What you should do if constant failure and challenges are wearing you down making it hard to stay motivated.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who says that he has read both of my books several times. However, he says that constant failure is wearing him down. He graduated college but hates his degree. He worked an internship after college that he also hated. He’s tried several businesses that failed miserably.
Now that everything is shut down after he lost all his money in an investment scam, he says he can’t even get a job to pay his bills. The good news is that he has a great girlfriend, but he is considering breaking up with her to move to a new country and get a fresh start. He asks my opinion on what he should do. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
I’ve got an email here from a guy, things are going well in his personal life, but everything else is kind of going sideways. You can tell he’s made a lot of bad decisions. He’s young, he finished college, hates his degree, worked an internship, I assume related to his degree. He hated that too. He got into a couple businesses, both failed miserably. And I guess recently, he lost all of what money he did have left in some kind of an investment scam. And so, now he’s broke and he’s upset because he can’t even get a job now because of all of the lockdowns and the fact people can’t do anything.
I think he’s in Europe somewhere, and so now he’s like, “Should I break up with my girlfriend and move to another country where there’s more opportunity?” Because he also said he’s had some problems in the area where he’s from. There’s been a lot of people he didn’t get along with. This is what a lot of guys do, myself included. When men tend to be stable in their careers, their lives or businesses are stable, they tend to be more interested and more open to having a long term relationship. But when things are chaotic, they’re moving around a lot, they’re not real stable, they tend to be more interested in casual dating, casually hooking up and nothing serious.
And so, you can see in this particular guy’s life how important it is to men, especially when it comes to dating and relationships, that you’ve got to have your business and your purpose in life, because if that’s out of whack, you could have a great relationship, but it’ll put a lot of stress on it. And the number one reason why marriages split up is financial stress, whether it’s guys struggling with their purpose, or they have some kind of financial stress. Especially now, in the last year with all of these lockdowns and all the millions of people that have been bankrupted, had their lives destroyed, all the families that are broken up because of all this asinine stupidity with with these lockdowns.
You can look at it now and make the case that, like what we did in Florida here, what DeSantis did was he was protected seniors. He recognized the people that were older, really would struggle with this. I think it was the CDC that came out recently and said 80% of the people that were hospitalized were obese. And so you wonder, was it really a good idea? Lots of data is coming out now that it would have been better to quarantine the older people and people that were obese and out of shape and not healthy while most other people went to work. That seems to be what you’re seeing in the media and people are discussing now, which is it’s interesting.
You could see the impact, like in this particular guy’s life, because he’s struggling as it is in a struggling economy. He’s like, “Now, I lost all my money and I can’t get a job because we’re all locked down.” You can see that it puts a lot of stress on his relationship life.
Also, the new book, Quotes, Ruminations & Contemplations, my first book of quotes is out. The paperback, the Kindle version and the hardcover are all available on Amazon, and the audio book should be live in a few weeks as well. So, if you’re so inclined, you’re welcome to avail yourself of the new book, and it will be on the website in a few weeks.
First of all, I would like to thank you for all the amazing material you put out there! I read both of your books numerous times and changed my life for the better. However, I don’t know why but everything I have been trying lately has failed miserably.
Well, the reality is that you have to get good at failure. You have to get good at accepting when things don’t go your way. And the reality is, whether it comes to attracting, asking out or dating women, most of them aren’t going to be into you. Most of them you’re not going to click with. That’s the reality. If you’re in business, if you’re in sales, the majority of your prospects are not going to turn into paying clients. That’s reality. The same thing with the all the different guys that you meet over the course of your life. You’re not going to become best friends with every single one of them. A handful of them you might click with and they might become lifelong friends, but most people just kind of come and go in your life.
And whether it’s a career or it’s a business that you’ve started, you have to get good at accepting failure — failure or just being part of the process to succeeding — because you’re going to learn more from failure than you’re going to learn from success. That’s just the reality in life. So, you’ve got to give yourself permission to fail, but the important thing is when you do fail, you’ve got to learn from it. What’s good about this? What can I learn from this? Because the quality of your life is in direct proportion to the quality of the questions that you consistently ask yourself.
What’s good about this? What can I use this for? How can I be better the next time around? In my future repetitions, what do I have to do in order to learn from this, to grow from this, to improve on the next permutation, if you will? When Thomas Edison was asked, when he was still trying to figure the light bulb out, about all of the thousands of failures that he had had, he was excited because he looked at it as each failure allowed him to eliminate something off his list. And then he knew what didn’t work. So, if he eliminated enough of the things that didn’t work, eventually he would find the thing that did work.
Just like finding a really great girl. You have to go through a lot of interactions. You’ve got to meet a lot of people. It takes a lot of time. It’s just, good people that are good for you, good to you, good for your soul, they just don’t come along very often. That’s life, and if you don’t like that, too bad. Nobody cares. Nobody cares about your problems, nobody cares about my problems, and they’re glad that we have them. And the best revenge for the haters and the people that complain is to become successful, to succeed anyway, despite the haters. Because that’s what shuts the haters up, when they see that you’re successful.
What’s interesting, like we were talking about earlier about DeSantis, Bill Maher just this past week was like, “DeSantis got it right.” It is what it is. Even though he went against the grain and disagreed with everybody, he was right. Protecting the elderly, that was the right move. Governors who didn’t do that, their results were really bad and a lot of people died. It’s horrible.
I just graduated and hated the degree.
Well, I wrote about that in “Mastering Yourself.” If you’re going to college, the purpose of going to college is to get a degree to get you a particular job. Like for me, when I was in college, I got a degree in Construction Management. That helped me with the salary that I got, compared to people that were in the same job that didn’t have a degree, and it also helped me fast track my career. And because it was an engineering field, I needed to know and understand these things. If I was literally going to work as a project engineer, I had to understand engineering statics, strength and materials, when rebar fails, when steel fails. You had to be able to look at that piece of scaffolding and see that it was erected properly, because if it’s not, it could collapse and kill your workers and cause OSHA to come out to the job site.
There were considerations, engineering and structural considerations, that I needed to understand if I was going to be in the construction industry. So my bachelor’s science degree in Construction Management in the College of Engineering and Design was important for my field and my degree. Now, if I was going to go into some other field that doesn’t require it, I mean, a lot of people go into expensive debt to get these useless degree, and it’s like, they never even thought ahead of time like, “What kind of job am I going to get with this degree when I graduate? What is the salary going to be, and how much money do I have to borrow in order to get that degree?”
You’ve got to do a cost benefit analysis. If you’re going to go $200,000 in debt for a job that’s going to pay you $30-35,000 a year, it’s probably not a good idea. It’s probably not the best way to spend your time and your money. You shouldn’t be getting a degree in something you hate just so you can get a piece of paper, because it’s going to be useless. The piece of paper is going to end up in a file cabinet or hanging on a wall somewhere, and it’s not going to do anything to help you make money.
I had an internship that I hated too.
Well, again, you should be looking at the internship as not something you necessarily hate, but hey, you crossed it off your list. You tried it. That’s the important thing. You don’t know until you try something. Trial and error, that’s that’s part of life. I mean, I go in extensive detail in “Mastering Yourself” my path to get to where I am today. And if this is where you’re at in life and you’re trying to figure it out, he says he’s read both my books a number of times, but when I read through his email, it doesn’t really look like he was applying much from the books.
I tried two different businesses in real estate, and they both failed miserably.
Well, you should only be going into real estate because you love real estate and you’re excited about it. And you gave up because it got hard, and you had failure, and you weren’t really into it, and that’s why you walked away from it. Me, I had lots of failures when I was in real estate. And again, I wrote about this stuff in “Mastering Yourself,” which you can read for free at UnderstandingRelationships.com. All you’ve got to do is subscribe to the email newsletter.
But I stuck with it. I liked failure. Every time I failed, I was like, “Oh, what can I learn?” Because I loved it. I loved the industry at the time. I was excited. I was stoked about it. But when you don’t really dig it and you’re like, “Oh, I’m going to go into real estate because I’m going to make a lot of money,” you ain’t gonna make a lot of money if that’s your motivation. Because just like what happened here, he had two failures and he’s like, “Oh, this sucks. I’m not going to do this.” He wasn’t into it. But at least you can eliminate it from your list, so it’s not the end of the world.
Yesterday, I lost almost all of my savings in a bad investment that turned out to be a scam.
Well, when you’re young, you get lots of people that have got MLM deals and all kinds of other things. People that are acquaintances, they get into some kind of new MLM, “Oh, I’m going to make millions of dollars,” and they all focus on the money and the lifestyle you’re going to get. But the actual work itself kind of sucks. You’ve got to harass your friends, your neighbors. You get them involved, they spend money, you make a little bit of money, the people in your upline make money. And then when it doesn’t work out, then all your friends and family hate you, because you got involved in something that they lost their money in. You’ve always got to know your downside risk. “If things don’t go the way I expect, then what? What are the consequences of that?”
As a consequence, I am trying to find any job to pay the bills.
