Cold Approaches, Building Rapport & Instant Dates

When to make dates after successful cold approaches.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who does lots of cold approaches and always waits 5-7 days to reach out to make dates. He says most of them don’t reply. I tell him how to mix things up a little bit and to not be so robotic. He doesn’t sound happy or like he’s having much fun and he’s frustrated he hasn’t met another great girl yet. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “Cold Approaches, Building Rapport & Instant Dates”.

So I’ve got an email from a guy who’s been following me for a while. He says he’s done like a thousand cold approaches, and about 5% of them he gets good results with. So if you’re going to do cold approaches, I’ve talked about this many, many times over the years, and especially if you’re going to go up and approach women that don’t even make eye contact and smile, your conversion rate is going to be pretty low. And so like 3 to 5%. In other words, if you approach a hundred women that typically they might make eye contact and smile. Usually what you get is about 10 to 12 dates out of that.

And out of those 10 to 12 dates, if you’re following what’s in 3% Man, about 3 to 5 of them are going to actually end up sleeping with you. And if you’re looking for a relationship or a girlfriend all you need is one good one. So one of the things that this guy does is it looks like he always waits 5 to 7 days to call every one of them. He says most of them either just completely ignore them or ghost him. So he’s got a small percentage that actually reply, and he’s getting a little frustrated because it’s been a couple years since he dated somebody he really liked and really knocked his socks off.

And so he’s only 30, lives in Las Vegas, and he doesn’t sound like he’s very happy either. And this is real important if you’re doing approaches or you’re talking to women, you’ll notice like say you just closed a big deal or you made a big commission on something or you got a big raise and you’re really excited. Your energy, your vibe is totally different than your day to day vibe tends to be. And so if you’re going out and you’re frustrated, or especially if you’re going out and doing things that you don’t really enjoy doing, like if you don’t like going to bars, you’re not much of a drinker.

And you think, “oh, well, I’ve got to go to a bar to meet girls.” And you hate doing those things it’s going to be all over your face that you’re not having a good time. And women can feel that. They can sense that you’re not having a lot of fun. And so it’s just not going to go well for you. So what you want to do is you want to put yourself in situations where you’re really enjoying what you’re doing. Life is going great. And I just did a video last week talking about the importance of getting to a happy place first.

Because if you’re unhappy and you’ve convinced yourself and you created a personal story that, “hey, once I find a girl, then I’m going to be really happy”, then it’s a lot harder to meet somebody. And even when you do once the honeymoon period and the infatuation wears off, typically 6 to 12 months later, you realize you’re still unhappy. And when you realize you’re still unhappy, even though you got a girl, even though you thought that’s what’s going to make you happy, then you start sabotaging that relationship because you realize your happiness is not really coming from her.

Happiness is something that comes on the inside. It’s something you decide. No matter what’s going on in our life, we give the meanings to the circumstances of our life. We decide it’s good or we decide it’s bad. And if you’re more often than not focusing on all the bad things or the reasons that you’re not happy, it’s going to be pretty hard to get. If you’re not excited about your own life, how are you going to get a woman excited about being a part of your life?

So first and foremost, you’ve got to get to a happy place, especially when you don’t have dog hair floating in your mouth when you’re trying to talk. And like I said, with this guy always does without fail is he always waits 5 to 7 days. I did an email a month or two ago for a guy. He’s like, he got hung up on a three day rule claiming that you have to wait exactly three days to call women. So this guy’s like 5 to 7 days. But if you read the book and you’re familiar with it, I did all the above.

I did online dating that I wrote about. I did cold approaches, women I met at parties. Women I met at events. So typically, if I met a girl and I’m single on a Thursday, I’m going to probably say something like, “hey, I’ll reach out next week”, or “hey, I’ll get in touch next week.” I don’t tell her when I just let her wonder, and then maybe Tuesday or Wednesday I’m going to reach out and try to set a date for later in that week, or maybe even on the weekend, depending on when she’s available and when my schedule lines up for it.

Very simple process. There’s also other times where you’re on vacation or whatever like I wrote about my English ex girlfriend. I met her in person. I could tell by the way she had looked at me the day before and we saw each other, but weren’t able to meet because she left early before the event ended. And I said to myself, “you know what? I’m sure I’ll run into her in the next week. We’re going to be here for ten days. There’s like 3,000, 3,500 people there. That’s my intention. I’m sure it’ll happen. If it’s meant to be, if it’s meant for you it won’t miss you.”

And sure enough, the very next night I’m hanging out with a female friend of mine, one of my platinum partners. We just got done with dinner, and we’re leaving the restaurant and there’s my English ex girlfriend or future English ex girlfriend at the time, Katie, standing there smiling at me, giving me the same googly eyes that she did the night before when we locked eyes. And I walked right over to her. I mean, I wrote about this in the book and I said, “hey, you were in like couple rows in front of me last night.” And she said, “yeah, you were a couple of rows behind me.”

And she even described what I was wearing, so obviously she remembered me. That’s high interest. It’s unmistakable. If any of you guys watched the podcast I did with her a couple of years ago where she came by. We probably did, I don’t know, 5 or 6 hours where we just answer viewer questions. And even to this day, 18, 20 years later, there’s still a lot of chemistry and connection between us. And you can see that on video. You can see that in camera. It’s unmistakable. And that was one of the reasons why I obviously wanted to share that, because people have been asking for decades, basically.

So she was nice to come by and talk and answer questions. And that’s unmistakable. Attraction is not a choice. She already liked me before we even knew each other. So that’s something important to understand. But I didn’t get her number and say, “hey, I’ll call you next week or whatever.” I didn’t even get her phone number because she was from the UK. I’m from the United States. I’m not going to call her long distance at that point. And so I just said to her, “hey, let’s get together for dinner tomorrow night.” I said, “why don’t we meet here after the event ends? And if I get here first, I’ll get us a table. And if you get here first, you get us a table.” And she says, great.

I hugged her and I said, see you later. 30, 45 seconds was a total approach, but I knew she liked me. I knew she was into me. There was no doubt it was all over her face. And again, 20 years later, you could see that kind of chemistry. It’s not something you can fake. It’s either there or it’s not. And so sure enough, I went to after the event ended. The next day I went to the same restaurant. I got a table that I could see the entrance and about five minutes after I sat down she came in and was looking around. I waved to her.

She waved to me, came over. We hugged. We sat there and again I wrote all about it in the book. And so in that particular instance, I talked to her for a total of 30 seconds. I made a date on the spot, we had the next date, and then we were always together after that. But that’s the place you get to when you really understand this stuff backwards and forwards. So the idea is I put a lot of different scenarios in here. There were women I wrote about that, women I kind of knew through business.

So we met and interacted many times before and they had boyfriends or whatever, or they were unavailable, and then all of a sudden they get freed up, I’m freed up and I made a date. I go pick them up. In that case, I might wait 3 to 5 days just because of logistics. It’s not necessarily, “oh, I’m going to wait a week” or like Doc Love used to say, 5 to 9 days you should always wait. But if I’m meeting a girl on a Thursday and I’m busy the whole weekend, I’m weekend, I’m going to probably say something like, “hey, I’ll get in touch next weekend or early next week and, you know, see what your schedule is like. Maybe we can meet up for a drink or dinner or something?”

Very simple just like that. And then, of course, the next week I’d get in touch, call her, and we’d make a date. So, but if you’re on vacation or, like, in that case, or at a seminar, you know, it’s the moment if you also if you’re busy and you run into a girl in the middle of the day and you’re doing something fun. Say you’re at like a wine and cheese festival or wine and beer festival or something like that, or like an Oktoberfest, and you meet a girl and you’re talking to her and her girlfriends, you’re with you and your buddies and you’re like, “hey, we’re going to go over here. Why don’t you guys join us?”

And they come along and you continue to talk, and you hang out most of the day, and then maybe her friends peel off and your friends peel off, and it’s just you and her. And then you take her home, and you’re hanging out and having fun and hooking up at your place. So you do an instant date or you do it. You schedule a date the next day. So the book gives you many scenarios, many options. You don’t want to be a robot like in this case and say, “I must wait 5 to 7 days before I call or I text her.”

Especially if he’s meeting these girls on the street. He doesn’t have a lot of rapport with them. So that’s important. High interest and rapport is going to determine whether or not they reach out. If the girl ignores you when you text her three, four, five days later or the next day, well, she obviously wasn’t very interested in you. She was just being nice, and she was giving you her number to get rid of you.

And especially if you’re going up to her and you’re unhappy and you’re frustrated and you feel like you’re never going to meet anybody else, which is as you’ll see when I go through this email, the guy’s clearly bummed that he hasn’t met anybody already because he expected it to happen. So instead of having an abundance mentality, he’s got a scarcity mindset. And so I suspect that when he is talking to these women, he’s not very happy. He probably, in the back of his mind thinks it’s not going to work out. He’s not really excited. He’s not really enthusiastic.

He’s probably just kind of blah and bland. Whereas when I met my English ex girlfriend, I was having an absolute blast at this event, I felt elated, I was good, I was having a good time. She felt the same way. I was in a good place. She was in a good place. I was in a happy place. She was in a happy place and it was just like, it was beautiful. It’s the way it’s supposed to be. So you’ve got to do the work on yourself to get to that place, because if you got a scowl on your face or your guy doesn’t like to drink and you just sit in there and you look like you’re having a miserable time, a girl’s not going to get excited about hanging out with you if you look like you’re miserable. So that’s very important.

Viewer Email:

Hi Corey,

I’m 30 years old and live in Las Vegas. Found your work in 2018 and have read your books so many times that I’ve lost count. Like many others, pain from a breakup brought me to you. I successfully attracted my ex back and eventually broke it off with her because I knew there was someone better out there that matched my goals and values better.  A few months later I would meet my next ex-girlfriend that would treat me like a King. Just like what you talk about, she was nice, loving and absolutely in her feminine around me.

And so at that time, he just had a bad breakup. He comes across my work, he starts applying it. It feels good. He feels excited. So he’s in a good vibe. He’s in a good place. When he meets this girl.

Being with her was so easy, we never fought once in the 6 months we dated. It was hard but I had to break it off with her because she didn’t work out and had bad eating habits. Her mom was overweight and I sensed if I stayed with her, she would let herself go. 

That is so true. If the mom is fat, more than likely she’s going to eventually become fat. If mom is petite, takes care of herself, she exercises, does yoga, runs, does weight training, whatever, and that’s part of her value system. She’s probably going to continue to look good and take care of herself. So I’ve seen that in my life. There’s been girlfriends that I dated when I was younger, and I didn’t stay with them long term because they had zero interest in eating healthy and taking care of themselves, and especially now at 56, because a lot of them I’m still in contact with, over the decades, they’ve had a lot of health problems.

The ones that didn’t take care of themselves or they gained weight. And I could sense that back when we were dating, if they had no interest in physical fitness and taking care of their bodies and looking at all the health problems that their parents had, I was like, well, that’s my future if I stay with them. Me trying to twist her arm or to convince her to be like me, or to eat better or to take better care of herself, it’s like pulling teeth. So it’s much easier to meet somebody like I like Katie, for example, who won the Miss Figure competition. She still looks incredible in her early 40s at this point, even though when I met her she was like 21, 22 years old.

And she’s, you know, been a lifelong fitness fanatic. She eats healthy. She’s a chiropractor. Taking care of her body is not only what she does for a living, but it’s something that’s a core value of hers. So somebody like that is going to motivate you and push you to be even better and be even healthier. So it’s important from a value perspective that you share the same values. So if you see that if a woman neglects her body, eventually she’s going to neglect you anyways. So I mean, when those things happen, it’s you can either put up with it or you can make excuses.

That all happened in 2019. My issue now is that I can’t seem to find women with that same high level of interest towards me. Whenever I get phone numbers after a decent cold approach, most don’t return my calls after I wait 5 to 7 days after meeting them.

Well, how come you never make any instant dates? How come you never make any dates for the very next day? Why are you always like a robot only waiting 5 to 7 days? Because if you talk to them for 2 or 3 minutes, then you wait a week they might not even remember you. But if you hung out, you go to your friend’s barbecue or birthday party, or they’re having a Super Bowl party or the playoffs, or like right now, you’ve got the Olympics going on and you’re hanging out and you spend 3 or 4 hours together.

You’ve got rapport. You’ve got similar friends, similar goals, similar values. In that case, maybe that’s a Friday or Saturday, maybe Tuesday, Wednesday you’re going to call or reach out to try to see when she’s available. In that case, you’re going to easily get her address and you’re going to go pick her up and she’s going to be excited to hear from you.

But if some random girl on the street versus somebody you meet in your social network, you’re much more likely to have more in common with somebody that shares the same goals and values. If you meet them as part of your social network, or your work friends, or your social life, versus somebody randomly bump into on the street.

I’ve only dated a handful of women since then but never reaching the girlfriend phase. This past year, I’ve only gone on one first date. 99% of the time, I only meet women through cold approaches. My numbers are what you expect, 0.5% success rate where I sleep with them.

It’s like the numbers are the numbers, dude.

I’ve done probably close to a thousand cold approaches. Most in the daytime whenever I see a cute girl while I’m out running errands or there’s even days that I set part of my day just to cold approach women to date since I don’t do online dating because I gave up on that stuff.

Well, again, if you’re just going to cold approach every single girl that you meet versus girls that smile and make eye contact, at least your conversion rate is going to be lower. So you’re going to have to go through more nos to get to a yes. And you can’t get frustrated about that. It’s just, it’s just a fact of life. That’s why I say all the time, it’s better to lose yourself in your hobbies and your interests and meet women as a side effect of that, because women who already share the same goals and values, or who are engaged in the same social activity, you’re just going to simply have better rapport with and better chances of it working out versus just randomly talking to girls in the street. That’s just that’s life.

The ROI is just not there since I’m an average looking guy.

