Coming On Too Strong Turns Women Off & Chases Them Away

Why coming on too strong turns women off & chases them away.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who is new to my work. He met a hot bartender after coming out of an 8 year relationship. He made a lot of classic mistakes all guys make. He came on too strong and basically talked her out of liking him. She didn’t respond to his last message and wonders what he can do now to recover. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne, and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “Coming On Too Strong Turns Women Off & Chases Them Away”.

So this particular email is from a viewer who is new to my work. And so he met a hot bartender after coming out of an eight year relationship. And he made a lot of the classic mistakes that all guys make. I’m sure most of you guys watching this video can relate to what this guy’s done and experienced, because we’ve all been there. And a lot of guys had a similar experience, and that’s what originally led them to my work. So it’s a good email to learn from. And because when you learn what not to do and like in this case, you can see what this guy did and how quickly it turned this woman off who was clearly into him.

Viewer Email:

Hey Corey,

If you could take a moment, I’d really appreciate it. Here’s a little background. I dated a girl for eight years and lost all the game I used to have. I recently found your book within the past week and realized how bad I fumbled this girl after three pages in.

Well, that’s called the beginning of awareness. So good for you. Keep reading. 10 to 15 times. 10 to 15 times until you get to know it so well, you could teach a class on it. The best way to learn it is to put the audiobook on 2X and then follow along with a digital or physical copy. Don’t listen to the audiobook as background noise, or when you’re working out in the gym just because you’re going to mostly be distracted. It’s going to take you a lot more listens to really absorb the information, because when you meet somebody you really like and it starts off hot and heavy like it did here, and this girl was all into this guy the first night. But, I mean, he just quickly talked her right out of liking him and just blew it.

I’m still reading. But I met this chick, she’s 27 and a bartender. I’m 30 and usually don’t hit on bartenders but after a few occasions going into the bar she works at and some casual and flirty conversation, I realized she may be into me. We eventually made plans to chill with me and my friend.

Well, again, I wouldn’t be doing group dates. I’d say, “Hey, we should get together for a drink sometime. It’s like, hey, when are you getting off?” And just go meet her someplace that’s close by. You guys can go grab a drink. I mean, she’s a bartender. Like Shooting Pool, Throwing Darts is going to be probably something she’ll be into. And after that, maybe Dave & Busters or something like that, or Top Golf, someplace you go to a third place, maybe some kind of lounge place. And then when you guys are kissing and making out, you can invite her back to your place. Use the trial close as it’s laid out in the book.

She went out to some bars with us and hit a diner.

I mean, that’s pretty common. Where does everybody usually end up? Yeah, two in the morning end up at Denny’s. The grilled cheese, some fries. Oh, yeah. Did that a lot in my teenage years and through my 20s. Good times.

The whole time she was all over me, to the point I thought she may have been on drugs or really drunk.

That’s called super high interest if she was sober. But it didn’t stay that high.

Later on she came back to my buddy’s apartment, and she called me onto the bed and started cuddling me.

Yeah, she was down to bang. She was ready to hang out, have fun and hook up. All you have to do is not talk her out of liking you. But what does he say?

I was in my head bad since this was the first girl all over me since my eight-year relationship and my buddy eventually fell asleep on the couch and me and her were on a different couch. I totally messed up by simping for her and giving her “boyfriend vibes”. Realistically she wanted me to make a move, but I hesitated.

Well, what do I always say? If you hesitate, you’ll masturbate. Right, Lyla? Don’t hesitate because you will masturbate.

When she was leaving, she was caught in the rain and asked me to follow her home. After I got home, I texted her that I had a great time and I got back home. She messaged back hey I had fun too! Let’s totally do it again. I, like an idiot, responded like I was golden and said, “We definitely will, do you still want to go to the game with us Sunday?”

So now you’re like doing a group date.

“Also you left your bra in my car, you may need that lol”.

That’s kind of funny actually.

She went ghost on me.

So she was like ah, screw this guy. Because again, too much too soon you didn’t make a move. Now you’re wanting to go on another date with you and your buddy. No group dates, dude, don’t do that. Even if you start out you’re with your buddy. You should have a good enough friend where if he sees things progressing with you and a girl, he’s gonna be like, “Whoa, look at the time. I’m really tired. I think I’m gonna go head home. You kids have a great night.” That’s what a good friend is gonna do. But instead, he lingered. He’s a lingerer. You’ve got to make sure your wingmen know what to do. When it’s time to dip, they need to dip. Otherwise, then they turn and go from being a wingman to a cock blocker.

She went ghost on me but when my friend reached out to gauge her silence, she answered him and did answer my message.

