Chasing Too Hard, Over Validating & Trying To Win Her Over Ruins Attraction

Why chasing too hard, over validating & trying to win her over ruins attraction.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email success story from a 32 year old viewer who has read 3% Man, over 20 times. He shares how he met and initially chased his now girlfriend right out of his life. 8 months later they reconnected after he became proficient with the principles I teach in 3% Man. They’ve been together for 2 years and she’s regularly mentioning getting married. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “Chasing Too Hard, Over Validating & Trying To Win Her Over Ruins Attraction.”

Well, this particular email is a success story from a guy, he is 32. He says he’s a red 3% Man now over 20 times, and he shares a success story of how he met, and initially totally screwed things up with his now girlfriend of two years. And so kind of after he had screwed up and chased her away, that’s when he came across my Book and started applying it. And then eight months later, they reconnected.

And so he really gives a nice, long, detailed email of the way he used to be, the way he used to think, the problems he used to have, the things he used to do that turned women off, which is pretty much all of us guys that don’t know any better do the same thing. So it’s a good email to learn from and to see how different life can be when you start applying what’s in The Book versus doing what you used to do.

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach,

First off, thank you for sharing your work. I’ve never had the kind of success in relationships, or in my career that I’m experiencing now, and it’s because of 3% Man. As such, I’d like to share my success story. Your book was the wake-up call I didn’t realize I needed. I’d always come off strong on the first couple of dates, but I’d slip right into old habits, chasing too hard, over-validating, and trying to “win her over.” That energy always backfired.

Well, it’s pretty much what they say in movies and TV. It’s like in TV and in movies, when the characters do these things, you chase, you pursue, you stalk basically a woman, and eventually she falls in love with you and you ride off into the sunset together. If you do that in the real world, you get ghosted and if you don’t stop, you get a restraining order.

I met my now-girlfriend of two years during that phase. Our first date was cinematic. She went in for the kiss at the end of our date, in the rain while I walked her to her car, holding the umbrella.

That’s so lovely.

There was clear chemistry, and we went out again, but I had to travel shortly after for work, Australia, Singapore, and then a wedding. I tried too hard to keep things warm from a distance, over pursued and over communicated, and sure enough, it fizzled.

So probably while he’s away, because he’s only been on a few dates with her. He’s calling too much, texting too much. Telling her how much he likes her, how much he’s thinking about her, or how much he misses her. Basically talking in a way that communicates he perceives her as his girlfriend already. There’s no mystery in that. Because it’s a scientific fact Women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear.

Women like you way more if they think that they’re more into you than you are into them. That’s just a fact of life. Women are designed to get a man’s attention. When you make it too easy for them, when you’re too available, you’re drooling over text or over phone, or over video chat, telling her how much you like her, it has no effect on her. Women don’t care about how you feel about them. They only care about how they feel about you. That’s what’s most important.

That’s when I picked up 3% Man for the first time after watching a handful of your videos. I read it once, then again, and again. I’ve now read it over 20 times. I even created my own AI prompt to sanity-check my behavior when something throws me off. Which, by now, is rare. Eight months later, I sent her a cool, playful message:

“So, what’s the statute of limitations on taking you out to dinner again?”

She replied: “For you, absolutely none.”

So he doesn’t elaborate or what happened, but it just fizzled. Maybe he couldn’t get her out on a date. Maybe she just ghosted him. But eight months later, after reading The Book 20 times and applying it and practicing it, he thought, you know, let me just give that girl one last shot and see what happens. And so that’s his final Hail Mary, if you will. And her attitude was completely different, whereas before it had fizzled again, he didn’t elaborate and say what happened.

But eight months later, he reached back out one last time to shoot his shot, and she was receptive. But keep in mind, he spent eight months reading the book, applying it, dating, interacting with women, seeing the stuff in the book work and show up in his real life. So when he got back in touch, he’s a different dude.

This time, however, I wasn’t chasing. I led with calm strength and let her come to me. And she did. After a few months of dating, she casually called me her “boyfriend.” I smirked and said, “Is that so? Don’t I get a say?” She laughed, turned red, and jumped my bones. Not long after, she told me she loved me first.

Just like it says in The Book.

A couple months later, I landed a big job.

So you think, “hey, he’s on top of the world.” And this is what happens with life. Soon as everything is going great or it looks like it’s going to go great, something blows up on you. It was the old saying goes, life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans. So imagine he’s got a girl he wants to be with. He just got a big job. He’s celebrating. He’s excited.

Then, just one week in, I was laid off. Not just any day, but on her birthday. The same day I was meeting her parents and godparents for the first time. I said absolutely nothing. I didn’t make myself the victim. I kept my composure, stayed grounded, and showed up fully present, confident, dialed in, and focused.

