How giving a woman the space, time and vibe that you dare her to find someone better actually attracts her to you more.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email success story from a viewer who has read my book six times and was out on a date with a girl he had been seeing, when some guy kept hitting on her with obnoxious persistence. The old version of him would have gotten jealous, insecure, needy, controlling and probably caused a scene that would have led to rejection.
He shares what he did and said that actually caused her to find him even more attractive, blow the obnoxious guy off and end the evening with a nice session of the indoor Olympics. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
We’ve got one email I’m going to go through with you today. It’s a pretty good success story, and the guy brings up something that I haven’t talked about a long time. It’s something that I talk about in my first book, “How to Be A 3% Man.”
Every guy is going to encounter this at some point. Whether you’re on a date with your girlfriend, or your wife, or a girl you just happen to be seeing like this particular guy. He’s on a date with a girl, I think he’s hooked up with her a few times, and he was seeing her. And so, he does like three different dates. He’s visiting some friends — I think this was on Halloween night — and then he’s going to go somewhere else after that. But the last place he ends up going to, there’s some obnoxious dude that’s there that obviously likes his date. He had supposedly just broken up with his girlfriend recently, and he’s just obnoxiously, persistently hitting on her.
And so, what I liked about this particular email is, the guy talks about how he used to be and how he probably would have behaved in the past. And what’s really powerful in these situations, if you think about it from the perspective, if you’re a high value male and you have lots of choices, you have lots of options, and you want the best that you can get, you also want a woman who’s going to be loyal to you, and who values you and is going to defend you to any and all challengers, if you will. In other words, if she’s talking to a guy and the guy starts talking trash about you, because he actually wants to get in her pants, she’s going to defend you, and that’s what you’re looking for.
And so, in these kinds of situations, the last thing you want to do is get jealous, upset, start trying to be controlling, getting angry at her, getting angry at the guy. It’s like, you almost want to have kind of a vibe where you really just want to observe and see how she is and how she reacts almost to the point, just like the title says. It’s like, “If you think you’re going to be happy with that dude, then go be with that guy.”
In other words, it’s like you’re you’re so not worried about losing her that if she’s going to leave you for some other dude, you’d rather her go and do that, because obviously then she’s mediocre like that guy was, that you’re kind of laughing to yourself about the fact that he’s hitting on her. And it’s really powerful, because the average guy is going to get upset typically when these kinds of situations happen, whereas a James Bond style guy, he’s going to be amused. He’s going to be amused at other dudes trying to rip off his girl. And so, you can see it works really well to his advantage. He kind of details what happens, the interplay, and then obviously what happens later in the evening.
If you love yourself, and you value yourself and you respect yourself and your experience, like obviously in my particular case that I wrote about — especially when you get to experience love at first sight and then have a relationship that happens as a result of that — it’s like, you’re spoiled forever. Dating a woman that’s got kind of mediocre interest, it’s just not going to feel the same. It almost feels like an insult to yourself. And you’re kind of being disrespectful to all of the previous good relationships that you have had if you settle with a woman that’s got mediocre interest or women that rub other guys in your faces or women that just really don’t seem to be that into you.
You want somebody that’s really into you and really wants to be with you. And if she’s half-assing in it, that’s fine. She can go half-ass it was some other guy and go on down the road. Because the reality is, if she likes you enough, she’ll respect you more for the fact that you stood up for yourself. And you’d rather lose her if she’s not going to make the kind of effort you want. You’d rather her go on down the road and go find somebody else.
As I’ve said many times over the years, when you love somebody and you care about them, you want them to be happy, even if it means it’s not with you. It’s a tough place to get to, and a lot of people have a hard time with it, but it really will help keep you in a peaceful and relaxed state and cause you to feel contentment, because you know that the people that are in your life, they mutually chose to be with you.
I mean, think about it. What about friends? Do you really want to have a bunch of friends in your life, or that you think are your friends, if you have to beg them to spend time with you and they don’t really seem excited about it, or they’re jerking you around? Of course not. You want to be with people who are just as excited to hang out with you as you are to hang out with them. This is what valuing yourself means.
I was thinking about this the other day. I remember when I was a freshman in high school, and I was hanging out with a couple of guys that I had made friends with and we would go to lunch a lot. You know, at that time, because it was a public high school, we would walk off campus during lunch, go to go to lunch somewhere, and then go eat at a restaurant or whatever and come back.
I remember, one time I went over their house and we were kind of horse playing a little bit, and they were both bigger than me, and they ganged up on me to start beating the crap out of me — in a playful way, but they were hitting me a little harder and fucking around with me a little harder, and pinning me on the ground, than they should have been if it was just fun and playfulness. I could tell at the time, and I can remember like it was yesterday, even though it was 1984, I think. So we’re talking thirty-six years ago.
I remember, it was like yesterday and I remember how I felt. I could tell that these guys, they were being abusive. In other words, they really didn’t value and respect me and my friendship in just the way they were treating me. I realized that in that moment, I never hung out with either two of those guys again. I never went to lunch with them again and hardly ever saw them after that, just because I was like, I’m to hang out with guys that jump me like this that are supposed to be my friends and play beat me up, and fucking pin me to the ground and bully me. It’s like, fuck that.
So I never hung out with those douchebags ever again. I don’t know what happened to them. But that’s kind of like a microcosm. As I was going through this, that popped in my mind — that you want people that are excited to be with you, whether it’s a girl you’re dating, or friends that you have or even clients that you have a pretty good relationship with. You want to be with really good people. People that are good to you, good for you, good for your soul, because life’s too short to put up with any other kind of nonsense.
