Why it’s always best, when it comes to dating, to keep things simple by taking your time, going with the flow and not being too over-eager to make things happen or over-thinking everything to the point that it takes you out of the present moment and makes you worry about sex, sexual performance or if things will work out.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who is too over-eager to set the next date with a woman he just started dating, and is over-complicating and over-thinking what he should and should not do next. He says he has read my book over ten times and watched many of my videos, but it does not appear he has had much practice applying what he claims to have learned.
He’s getting himself all worked up in mental knots worrying about sex and the logistics of making it happen on their upcoming forth date. He’s worried if it does not happen the next time, she will think he is a “pussy” and lose interest. I tell him what he needs to focus on to un-complicate things and to make their dating easy and effortless so things can happen naturally. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.
I’ve been an avid reader of your book, 10 plus times and counting, and I’ve watched many of your videos. (It’s important to take the time to learn the book backwards and forward, or you will act like a rookie that doesn’t know what they’re doing.) I contacted you back in 2012, when I didn’t know squat, and you kindly responded. Today, I’m dating this British girl and we’ve had 3 great dates, one per week as you teach. We had a short brunch date the first time, (your job as a man is to create an opportunity for sex to happen. Hang out, have fun, hook up. I teach to not do lunches), an awesome evening the second night, we made out for an hour non stop, and had a very hot picnic on the third one, so we will likely do the same without clothes pretty soon. (You don’t sound like a guy who’s read my book 10 times and is applying the things that I teach. You have to plan the logistics for sex. If you don’t believe it’s a possibility, it won’t happen.) After each date, she has texted me within a few hours to tell how great of a time she had. Every time, I took the opportunity to plan the next date. (I teach you should have one date per week, and you should not make a second date while you’re on an existing date. It’s too soon. It’s not a mad dash to the finish line. Women like a guy who can last. You should also watch my article and video, “How Men Can Have Multiple Orgasms,” so you can learn how to last in the bedroom. ) She has excitedly accepted each time, writing funny texts about her day etc., and we were sending each other bantering texts every other day or two. (The phone is for setting dates only. It sounds like you’re violating that principle as well.) Through her texts and actions, I can tell she obviously likes me, and I reciprocate. (When you start chit-chatting all the time, the girl will get bored, and you won’t have anything to talk about on your date.) It seems as though the progression has been very natural, and we give each other space, which I like. I’ve been dating around, but I like this girl. It’s pretty effortless with her. She seems like girlfriend material, I want to give back what she’s giving me, and so far that’s been the case.
We have our fourth date planned for Friday evening at a cocktail lounge, but I have to leave for the airport at 3 am for an early Saturday morning flight. (It doesn’t sound like you’re thinking about The Logistics Of Sex.) Sex is bound to happen very soon, given it’s our third date, but I am unsure of how to approach this. Do I Invite her this time after our drinks, or do I invite her to my place on the next date, where she’ll be able to spend the night? 10 times. That is discussed in depth and in detail in the book. You sound like a guy who just found my work a week or two ago and does not understand the seduction process. The idea is to hang out, have fun while your hanging out, and then hook up at the end of the date.) She knows I’m off early Saturday, but I do not want her to think I’m a “pussy” if we do not end up sleeping together this time. (You should plan for that, so you’re prepared if she comes over.) The truth is, we might still go back to my place, but I’d rather have a full evening and night on the next date, next week. What do you think? (As a guy, you should be planning for an opportunity for sex to happen. If you’re always prepared, it’s not a big deal. Throw the trial close at her and see what happens.)
Thanks for your advice Corey!
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“It is a man’s role in dating and courtship to create an opportunity for sex to happen. Hang out, have fun and hook up. Unless your intentions are strictly platonic or professional, the whole purpose of a date between a man and a woman is to explore a mutual sexual attraction and dissolve any barriers to sex happening. Men should start out making only one date per week. This gives a man time to assess a woman’s interest, compatibility and emotional stability, as well as to create and facilitate sexual attraction. Men should not be making future dates on the same day that they are on a date or had a date. Otherwise, they risk coming off as desperate, needy, creepy, stalkerish and scaring women away.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne