Here’s why you must date women who really want you in order to attract women you think are out of your league. One of the biggest mistakes I used to make with women was that I tended to get hung up on one woman who had low to no attraction for me. I did not realize how important this concept was at the time. Us men have been conditioned since we were children to simply not give up in our desire to get a woman we liked. However, this does not take into account the woman’s feelings or whether or not she is attracted to us in the first place. Millions of men around the world are wasting their time holding out hope and putting their personal lives on hold as they try in vain to get women who ignore them or who are uninterested in them to date them. Until you have talked to and interacted with hundreds of different women employing the skills I teach in my book, you’re simply not going to have enough experience to tell the difference between women who really like you, and women who you are wasting your time with. Men in general assume that if they like a particular woman that it’s simply a matter of time, using the right techniques, finding the right pickup line, the perfect argument to plead their case, etc. and once they find the right formula, she’ll be theirs!
When men stay fixated on trying to convert uninterested women into lovers or girlfriends, they become like a broken automatic floor sweeper vacuum that keeps trying to move forward even though it’s stuck in the corner of a room not going anywhere. However, once a man takes a step back and starts to treat all women the same no matter how much or how little he likes them, and objectively and unemotionally observes a woman’s actions, her words and her body language, he then starts to see the obvious patterns and signs of women he actually has a chance with. He naturally will gravitate towards hitting on and dating women who are excited to see him. Then things start to become effortless. It’s simply a matter of time before he meets a woman who he falls head over heels in love with, and who feels the same way about him! The following is an e-mail from a reader in India. Even though India is a much more conservative society than the West is, women still reject men who are seeking their approval. He keeps chasing a woman who is not reciprocating interest, instead of taking advantage of the opportunities he has with other women around him who show interest. My comments are (in bold brackets like this) in the body of his e-mail:
1.) There’s this girl who approached me first. I have an extremely high social value in our college, and I have a reputation for getting a lot of girls. (That’s a good reputation to have. When women see you with other beautiful women, it gives you high social status. They assume you are successful with women. Even if these women are friends or your hot sisters! A man can never have too many beautiful women as friends! Why? It will help you get other women. When you take lots of pictures of yourself with pretty girls and post them on your facebook, twitter, etc., other women assume you are probably sleeping with them. That is why you only tell women things they ask you about instead of volunteering everything about yourself to them. You’ll remain mysterious that way. They have to work to get to know you which causes them to appreciate you more. But don’t give away all of the details of your life. Be mysterious so they’ll be more curious about you. Especially when it comes to other women you may or may not be dating! Tell them you don’t kiss and tell when they ask about other women. Then, they’ll come up with their own assumptions. Sometimes they will become insecure the moment the power shifts to you and start talking about their insecurities. They become submissive and vulnerable as they try harder to get you to notice them… and… their interest in you. You must pay attention.) We had a weird relationship for a bit. There wasn’t much of a spark in the first few dates. We barely talked. During our third date, we had a very public long drawn make out session after which she basically stopped talking to me much. The reason she gave for this was that she was creeped out by everybody knowing. (Sounds like BS. You may have creeped her out by something you did or said, or maybe you acted weak.) However, I was still interested and I used to message her occasionally, without much success. (You should never chase women. Only contact them to set dates. Just like sales people don’t sell clients over the phone, but instead use the phone to set face to face appointments to sell the customer in person, a man should use the phone to set dates and sell and seduce women in person. Chemistry grows in person. Not over the phone. A good rule of thumb to follow is to ask her out two weeks in a row. If she says no to both, or maybe some other time without offering another time, then delete her number and move on to the next girl. There could be another guy in the picture, an ex-boyfriend in the background, etc. You never know. That is why you never get hung up on one woman. You should have several women you are dating and hooking up with. You got stuck on a girl who has low attraction to you. Your fixation upon her communicates you are not successful with other women. If you were, you would have forgotten about her when she did not respond. Staying stuck on one woman before she’s earned it through her actions is a waste of your valuable time. You must date women who really really want to see you. There’s a huge difference. Even if you don’t like these girls very much, you must practice seducing women. It’s the same process over and over. I have plenty of clients who have a routine of places they take their dates. Back at home base, they have a nice fridge by their beds stocked with champagne, whip cream, chocolate, body paint chocolate, champagne flutes, a pint of orange juice to make mimmosas-1/4 orange juice to 3/4 champagne, strawberries, etc. A man’s gotta have the love nest prepared with plenty of cool things in your bachelor pad that are interesting or unique. They make great conversation pieces.)
2) I then went out of the city. I head back in another two months. It’s been 4 months since I left. When I was out of the city, I barely used to have any interaction with her. But whenever I did, I still used to talk like I used to previously. (Smart, you should treat all women the same way all of the time. It’s who you are. A man who is successful with women is sweet and charming to all women.) Then she told me, she was on the verge of dating this other guy. I took it very coolly. (Smart, there was nothing you could do. You could have said, “that’s ok baby, he can keep you busy when you’re not with me.”) In fact, I was with her and a group of other friends for about one and a half days, and I was completely unaffected.
3) She then started talking to me again. Long chats that were fun for both me and her. We started flirting, calling each other mushy nicknames. After a while, we went on this Thursday evening-Sunday late night trip together for a competition out of the city. Two other college friends joined us at the event location. There, on the third day, I asked her out. (You were already with her all that time. You should have said at some point, “I’m bored. Let’s spice things up a little bit. Why don’t you come over here so we can have another make out session.”) She said no. (She either had low interest or you turned her off.) That night at a party, she was looking to have fun and eventually ended up making out and dancing with a guy. (See, you should pay attention to those things. She’s just having fun. She’s young and wants to explore. You should help her explore when she’s around, by teasing and being playful, using sexual innuendo, etc., but stop obsessing about and chasing her when you are not with her. You need to meet and date other women so you can learn to master the 3 methods of seduction. You’re getting nowhere.) I was depressed, (You let her rejection diminish you. You just confirmed to her that you don’t have what it takes to be with her. Weak behavior.) but in between her dance, she came up and looked for me and my other male friend. We were sitting alone and she took us to the dance floor where I ended up dancing and making out with another girl. (Nice recovery bro!) This helped me get over things a bit. (That is why you should spend your time ONLY with women who REALLY REALLY REALLY like you! It’s easier that way. That will build your successes and confidence so the women who you currently feel are out of your league will actually start to notice you. They will FEEL your presence. That only comes with successfully implementing what I teach in my book over and over by PRACTICING so it becomes routine. You can download the Amazon Kindle version of my book to your Smartphone, PC, Mac or iPad in under 60 seconds for only $9.99 by CLICKING HERE to learn how to meet and date the type of women you’ve always wanted and have effortless relationships.)
4) Next evening, after the two of us were alone together, we had a long conversation where I told her she had been unfair to me. (More weak behavior. You’re seeking her approval. This always guarantees rejection or being banished to the dreaded friends zone forever.) She said that I had misunderstood her. She just talks like that normally, and I took it as a sign as she likes me. (Translation: “I like to flirt and have fun, but you can’t tell when a girl likes you and when she does not.) However, during the flight, things brightened up again, and we had an amazingly fun conversation about sex in particular and things in general. She said she had a pact to lose her virginity to this friend of hers in a month or so. I asked her if she would have a threesome with me, and she said two conditions 1) I would have to have had sex with her before 2) The girl must be hot. About condition #1, she admitted she’s not repulsed by the idea, but she didn’t give any indication as though she really liked it as well. (Listen to yourself dude. Men don’t sit around like a bunch of women and act like a bunch of women by hoping women will like, accept or sleep with them.) When she asked, I told her the reason was that this common friend of ours convinced me to do it, by telling me she is the female you, to which she agreed. (Dude, that’s weak. She tested you and you lied to her. Epic fail.) Later, I also stated, “I don’t think we’re ever going to date again” to give an impression that I’m in control. (Translation: “I ain’t got a chance with you, therefore, I’m giving up.” Men talk in terms of certainty, not doubt and fear.) I really like her and have to get her. I’ll be coming back to the city in two months. Here is the summary: I have a much higher social value than her, but she knows I fell for her twice, which is why she has the advantage. (She put you in friends zone because of your weak behavior.) She has this impression that I get lucky fairly often. (Your actions with her do not reflect a man who gets what he wants with women. That’s why she rejected you. You may get some girls, but not the girls you really want.) We talk a lot, and she enjoys talking to me and spending time with me. (Talking on the phone is not dating. You’re wasting your time with her.) She does care about me as well. (Really? Based upon what?)
Please tell me how do I get her. (Don’t contact her anymore at all. Only respond to her contacting you first. Try to set a definite date to get together if she does. If she won’t, tell her to contact you if she changes her mind and leave the conversation. Always give her the same response from here forward every time she contacts you. She’ll either make a definite date with you or she won’t. She’ll either come see you, or eventually she’ll stop contacting you altogether. Get busy meeting and dating other women. You need to hang with girls who want to kiss you and be with you. Attraction isn’t a choice, you either got a chance or you don’t. The sooner you learn if you do, the less time you will waste on women you have no chance with, and the more success you’ll start to have. Most guys chase women who have little to no mutual interest in them. Don’t be one of those guys by staying stuck in the past.) I’m open to being in an open relationship with her, or being fuck buddies, but I have to have some sort of sexual relationship. The reason for that is I explained to her a sexual fantasy of mine without giving any indication that its my sexual fantasy, (Dude, she knows if you’re talking to her about it that it’s your fantasy. She also knows you don’t have the balls to tell her it was you. You waited way to long to make your move. She deemed you too weak and unworthy. That’s how you blew it. Long before you ever wrote me this you convinced her through your actions that you were not congruent with your reputation.) and she liked it. (That doesn’t mean she wants to do it with you. You are projecting your high interest onto her and assuming she feels the same way. You ignore her actions and therefore, you suffer unnecessarily.) It would be hard to find someone in India who could do that for me. (You don’t know that. She’s open to it but you don’t have a chance with her. When you talk to enough women and interact with them using what I teach, you will meet plenty of women who are open to what you want, and who actually like you. But as long as you stay fixated on what you can not have, you will not be successful with women.)
Keep in mind, that we live in India which is a slightly more conservative society. (People are simply more discreet and hide it better.)
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
If you feel I have added value to your life, you can show your appreciation by doing one of the following three things:
From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Successful people ask better questions, and as a result, they get better answers.” ~ Tony Robbins