Well. Cry more. Nobody cares. It’d be nice. I wish I looked like Brad Pitt and I was just as handsome. Life would have been a hell of a lot easier. But that’s life, you know? So if you’re just an average looking guy versus having a really good looking friend who most girls like, you’re gonna have to do more approaches. You’re going to have to fail more. But at the end of the day, all you need is one good girl. So you need to have a good attitude about it.

I do construction so I’m pretty fit without trying but I still lift weights at least once a week. I wear nice fitting clothes and keep my hair cleanly cut and shave regularly. I live alone in an apartment with bars and restaurants within walking distance. I’ll occasionally have dinner by myself when I feel too lazy to cook. I’ve met some pretty interesting people doing that but just not women I am interested in. 

Well, it’s like most of the time when I’m out and I’m hanging out at places that I eat regularly or not, I don’t always meet new people. Usually I know the people that work there just because they see me a lot and we get to know each other. I know about their friends, their family, their kids, some of them I know their girlfriends. And you know, they know me. They know my family, my friends. So you know, you can’t expect that wherever you go, that everybody’s going to become your best friend. Because quite frankly, most people you’re not going to have a lot in common with.

Am I missing something here? Do I just keep grinding and pushing through this phase where I feel like I’ll never meet another sweet loving woman again like my previous ex was?

Is my bar too high now after having such an easy relationship? Let me know what I can change so I can steer into that direction. 

Thank you, you’ve changed my life. 

Bob

Yeah dude, you’re 30 years old and you’ve had good success. And quite frankly, when I met my ex girlfriend that had a daughter, I was 31 years old. So you’re still younger than I was when things really started to take off for me. So the fact you’re like 30 years old, you’re like, “oh, it’s over for me.” It’s like, come on, dude. You’re being impatient and you need to lose yourself in your hobbies and your interests more instead of hoping randomly that some average chick in the street is going to really like you. It can happen.

Obviously it’s happened to you in the past, but it really sounds like you’re not very happy and you’re frustrated and you’re upset. So your vibe is going to be completely different than it was the last time you met a girl you really liked. So again, I would be trying to make some instant dates. Try to make some dates where you can invite a girl to join you for a drink right on the spot. Or try to make a date for the next day, or make a date on the spot where maybe it’s the next day or a couple days after that.

So mix it up a little bit. Don’t be such a robot thinking you have to always wait 5 to 7 days. Again, that’s not what the book teaches. I give you many scenarios of how to make dates, because there’s going to be times you’re going to meet someone, you’re going to really click. Maybe you’re at a buddy’s house or a party and you meet a girl. You really like her. She really likes you. She’s down to hook up. And as long as you don’t talk her out of it, you’re going to be going home with her and hooking up that night. You’re going to be taking her number, and “I’ll call you in a week or whatever.”

You’re going to make a date on the spot. Because if a girl is down to hook up with her and you bore her the night that you’re hanging out with her, by the time you finally do reach out a few days later, she’s probably not going to want to go out with you. So it’s important to strike while the iron is hot and not feel like you’ve got to be a robot and always wait 5 to 7 days, or three days or nine days, whatever it happens to be. It’s like fitted into where your life and your schedule match up, just like I talked about. So you’ve got to be patient with yourself. All you need is one good one. I mean, you’re 30 years old.

You’re like, “oh, it’s over for me.” You know, the reality is that’s the way life feels about everything. Whether it’s saving money or seeing your stock portfolio take off, or your business grow or your career grow or get raises or moving up the corporate ladder, whatever it happens to be or getting through college, it always seems like it’s never going to work out and it’s going to take forever. And that’s the hard part about life is learning to deal with that.

Learning to deal with the feelings like it’s never going to work out because even though you feel that way, you still got to keep moving forward because there’s nothing else to do. Life is going to pass. Time is going to go by, and eventually we all run out of it. We’re all living in bodies that are going to die. So what? Are you okay? Going to your grave, having not experienced or having not done. So while you’re still alive you might as well keep grinding because quite frankly, that’s all there is. As Ray Lewis said, “grinding is my rest.” It’s just like working out.

You always feel like you’re gonna work out like this morning I ran two miles. I didn’t want to run two miles like one of my dogs. You know, little Elon who’s sitting in my lap here. I woke up and there was fucking diarrhea in the fucking kennel, and it was all over him, and it was on the floor. So I was like, oh, that’s just great. Just what I want to do. I know I gotta clean up fucking diarrhea and I’ve got to give him a fucking bath to get all the poop off of him.

So it’s like, that’s my morning. Do you think I wanted to do that? Do you think I felt like running after I had to do all that? I was like, of course not. But I did it anyways because I had to. Because you’ve got to grind. That’s just the way life is. So you just got to find a way to keep moving forward. Because eventually things do get better.

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