Here’s an email I got from a client recently. He’s doing great and progressing. Recently he ended a relationship with a girl that he knew it was time to break up with. Now that he is back to dating again, he needs to tighten things up a little bit. He has a girl he likes that he could potentially get together with, however, due to the fact he does not know the strategies in my book very well, he messes up a potential date.
If you are going to be successful with women and your relationships, you need to know the material in my book so well you could literally give a seminar on it. I have marked up his email with my comments (in parenthesis like this):
I hope all is well. I wrote you a few months ago. I wanted to give you an update, and I have a few questions. Basically, the last time I wrote you, I had just ended a one-year relationship with a woman. (It’s awesome that you did not settle!) One major reason I ended it, or pushed her to end it would be more accurate but irrelevant, was because a woman I was in love with, but never dated, came back into my life. I remembered the feelings I had for this other woman, let’s call her Jessica, and wanted her again, or something equivalent, which is why I felt the one-year relationship I was in needed to end. Shortly before my relationship ended, I hesitated with Jessica. I was a bit confused. Here, I have one woman I am dating that is in love with me and loyal, and another one that mind-fucked me two years ago. I told Jessica I was dating another woman, and I basically blew her off for at least two coffee dates. I didn’t stand her up, I just cancelled them. I felt guilty about seeing Jessica while I was dating my girlfriend. Long story short, I broke up with my girlfriend, but it was too late. Jessica happened to start dating a new guy and was happy to notify me of that. Keep in mind, I had been emailing her weekly for about six months prior to this event, because she was living abroad. I broke up with my girlfriend in August, and Jessica starting dating this other guy in September.
November rolled around, and Jessica emailed me saying she would be in the U.S. for Thanksgiving. I arranged a coffee date, giving her a time and a place to meet me. I was commuting a long distance from work that night, and it was not practical for me to pick her up. Here’s where it gets funny to me. An hour before we were supposed to meet, she texted me saying “I’m heading to the gym.” I jumped the gun and texted back saying, “Okay, we’ll do it another time then. Are you around for Christmas break?” She responded, “I will be here all week and also Christmas break.” I didn’t realize she was going to be in town all week, so I countered. It was Monday so I said, “How about we do Friday at 12?” She said okay.
Thursday, Thanksgiving rolled around. I spent time with the family, and at 10 pm I got a text from Jessica, “I’m going black Friday shopping with my sister, so I don’t know if I can do Friday. How about Saturday?” WTF? She broke the plan, but countered. (She did not break the plans. She tried to change the plans. When a woman wants to change plans at the last minute, that is when you do the take away. Text her: “I’d love to see you, but I’m pretty busy Saturday. If you can’t make Friday, then we’ll have to do it another night.” Notice, you are not offering a different day. You are just saying, we’ll have to do it another night. If she has higher interest in seeing you versus shopping, she will blow off the Friday shopping and keep the date. You made the mistake of jumping the gun and also offering her the counter, “Are you around for Christmas break?” instead of waiting for her to bring it up. This tells me you are not very familiar with my book’s strategies. You need to read the book 10-15 times, to the point where you could give a seminar on it. Otherwise, you misfire and make mistakes unnecessarily. “Most people have the will to win, few have the will to prepare to win.” ~ Bobby Knight.) I gave her some smart ass reply, and she responded, “I’m having a rough week, okay. I might break up with my boyfriend.” I didn’t comment about her boyfriend, but I accepted the counter, gave her a time and told her to swing by my place on Saturday. Keep in mind, she is in the States for one week. Saturday morning, I got a text, “I might not make 12. I might have to see my father. How about 1 pm to be safe?” I told her, “That’s a lot of ‘mights,’ and I can’t do 1 pm.” I could have done 1 pm, but holy shit enough is enough. (The reason she continually does this is, you have trained her to jerk you around since you met. Plus, she has boyfriend problems, which can cause any woman to be flaky. You are the potential replacement. If things are going well, she will be less enthusiastic to see you. If they are not going well with her boyfriend, she will be more eager to see you, and potentially replace him.)
Now, I am not dwelling on this woman so much, as I just want to learn from this experience. (Plus she lives outside of the country. Long distance relationships can be difficult. Somebody’s got to move eventually if you are going to stay together.) I am pursuing other women. I would appreciate your feedback with regards to how I managed this situation so that I can better absorb what happened and be more prepared if something like it should start to happen again. (It’s awesome that you are eager to learn!) I am also not sure of her level of interest. (With the other guy in the picture, it will be all over the place)
Thanks for the time as always.
My comments are as follows to him:
I would say overall, your problems with this girl started when you first met her and did things wrong. If you don’t know the strategies from the beginning of my book very well, you will do and say things that are inappropriate to the situation. The purpose of using specific questions as strategies, is to determine how she really feels about you and get her to make plans she keeps. I had a girl I dated long ago that I adored, but met her before I really understood women. I was still figuring it out when we met. I did so many things wrong and appeared weak so often and in so many ways, she was always flaky with me. I eventually blew her off. Sometimes it’s just better to punt and start over with somebody new, instead of trying to change a woman’s deep seated perceptions of you. They are not easily reversed.
Read my book again. How many pro football teams would win games if their players did not know the playbook very well? They’ll get their asses kicked every time. Remember, women have a head start on us guys. They learned to manipulate men at an early age when they started manipulating their fathers to get what they want. The more beautiful women are even more spoiled, because almost all men kiss their ass everywhere they go. They just assume most men are weak, because that’s all they ever see or know.
I salute you for having the courage and patience to work at continually getting better. Most men have balls the size of BB’s. They do not have the inner strength to do the work necessary to not only improve their skills with women, but every area of their lives, (career, wealth, health, friendships, etc.). You can never stop growing or evolving. The more you accomplish and succeed, the more you will realize that there is always another level to evolve to and grow. Pat yourself on the back, and give yourself an “A” for effort. Keep up the good work!
From my heart to yours,
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur