Dating Insecure & Needy People

Dec 30, 2014 by Coach Corey Wayne

this woman wants to make loveSome things you need to consider if you are dating lovers who are needy and insecure, and some of the common problems you will encounter if you get into a relationship with them.

In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who started dating a woman who worked on the same cruise ship as he did. Right away, she started becoming controlling and manipulative. It is obvious from his email that she was needy and insecure. It is important to note, in these types of situations when you’re dating needy and insecure people, that due to their needy and insecure nature, they tend to have backup lovers in case things don’t work out with their primary lover. This can cause them to cheat, lie and spend time with their backup lovers when the future of their primary relationship is in doubt.

In this particular case, the woman was acting needy, clingy, and insecure, which created a lot of problems. As he started to back away, she started to talk about and plan to see a guy who was her previous sex playmate that still lived on land. Then the power flipped as he became aware of the other guy, and he started to become needy, insecure, and controlling. I discuss what he needs to focus on and do differently going forward.

Hi Corey,

I’ll jump right into it. I’ve been seeing a girl from America for about 7 months now. We worked together on a cruise ship, which seems to make a relationship grow much faster than one would want. I met the girl at the bar after she asked my coworkers to introduce me to her. (It’s obvious she had a high level of attraction for you because when women like you, they will put themselves into your orbit in hopes you make something happen.) Things went well, and I ended up inside her. After a few weeks, she said that she wanted to be exclusive with me, and I hesitantly agreed to it. This is where shit got rough. She started controlling me, telling me that I cannot speak to other girls, and threatened to break up with me. beauty young woman on the beach bar She said that I’m always flirting, and that she knows her friends are into me. Again, I told her I’d work on that.

We had a conversation one night after heavy drinking, and she brought up this guy she was seeing just before she starting to work on the ship. (She’s basically saying, if things don’t work out with you, she has a replacement for you.) They never dated, but they did sleep together for a while. Something in me told me that she still had a thing for him, but she was quick to end the conversation, saying they are now just good friends. (She is insecure and needs to have a backup around because the idea of being single is too tragic to consider.) I told her, I know what guys are like, and this dude will definitely jump at the opportunity to sleep with her again.

Then, one night I found out she was still secretly in contact with him, sending him pictures of places we would visit together, and again just stating that they are friends. One night, one of her friends told me that she is planning on meeting up with him once she got back home. I kept that information to myself, and wanted to test her a little. When I asked her when last she had spoken to him, she said that they had not been in contact for months, but clearly she was lying. (She’s not the kind of woman, at this point in her life, who’s capable of being loyal. She’s thinking of herself because she’s fearful and needy.) I told her that I knew about “the meet-up,” and she was in shock. I told her, “It’s kind of weird that you are so crazy about this guy while you were the one who wanted to be in a serious relationship.” I broke it off with her a bit later because I did not enjoy having a third party in my relationship. Woman whispering secret into friends ear She begged me to come and visit her for Thanksgiving, and I agreed.

I know that she has been talking to this dude about our relationship since we broke up, because she said she felt “needy and alone.” She now wants our relationship to work, but makes very few attempts to see me. I’m in a different state at the moment, and even offered to pay for a flight, but she keeps on being “flaky,” making up some sort of excuse. After this, I stopped responding to her texts, as I do not want to reward her with my time. Should I leave and never look back? I’m very successful with work, but do I need this shit in my life? (If you want somebody in your life whom you can have an exclusive relationship with, this woman is not it. However, if you are just interested in a sex playmate, arrange a date when she reaches out to you.)

Bob

My response to him:

Hi Bob,

You were dating an insecure and needy woman. Men and women who are like this are in a perpetual state of fear of loss. They therefore tend to be very controlling over the people they date, because they never feel secure with themselves. They fear losing the person they care about, and often will keep backup lovers in the background to bounce to on rebound if their primary love interest doesn’t work out. These people often can be very deceptive, devious, and will start spending time with their backup lovers if they fear things are not going to work out with their primary lover or relationship. This can easily lead to them cheating, because everything they do and say is about dealing with their insecurity, fear of rejection, and fear of being alone. It’s obvious from your email that the power has flipped, and you are now chasing her. young man leaving bar A woman like this is only good as a fuck buddy, friends with benefits, sex playmate, or open relationship. It’s impossible to have an exclusive relationship with someone who behaves this way because their need to escape their fears will always outweigh being monogamous and loyal. When dating a woman like this, as long as she is happy, and she is feeling loved, she will stay loyal. But the moment the future of her relationship is in doubt, she will bounce back to her backup lovers. If I were you, I would do nothing and wait to hear from her. Never contact her again. She must do 100% of the calling, texting and pursuing from this point forward. When you do hear from her, assume she wants to see you, and make a Skype video date. During your video dates, you should invite her to come visit you. Stop kissing her ass and chasing her, because this is only inviting her to continue to be flaky, jerk you around, and keep you as a backup to the other guy. If you want an exclusive relationship you should be dating other women until you find one who has her shit together, and who will be loyal. I would ask this other woman out on two separate consecutive occasions when she reaches out to you first. If both times she shoots you down, then stop asking. From that point forward, keep any phone calls to 2-3 minutes max, and your text exchanges to 2-3 texts back and forth max, and then always end the conversation with this, “Hey, it was great hearing from you, but I’ve got to run. Keep in touch.” From that point forward, she will either bring up getting together, or stop contacting you.

