Dating For 30 Days & No Sign Of Any Red Flags

How to properly vet women when there seems to be no red flags or issues after 30 days.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who has been dating a woman for about 30 days. He’s vetting her and so far hasn’t seen any read flags. In the past, the red flags presented themselves by now. He wonders if he’s looking for problems because things are going so well. However, she is 2 hours away, which makes vetting difficult. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Cory Wayne. This is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “Dating For 30 Days & No Sign Of Any Red Flags.”

Well this particular emails from a viewer. He’s been dating a woman for about a month now. And he’s vetting her. He’s focused on her actions, how she treats him, and he’s asking all the right questions. And so there’s one little wrinkle, that she’s kind of long distance, so she’s two hours away. So when you’re dating somebody long distance, it’s going to take a lot longer to vet them, because people can typically hide who they are for about 90 days.

And usually what happens if you’re following what’s in The Book you get about two months in, she’s going to be stuck to you like a sucker fish. But if she’s two hours away, you’re probably just getting together in the weekends. And so it’s going to kind of spread that timeline out because again, people can hide who they are for about the first 90 days of dating.

But if they’re two hours away, it’s a lot harder because you’re just not going to spend as much time with them as if you would when they only live like maybe 10 or 15 minutes away. And so what he’s noticed is that in the past, usually when he gets 30 days in, the red flags are pretty obvious. He spots them. Undesirable behavior. Some kind of fuckery going on. Exes in the background. Comes from a broken home. That kind of stuff. And they’re easy to spot.

And so this one, things are going pretty well and he’s like, “am I just focusing on looking for problems where there are none?” And so he’s like, “how would how would I approach it.” So it’s a good email because this is not so cut and dry of trying to determine what this person is like. Because again, you got the added wrinkle that she’s kind of long distance.

Viewer Email:

Dear Coach Corey Wayne,

I’m a 31-year-old living in the US. I’ve been following your work since 2019, after a 7-year relationship breakup. Your teachings have really shaped who I am, and how I interact with women. I’ve read your book over a dozen times and will continue to re-read it twice a year.

Well, the best way to read and really learn this information is, the dogs are going. Can you guys hear that? That’d be interesting. So all the three puppies are just ate. Now they’ve got a ton of energy and they’re going berserk in the living room. I’m sure they’re tearing some shit up right now. But. So the best way to read this is to read it 10 to 15 times. If you really want to get this stuff into your brain, you’re not going to be listening to it as background noise or listening to the audiobook when you’re working out at the gym or playing it through your speakers in your house, or you’re working on your car and it’s playing in the garage or whatever.

Or just driving and listening to it while you’re doing other things. Because the idea is you want to focus your brain on the material as much as possible without any distractions, so you can retain as much as possible. Because the more distractions you have, like I said, if you’re driving and listening to it, or you’re working out and you’re mentally stopping and interacting with people, or talking to people, it’s not really concentrating on it. It’s kind of listening to music in the background. So the best way, the most effective way, is to put the audiobook on 2X and then follow along a digital or physical copy.

Because what it does is it forces you to look at the page as the words are being spoken. And if you’re using audible.com with the whisper sync and the Kindle edition, what’s nice about that is the Kindle edition, the words get highlighted as they’re being read the audiobook. So it really helps you focus on it without any distractions. And that’s the most effective way to learn it and make sure you retain it as quickly as possible. And then maybe every six months you go through it once there’s like puppy hair floating around.

It’s I don’t know, you guys probably can’t see it on camera, but it’s like I move in here and it just stuff kind of floats around everywhere. Even though they’re toy poodles, they don’t really shed much. But still, because they got their puppy hair, which is long and straight and like really soft. It’s like it comes out and it’s just like you sit down in the chair and just little bits of it float around, and it seems to always like, come and stick to my face, sticks to my nose. And it’s just the way it is. So if you’re wondering, like, what the hell is he doing? It’s like, I’m dodging puppy hairs, basically. So back to our email.

Your teachings have really shaped who I am, and how I interact with women. I’ve read your book over a dozen times and will continue to re-read it twice a year. I’ve had many successful experiences with women, always keeping the mindset: Do I like this girl? Is she good for me? Does she make my life easier? Is she easy-going and easy to get along with?

In other words, does she make your dick hard and not your life? Women that make your life hard; just imagine trying to parent or co-parent with a woman who’s just a pain in the ass. Angry. Upset. Moody. Being difficult. Mouthy. Talking back to you, too much boss girl energy. Just being a combative pain in the ass. Because there’s plenty of women in the world that were raised in environments like that. And so that’s normal. And so if that’s what they think is normal when they interact with you, they’re going to act like they how they think things are normal.

Now, in the beginning, they’re typically going to hide all that because they’re trying to be on their best behavior. But once they get comfortable typically after about 90 days. And again, what typically happens if you’re following what’s in The Book by week six, week seven, she’s going to be in love with you. And if you’re living like most people, 10 to 15 minutes from each other, she’s going to be at your house or you’re going to be at hers. She’s just always going to be with you. And so when you’re with each other that much, you really get to know each other.

But again, in this case, this girl’s two hours away, so it might take six months to a year to spend enough time with her to where she feels comfortable, and you’ve been around her enough to kind of see what she’s like on her good days, or bad days. When she’s about to get her period, when she’s on her period, how that affects her. Is she on birth control or is she not on birth control? Some women are. If they’re on birth control, they’re it’s like dealing with Doctor Jekyll and Mr. Hyde around the time that they get their period. Other women are more even keeled.

We always want to be looking for is, did her father do a good job raising her? In other words, when she would go bananas when she was young, would he calm her down and put her in her place and reprimand her and tell her that that behavior and those outbursts are inappropriate? But if she doesn’t respect the dad, dad’s a beta male, she walks all over him, the mother walks all over him. The other sisters walked all over him. He’s kind of a pushover, people pleaser. She grew up not respecting her father, and if she doesn’t respect her father, she’s not going to gonna respect men in general, and she’s certainly not gonna respect you.

It’s just the way they are. So if they come from a broken home, there’s a much higher incidence that they’re just going to be too screwed up to be considered for long term relationships. I just found girls that are raised by good families and strong households where dad is the man. Pretty easygoing, pretty easy to get along with. And when you tell them no or you want things to be a certain way, they respect that. But women that come from a broken home or dad’s a pussy. He’s soft and he’s squishy.

They don’t take no for an answer. They keep coming at you from 15, 20 different directions because they’re used to just annoying you and nagging you until you’re just like, “all right, fuck it. We’ll just do whatever you want to do. Just get off my ass.” So you got to pay attention to these things. Just because a girl says she loves her dad doesn’t mean that he did a good job. Is she calm? Is she easy to get along with? Does she communicate well? Or does she blow her top and yell and scream and curse you out and hang out on you.

Hang up on you and then not speak to you and give you the silent treatment for 4 or 5 days, or stonewall you when you’re trying to work things out. You can’t solve problems unless you can talk openly and honestly about them. And if the girls raised in a chaotic environment, there’s no dad or dad just did a shitty job, it’s going to be very difficult to have an easy and effortless relationship with them. That’s why it’s important if you want a long term relationship, especially if you want to get married, involve the government in your relationship. The date a woman who is raised by a good father who’s a strong man. They’re rare, but they’re definitely out there.

Recently, I met a woman who, on paper, checks all my boxes and is an absolute rocket. She’s fully in her feminine, does nearly all the pursuing by reaching out after we see each other, and is the most giving person I’ve ever met. She lives two hours away- the first two times she visited me, and the third time, I went to her because I wanted to see her space.

Yeah. You want to get an idea, what’s her house like? Is it clean? Is it messy? Is her car nice and clean, or is there shit everywhere?

We’ve now spent time together three times, for several days each. During my recent visit, she asked how I see her. When I asked for clarification, she asked “what am I to you?”, and I asked her what she wanted to be, she said “your girlfriend”. I told her I would love that, and she said, in her mind I was already “boyfriend.”

See, that’s pretty easy.

She tells me I’m extremely masculine and that she feels very safe with me. Needless to say, attraction is high. But it almost feels too good to be true. My question is really about this feeling. Maybe it’s from years of dating women and always noticing something that didn’t sit right. I know we haven’t reached the 90-day mark yet- we’re only about a third of the way- but how do I ensure I’m properly vetting her without asking direct or crass questions?

Well, again, if you’re two hours away. that 90 day time period is going to get stretched out to probably six months to a year at least, just because you’re not able. Again, you’ve seen her three times. It’s kind of the equivalent of having three dates. And so it’s just going to take you a lot longer because really you’re kind of 30 days in, and, it’s just you don’t spend enough time around her because she can go back to her life.

And you don’t know her friends, you don’t know anything about her because you’re just not around her very, very much and vice versa. So when you do see each other, she’s going to be on her best behavior, so it’s going to be tougher to discover it. That’s why you got to remain objective, especially if you’re dating somebody long distance and you’re doing planes, trains and automobiles to get to one another, which that can be fun, but it gets to be a pain in the ass.

