Cleaning Up Your Texting & Phone Game To Be More Effective At Getting Dates

What to focus on to improve your texting & phone game to get more dates women keep.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who has read 3% Man once so far. He met a girl at the gym and got her number. However, when he tried setting a date a a few days later, he was pretty sloppy in his approach and what he did and said. She said she’d reach out when she was free to make plans to get together for dinner, but never did. 

My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This particular email is from a viewer who has read 3% Man once so far. One is better than none, and you’ll be able to tell as we go through this email, this is why I say you got to read it 10 to 15 times, because you want things to be smooth. If you just read it once, your approach will start changing, but there’s so many things that you’re just unable to remember because again, we only retain maybe 7%, 8%, 9%, 10% the best of what we read, see and hear, so each time you go through it, it’ll become a little clearer. More and more of it will get committed to memory. You got to figure, the book is 250 pages, so if you’re only learning about 8%, what are you like 12, 15 pages every time you go through it that you learn that much of it, so it’s not a lot. That’s why you got to go through it each time, and you’ll see as I go through this guy’s email, he tried.

He meets this girl at a gym, gets her number and she seemed enthusiastic, but when he tried setting a date a few days later, he’s pretty sloppy in his approach and what he did and what he said. Then she said she was going to reach out to him when she got freed up, but she never did. So I often say that you want to give women the time and space to either follow through on their plans and commitments to you, or to flake out and disappear from your life forever. So in a case like this, she says, “I’m going to get in touch with you,” and she just never does. If she never does, well she wasn’t super excited or enthusiastic about him in the first place, but at least he took a shot. That’s the important thing. He showed up as a man. He was brave. He was courageous. He got her number in a public place, the gym, and contact her, trying to set a date. So at the end of the day, it’s a success because he made the attempt.

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach,

OK, quick question: I read your book one and a half times following your coaching. I put your stuff into practice the other day at the gym. This girl was hot and I mentioned that her legs were really strong and asked about her gym routine. She became super talkative started asking me a bunch of question as I asked her questions. She appeared to have high level attraction. I had to go to work so said you should give me your number and we can go  out for dinner. I gave her my phone, she dropped the digits.

So the way he asked her out is perfect. “Hey, you should give me your number so we can go out to dinner.” She’s super talkative, asked a bunch of questions, gives her the phone, which is very confident. He’s got it open to the screen already where she’ll put the phone number in so it makes it really easy.

She started talking about foods she liked. I said she was distracting me from my workout but I’ll call her, with a smirk.

I waited a few days and called her, it rang and went to voicemail (She didn’t have my number yet), so I left a message but I felt nervous about that for some reason. My voice sounded kinda weak when I’m never usually like that.

When you haven’t done it enough and you really like the girl, yeah this is totally normal. This is a man’s rite of passage. You just have to go through this enough to where you do it enough times where it becomes kind of automatic.

It’ll probably improve with practice.

Well, repetition is the mother of skill. Everybody starts out as a novice, including yours truly. So every mistake that you guys have made, even though I’m sitting here breaking people’s balls on camera, I’ve done all this shit many, many, many times. Done lots of things way worse than a lot of the guys write in. At the end of the day, we got to be able to laugh at ourselves and not get butt-hurt, upset or take that shit personally. Just chalk it up to the game.

Should I have left a message?

Absolutely! If she likes you, she will call you back. If she doesn’t, well you won’t hear from her again.

Or I think just hanging up and texting her saying, “It’s me. Call me back?”

Either way, it could go, but ideally, if you get her voicemail, leave her a message. If she likes you, she’ll get back to you. If she doesn’t, you won’t hear from her. Makes it pretty easy. You’re either in or you’re out. That’s all you really want to know.

Obviously that’s a minor thing, but just for learning tips. I said I was calling to plan our dinner meet up, “Call me back. Talk to you soon.”

She didn’t call back. She texted back…

Well, that’s kind of normal.

…(Low level attraction, maybe)…

Well, it’s just the way girls are. Don’t take it personally. Sometimes they call you back. If they know you and they’re comfortable with you, they may call or FaceTime you, but in this case where you talked to her for just a few minutes, she’s probably just going to text you back because she just doesn’t feel comfortable.

…At midnight saying she had been out to dinner with her family and asked how I was doing. I waited until I was done with work the next afternoon and said, “Hey, I’m doing good. On a big job. It’s been a whole crew of us. I’m looking forward to hearing how you’re doing when we meet up. I wasn’t able to give you my full attention when I was running into the gym for a 20-minute workout the other day, but give me a call today to let me know when you’re available and I’ll let you now what I have in mind.”

So I would have just said, “Hey, you got your message. I was counting sheep. I was snoozing, but I definitely love to see you. What’s your schedule’s like?” Be direct. Be decisive. Get right to the point. This long, apologetic text, I’m sure she got that back and was like, “Whoa, that’s a long text!” Totally unnecessary. You’re apologizing for yourself. Don’t do it. Just be direct, decisive, get to the point. “Hey, you! Got your message last night. Sorry, I was asleep by that time or when you texted, but I’d love to see you. What’s your schedule like? When are you free?” All you got to say.

She did text back same day saying, “OK, that’s nice to hear that you’re doing good! And yes I will make sure to give you a call when I can.” That sounds sweet and feminine and she didn’t ghost me, but still didn’t call back.

So the long text, it’s not the text of a guy that’s used to getting what he wants with text. He’d just be direct, decisive and say exactly what I said. That long diatribe where you apologize, “Oh, I couldn’t give you my full attention,” it’s like bro, you talk to her for a couple minutes in a gym.

High level attraction, she would have dropped whatever she was doing to make time to call me the same day, but she didn’t.

Well again, it’s kind of normal responses here.

I’m trying to read that why would a woman act open, respond, give her number, say she’s gonna call and then not?

Because that’s what girls do. Maybe she changed her mind. Maybe her ex-boyfriend got back in touch. Maybe she went out on a third date the next day and it went really well and she got serious with that guy. You just don’t know. You don’t know what you don’t know, but if you take a step back and you bottom line her actions, you never heard from her. So she obviously wasn’t that into you. She was more so than not, being polite. I would say probably that long diatribe text you sent was probably part of the problem. I definitely wouldn’t have sent something like that, especially, “Sorry I couldn’t give you my full attention, Your Highness. Can I kiss your feet?” It’s a bad way to go, dude.

She didn’t say she would call that day, so she could still, but I’m not responding to her text because she didn’t call…

Well, she did say she would call you, so give her the opportunity to call you.

…Not out of retaliation, but I figure that’s the right thing to do since she’s not really pursuing me and flippantly saying, “Yeah sure, I’ll call when I can,” like it’s not that important to her.

Again, this is typically how most girls react. They’ll say they’re going to call you tomorrow or “I’ll call you later tonight,” and then they don’t call you on purpose. Why? Because more often than not, they’re trying to see if you’re going to blow your top or not. That’s why. Because some guys get really upset, “Hey, you didn’t call me when you said you were going to,” so don’t take it personally.

Feminine energy is chaos. Women are unpredictable. They often don’t do what they say they’re going to do, especially when they say they’re going to call you and then they don’t. Nine times out of 10 when a girl says she’s going to call you, she usually doesn’t. She might call you a few days later, a week later or whatever when she doesn’t hear from you. That’s why you can’t freak out or get upset about it. These are little subtle nuances, but they make a world of difference. Maybe you hear from her in a week and you’re like, “Hey, you didn’t call me when you said you’re going to,” and you’re all mad. It’s like, “Hey, you!” If she reaches out and say she calls you or she texts you, just be direct, decisive, get to the point. You’re an appointment setter, make a date and then get off the phone. Pretty simple. Pretty cut and dry.

Yeah, in the moment she maybe felt more attracted and now she feels less, but is there something I could have improved on?

Yeah well, that text where you’re apologizing and falling all over yourself as like a giant long paragraph, don’t send shit like that. The book says be direct, be decisive, get to the point, make a date. Don’t be putting other shit in there that you don’t need, especially apologizing. You don’t need to apologize to her.

It was all pretty simple, not weak or needy minus my voice sounding a little nervous, but she maybe didn’t even pick up on that. Maybe she’s shy or doesn’t have much experience with men, which I can kinda tell. I’m not in a state of waiting for her response or anything, I have a “Take it or leave it” attitude, not like in the past where I’d date a girl and be thinking about her a lot.

Well at the end of the day, you could wait a couple of weeks and give it one more shot. Maybe she’ll be in a different headspace, but if you get the same kind of response where she’s busy, doesn’t know her schedule or whatever, just say, “No problem. Figure it out and get back to me.” Then if she doesn’t hear from you, then just delete the number and move on.

This email is more for getting feedback. I think it’s some good questions/experience that could be shared on a video and I scored a phone number which was pretty easy following some of your advice, so that’s cool.

Again, you only went through the book one and a half times. So the important thing is you ask for the number. Yeah, you can clean up the text a little bit like with what I said. Just remember you got to be direct, decisive and get to the point. You don’t need to spill your guts. You don’t need to write a long paragraph apologizing for something. It’s just kind of absurd to do that, but like I said, just get to the point, make a date.

There’s many women so I’ve been practicing to get experience. 

Another question is, would you text back after she said she’d call?

Well, she said she definitely would, but as I say in the book, maybe she’s in a different headspace. Give it a couple of weeks, two or three weeks, maybe even say, “Hey, you! I want to see you. What’s your schedule like?” Maybe she texts back. Maybe she doesn’t. Maybe she’s in a different headspace. Maybe she’s not. You give it two shots, like the book says, and if she still won’t make herself available to you, flush the number and chalk it up to the game.

This is going to happen most of the time. This is just the way it is. You can’t get upset about it. I see dudes in the red pill community crying about, “Oh, modern women. They have too many choices and nobody wants to date.” Rejection is a part of life. You’re going to get rejected most of the time. Most of the girls you’re into are not going to be into you. Don’t take it personally. Just on to the next. All you need is one good one. That’s it. You’re just looking for one good one. Maybe you have to go through 100, maybe it’s 1,000, maybe it’s 10,000 girls, before you get to one really good one that you click with, but once you’ve done that, hey you work’s over!

The normal thing would be to just send a thumbs up as a response since she was at least sweet in her response and had the decency to text back, but if I respond “Cool” or “Sounds good,” instead of just waiting for her to call back…

It really doesn’t matter. You can give it a thumbs up, you can like the message, “Sounds good.” It’s all OK. Like I said, what I would have done differently, I wouldn’t have texted her that long apologetic diatribe. That was completely unnecessary.

…Does that show needy behavior, since I clearly called and asked for a call back not a text back?

Again, you got to get used to women not doing what you ask them to do. If you ask her to call you, she’ll probably text you. It’s just the way it is. If you ask her to call you later, she’ll probably call you tomorrow or two days from now. Girls are just like that, man. They’ve always been like that. Don’t take it personally. Don’t be anal retentive.

A call is much more personal and intimate, a text is very distant and if there’s even a chance at this point I know one wrong text can seriously alter a woman’s perception of a man.

Well, I would say your long apologetic text, which was totally unnecessary, was not helpful to your situation. It didn’t make you look confident and like you’re used to getting women that are into you. You were already apologizing and kind of kissing her ass and pedestalizing her a little bit. It’s just totally unnecessary.

My instinct says, “Just don’t even respond. Let her go. She has my number now, so if she builds up attraction she will reach out at her own time like a cat.” If she doesn’t reach out, I’ll chalk it up as experience. Thoughts, please.

Thanks, man! God bless you!

Bob

Well like I said, you can wait a couple weeks, two, three weeks if you don’t hear from her and take one more shot, and if she doesn’t respond or she just gives you the same wishy-washy, “Oh I don’t know, I’ll have to call you back,” give her the opportunity to either call you back like she says she’s going to, or flake out and disappear forever. So it’s a 50/50 shot. It could go either way. Maybe she’s in a different headspace when you reach out again and she says yes. You just don’t know. The one thing you didn’t get was a, “Hell yeah, I’d love to see you!” She didn’t make herself available. If the girl really likes you, she will call back or text back. That’s the bottom line. If she’s ready, willing, able and open to dating, she’ll be back in touch. If she’s not, or you just don’t do it for her. It’s the way it is, but at least you made the effort. That’s the only thing that matters.

You got to show up as a man and take your shot, and you did that. So pat yourself on the back. Charge it to the game. Give her one more shot. Reach out in a couple of weeks. See if you can get her to make a date then. If she does, great. If she doesn’t, flush the number on to the next. Don’t take it personally. This is going to happen again and again until you meet somebody you really like and who really likes you. Then it’ll be pretty easy and effortless. These experiences are what help you get better. Repetition is the mother of skill. So good job dude, for shooting your shot.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.