing video games, and totally ignoring her, waiting for the moment she would cheat, which didn’t happen at that time. In 2020, she lost her job and we found ourselves in a hard place, so we both worked to improve ourselves and our future. I was her rock and supported her in her new job, that she wasn’t paid well for months but gets paid in good chunks when a deal happens.

So she’s broke as a joke and you’re picking up the slack. Sounds like she’s on a commission type thing.

She was very busy and working most of the day. I had a side hustle that ended up losing me money. I stopped dating her and was focused only on my job and side hustle. One Sunday, she told me that she is seeing a girlfriend for a night out, however the next day I got a fine from another location.

Oh, a ticket on the vehicle. That’s not where her girlfriend lives. Huh. What could that mean?

I checked her phone and found out she has an emotional affair with her married coworker. I asked her about it and she lied and lied for days and weeks.

I can’t believe it. She lied. A cheater and a liar. Lies and cheats. Again. Shocking.

I was heartbroken and devastated. Thanks to your work, I decided to ask her to leave our home.

He threw her ass back to the streets. She belongs on the streets.

Then I took care of myself, flirted with other women. She didn’t want to talk to me.

Bye, Felicia.

So, I took her out on casual dates, then she opened up. We reached the place where she admitted everything and told me all that happened.

What man would want to go through that? Just lying and lying and lying. Okay, I’ll tell you the truth.

I know you will say that I should have never taken her back and character is destiny.

Well, it is. And you just reconfirmed this for us and the whole rest of the audience.

I wish your book existed back then.

Well, The Book will teach you how to keep her attracted and in love. But if you let yourself go and become a fat slob, and you stop dating, and courting her. And because you married a cheater, it’s like, she’s going to cheat. This is not surprising.

What I thought back then, is that we both have things to learn from each other that will make us better. I stayed because she treated me like a king. Now after everything that happened, we both got the real lessons.

Through therapy, lots of reading and inner work, we found out that we both acted on childhood traumas. I found out that her behavior comes from her childhood examples and from history of childhood sexual abuse.

Well, that’s sad, but it doesn’t excuse her lying and cheating. You could say, well, that was the cause. But at the end of the day, she made the choice to invite attention from other men that were not her husband. And her boyfriend in the past when you were just boyfriend girlfriend.

That it was not only about me, but mostly about how she was raised to be.

Yeah, well, her family fucked her up. They made her this way.

We have amazing sex and a great bond, which no other person can have in any of each other’s lives as we spend our best years and half of our lives together. We have both seen our flaws, changed, and committed ourselves to self-development. However, our marriage is broken, and I don’t know if I should just keep her as a friend with benefits or trust her ever again.

Well, as I say all the time; if she’s happy and then she’s in love, she’s probably not going to cheat. But if you get lazy five years out from now, or ten years, whenever, and you become a fat slob again and you start ignoring her, she’s going to cheat. Simple as that. Sushi is.

I guess I will just keep dating her until she brings back commitment and shows she can be trusted.

I wouldn’t trust her.

Not sure though even then, if she would deserve another chance.

What are your thoughts?

Regards,

Bob

Well, keep her as a friends with benefits. Loyalty is the number one most important thing to men in a relationship. And you said you slept with one eye open your whole marriage. How’s that feel? And then when you let yourself go. What happened? She cheated again. Big shock. That’s as predictable as the sun coming up in the East and set in the West.

So, the decision is on you. This is your life. It’s your marriage. But keep in mind. If you follow the things that are in The Book, and you keep her attracted, she’ll probably be loyal and faithful. But when you slip up and you start displaying a lot of unattractive behavior, or you neglect her, and you don’t date in court her, or you don’t make her feel heard and understood, she’s going to invite attention from other men.

That’s the way she is. It’s nice and great that she went to therapy and everything, but that still is not going to change who she is. Given the right circumstances. She will cheat on you again. And it’s up to you. That’s just the way it is. That’s the lay of the land. That’s how your life and your relationship with her is going to be.

Now you have to put your big boy pants on and decide whether or not you’re okay with that. Or if you would just rather date and eventually find another woman. So that’s up to you. But why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free? You’re already apprehensive about giving the marriage. As you said itself, it’s broken.

I mean, if/when you get divorced, the thing that the judge is going to say to you before he slams his gavel down and says, “Congratulations, you’re divorced. Good luck to you.”

He’s going to say, “Is the marriage irretrievably broken?” And if you say, “Yes”, then he’s going to look over at the other side. “Is the marriage irretrievably broken?” And they’re going to say, “Yes.” And he said, “Okay, I got your final judgment. You’re good. Good luck to both of you.”

It’s like, I remember when my divorce, the actual hearing, it was like it was a handful of minutes. And there was a ton of people in there because it’s just it’s like a factory. “You’re divorced.” “You’re divorced. Good luck to you.” “You’re divorced. Good luck to you.”

The courthouse, it was a brand new building at the time. Downtown Orlando, it was a nice building. Still smelled the newness of the, you could smell the construction, the carpet and the fresh paint. It’s really nice. You know, it wasn’t some, like, long, drawn out hearing.

It’s like when you turn in, when everything’s agreed and you got the documents. The judge looks, like, “Everybody good. Okay, you’re out of here. You’re divorced.” But like I said, this is who she is. You slip up, she’s gonna do it again. Do you think that you can stay focused the rest of your life and not slip up, and not let yourself go.

It’s like. So, I mean, it’s on you. She cheated twice. When you display too much unattractive behavior, she’s just going to go and be with another man and invite his attention. Now she’s had all this therapy and stuff. Maybe you guys have more skills, and you can talk things out.

But, he’s not going, “I’m ready to do this again and give her a third chance.” He’s like, “Uh, so why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?” I mean, if you’re just hooking up, she’s a friends with benefits and you’re dating other women. What’s wrong with that?

What’s wrong with that continuing? Maybe you find somebody better, and then maybe hotter, and younger, and more loyal, or comes from a good family. But, I wouldn’t want to live this way. But this is you. This is your life. You need to do what’s best for you. All I can do is tell you how women operate, how to attract them, how to keep them attracted. And the rest is up to you.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.