Conversation Is Forced & Doesn’t Flow

What it means and what you should do when you meet or start dating someone where there is great sexual chemistry and attraction, but your conversation feels like it’s forced and does not flow.

In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who met a random, beautiful, younger woman at his hotel the night before an important meeting and business presentation he was giving. He connected so well with her, they started chatting on a frequent basis and finally met in person again about a month later. She turned out to be about half his age, but the sexual chemistry and attraction was very strong. However, after spending several days together sharing their bodies and souls, he noticed the conversation started to seem forced and did not flow very easily.

He started thinking maybe they really didn’t have much in common, and she was not what he had hoped she would be. Despite this, he invited her to visit him a few weeks later and even bought her a plane ticket. She seemed surprised at first, because she also felt that things did not flow like they should. She never came to visit him, and a few weeks later, she informed him she had met someone else. He is full of regret, thinks he originally judged her too harshly and wants another chance. He asks my opinion. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.

Corey,

You do excellent and original work. Keep pressing. You might even find a higher calling.

Last April, I found myself in a post-dinner conversation with a couple of younger women on the terrace of our hotel in Central Florida. It was the night before a major presentation, so my mind was singularly focused on business and getting a good night’s sleep. (As a man who is focusing on his mission and purpose in life should be. That’s the vibe of masculine energy you were giving off. Since you were in your masculine and focused on your life, you randomly encountered this woman, which is the way it works.) One of the women was a petite brunette with features that match my ideal, complete with a southern accent so my attention was diverted. I immediately found myself engaged with her in a teasing and playfully challenging dialogue about business/economics and world events. She was finishing her MBA and thought she knew it all. At one point she called me an asshole, but then delivered a huge smile and we locked eyes for a solid 5 seconds. It was obvious we connected. An hour later I retired to my room, but gave her a big hug upon leaving. The next morning upon check out, I left her a hand written note with my number embedded. (That was definitely a beta male move. You should have approached her right on the spot.) Then 24 hours later, she responded with a text message, and our long distance relationship commenced between California and Florida.

After a few days of texting, we decided to hold a call, at which point I discovered she was 26 years my junior, 29 vs. 55. (Most of the guys women in their twenties meet, who are their age, are clueless and act immature. Women want somebody who knows how to be a man.) Initially this turned me off, because I felt the sustainability factor was low, given my goal of finding a high quality woman to marry after a lifetime of living single. However, she persisted with the text messages, emails and frequent calls that revealed a very soulful and attractive woman. (She was really into you at that point, and she was making the effort.) This intrigued me to the point that I suggested we meet in neutral city to see how we got along for 2 to 3 days. Four weeks later, we met at a boutique hotel in a historic southern city where we shared a room, our bodies and souls. (I wouldn’t suggest a neutral city. I would fly her in to my city and have her stay at my place.) As you can imagine, the sex was fantastic, but our time walking the city, dining and hanging out was often short on content. (Keep in mind, you have 26 more years of life experience.) In addition, she revealed a lower self-esteem and lacked some of the enthusiasm present during the calls leading up to our trip. (That tells me she was starting to notice the chemistry wasn’t there.) At the end of our stay, my feelings were mixed. On one hand, I was attracted to her quiet vibe and pleasant demeanor, but on the other, I was a little bored with the content of our conversations, something I place high value on, (Right then and there, you recognized you didn’t have the same values. When you feel that, you need to trust your instincts, instead of projecting your fantasy onto the other person), and concerned about future compatibility with regard to day to day interaction. (It’s smart you’re focusing on that. It’s a major red flag. You can’t sweep that under the rug.)

We continued the texts and calls post-trip, and two weeks later I invited her to my hometown for the July 4th holiday, paid for tickets and made all the arrangements. She responded with huge enthusiasm, but was surprised because she thought she’d never hear from me after our rendezvous. (She came to the same conclusion that something was missing. Women are way more intuitive than guys anyway, so they can sense this stuff.) Obviously, she picked up on my feelings. To make a long story short, she never did make it out. (She was smart enough and less driven by her emotions. She was rational about it.) There was some on again, off again consternation, and then we decided to wait for a later date in July without the holiday crowds. (That was her way of letting you down easy.) The calls, texts and FaceTime bathtub scenes continued until the third week in July, when she sent me a text revealing she had met someone new. (It’s also important in this situation, she should have been doing 100% of the calling, texting and pursuing. It sounds like you pursued a bit more than you should have.) That was the last I heard from her, and it hasn’t been easy on me. I kick myself for never getting a chance to see this through with a second trip, and now feel haunted by something I’ll never know. (You saw everything you needed to see on the first trip. You just need to let it go, and move on to the next.) I also feel that I judged her and our compatibility issues too harshly. (Absolutely not dude. You did the right thing. It just wasn’t meant to be. You had a great experience with her, so it was a win.) I miss her immensely and the energy she delivered during the few months she was in my life. (The idea is to find someone you connect with easily and effortlessly. It’s like being with a best friend.)

My questions are the following. Does life experience, or that absence thereof, play an important role in finding a compatible mate? (You want someone with similar goals and similar values as yourself. The more you date, the more you’ll see that.) I’ve lived in 10 different cities, two countries, traveled the world and seen a lot. She comes from a small town in a deep southern state, has never seen the Pacific and rarely traveled. Further, is 2 1/2 days in each others presence enough to assess compatibility traits? (It’s either there or it’s not. After a few months of knowing each other, you ran out of things to talk about, and you noticed that right away. The idea is to not ignore that intuition. Dr. Wayne Dyer said, “When you trust in yourself, you’re trusting in the same wisdom that created you.” There wasn’t enough there to last any longer than it did. If you get attached to this and you don’t let it go, it will inhibit you from meeting anybody new. The universe brought you this person. It will bring you another one.) I appreciate your time and interest.

Thanks,

Bob

“Like attracts like. People who like the same things tend to like each other. People who have similar goals, values and interests are going to get along much better and easier. The possibility they will run out of things to talk about is very low. When you meet someone you share high mutual sexual attraction and interest with, you should also make sure your conversation flows and your goals, values and interests are aligned. With age and time, looks will fade. If you can’t converse with them like you do a best friend, then no amount of sexual chemistry, magic or Indoor Olympics is going to be enough to make a long-term relationship possible.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne

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