So now you got your buddy, again, I had friends do stupid shit like this when I ruined it with girls. And then the girl would, I remember one of my really good friend of mine, there was a girl I’d met online, and, uh, I think we had, like, one date, and then she just didn’t want to see me afterwards. And she was on like, um, I think it was like AOL back in the day, @ love at AOL. This was like late 90s, like 99. And he ends up talking with her and she basically said she was really into me at first, but I talked her out of it. She had no spark.

And then she starts hitting on my friend, which, you know, obviously he didn’t do anything about it, but I was like, damn, that’s pretty savage. But she made up her mind pretty quickly because I acted like such a beta that she got turned off. I didn’t know any better. I didn’t have any game. She dismissed me and was on him and then on to the next. And so when a woman’s interest isn’t that high, you can’t make too many mistakes before they dip.

And so here you’ve got your friend basically trying to intervene on your behalf and say, “Hey, why don’t you like my friend? He’s a really great guy”, which is basically what my friend said to this girl. And it’s like, none of that shit matters. They don’t care. Women only care about how they feel about you, at the end of the end of the day that’s all that really matters. So your friend pleading with her, “hey, he’s a really great guy. You should give him a chance.” Doesn’t mean anything. If she’s dried up, she’s pretty much gonna stay dried up.

My buddy and I went into the bar the next weekend and approached her and found out that the boyfriend vibes creeped her out. My buddy is pushy and before I could even get to her section he was locking in plans for me.

It’s like, yeah, that just it makes you look like a bitch. You need your friend to come in and be your daddy and make dates for you. It’s just it looks bad. It’s not helpful. I know your buddy’s a good friend, a good dude. But from a game perspective, that’s the worst thing you can do. It just makes you look like a bitch. And again, one of my friends did the same thing and he ends up getting, you know, then she starts to wonder, “well, why is this guy not hitting on me? Why is he trying to set me up with his friend.”

Who was already turned off by not interested in. And then she hit on him, which was like, you know, we had to laugh about that. But at the same time, I felt like a fucking chump. I felt like a dude that had no game. And back at the time I didn’t understand what the hell was going on and why it was like that. But at the end of the day, I talked her out of liking me.

I got to her at the bar, and she gave me an odd look and a coldissh hello. I brushed it off and tried to play it off. We eventually met her and one of her friends at another bar when her shift was done. We hung out the four of us until her friend left and then my buddy took my car and left me with her.

So he’s being a good wingman then.

She drove me and her to another bar, and we got drinks and played some pool, until a random girl came in and kind of cock blocked for a bit.

That’s what we call a clam slam. You got clam slammed.

We wound up leaving the bar and driving this random girl home.

What a vibe kill. Maybe she knew this girl.

I could tell this time she was a lot less touchy and was apprehensive not like the last weekend. After she started driving me back to my friend’s apartment where my car was. We got there and checked to see if my friend was up, but he was sleeping. My plan was to make a move again. However, like a moron.

He thinks very highly of himself. Don’t talk about yourself like that. Don’t call yourself a moron. You’ve got to think about your self-talk. If you’re a Life Coach, what would you say to yourself? You wouldn’t say you’re a fucking moron, dude.

I sat in the car with her, and we talked about the boyfriend vibes thing, again another mess up.

Yeah, because whatever you make a woman feel when she’s with you is what she’s going to associate with being with you. And so now you’re bringing up negative feelings again when you’re thinking about making a move. And all that’s going to do is remind her that you creeped her out. And so guess what? Now she’s getting creeped out again.

I told her I genuinely enjoy hanging with her and I don’t want her to feel those vibes. And we talked more about ourselves. She eventually said she was going to have to kick me out and I said its okay. As I was leaving, I realized I had to do something, so I went in to kiss her but she kind of just gave me the cheek.

Yeah, put a fork in that dude. The girl was trying to hump him and his buddy’s bed the week before, but a week later, she’s giving him the cheek. You see how quickly that changed? He talked her out of liking her. Again we’ve all been there. Every guy watching this has done the same stupid shit before. That’s why when guys read my book, they’re like, “man, it’s like I did the same things. The same shit happened to me.”

I played it off and kindly was like have a good night and get home safe. I didn’t think she would reach back out and was going to chalk it up as a loss. She got home and texted me she got home safe and sound. I didn’t answer because I had not anticipated it. When I woke up the next day she texted me, “Did you get home okay?” I responded, “Yeah I did, I just keep my phone on DND (do not disturb) when I am sleeping.” She said, “Okay good you had me worried for a bit”. I answered with a joke, “Aw why because you beat me in pool?” 

Don’t crack jokes through the phone. The phone is for setting dates.

And she said, “That’s exactly why, yea”. I noticed to she followed me back on Instagram from the night before. After I asked if the random girl messaged her back, she went silent.

