The subtle differences that make the difference when it comes to making your dating life easy and effortless, versus it being difficult and full of challenges.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss two different emails from two different viewers. The first email is from a thirty-one year old guy who was dating a twenty-year-old woman for about three months. The more time he spent with her, the more her behavior became flaky, shady and disrespectful. Then her ex, who is also her baby daddy, came back into the picture, and he had to cut her loose. He shares some things he later learned about her that were a big cause of her inconsistent behavior. The second email is a success story from a guy who met a woman he started dating from where he gets his hair cut. He shares what he did and said to effortlessly make a first date. He talks about his successes with her on their first two dates and how easy and effortless things were by following my book. I discuss what he can tweak to progress things faster in the bedroom when he encounters last minute resistance in the future. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the bodies of their emails:
First Viewer’s Email:
I’ve been dating this girl now for going on 3 months. I’m 31 and she is 20. I’ve read your book and have stuck to it, I would say, 99% of the time. However, she will sometimes seem like she’s playing games, and I call her out on the BS. We became exclusive early on. She had mentioned to me that she told her grandparents I was her boyfriend, so that when we got to their house, she didn’t have to explain anything. (That’s the kind of thing that happens when you date someone younger and without a lot of life experience. You’re going to get flaky and inconsistent behavior from her, so you have to take that into consideration.) I sealed the deal with her when we left, and we were officially together. (That’s pretty quick. She may be a little needy and clingy. Proceed with caution.)
On into our relationship, she started acting shady and started being flaky. I called her out on it and explained that I didn’t like her behavior, (It’s good you did that. You should speak from your heart. This is where having self-respect and self-love comes in), I find being flaky and shady disrespectful, and that I wouldn’t be disrespected. She straightened up for about a week and started again. (It may be because you’re acting weak when you’re together, but if she’s continually doing it, that may not be acceptable to you) We talked about how she was feeling, and she explained she was depressed. She takes Paxil, an SSRI. (It’s common to see weird mood swings from people who are taking anti-depressants.) Long story short, I found out the baby’s daddy had come back into the picture, and I broke it off with her. I have been reading up on SSRI’s and have found that antidepressants can greatly inhibit a person’s ability to feel and build a deep attraction. (She was obviously going through a difficult time already and had mentioned she had been depressed when you were together. That doesn’t mean you should just kick someone to the curb, but if they’re on and off their medication or not taking it at all, being around them will be impossible because you don’t know what they’re like and their behavior is not going to be predictable.)
I did everything by the book and had her in a relationship within a month or so, she was extremely happy, and we spent tons of time together. (Remember, it’s not your job to fix her. It’s better she goes and sorts out her issues with her therapist and the baby daddy. The idea is to have an easy and effortless relationship, and you just can’t have it with someone like this. She needs to focus on herself first for awhile.) However, I was wondering if it’s possible that the SSRI/antidepressant is what caused her to not really feel a deep emotional connection, etc. (She’s 20-years old and she has a child with this guy, so more than likely it hasn’t been very long since they were together. If he’s been in and out of her life, she was never really single and available when you met her. As I talk about in my book, when you date somebody like this, 99% of the time, you’re going to get squirrelly behavior.) Any input you may have on this from your clients or personal experience would be greatly appreciated. (At the end of the day, you want somebody who’s single, ready, willing and open to date, and this girl’s not.)
Second Viewer’s Email:
I’ve been watching your YouTube videos for about 6 months and just finished your book for the first time. Although I haven’t yet mastered the material, it has already helped me a great deal. I’ve always been somewhat of a natural with women. I would consider myself charismatic, good looking, and I stay in very good shape, but as you know, even a natural with women can screw up by over-pursuing, being needy, or not being emotionally centered. You taught me that. I just want to give you a short success story on how I used your method.
My girlfriend and I were together for 8 months before she got sick of my behavior that I am now working on. I believe that over time, I drove her attraction level to under a 5 by putting her into a somewhat masculine state. (It’s great that you’ve read the book and you’ve been able to self-diagnose with what went wrong, and that’s the whole point. You want to learn from your mistakes and correct your behavior, so you don’t make those mistakes anymore.) I was going through some shit, taking it out on her, complaining to her, being needy, etc. (You were making your ex-girlfriend your mommy or therapist. Women will put up with that for a short time, but if it goes on month after month, year after year, eventually they’re going to get tired of you not being a man, and they’re going to resent being in their masculine all the time, when you’re always making them the leader. The idea is to save your problems for your therapist.) The breakup was what made me finally read your book. But that’s neither here nor there, since I basically told her, “Let me know if you change your mind,” when we saw each other for the last time. She will be back, but this email is about a new girl, and if you put this email in a newsletter, it could really show guys how important it is to read your book. (Great idea. Definitely read the book 10-15 times. The more you read it, the more it becomes instinctual and you don’t have to think about it.)
I’m a very active, busy guy and found time to read your book in less than a week. I went in to get my usual hair cut, and the girl I usually get wasn’t there, so by chance, the girl I had been checking out for months when I was with my ex said, “come on back.” At that point, I knew I had to get my inner James Bond going and set a date. (Be direct, decisive and right to the point, just like James Bond would do.) She is a gorgeous, tall blonde with this awesome body — a woman that most men would be nervous to approach. She started asking me what I was doing that night, since it was a Saturday. (Women help you when they like you.) She said she wanted to go out for a drink, but her friends were boring. (She was telling you she would much rather spend time with you than go out with her friends. This is a sign of high attraction. I would say a 7 or an 8 attraction on a scale of 1-10. This is easy and effortless.) I said, “Why don’t you come out for a drink with me?” I set a date at a popular bar, right near her house, got her number and said I would see her there. I was actually nervous she wasn’t going show up. (A woman who behaves this way is going to keep the date. It’s her idea. This is more evidence that women don’t dump guys they’re chasing, as I discuss in my book.) Sure enough, a few hours later, there she was. Within a half hour of letting her talk about herself while I asked her questions, I noticed her looking at my lips as I was looking at hers. A trick you also taught me. Without saying anything, I leaned over and gave her a short but passionate kiss. She loved it and actually went on to say how I had been mysterious, and confident in my approach. She said the way I went about setting a place and time, there’s no way she could’ve said no. It was like all the stuff I was reading was working like a charm. I was smooth on the outside, but inside I was so excited that this bombshell was into me so much.
We went back to my place for wine, where we kissed a lot and touched each other, but didn’t have sex. (Two steps forward and one step back. I talk about that extensively in the book.) I waited 3 days to text her and set another date for Friday, 6 days between dates. I thought about her every day leading up to it, and even though everything inside me wanted to talk to her, I stayed disciplined. (If you’re thinking from the end, it’s in the bag.) A few hours before the time that I set, she texted me and said, “Just making sure we’re still on for later.” I said, “Of course we are. I’m a man of my word,” and she said, “Okay, can’t wait!” (How easy was that?! It’s effortless. When you get used to this being your standard, you get spoiled. You can’t just go back to dating an average, mediocre person. When you learn to master this, you won’t won’t waste your time with somebody who doesn’t knock your socks off. It’s your birthright to be with somebody who feels this way about you and you about them.) We went back to my place afterwards, and wine turned to kissing, heavy petting and I even got her pants half way down before she pulled them back up and said, “Nice try mister.” (That means you went a little too fast. It means, slow your roll.) I think she wants to hold out, as she doesn’t know if all I’m in it for is the sex. Before she left, she said, “What are you doing Sunday?” and I said, “Jessica, are you asking me on a date?” She replied with, “What, a girl isn’t allowed to do that?” (This girl really likes you dude.) I set another date for Sunday, and I’m going to take her to an awesome Italian place and try to end it with a session of the indoor Olympics. (Well, most women sleep with a guy by the second or third date.)
I just want to say thank you so much, and maybe this can be a lesson for guys that are crushed by a breakup. They need to read your book, (Just like you need to do. Read the book 10-15 times. You’re doing well, but you could be doing better), listen to what you teach, and who knows, maybe the next week they can have a new girl that totally knocks their socks off, like I do.
P.S. I haven’t thought about my ex much lately, if you can’t tell.
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“The beliefs we hold of ourselves and how we view ourselves will determine how we act. When we have a positive and healthy view of our capabilities and ourselves, we tend to take action to get what we want in life that is consistent with our self-perception. When we have a negative view of our capabilities and ourselves, we tend to avoid taking action that will move us closer to what we want. Therefore, we must always be aware of our own self-talk and self-perception, so we focus our minds and our hearts on our highest ideals and possibilities. We should always focus on doing what we would do if we knew we could not fail, instead of focusing on what may or may not work out, or settling for what may appear to be the safe choice. Progress always involves risk.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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