What it means when your date gets canceled the day of and she doesn’t bring up rescheduling.
In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who has a common problem that all guys deal with who are dating. Trying to find out if a woman is really into them or not when it comes to canceled dates. Sometimes women mention rescheduling and sometimes they don’t. How to cut through the BS and determine if she really is interested or if you should simply let her go and move on to another woman who displays high romantic interest. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter. And the topic of today’s newsletter is going to be, Date Cancelled. No Mention Of A Reschedule. What Now?
Well, this is something that every guy that is in the dating world has had to experience at one time or another. Makes a date, he’s all excited. The girl agreed to it. She gave him his number. Everything looks good. And then the day of the date, in this particular case, about seven, eight hours before their date, he gets a cancellation from the girl, and she doesn’t bring up rescheduling.
And there’s other instances where, like an hour or two before you’re supposed to get together, you get a last-minute cancellation. Usually, the responses are just kind of flat. Oh, I’m sorry, It’s you can tell they just really don’t care. And so, for us guys and we’re trying to make a date. We think logically, Hey, if the girl gave us her number, she made a date. Obviously, she’s interested because if she didn’t really want to go out with us, then she wouldn’t have agreed to it or even given us the phone number.
Well, that’s not the case in the real world, as you tend to find out as you get older and you get more experience with these things. Women don’t want to hurt your feelings and sometimes they’ll make a date when they’re marginally interested and then try to change the plans at the last minute.
Or maybe they got another guy that they really like, and then all of a sudden that guy that they really like comes through. So, you get blown off the last minute without any mention of a reschedule. And so, for us guys, we’re trying to figure out, is she really interested or is she just canceled because she didn’t give a shit? And so, if the girl really wants to see you, she’s going to be remorseful and immediately bring up rescheduling because she wants to see you.
And it’s just something happened. But when they don’t ever mention anything about rescheduling and their responses are flat, usually it’s a sign that they’re just simply not into it. So let’s this guy, he had been seeing this girl for a few weeks and then this last date, she had to cancel about seven, eight hours before with no mention of a reschedule. And now he’s going like, what do I do now?
And so, it’s important to understand that you want to be dating and in a relationship with somebody who really has high interest in you and will and will make the effort. It’s super important because you can’t negotiate interest or desire. You either pass her physical attraction test on a scale of 1 to 10, you’re at least a five in her eyes. And if it’s below that, you got no chance. Doesn’t your game and none of that matters.
It’s like you got to you got to at least minimally stimulate her attraction wise. And what’s interesting about that when you study attraction is that people tend to be attracted to others. In other words, we’re all attracted to people that have a similar facial structure to our own.
You’ll see people that have like big bug eyes tend to date women that kind of have big bug eyes or their nose or their mouth, very similar. I mean, prime example, look at Donald Trump and Melania Trump. Just look at their eyes. They both have very unusually shaped eyes. And you look at things like that or you see a guy, you know, a guy dating a girl that’s got a real big forehead and he’s got a real big forehead. So it’s pretty interesting when you see those things.
So, what that means is that there for whatever reason, there are girls out there that you’re just going to do it for them, and they’ll be really beautiful women that you think, Oh, there’s no way she’d be interested in me. And she thinks you’re the hottest guy on the planet. And there’ll be other beautiful women that you think are the most beautiful women on the planet, and you won’t even move the needle for them.
So, it’s a case by case basis. And that’s why it’s so important to not get hung up until you see that there is real enthusiasm to be with you and to spend time with you, because the greatest gift you can give anybody is the gift of your time.
And women who have low interests are just not going to give a shit about wasting it. They’re not going to feel bad. They’re not going to feel any remorse. And that just happens to be the way it is. And so in this case, this guy got cancelled at the last minute without well, about 78 hours before.
And he’s trying to figure out, is it worth it to pursue or not? And so you want to make it easy. You want to make it easy for a woman to follow through on her commitments to you or to flake out and disappear from your life forever. Because a girl who really likes you, especially if she cancels, doesn’t mention a reschedule. In that case, you’re going to. It’s up to her to reach back out after that.
So but this particular guy, I think he’s relatively new to my work, but obviously he really likes this girl and he doesn’t want to just give up on her if there’s a sliver of chance. Because, I mean, on a scale of 1 to 10, if you’re at least a five in her eyes, then you can raise her interest over time by doing the things that are in the book.
Good Morning Coach,
My name is Bob and I’ve been going out with a woman on a dating app for a few weeks now and require your wisdom, with how I should move forward. After exchanging a few messages on the dating app, she gave me her phone number with her availability more or less, “During the week, I’m usually free after 6. My weekends vary.”
We went out and hung out at a bar that had trivia night. She was “running late.” and had quoted me a new time.
So sometimes things happen. Girls running late. But there are some women that they’re just a mess. They can’t show up on time. They have a real hard time following through on their commitments. And so, the more higher her interest and the more disciplined of a human being she is, the less likely she’s going to be running late.
But then again, as the old saying goes, it’s a woman’s prerogative to be late. They just typically are. They’re not good judge judges of time or how much time things are going to take. So you got to take it with a grain of salt.
I told her that if she was not at the bar by the time she claimed she would be arriving that I would be leaving as I don’t like waiting very long.
Yeah, it’s the first date that’s pretty rude to somebody just to show up late like that. It just shows that you’re really not a super big priority. And for whatever reason, the girl’s not disciplined enough to get there on time. And if you start off dating a woman and she’s already blowing, you know, blowing you off, showing up late, disrespecting your time, that’s not a good sign.