So I remember back when I was in Tony World, 20 years ago, and he was telling a story, and this is, I don’t know, sometime in the 90s, 80s, late 80s, early 90s. His business was doing well. He’s giving seminars all over the world, and he’s about to go on stage with, like, I don’t know, 5000, 10,000 people in the audience. And the guy that had been running his companies, comes up to him right before he’s about to go on stage and just drops a big turd in the punch bowl. And the guy goes, “um, I’m quitting. And by the way, your company is bankrupt.”

Right as he’s about to go on stage, all these people paid all this money. They’ve flown from all over the world to see him. “Oh, by the way, you’re bankrupt and I quit.” But right in that moment, he’s literally got to step on stage. So what does he do? He didn’t lose his composure. He went out and he delivered, and he served his audience. And then after the fact, he turned his company around. And obviously the rest is history. He’s worth a lot of money now. But that’s where we separate the men from the boys. When the shit goes sideways. What do you do? How do you handle it?

So here’s what should be a big deal. He’s with a girl he really loves. Now he’s getting to meet her family and grandparents and something that doesn’t happen very often. And when he should be most excited, he gets laid off. And so what does he do? Does he let it diminish him? Does he change his approach? Does he just sit in the corner and cry? Oh, that’s my job. I don’t know what I’m going to do. No, because she wouldn’t have been able to handle that anyways. He kept it to himself because it’s really not her issue, not her problem. He’s just like, well, I guess I’ve got to figure it out. And it wasn’t a quick fix, as you’ll see.

Her family loved me. She was glowing. A few days later, I told her the truth, calmly and without drama.

Remember, masculinity is calm. If you’re not freaked out about it, she won’t either.

I never missed a beat and went right back to pursuing my purpose and she commented on how well I held composure throughout as if nothing had changed. That kicked off an 8-month stretch of unemployment, but I stayed centered and purpose-driven.

And so I know there’s been lots of layoffs lately. Last year or so, if you’re in a situation where you need a job, I highly recommend you read Mastering Yourself. It’s free to read in the Members Area on the Website. Just subscribe to the Email Newsletter. And obviously, of course you can read 3% Man there as well for free. But if you’re in a jam and you need help with your purpose and mission, Mastering Yourself is there. There’s stuff in there where I lay out how to get any job you want, how to negotiate from a position of strength.

And like somebody like a LeBron James does when he’s negotiating a new contract or a team wants to have him come play for them. Even if you got no job or nothing going on, you haven’t worked in 8 or 10 months. I set it up in there. So if you follow the plan, you’ll get a job. You’ll get it pretty much. I got any job that I wanted back when I was working for other people. And it’s a sound strategy. It always worked for me, and it’s worked for everybody that I know that’s ever applied it. And I’ve been doing this over 20 years at this point.

That kicked off an 8-month stretch of unemployment, but I stayed centered and purpose-driven. I kept doing the work. And right in the middle of it, something happened that could’ve broken a weaker man’s frame. She invited me to a family gathering that is hosted annually at her family’s place in Oregon, she’d described as a big deal. The kind not just anyone gets invited to. But what I didn’t know was that she also invited her ex who she claimed he was fine with being her “friend” and had moved nearby. And I found out through her mom.

Yeah, it’s like, “oh, I’m going to meet my whole family. Not everybody gets to go. And she secretly invites her ex. It’s like, huh?

I didn’t lose it. I didn’t try to control anything or make a scene. After the gathering ended, we went to our private room, and I just said calmly once the topic came up.

In other words, the topic of her ex and her. Her ex is there. She invited him. She’s bringing her boyfriend to introduce him to her family and she has an ex boyfriend there. Was she trolling him? Was she naive? Supposedly the guy’s okay with being friends. Who dumped who? Because if he dumped her and they really are on good terms. And nobody’s carrying the torch for one another. You’re fine. But if she dumped him, and he’s been pining for her ever since and trying to get another shot, that’s not something you want to see. Of supposed intimate family gathering. And. Oh, by the way, I’m inviting my ex-boyfriend to come. And he comes even though she’s bringing her new boyfriend. And so this is his response after that. And when the topic comes up.

“I’m not telling you what to do or what not to do. I’m only saying that you’re free to make your own decisions, but know that I’m also free to make mine based on yours.”

So I don’t know, he kind of left out what else they talked about, but he’s basically saying, hey, you’re you got this extra years here. And so if you’re going to be hanging out with your ex, well then I guess I’m a free agent and I can go do what I want.

I didn’t tell her to end the friendship, but she did. She told me later she realized her mistake and that she should’ve been up front with me.

I’d say she was probably doing it on purpose. She was trolling you to see how you reacted. Women do shit like that. And you know that’s a red flag to invite an ex-boyfriend like that to supposedly an intimate family gathering that’s a big deal if you get invited. But then the ex is there, that’s pretty rude. I would want more clarification on that because he just kind of glazed it over like it was no big deal.

She apologized, not just with words, but with consistent actions. She made it clear I was her priority, and that she would never let something like that happen again.

Well, the fact of the matter is it did happen. That’s not good.

That moment changed the dynamic between us. She saw that I had boundaries, self-respect, and the strength to lead without being reactive. Since then, she’s never stopped showing up or has ever disrespect me again.

So it was pretty clear she was disrespecting him. Probably just throwing all that shit in there to see how he reacted. Oh, let me get my ex boyfriend together with my new boyfriend and my whole family and let’s see how he handles it. That’s pretty stupid on her part. You got to be dumb and young and naive to do something like that and think it’s a good idea. And maybe when you see what he does for a living now, maybe this is kind of why.

Now, I’m happy to say I’m overseeing operations for Playboy. When she came to the office for one of our team happy hours, she saw firsthand how respected I am. My coworkers, leadership, even the Playboy models treat me as the go-to guy. My boss pulled her aside and raved about me. And as we walked out together, she leaned in and said, “You’re such a catch. I don’t know how I ever lived without you.” Furthermore, this is a woman from a prominent, deeply respected family. I’m the first man she’s ever brought home.

Well, that doesn’t sound technically true. If her ex-boyfriend was there, so that kind of doesn’t make any sense.

Her parents love me. Her dad has gone out of his way to tell her how much he respects me. Her mom calls me thoughtful, steady, and kind. She even insists I call her by her first name now. Her younger brother follows my lead, looks up to me, and always makes sure I’m included. Every time I’m around them, they make sure I’m taken care of, whether it’s offering leftovers, checking in on me directly, or inviting me to join the family one-on-one. That level of respect didn’t come from trying to win anyone over. It came from showing up as a calm, grounded man with integrity and confidence.

Now, my girlfriend talks openly about marriage. She says she’ll do whatever it takes to support my career because she sees me as the leader and provider. Even while she’s still in grad school. And she shows up for me just as much as I do for her. She calls me first. Sends “I miss you” texts. Makes me dinner, plans for our future, and lights up when she sees me. All without me asking. She once said, “You take care of me in ways I didn’t even know I needed.” I’ve heard her tell friends that she’s never felt safer, more loved, or more herself in a relationship. She tells me often that what makes her feel most secure and adored are the little things I do without her asking. The handwritten notes, the way I plan dates and take the lead, or when I show up with flowers for no reason other than it being a normal Tuesday.

Scarcity creates value.

And when she’s stressed, overwhelmed, or unsure of herself, I’m the one she immediately comes to for strength, clarity, and support. None of this happened by chance. I stopped chasing. I stopped performing.

In other words, he wasn’t a dancing, clapping seal anymore.

I became the man I was always meant to be. And she felt that even as a woman who always claimed to be an “independent woman”. Every part of our relationship today, the love, the respect, the polarity, the depth came from me leading, not from needing, following and implementing the 3% Man principles.

Thank you for all you do, Coach. I hope this success story helps others out should you choose to post it!

Bob

Well, considering what he does for a living and she’s introducing him to her whole family and having the ex there, maybe on some level she felt she needed to do that, but he obviously checked her and put her in her place. But that’s kind of disturbing. And also he says, well, she’s never taken anybody home to her family. He’s like, well, that’s not actually true because her ex-boyfriend is at a supposed intimate family gathering and it looks like it was purposeful. So that is obviously a troubling thing, but other than that, it’s a pretty good success story.

But as a Coach, I just have a big question mark regarding her loyalty and her ability to be faithful. It’s like, what kind of example; did dad cheat on mom all the time? Did mom cheat on dad? Is dad squishy and soft? He’s like, what was the dynamic that would cause her to think that that was a good idea, especially when she goes out of her way to say, “hey, nobody gets to do this. Nobody gets to meet my family like you are.” But the ex was still there. And then him saying in the email, well, nobody else got to do this, but yet the ex-boyfriend was there so that something’s a little weird and off with that.

Maybe he’s just kind of glossing it over, but he says she’s never done anything since then. So we set the boundary and it appears she is respecting it. So in cases like this, again, this is why you need a date two three years and spend enough time with somebody is like, did she truly end the friendship and does it stay ended? Or is this guy coming back in the picture? Or does she feel insecure because you’re surrounded by Playboy models all the time, and that she has to have a boyfriend or somebody, or an ex-boyfriend in the back to potentially rub in your face? So that’s something that you definitely need to monitor.

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