I wanted to write this because I was sharing this story with one of my buddies who also loves your material. To provide some context, I am currently reading your book for the 6th time,
Obviously, he’s talking about “How to Be A 3% Man.”
and subscribe to your channel watching each video. Your work has given me the necessary confidence and prowess to be an alpha male, and I truly feel like I am on a path to the 3% club! Thank you for all that you do.
I want to share a story from this past Halloween weekend when I was out on a date with a girl. This girl and I have been on a few dates and hooked up a few times last summer. She recently moved to the area and reached out to me, so I set the date and have been setting dates each time she reaches out. Our first stop was a Halloween party, and then we added several stops after to provide the illusion of multiple dates in one night. At one of our last stops, we made some friends at a table where one of the guys was hitting on my date with persistence.
Well, keep in mind, you are violating one of the principles that I talk about in “How To Be A 3% Man” which is, you don’t go out on group dates unless she’s your girlfriend. And the reason being is because of these kinds of situations.
Now, obviously, he’d been dating and hooking up with her and she had gotten in touch, because obviously she moved to the area, but I personally wouldn’t have done something like this just because, if you haven’t completely emotionally bonded with her yet, especially if you went out on your first date or your second date, and you guys still haven’t slept together. But these guys did have a history together. So again, as I said before, everything that’s in the book, it’s not meant to be etched in stone. It’s meant to be a guideline. It’s meant to be principles and fundamentals, so you can kind of understand what attracts a woman to you and what repulses her and causes her to lose attraction for you and move away from you.
But like I said, it’s not set in stone, he’s violating a little principle here, but it worked out fine for him. But I just wanted to point that out. Because the idea is, I I want you guys to stack the deck of cards totally in your favor so it’s totally lopsided, because you’re not going to be perfect. You’re not always going to do every single thing right. Maybe you’re in a bad mood, or you’re having a bad day or whatever, and you say something you regret, it’s going to happen — or you do something you regret. That’s why, if you can do more things right than wrong, you can still make little mistakes here and there, and it’s not the end of the world and it doesn’t completely ruin your chances or what you had going on.
Neither of us knew him, but it was obvious he was into the girl I brought. He was asking me how long I have been dating her, how we met, telling me how awesome he thought she was, kept going over to her to pull her into a conversation.
I’ve had this happen so many times over the course of my life. And when I was younger, I would be feeling pretty insecure about these situations, because I wouldn’t know. I would be comparing myself to the other guy, “What’s she going to do?” But obviously, with the things that I know now, I’m amused at it. I’m amused that guys, when they try their bad pickup artist approach and try to rip off a girl I’m on a date with or whatever. I’m seeing as just, “Go ahead, dude. Go ahead, see what you got.”
At one point he looked at me and told me he just went through a breakup, and the last time he was single he hooked up with 15 girls. And that now, his mission is to whore around again. And to that I said to him, “Wow man, sorry to hear about the breakup. Best of luck on the whoring around though,” not acknowledging how insecure he looked. (Should have recommended 3% man.)
Well, he’s kind of a dick for hitting on your girl, so let the bitch suffer. That’s the way I look at it. He’s got some karma coming, so let him experience the karma.
The old me in these situations prior to your work would get jealous, not attempt to be the mountain for her, and freak out by a guy invading her space when she came with me. The old me would have been a complete beta male and not confident in those moments. In every instance I acted as a jealous, emotionally needy beta male, I have never won the girl.
Yeah, so he had a lot of painful experience recognizing how he had acted in the past and how it always ended in the negative and it didn’t work out for him.
Throughout this whole ordeal, the girl I was with was looking for a reaction out of me.
Yeah, it’s a good test of your emotional self-control. Are you going to keep it together, or are you going to lose your shit and start a fight, or cause a scene or cause a problem? James Bond smiles, he smirks, he’s amused, he’s not worried. At the end of the day, if she takes off with him, he’ll find somebody better. That’s the attitude you’ve got to have. Having that attitude enables you to hold out and wait for something better. Because deep down, if you feel you deserve it, you’re not going to settle for average or mediocre, you’re just going to keep waiting until the right opportunity comes along.
Instead, I was simply just conversing with the other friends and having a good time out.
This is the important result, the predictable result, and I obviously bring this up in “How To Be A 3% Man.” And if you haven’t read it yet, you can read it for free at UnderstandingRelationships.com, just subscribe to the email newsletter.
Eventually, my date came over to me, hugged me, and kissed me. I didn’t have to do anything besides ask her, “You wanna get out of here?”
Remember, that’s the trial close, right from the book.
Where we proceeded to have a nice night of the indoor Olympics.
Hang out, have fun and hook up. It’s pretty simple. Nothing about getting jealous, or upset, or worried or fearful about other guys that are trying to rip off your girl, because you know that she’s already with the best that she’s going to get anyways. And if she’s stupid enough to let you slip through her fingers, well, she’s an idiot. And you know, someday you’ll probably be feeling sorry for her, because she’ll end up with some schmuck. But that’s for another conversation, another time, another place.
I wanted to write this to show how pursuing your work Corey can instill a whole new Alpha Male mindset that is calm, cool, collected and displays true masculinity that can attract the right women while other guys are trying to throw you off your center too. Thank you Coach!
Well, thanks for the good success story. And like I said previously, you can read “How To Be A 3% Man” and my second book “Mastering Yourself” for free at UnderstandingRelationships.com, just subscribe to the email newsletter.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“High value men have lots of choices with women. They also want to make sure they are valued, wanted and desired by the women they desire. They do not stick around when a woman is rude, disrespectful and selfish, takes them for granted or displays low romantic interest. They are used to being the best and being with the best they can get. They have high standards and do not tolerate low quality people in their lives. They actually prefer, no matter how much they may like a woman, that she find some other guy to date that she’s more into, than waste their time trying to convince her or waiting for her to like them more.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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