And so, like when you’re trying to figure these things out, do I have a chance with this girl? Is she really into me or am I wasting my time? It’s like you got to take the totality of everything.
She arrived by the time she had promised and apologized for being late then offered to buy me a drink for being late to our date.
Well, good. I would definitely let her buy the drink.
After a few rounds of trivia, we went to grab ice cream and then I drove her home.
Well, if you’re following what’s in the book, you should be going to three places. That’s part of the seduction process, because when you go in three different places in one night, it gives the experience of three different dates because you’re getting into and out of your car multiple times.
It makes her feel safe, makes her feel comfortable. And the reality is, most women, most Western women were going to sleep with a guy by the second or third date anyways when they really like him. As long as you don’t talk her out of it.
2 weeks later and we went out again, this time I picked her up at her place and we went to a Buffalo Wild Wings. She willingly paid for our wings after being late for the first date.
So I don’t know how all that came up. Maybe you kept grilling her about it. I don’t know. Maybe she suggested it because she felt guilty. We don’t know.
The night ended with a Netflix & lips session back at her place. Didn’t get fully intimate with her but she did elude to “next time.”
So that sounds like you were having a conversation and talking about having sex, which is not what the book describes. It’s a process of getting her to feel safe and comfortable and lower her resistance to you until she just basically lets you have your way with her. That’s what the whole act of a woman submitting to a man is all about.
And it’s a process and you’ve got to be smooth and you’ve got to practice. So I assume this guy’s young. He hasn’t practiced a lot with what’s in the book, so probably didn’t really understand two steps forward, one step back. But the bottom line is you’re on a second date back at her house, I assume in her bed fooling around a little bit.
She went on a cruise with her family the week after our second date and I tried to schedule a date a few days after she returned. I received a reply “Hey Babe! I have COVID. So, I’m in the house this week” to which I responded “Damn that sounds rough. Alright well maybe I’ll see yah next week then, feel better”. Several days later, this past Friday
I would have probably given it two weeks. And then reached out because you want to see if because the other thing is you’re not seeing a lot of enthusiasm. But then again, she says she’s having Covid.
But sometimes women make up things if they’re really not that into you. So it’s important, important to pay attention to these instead of just saying, oh, I’m going to give her a couple of days to get over Covid and then try to get her to go out again.
(September 22nd), I called her and arranged for us to hangout this Wednesday and she sounded excited to hear from me from her tone. She texted me a few days later asking, “Where are we going?” to which I replied “You’ll find out when I see you”. She then replied with a gif of two girls jumping and clapping with a text below saying “Yaaayyyyy!!!”
Day of the third date (September 27th) I got a text from her about 7-8 hours before saying, “Heyyyy!
I’m sorry! I won’t be able to connect tonight. I have a medical appointment at 6:30.”
She knew before that she was going to have a medical appointment. It’s like that just looks like she waited. Maybe there was something else. Some other guy she wanted to go out with. But then again, he didn’t really wait a couple of weeks.
What I would have done is when she says she’s sick, especially something like Covid, I would have waited a couple of weeks and then reached out because you want to see if she reaches out to you. You want to push it all the way to like two weeks just to see if she starts to wonder if you’ve dipped on her. Or maybe another girl came along and took you off of her hands.
I responded with “No problem, we’ll just connect some other time”. She then loved my message and said “Okay (heart emoji)!” Personally, I’m a bit confused on where to go from here because she didn’t offer a reschedule/alternative which I know from your book is a sign of low attraction.
Yeah, it just shows that she could take it or leave it. She didn’t really care one way or another if she saw you or not. And besides, it seems like from your texting exchange that you’re pretty eager to make something happen and to see her again. Again, if somebody gets Covid and you only wait a few days for them to get over it, that’s a little too enthusiastic.
But the fact is, is that she canceled a date. Oh, I have a medical appointment at 6:30. Medical appointment. Why wouldn’t you say A doctor’s appointment wasn’t very specific. I’m sorry. So you just got a real short cancellation. It just sounds like she just wasn’t that excited to go.
Would you recommend I let her come to me so to speak?
Well. If she was really truly, like remorseful, she says, Oh, I have this this medical appointment that came up. And I just it was the only one available. And I really need to see this doctor. I’ll make it up to you. When can we reschedule? It’s like there. No mention of that. It just shows like, Ehh it looks like a blow off. And so, we have to assume that it’s a blow off and act accordingly because you want to give a woman the chance to follow through on her, on the plans you make or to flake out and disappear from your life forever. And so it just looks like even from the get go, there’s not a super high level of enthusiasm from this girl towards this guy.
Or do you think I should wait several days and call her to arrange a third date? Appreciate any help/guidance you provide to me pertaining to this email. Gonna be reading the book more thoroughly now (facepalm)…
So, it’s like it’s not the end of the world, but I just overall, it just looks like this girl wasn’t super into him.
And maybe there’s another guy that she liked more that he seems to be popping back up in the picture. It was just easy for her to blow him off. And so if it was me and this girl did this, just like I talk about in the book, she never mentioned anything about reschedule. Then I wouldn’t call or text her again for any reason. I would leave the ball in her court. And if she’s okay with disappearing from your life forever, then that tells you everything you need to know.
It just tells you that she just really didn’t care. She’s not going to be bothered by you no longer being in her life. Do you really want to go out and spend money on a girl who doesn’t care if she ever hears from you again? I think not. So that’s what I would do if I were you. Wait to hear from her. But more than likely, you’ll probably never hear from her again. But if you do make a date, and I would assume she’ll probably keep that date usually.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.
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