Again, the big thing to look for is, “what’s your relationship with your dad like? Are you close to your family?” Those are good questions to ask. “Is your dad the man of the household, or is he a little soft and squishy because you kind of push him around and nag him to get your way with him? Or will he stand up and put you in your place and tell you when you’re out of line?” Those are the kind of things you want to know. And you can ask a girl who really loves and respects her father, trusts his authority when he says, this is what we’re doing, that’s it.

That’s the bottom line. He decides it and then everybody goes along with it. But if she doesn’t respect the dad, the dad wasn’t strong. Dad wasn’t masculine. Dad wasn’t alpha. If he’s a beta male softy, she ain’t gonna respect him or you or men in general. And that’s not your fault. But you do have to notice it.

Every woman before had clear red flags or missing pieces; this one doesn’t, and that’s making me feel uneasy, like I’m searching for something to be wrong.

Yours Truly,

Bob

It’s kind of funny because as I was reading this email, it reminded me of one of my really close friends. Very successful guy. He basically retired when he was in his late 20s, cashed out from Silicon Valley, and basically he’s traded stocks and lived his life and traveled the world, had girlfriends that, you know, he did a lot of planes, trains and automobiles when he was younger. And his current girlfriend he’s been with now like ten years. I remember him when he was telling me when they first started dating.

He was just like, I can’t find anything wrong with her. She’s successful. Comes from a good family. Got a good relationship with her dad. She makes millions a year. So she’s very good. She’s in sales. High income, high net worth. She doesn’t need him for anything. She’s totally wealthy on her own, but she has months where she makes multiple six figures. Especially the last few years she’s just been killing it with the way real estate’s been. But, you know, they’ve been together for a decade.

And the reason why he stayed with her is because he dated girls that were way hotter, way prettier than her, but didn’t have the good attitude or wasn’t calm and trying to communicate and work things out, or was doing dodgy shit. And this girl is just she’s very loyal, loves him, takes him everywhere. They spend a lot of time hanging out with their friends and her clients just because of the business that she’s in, and he appreciates that because he really doesn’t do anything other than trade his stocks.

Which doesn’t really take a lot of time because he’s been doing that for like 30 years now since he basically kind of retired. So everything he does, he boats, he makes music, he has a good life. And even though there are other women out there that are hotter and younger and have interest in him. His girlfriend is just pretty even keeled. And so he’s like I said, the one thing he’s just like, I can’t find anything wrong with this girl. He’s like, it scared him at first because he’s like, if I can’t find anything wrong with her, that means I got to stay with her because it’s so good.

Because just like in the past, he noticed other women, you know, pretty early on that there were things that were a little off with them. And so it made it easy when it came time to end things, because it’s like they just didn’t measure up. But this one just made things so good and there’s nothing wrong with her. They get along great. So things have been easy and effortless. So you’ve got to take it on a day by day basis. You know, the thing that you got to keep in mind is you’re two hours away. So your vetting window gets pushed 6 to 12 months out before you can really spend enough time with each other to know.

But things like, again, like I said earlier, what I would ask is, “what’s your relationship with your parents like? Are you close with your dad? Is your dad the man of the house?” In other words, when he decides this is what we’re going to do does your mom respect that? Or does she nag him and push and prod him and eventually he caves and gives in just to get her off his back? So it’s important to find out how they resolve conflicts in the family. Again, I’ve just found if dad does a good job and he’s in his masculine, all the girls respect him and the family and they do what he says.

They don’t countermand them. They don’t nag him. They’re not condescending towards them. They don’t start fights or drama. They worship their fathers. And whatever daddy says is, is what they do. And so that’s what you got to look for. So other than that, he says the last sentence here, he says “everyone before had clear red flags or missing pieces this one doesn’t. And that’s making me feel uneasy, like I’m searching for something to be wrong.” Well, you’re just not used to dating women like this. Because if every woman before has had clear red flags or missing pieces or things that were fucked up.

Like I said, like when I read this email, I instantly thought of my friend, because again, as when they started dating, even to this day, he was like, I can’t find anything wrong with her. And he’s like, he knew he was kind of screwed because when you find red flags or things that are fucked up, it’s easy to dip. But when she makes it so good makes it easy for you. It’s like you stick around because again, she makes your dick hard and not instead of you making your life hard. And there’s a high incidence of women in society, especially Western society, that will make your life hard and not your dick. And that’s fucking drag.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly.

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