In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a female viewer who is a single woman in her mid thirties who found my work while trying to gain some insight and understanding into a man she has been dating recently. She says she totally agrees with my work, and explains why chasing women is innately feminine, submissive and a turn-off to women who are attracted to masculine men. She also talks about how society has conditioned women to incorrectly believe that a man is only interested if he pursues them aggressively, and how it’s the ultimate dichotomy of women thinking that they want one thing in a man, when the reality is that what they’re actually attracted to is the complete opposite. She also shares the fact that every guy she has ever dated who pursued her aggressively, she always made the decision that she had
no chemistry with these men and lost romantic interest in them.
This is more of a comment than a question. I’m a single female in my mid-30’s. I stumbled onto your website today, and just wanted to say from the perspective of a woman, you have absolutely, positively nailed it! You are so insightful, everything in the post was spot-on, and many of your posts gave me insight into my own behavior with men and dating. Myself, and most women, say we want to be “courted” and pursued, but to your point, chasing women is innately feminine/submissive and a turn-off to women who want a masculine/assertive man. This was an epiphany for me, because we females are conditioned to believe a man is only interested if he pursues you aggressively. It’s the ultimate dichotomy! For the last few of years, I’ve gotten so used to dating the type of man who “chases,” that my perspective is all fucked up. Since these “chasers” aggressively, and sometimes obsessively, pursued the relationship, I NEVER had to initiate text messages, phone calls, dates, etc., EVER. I also had very little chemistry with most of these guys. (It is a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear.)
I found your site while trying to “understand” a new guy I’ve been dating for just a few weeks. When we initially met, chemistry was through the roof, and the same applies when we date and hang out now. He is always warm and affectionate in person. But I would say 90% of the time we text, I have to be the one to initiate the text. (She has to do most of the pursuing, so her perception is that they have chemistry. Women need time and space away from a guy to wonder about him, to think about him, and for her feelings for him to grow.) When I do text him, he ALWAYS responds to my texts pretty fast, usually within minutes to a couple of hours at most. (Men, when they are not with their women, should be focused on their mission and purpose in life.) When I initiate the text, he’ll usually “engage” me and we’ll text back and forth a few times in each exchange. I can only think of one instance where he didn’t respond to a text I sent him the same day, and when he did respond two days later, he apologized for taking so long to respond, and explained why. (If she’s thinking about you when you’re not around, it has a positive effect on her attraction level for you and causes her to like you more. We appreciate what we have to work harder for.) If we hang out or go on a date, I always have to be the one to initiate and plan, but he ALWAYS says yes, and pays when we do. Based on your site, I guess I shouldn’t take the fact that he’s not “chasing” me to mean he’s not interested. Maybe he’s read your site. (Make sure that he is treating you properly, and he’s not just going along with things. Wait a couple of days before reaching out to him again. He should be the one asking you out. Pay attention to how much effort he is making, and make sure he makes you feel desired and wanted. You don’t want him to take you for granted.)
Thank you again,
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Society has incorrectly taught women a false mental construct that men are only interested in them if they pursue aggressively, and that this is what they should want, when the reality is that women are only attracted to and will feel chemistry for men when they have to do most of the pursuing themselves. This is the main reason why, most of the time, when a man asks a woman about dating, attraction or relationship advice, he only gets answers that confuse him more, mix him up and cause him to fail with women. What women think they want, and what they are actually attracted to, is the exact opposite of what they’ve been taught and most often believe. Therefore, men should only take pickup, dating and relationship advice from men and women who are in the type of relationships they would love to have themselves, that are effortless, drama-free, argument-free, crazy head over heels in love with each other and where they have been together for a long time.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne