In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss three different emails from three different viewers. The first email is from a viewer who says he is contemplating life and has one in the chamber and the hammer cocked, after he says that yet another woman has taken away his focus and manhood. He asks if his life is worth living. The second email is from a guy who says that he does not want to waste his time dating, because he is so focused on his music career. He knows the kind of woman he wants to meet and asks what he can do to set his life up so this happens automatically. The third email is a success story from a guy who has been following my work for the past year after he got friend-zoned by his last girlfriend. He details how he got serious about his life, his purpose, got in good physical shape and how he was able to attract the most beautiful woman he has ever dated. He once thought that a woman like her was way out of his league. He details how much better his dating experience is this time around with his new girlfriend and how it requires so much less effort than his previous relationships. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the bodies of their email:
First Viewer’s Email:
Dear Coach,I just wanted to try my luck and see if life is worth living. (Like anything in life, you have to have an emotionally compelling reason why you want whatever it is you want, or you won’t make the effort that is required in order to succeed at it. When things are important to you, you’ll find a way, and if it’s not, you’ll make excuses.) I swore up and down after my ex-fiancé mentally and physically abused me that I would never let another woman take my focus and manhood away. (If you let a women sidetrack you in your focus and your manhood, that tells me you were placing too much of an interest on that woman being the center of your life and your happiness. Before you ever get into a great relationship, you’ve got to have a great relationship with yourself. You’ve got to learn to love yourself, learn to love your life and where you are, and enjoy being alone. The idea is, two people come together to share their completeness. And that’s not just with intimate relationships. That’s with all relationships. You’re there to give to them and they’re there to give to you. If you’re putting out more effort and resources than the other person is giving back, then you have to ask yourself, “Are they really adding any value to my life?” It’s when you go through a really difficult time in life that you realize who’s on your team, and who’s not. You should be very careful who you allow into your inner circle. If they aren’t adding value, it’s time for them to get the fuck out. Ideally, you want to surround yourself with people who are more successful at things that maybe you’re not very good at and want to improve at, because you’ll get better just by being around them. But at the end of the day, if you can’t get up and be excited about where you are, you should be looking for the next step. Ask yourself, “How can I continue to grow my skills, my knowledge, and the value proposition that I can personally offer a company or a business or clients through my skills, my gifts and my talents?” Life is a never-ending process of self-improvement. You always want to be getting better. Otherwise, you become stagnant.) But this time it’s taken me to this moment, one in the chamber, hammer cocked. (Obviously, you’re contemplating giving up, and you’re in a lot of pain. From a coaching standpoint, the way I look at that is, the strategy you were using in your personal life is not working. Maybe you were making bad choices to begin with, and you got involved in relationships with women you shouldn’t have been involved with. The good news is, you’ve come to my YouTube channel, my website, and now you can read my book, learn the fundamentals and practice using them. But before you can even focus on getting into a relationship with another woman, you’ve got to focus on you and get to a place where you love your life, you love being single, and get up every day and you do what you do, because it pleases you, it’s emotionally compelling and because it’s exciting to you. Two people come together to share their completeness, not to complete one another.) I’ve bought your book and read it 4 times, (That’s a good start), but anyway, I don’t know what to do anymore. This is ruining my life, when usually I’m a man of focus and drive. (What you resist will persist. You’ve got to take time to feel your stuff, feel the raw emotion and give yourself permission to feel that way. When you really embrace it, that’s what enables you to move past it and dissolve it. At the end of the day, you’ve got to feel it to heal it. As men, our self worth is all based upon our purpose and our mission in life. Success and happiness is the direct result of feeling like you’re making progress.) Anyway, I’m not expecting you to want to help, but it’s just hopeless for me now. I hate this pain.
Have a good day,
Second Viewer’s Email:
I am too busy to date. I struggle between paychecks and the monthly stipend I get from spousal support. I don’t want to waste time with dating, etc. I spend most of my time on musicianship, athletics, and studying. Moreover, I don’t have money for dates. (If getting money for dates was a priority to you, you’d get a part time job and make some extra money, so you could have a social life. Life doesn’t make you happy, but it gives you choices.) American girls don’t do much for me, and besides, I have no money to date. (If you really wanted a date, you’d get a part-time job.)
I would probably be compatible with a musically skilled, fast thinker who fits my physical criteria. (You love music and you’re a musician, so that is where your focus needs to be, not moving to a different country to meet the kind of woman you want. Being successful with women is a side effect of having a great life, having something you’re doing that you’re proud of. When you have a stable career or business, that’s when you’re going to feel most comfortable as a man, where you actually want to be in a long-term relationship. If you’re struggling financially, getting into a long-term relationship will give you a feeling of unease and make you feel unstable in life. The more you focus on your life, building your business and being a musician, the easier things will get for you, and opportunities will come your way.) I like younger Japanese women, around age 18, who are talented. How can I move to Japan, continue my musical progress and still have time for athletics while seeking a girl? (If the only reason you’re thinking about moving to Japan is because you want to meet a Japanese girl, that is fucking ridiculous. That is the wrong approach. What you need to be focusing on is, where is the best place for you to live that’s going to support the kind of lifestyle you want and give you plenty of opportunities for gigs in your musical career? A city that has a really great music scene.)
I do not want full time work. Work is an energy drain and time-consuming distraction that leaves me tired and unfocused. (That’s why, even when business was profitable, I chose to sleep on my dad’s couch and wait tables for ten months. I was willing to suffer for my purpose. I didn’t want a full-time job. I could have easily gotten a full-time job, but I knew what I wanted to do. Successful people have a plan of taking action.) Instead, I need to keep focused on my success. Work has led to severe depression in the past. I must not go there. (If you’re a musician, you have to be playing, not working some bullshit job. The only way you’re going to get better at something is if you do it over and over and over again, and the way you set your life up has to facilitate that.)
Because I do not have a college degree, or even high school, I am limited in getting jobs in Japan. (Again, if the only reason you’re thinking of moving to Japan is because you like Japanese girls, that is ridiculous. You’ve got to think about the kind of music you play. Where is it most popular? Where are the greatest opportunities for gigs, and to play the kind of things that you want and to have the kind of musical career that you want? I saw your YouTube channel. You want to know the secret to YouTube? It’s not an overnight thing. The key with YouTube is, you have to do videos consistently. Do them on a weekly basis, and publish them at the same time, to grow an audience. The more videos you do, the better. Build an audience, and that audience will follow you anywhere.)
Please send me your million-dollar advice!
Third Viewer’s Email:
Hello Mr. Wayne,
You sir, are a genius! (What does genius mean? It’s the ability to simplify things that most people perceive as being complicated. When you love what you’re doing, and you have a compelling vision for your life you’re trying to create, you’re going to be looking at what other people are doing in the area you’re looking at. With anything you want to do in life, there’s somebody out there that’s doing really well at it. See what they’re doing, model their success, apply it to your industry, and eventually, you’ll get the same kinds of results.) I came across your website and book a little over a year ago I think. I downloaded and read your book. I met a beautiful woman and then proceeded to ignore all of your good advice. Things ended with the “let’s just be friends” speech. I took a few months off from dating to work on myself. (That’s a great thing to do, because if you’re not happy being alone and single, you won’t be happy in a relationship.) I bought your book again and read it for a second and third time. I lost weight, built muscle, increased my net worth and generally made myself better in many ways. (You focused on becoming a better catch, and that’s really what you have to do. The biggest part of being successful with women is really feeling like you’re succeeding in your life, or at least making progress.)
Someone recently set me up with a breathtakingly beautiful, smart, funny woman. In the past I would have considered her way out of my league and not even tried to get to know her. I decided to follow your advice to the letter where possible with her. The result? I have this gorgeous woman texting, calling, actively pursuing me and hinting about going out again. Her friends tell me that she is falling for me hard. (You put the time in, you learn the fundamentals, you apply the fundamentals, and eventually you will meet the right person for you.) It blows my mind! I have my redeeming qualities, but I am nothing special. Here I am putting less effort into winning this woman than I would have in the past, and to great effect!
In addition, just learning to be flirtatious with women and playfully letting them know that I find them attractive has been an amazing experience. I never did that before. I was always stiffly proper, because I thought that was how I should be. Now I have several attractive women who are interested in dating me if things don’t work out with the other woman. I’m 36. Why didn’t someone tell me all this years ago? (Because most people don’t know it.) I appreciate the work that you do. Keep it up! Thank you again! (Thanks for the great success story.)
(P.S. I’m reading your book again for the fourth time.)
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Nobody likes to experience physical or emotional pain or to have unpleasant life events. The reality is, life is not all sunshine and roses. Challenges and pain are life’s way of letting you know that your current approach is not working, not optimal or needs improvement. Pain and hitting the wall metaphorically are what usually causes us to move in a new or different direction. When you are on the right path, things seem to flow and be more effortless. When you accept your current circumstances, where you are in life and can find joy in your journey, only then can you live in the present moment and appreciate the little things. When you don’t accept your present reality and wish that it were different, you will experience pain and suffering. The best way to get out of a rut is to surrender to where you are, accept it and keep grinding towards what you want, no matter how many decades it takes to get there. In life, pain is temporary, but quitting lasts forever.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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