In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who says he has a real problem with being consistent and exercising self discipline when it comes to improving his life, having better quality friendships and creating high quality romantic relationships. He says he wants to be a writer and start an art business, but he does not write and draw everyday. He’s says he has been at it for five years, but does not feel like he’s getting anywhere. He says most of his friends do not seem like they want him around. He also has not experienced much success with women. He feels like people tend to jerk him around and that he simply isn’t making any progress towards achieving his goals and dreams. He asks my opinion on what he should do differently so he can see some real progress in the areas of his life that matter to him.
I have some questions mainly about life, some about women. Basically, I am dealing with a lot right now. I’m trying to become consistent with things in my life. I want to be a writer and start this art business, but I have yet to write and draw every day. (When the inspiration strikes you, that’s when you work on something.) I want to start keeping my house clean and take care of my self daily, but it’s hard. (Unless you have a a compelling reason to do that, a burning desire to do it, you just simply won’t do it.) How do you gain consistency? (Time and repetition. Take your big goals and break them down into small daily goals.) How do you gain self-discipline? (Think of what the consequences will be if you don’t do what you need to do.) I’ve been attempting it for like five years now, and I have yet to gain a leg up on the situation. (There’s no such thing as a bad idea, only bad plans. Ask others how they motivate themselves. Find someone who already has the success you want to have, and model their behaviors.)
Another thing is, I don’t do what I say I am going to do, or I’ll do it consistently until I tell someone. There are other problems also. When I go to work, I am unprepared. I usually forget something. (When someone is neglectful like that, it’s because they don’t give a fuck. You’re doing just enough to not get fired.)
With women, it’s more like they flirt with me up until I flirt back or pursue them. (Pursuing doesn’t work.) It’s really annoying. I don’t see how you can be in a relationship if you have to play this game of tag in the beginning. The one girl I’m hung up on, she discontinued contact with me. I wouldn’t mind asking her to start over, but I feel it’s too late. (It sounds like you took too much action to the point where she was turned off. You need to read my book, change your approach, and keep circulating.)
With friends, they used to want to hang out, but most recently they’re all busy. I only really have one friend I hang out with now, and sometimes he cancels on me. (It sounds like you need to make new friends instead of continuing to force yourself into interactions with people who don’t want you around.) In conversations, I’m really awkward or I stay in the realm of “Hello. How was your week? Oh, it was fine.” (Ask the kind of questions that people will enjoy answering. People love to talk about themselves.) I would like to have a good conversation with all people, not just women. (Start reading my book and applying it. Start putting yourself in social situations with people whose goals and values are more aligned with your own.)
Another thing is, I don’t get this whole being mysterious thing. I just don’t get it. I don’t understand the concept of being mysterious? (Read the book. You can’t learn everything I teach in my book by watching these videos.) Also, how does being funny make you mysterious? What if you don’t want to be funny? (We tease each other when we care about other people. If your life is full of people you don’t care about and who don’t care about you, you won’t have a lot of humor and laughter in your life. Again, another reason to change your peer group.) What if you just want to get to know people and have them get to know you, or just have a good time? (Hang out with people who reciprocate interest.) Aren’t there other ways of having a good time without being ambiguous, funny, or treating people the way you described? (Again, read the book.)
Also, my life revolves around the things you mentioned not to talk to women about, religion. All of my free time for the past ten years has been spent in church, with church friends, or at church functions. The only thing I know outside of church is about the books I read, which my current boss and I talk about. Even though he likes different fantasy books than myself, we usually talk about fantasy books, because we both enjoy them. (Expand your mind and apply the things I teach for yourself.)
There’s this other woman. I think she likes me. She keeps coming to visit me during our time at work. I’m a cashier, so it’s kind of hard to distinguish if she likes me or not. Anyway, she visits every day. I’m getting used to her company, and I started visiting her every day, until I asked her to give me a ride home, since I have no car. She said she would give me a ride, then left me. (Look at her actions. Does it look as though she really likes you?) I’m so angry with her, I avoided her the next day. She didn’t come to me until my shift was over, and apologized. That’s where the story ends. We won’t have contact again until Monday, when we return to work. I’m honestly thinking of asking for another shift. (Don’t change your work schedule to avoid this girl. If you see her wave to her, but she’s proven to you that she has zero interest in you. Expand your horizons, because it sounds like the people in your life are stagnant.)
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“If you don’t see any real progress in any area of your life that you want to improve, it’s going to be really hard to experience consistent joy and happiness. In order for progress to be possible, you must first have an emotionally compelling vision for your life. This means having a purpose, mission and a life’s work that is exciting and compelling to you. Most people are chasing a non-existent quick fix for everything that they perceive to be missing from their lives. A great life worth living starts with a great vision. It usually takes most successful people a decade or more to learn, develop their skills and find a way to synthesize and package them up into a successful career or business that compensates them proportionally to the value that they add to other people’s lives. Being able to take consistent action and exercise self-discipline is only possible when you have a burning desire to achieve or become something that is compelling to you. Until you figure out what that is, you must keep seeking, searching, researching and experiencing different things that appeal to you. When you discover your true purpose, it will light you up inside with a passion, drive and fire like you’ve never experienced before.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne