In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who recently had a first date with a woman he met who belonged to the same club as him. After several weeks of interacting with her at their club functions, he decided to ask her out. Instead of doing it in person, which would communicate a lot of confidence, he sheepishly contacted her via Facebook. She accepted his date request. She showed up looking like she put a lot of time into getting herself ready. He took her to three different places. He says the third place was a perfect opportunity to initiate kissing and physical touching, but he held back and did nothing. He says the reason was several conflicting signals he got from her that led to him being unsure of whether or not he should try and kiss her. Later that night, after their date had ended, she texted him saying she had a good time. He immediately tried to set a second date, but she never really answered his question. He asks my opinion on her conflicting signals.
I’ve recently started dating this very cute girl I met at my theater club. She, like me, is a singer and dancer, and as a result, we were seeing each other on a weekly basis. Out of the blue, I decided to message her on Facebook and ask her to meet up with me for the next Friday night, although I alluded to what the evening might have in store. She agreed, and at my request, was happy to hand over her number. (Instead of asking her out in person, which communicates lots of confidence, you sent her a Facebook message, which communicates you’re a bit of a pussy. You are trying to soften the blow of possible rejection.)
She actually arrived slightly early for the date, and had clearly put time and effort into trying to look pretty. (That’s a good sign. Hopefully she wants to look good for you.) I took her to three different places; The final one was a golden opportunity, in my opinion, for us to build physical rapport. I kept asking thought provoking questions and let her do around 70% of the talking. She seemed engaged and excited throughout the date, however her body language was often a little turned away from me, and her hands would be crossed over her emotional center. (That tells me she’s not comfortable, open or receptive.) As much as I’d like to contribute this to her being a very shy girl, I’m aware that I could simply be trying to rationalize. About halfway through the date, she began asking for my Snapchat and Instagram, which to me would suggest she was trying to put herself into my orbit. (It’s possible.) Twenty minutes after the date was over, she texted me to check I had “made it home alright.” (Why didn’t you go for the kiss? If she’s romantically interested, she’ll kiss you back.) I used this as an opportunity to set a definite second date when I responded the next morning. (I wouldn’t set the next date that quickly. You look overly eager. Wait until the following week to text her. It’s better to have one date per week.) She told me she had a lot of fun, and we flirted back and forth for the next few minutes before I told her I had to run.
The main question I’d like you to answer is, what do I make of her conflicting signals? I’d like to think that for a rookie I did a pretty good job of staying in my center, but what really had me kicking myself later that night was that I didn’t go for the first kiss. (Yes. You don’t even know if she’s interested in you.) I’m normally quite fearless, and I go for what I want, but I made the mistake of hesitating because, as far as I was concerned, not enough of the physical signals were there. (You never know. Always go for it.) She wasn’t playing with her hair or touching me more than would seem normal, and she often had her legs crossed away from me or would rather gaze into the distance when talking than make eye contact. She was showing me lots of signals that she was in the 6-7 range as far as attraction, but I didn’t get an obvious physical invitation at any stage as far as I could see, or at least not as far as they are set out in your book. Should I go for it and make the move? (Yes. That’s what the book teaches.) Or should I hang back and wait for a more obvious physical invitation? (No. Masculine energy is purpose, drive, mission, succeeding, taking risks, and overcoming obstacles.) I know that I must be missing something in your book, but I can’t seem to find an answer. (You dithered and hesitated too often.) In the mean time, I’ll continue to further examine the book.
Your book has been a tremendous help, and I can’t thank you enough. I have so far read it nine times and revised each section as I would a textbook for an exam. It has so far proved an enlightening experience, and I am forever grateful that you are willing to share your knowledge with a fellow man. (Remember, one date per week. You don’t want to come across as too overly eager, needy and desperate.)
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“When a woman has romantic interest in a man and is ready to be kissed, she will display physical signals that she is ready to be kissed and that touching is okay. These can be: twirling her hair around her fingers, running her fingers through her hair, touching your arm, laughing at your jokes that aren’t really that funny, sitting too close so she is physically bumping or touching you with her body, bumping into you as you walk down the street, showing you her neck in a submissive way, etc. Even if a woman only displays a few of these physical signals sporadically, a man should go for the kiss at least by the end of the date. Why? If she is romantically interested she will kiss him back on the lips. If she is not, or she’s structured and following a set of rules instead of doing what feels right and comes naturally, she will give him her cheek. When you get the cheek, walk away and never look back. You want a woman with high attraction and who is authentic and giving. Not someone who holds back like a robot.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne