How the trap of complacency ruins attraction with your woman and causes you to lose focus on your purpose and mission, so you can avoid making the mistakes most guys make.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a male viewer who originally found my work through the recommendation of a friend. He read my book a handful of times and attracted a really amazing woman into his life. He thought he had it all figured it out and knew my work. He got complacent, lost focus on his purpose, gained weight and became needy and unattractive. Then his girlfriend unexpectedly dumped him after two years.
One night while he was drinking and feeling sad for himself and his life, he saw my book on the shelf. He started reading it again. He shares how his complacency cost him his previous relationship, and what he did to recover and completely turn his life around in only four months. He also attracted a new woman into his life and improved his relationship with his daughters. It’s another great example of failure to follow the fundamentals and the consequences, and the successes that quickly manifest once you start applying them properly. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.
I fell in with your work a little while ago through the recommendation of a friend.
(Tell your friend I appreciate the referral. That is the highest compliment you can give me, to refer your friends and family to my work. Thank you to all of you who continually do that.)
I purchased and read the book a handful of times and thought I knew it all when I embarked on my next relationship.(Yeah, a lot of guys start getting their noodle wet and think, “I’ve got it. This is easy.” I talked about getting complacent in the book. Success really isn’t a great teacher. It’s the failure, especially a painful failure like this guy experienced, that makes you realize, Wow! I’m not going to do that again.)
Her attraction level was high, and things quickly fell into place. She was texting me constantly, wanted me to come over and hang out with her and things advanced quickly inside the first three months.
(It’s like the honeymoon period. A lot of guys get focused on the pickup and dating skills, because that’s where a lot of them go wrong, but when it comes to the relationship and maintaining it, it’s not something that happens overnight.)
She had children and I had children, but the dynamics seemed to work and work well. But as the relationship became easy, I became complacent. I thought I knew it all. I started focusing on her and the ‘relationship tag,’
(What happened was, you were there long enough that you just kind of drifted back into your old ways of thinking that always caused you problems in the past. You didn’t get emotionally anchored deep enough to the new way of being and showing up as a man. It’s easy to just kind of fall back into those old patterns),
I lost my purpose, I put on weight, I became needy and over time, unattractive.
(It sounds like, in a lot of ways, you became the woman, especially if you were focused on the relationship label.)
After two years, she tapped me on the shoulder and with absolutely no warning, she said she didn’t love me anymore and wanted to move on. She threw me under a bus. It was the most painful thing I had ever encountered.
(Yes, especially when you’re not expecting it. It takes a while to get over, for most people. But obviously this guy turned things around pretty damn quick. That’s what Tony Robbins would say is the MAP, “Massive Action Plan.” That’s what this guy did. He took a massive action.)
After bunkering down in my bedroom for a week of drinking Jack Daniels and eating boxed crackers saying “whoah is me,” I looked up and saw your book sitting on my shelf. I took action.I read your book three times in the space of two weeks, started watching your YouTube videos and I decided to do something about myself.
(That’s the important thing, he decided. He said, “Enough of this. This is bullshit. I’m better than this, I deserve better than this, I’ve had better than this. I’m going to take control of my destiny.” And that’s what he did.)
I completely changed everything I did. I started watching what I ate and went to the gym. I started focusing on my business and getting that back on track.
(That is masculine energy. That’s why a feminine woman is attracted to a masculine man, because he has purpose, because he has a mission he’s trying to accomplish. And when that stuff goes by the wayside because you get hypnotized by the punani, bad things happen.)
I focused on my two daughters, aged 14 and 10, whom I have half of the time and made time to do the stuff they wanted to do.
(That’s awesome. You were being a great dad. There is no higher calling in life than being a parent.)
It was tough. I was a mess, crying everyday and unable to focus for long periods,(It’s good that you cried. You got it out. It dissolves that energy. If you don’t, and you just cover it with drugs or chocolate or whatever, you’re not really feeling it. You’ve got to feel it to heal it. You’ve got to experience all of that pain for it to dissolve and no longer have an effect on you. It’s just stuck energy. You experience it, it dissolves and it moves right through you),
but I took things piece by piece. I allowed myself to feel the pain, so I could move through it. Each day became easier, and slowly I edged my way forward.
(Just trying to get a little better each and every day. That’s all you can do. You’ve got the same amount of hours in the day that everybody else has. It’s just, most people waste the hours in their day. They don’t really spend it being productive. They spend it being busy to get their mind off the things they don’t like in their lives. They distract themselves with all kinds of shit.)
It has now been four months. I have stripped 22kgs and feel fantastic. I am running for the first time in ten years. I have found my passion for hiking and photography and have done some awesome treks. I have rediscovered my passion for my business and my clients.
(You’re embodying masculine energy. This obviously makes you really attractive to women, because you’ve got a mission and a purpose. You’re moving with a purpose in life. That’s what a man is.)
I am busier than I have ever been, and I am about to unleash a new program to attract some new clients. My girls are happier, and I am making plans to take them to Europe in July of 2018.
(That’s awesome. Your girls are lucky to have a dad like you.)
And then I met her – this gorgeous, wonderful girl who merely strolled into my life, completely unexpectedly and has stayed. She is amazing, and she is everything I could have ever hoped for – hot, intelligent, compassionate and emotional. And best of all, she wants a piece of Mr. Awesome.But unlike before when I became complacent, I am reading your book for the tenth time in four months, so I know the stuff backwards and forwards.
(Better late than never. If you don’t have time to do things right, when will you have time to do it over? His world had to come crashing down in order for him to get his shit together and really make things happen.)
The ex has sent out a few texts, but I haven’t reached out. Why should I heat leftovers? Everything in my life lies in front of me, and I am eternally grateful to you Coach for showing me the light.
(Well, I’m eternally thankful to you for taking action and making the world a better place.)
If you ever get to Sydney, Australia I would love nothing more than to have you around for a true Aussie BBQ, so please let me know.
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“When you love your life, you naturally will take better care of yourself. You’ll eat better, exercise more, work harder and have a more positive and optimistic attitude towards life and the challenges it naturally brings. Life will feel more effortless because of the natural enthusiasm you have for enjoying your life and the people in it. The happier you are, the more attractive, approachable and desirable you will be to your romantic partners. Romantic success is the result of having a fun and exciting life that you’re proud of. Happiness is contagious and attracts other happy people. Do what makes you happy, even if you have to do what sucks temporarily as a means to an end to get from where you are right now, to where you want to be. With enough time, patience, practice and repetition, you can build the life and lifestyle you’ve always wanted.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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