Corey Wayne

Get the Book “How To Be A 3% Man”

How to Be a 3% Man
Audiobook | FREE**
How to Be a 3% Man
Audiobook | $19.95
How to Be a 3% Man
Audiobook | $19.95
*Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
**Free with a new Audible.com membership
How to Be a 3% Man
Kindle eBook | $9.99
How to Be a 3% Man
iBooks eBook | $9.99
How to Be a 3% Man
Lulu eBook | $9.99
*Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
How to Be a 3% Man
Paperback | $29.99
How to Be a 3% Man
Hardcover | $49.99
How to Be a 3% Man
Paperback | $29.99
How to Be a 3% Man
Hardcover | $49.99
*Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.

Get the Book “Mastering Yourself”

Mastering Yourself
Audiobook | FREE**
Mastering Yourself
Audiobook | $24.95
Mastering Yourself
Audiobook | $24.95
*Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
**Free with a new Audible.com membership
Mastering Yourself
Kindle eBook | $9.99
Mastering Yourself
iBooks eBook | $9.99
Mastering Yourself
Lulu eBook | $9.99
*Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
Mastering Yourself
Paperback | $49.99
Mastering Yourself
Hardcover | $99.99
Mastering Yourself
Paperback | $49.99
Mastering Yourself
Hardcover | $99.99
*Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.

Get the Book “Quotes, Ruminations & Contemplations”

Quotes, Ruminations & Contemplations
Audiobook | FREE**
Quotes, Ruminations & Contemplations
Audiobook | $24.95
Quotes, Ruminations & Contemplations
Audiobook | $24.95
*Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
**Free with a new Audible.com membership
Quotes, Ruminations & Contemplations
Kindle eBook | $9.99
Quotes, Ruminations & Contemplations
iBooks eBook | $9.99
*Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
Quotes, Ruminations & Contemplations
Paperback | $49.99
Quotes, Ruminations & Contemplations
Hardcover | $99.99
*Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.

Coach Corey Wayne Merchandise

T-Shirts & Mugs

If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com

If you feel I have added value to your life, you can show your appreciation by doing one of the following three things:

  1. Make a donation to my work by clicking here to donate via PayPal anytime you feel I have added significant value to your life. You tip your favorite bartender, right? How about a buck... $2... $3... $5... $10... $20... what ever YOU feel its worth, every time you feel I have given you a good tip, new knowledge or helpful insight. Please feel free to donate any amount you think is equal to the value you received from my eBook & Home Study Course (audio lessons), articles, videos, emails, newsletters, etc.
  2. Referring your friends and family to this website so they can start learning and improving their dating and relationship life, happiness, balance and overall success in every area of their lives too!
  3. Purchase a phone/Skype (audio only) coaching session for yourself or a friend by clicking here. Download the Amazon.com Kindle version of my book to your Kindle, Smartphone, Mac or PC for only $9.99 by clicking here. Get the iBook version for $9.99 from the iBookstore by clicking here. Get the Audio Book for FREE $0.00 with an Audible.com membership by clicking here or buy it for $19.95 at Amazon.com by clicking here. Get the iTunes Audio Book for $19.95 by clicking here. That way, you'll always have it with you to reference when you need it most. Thank you for reading this message!

From my heart to yours,

Corey Wayne
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur

“It’s very difficult and challenging to date needy and insecure people. Why? They tend to perpetually be in a fearful state. Their fear of loss can be so overwhelming, that they often compensate for this by keeping ex’s and backup lovers in the background. As long as they are happy and their needs are being met, they will usually be loyal and exclusive. However, the moment the future of their primary relationship is in doubt, they will start lining up the ex’s and backup lovers to bounce to if things don’t work out. Because they are fearful and believe things probably won’t work out, they often will lie to and cheat on their primary lover, even though they are still together. If you don’t want to spend your life sleeping with one eye open, it’s best to only view and interact with needy and insecure lovers in the context of: a friends with benefits, sex playmate, fuck buddy, or open relationship.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne

SUGGESTED ARTICLES

Published on December 30, 2014

Reader Interactions

Leave A Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

How To Support My Work
This is a member supported site. You tip your favorite bartender, right? How about a buck, $2, $3, $5, maybe $10? Whatever YOU feel its worth, every time you feel I have given you a good tip, new knowledge or helpful insight. Please feel free to donate any amount you think is equal to the value you received from my eBook & Home Study Course (audio lessons), articles, emails, videos, newsletters, etc.
DONATE VIA PAYPAL
Just click the "Donate" button above to enter your donation/gratuity. Thanks in advance for your support! From my heart to yours, Corey Wayne.
Share Page on Social Media:
How To Support My Work
This is a member supported site. You tip your favorite bartender, right? How about a buck, $2, $3, $5, maybe $10? Whatever YOU feel its worth, every time you feel I have given you a good tip, new knowledge or helpful insight. Please feel free to donate any amount you think is equal to the value you received from my eBook & Home Study Course (audio lessons), articles, emails, videos, newsletters, etc.
DONATE VIA PAYPAL
Just click the "Donate" button above to enter your donation/gratuity. Thanks in advance for your support! From my heart to yours, Corey Wayne.
Self-Help Products, Books, Supplements, Etc. I Recommend
1 Hour Phone/Skype Coaching Session
Free eBook & Online Audio Program Access

How To Be A 3% Man

Mastering Yourself

Quotes, Ruminations & Contemplations

Share Page on Social Media:
FOLLOW
DONATE
PRODUCTS
SHARE
top