Well, the other thing with investments is, so you lost all your money in an investment scam. You should never, ever put all your money and all your eggs in one basket. You never risk more than you can afford to lose. Whether it’s in the stock market, or in crypto, or in real estate, never put all your eggs in one basket. Because if if the investment or the economy doesn’t go the way you expect, you get wiped out.
You know, if you have a bunch of different stocks, which when I invest in stocks, I’ve got multiple stocks that I invest in, some do really well, some do average and mediocre, some lose money. That’s just the nature of it. That’s why you diversify. You invest in the people and the companies whose products and services you believe in. Or in the case of crypto, you buy into certain crypto currencies that you expect will go up in value.
But because of these beta idiot politicians, everything is closed down and I can’t even get a job flipping burgers.
Well, the world has kind of got that problem. And the reality is, people are starting to recognize that the approach that they took for the past year was not the best approach. And all these politicians are going to have to deal with these consequences for the next year or two. And as things start to get back to normal and the truth gets out, people are going to be pretty mad, pretty upset. There’s going to be consequences for everything. I’m not going to get into it, but you can’t outrun karma. You reap what you sow in life.
Plus, I had several conflicts over the years, and I have quite a few enemies in the small town I live.
Well, you know what, that’s on you. If you’re going through life and you’re doing nothing but having one conflict after another, you’ve got to look at the way you’re showing up in life. If you’re going around getting in fights with people everywhere you go, that’s a bad way to go in life, man. And besides, eventually you’re going to meet somebody that’s going to be a better fighter than you, and you’ll lose. Karma will catch up to you. You live by the sword, you die by the sword.
The only good thing I have going is a gorgeous and independent girl that I met. I applied your teachings, and it is the first healthy relationship I ever had. The thing is, I am now considering a move to a new country to start all over again with a clean slate. Do you think it is a good idea to leave that girl behind just because I have been struggling?
No, but I understand why, especially when your purpose is screwed up. You don’t feel stable enough. You don’t feel safe enough in your own body. You don’t feel like you can be the man of the house if you don’t know how you’re going to pay your bills, especially if your girl’s making money and you’re not. Because you can’t help but feel less than a man when you’re not able to make money. So, I wouldn’t just be upping and moving or breaking up with her because of that. It’s like, why sabotage your relationship when it’s sounds like it’s going well? It sounds like you’ve got a good teammate.
I also go through this in “Mastering Yourself,” how to find a job, how to get any job you want. There are jobs out there. If you put into practice what’s in the book, you can find one while you’re still trying to figure out what it is that you want to do. You’ve got to get serious about your mission and purpose in life and what you really want to do. All I’ve seen here is you’re complaining a lot. You you went and got a degree in something that you hate. Well, it’s like you shouldn’t have done that if you were familiar with my work. But what’s done is done. now. For me, I don’t even use my degree in Construction Management, and I haven’t for years. It was part of my past and what I did. I learned from it, I had great experiences, but I’ve built new things since then.
Or do you think I am just running from my problems and will face the same issues in my new country?
Absolutely. There’s the old saying, if you live somewhere and you don’t like where you live and you think everybody’s an asshole, and then you move somewhere else and you realize that everywhere you move to, everybody seems to be an asshole, the problem is not them. The problem is you and how you’re looking at other people.
By the way, I live in Europe and I am considering to move to the States or Canada.
Well, if you’re going to move somewhere, you shouldn’t be moving for a job. You should be moving because you like the lifestyle, you like the potential for the career or what you’re going to be doing. The most important thing is where you’re going to live, do you want to live there? Does it afford you the social life that you want? And then on top of that, is there employment opportunity that lines up based on your gifts, your skills, your talents and your reserve of knowledge? That should be first and foremost on your mind.
And so, if you’re struggling in this area of your life and you’d like to get my help figuring out your purpose, or maybe you’ve kind of been working in something for quite a few years and now you’re wondering if you still want to do it or if you want to do something else and you’re not really sure, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Discovering your mission and purpose in life is a process, not a destination or a light switch that you simply flip on when ready. The process involves trying lots of things to see how you like them. Some things that seem exciting and compelling actually are the opposite when you experience them in real life. Things that you love doing today might no longer be fun in the future. You must also find things that you are good at by simple trial and error. We get paid based upon the value that we bring to the marketplace. Our gifts, skills, talents and reserve of knowledge determine our income earning potential, but it is up to us to find the right job or business that gives us the opportunity to reach that potential. The best medicine for not feeling motivated is to get busy taking action towards accomplishing your grandest goals and dreams. Taking action breeds confidence and courage, but doing nothing breeds fear and doubt. Your purpose and mission is always evolving as you go through the seasons of your life. Give yourself permission to change and alter your approach as you gain experience and wisdom and also to be a beginner again each and every day.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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