Well, dating is like tennis. You hit the ball over the net. She doesn’t hit back. Then go play with somebody else. And if she does hit the ball back over then you can re-engage.

I then foolishly texted her, “When is your next day off?” “I think you might have my sweatshirt, and I haven’t heard back.” She has looked at my Instagram story though. I realize I’m going to have to kind of pull back her. And after reading your book realize I messed this up.

Yeah, I wouldn’t call her text her again for any reason. You’ve got to wait for her to get back to you, because you just ran her off. You chased her out of your life. This girl was really hot for you. And you talked her out of liking you because you instantly started treating her like a girlfriend. And then you got your buddy intervening on your behalf, and you’re doing group dates, and it’s just a bad way to go. These are all things the book says not to do. But again, you’re new to my work, so hopefully this will be the last time you ever do anything like this. And then six months, a year or two later, when you’re with the next great love of your life or your future ex-wife, you can laugh about how that is a thing of the past.

However, I do really think this chick is a fun time and would like to finish what I should’ve the first night. Do you think I can salvage this and how should I go about it?

You should be following what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. Just wait to hear from her. If she does reach back out, invite her out for a date just you and her, because you guys haven’t really even had a first date yet. So I would invite her over to your house in this case, just because she hasn’t been there and she already is kind of creeped out a little bit, so just take her out on a normal date. Because you’ve been to her house already, go pick her up, take her somewhere, go three places, do what the book says. And then at the end of the evening, when you guys are all over each other, then you can go back to her place and bump uglies. Or your place for that matter.

As well, does this seem like pure disinterest or is she still somewhat interested but is playing hard to get after the first night?

It’s not that she’s playing hard to get, is that she’s just not that into you because you turned her off.

I’ve gotten many mixed opinions from my buddies, brother and more.

And another thing is stop telling all your friends and family your personal business because that will cock block you. Operational security. Gentlemen, don’t kiss and tell.

After reading your book I know I need to level up and take advantage of the next chance, but do you think this is still possible?

It’s only possible if she reaches out to you. Because at this point, you have to wait to hear from her. If you keep texting her and calling her, you’re going to get ghosted. I mean, she’s already kind of ghosted you. She never replied to your last message. So again, dating is like tennis. So you hit the ball over the net. If you haven’t heard back. Maybe it’s a week, maybe it’s two weeks, maybe it’s three weeks. If she does reach out in a few weeks, she’ll probably apologize for not getting back to you or whatever and just say, “Hey, no problem. I’d love to see you again. What’s your schedule like?” Clean up your game. Follow what’s in the book.

I’d really appreciate any advice you could drop for me, as I am still early in your book and plan to read it a few times.

No, you need to read it 10 to 15 times. Take this shit seriously, Dude. Put the audiobook on 2X and then follow along in a digital or physical copy because quite frankly, your game is atrocious and nonexistent. You will lose every girl if this is how you behave with them.

Unfortunately this situation I am in is current.

Well, it’s kind of run its course because unless she hits the ball back over the net, then that’s it. You’re never going to speak to her again because she’s already ghosted you and blown you off.

I have talked to a few girls since my ex of eight years, but this girl is really intriguing to me.

Well, we know it, and she knows. But you overdid it.

Especially after the first night. I know I need to practice getting better but I’d prefer not to fuck this up.

Um, newsflash, you already fucked it up. It’s a 50/50 chance. Maybe 49, 59 chance? Maybe 49 chance it’s irretrievably fucked. But you’ll know in a few weeks if 2 or 3 weeks go by and you haven’t heard from her, you can probably put a fork in it and you won’t hear from her again. But sometimes months later, girls reach back out because most guys that are in the situation you’re in, they don’t disengage. They keep texting, they keep calling until she blocks them or tells them to leave her alone. So at this point, there’s nothing else you can do. Just let it be.

I’m trying to digest your book since I just got in two days ago but also, I’m battling tons of mixed advice on how I should go forward. 

Thank you,

Bob

Well, stop listening to your friends because they don’t know what the fuck they’re doing, especially the one that’s trying to intervene because he’s got no game either. So keep this to yourself. Follow what’s in the book. Trust the process. Practice on other women. Because if she does come back, you want her to find a dude who’s got much cleaner, tighter game. So this shit doesn’t happen. So you guys are bumping uglies next time. Because she was clearly down to fuck that first night.

And, you know, you basically talked her out of it, and then you kept talking her out of it, and your buddy didn’t help. The group dates didn’t help either, so you just kept making things worse. So if a girl ghosts you, then you ghost back. You hit the ball over the net, and she doesn’t reply then that’s it forever until she reaches out. And if she never reaches out, you’ll never speak again as long as you live, that’s what No Contact means.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.