The proper way to text women you’re dating who reach out to you first, to avoid terrible texting turnoffs, so you can set your next date.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss a terrible train wreck of dating texting between a male viewer who shares what he texted, in response to a woman he was dating who reached out to him first when she wanted to see him. Instead of being charming and playful and setting the next date when she reached out, he was arrogant, condescending and mean, which led to her texting him that he should delete her number. It’s obvious he was acting like an angry cave man, instead of a charming and playful James Bond.
I discuss his texting exchange with her, where he went wrong and what he should do differently going forward. It’s a missed opportunity, unnecessary self-sabotage, but a learning opportunity to get better that everyone can learn from. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.
I just wanted to email you with an update about my situation. I stuck to my guns and didn’t reach out to her at all. Last night she reached out to me asking if I wanted to hang out. I already had my own plans for the night, but was wanting to see her. But I remembered your book and realized how weak I would look if I canceled my plans too see her tonight,
(Yeah, if you already have plans, think about it. The only reason you would want to cancel your plans would be if you were like, “Oh my god, I don’t want to lose this opportunity to see her.” Don’t do that. That’s a scarcity mindset.
Remember, people will act consistently with how they view themselves to be, whether the view is accurate or not. If you value yourself, you love yourself, you know you’re a catch, you know you’re awesome, it’s a gift to spend time with you and vice versa, then you’ll take your time. Plus, you want to be a man, or a woman, of your word. In other words, when you say what you mean, you mean what you say. It’s not cool to blow your friends and your family off because some girl called you),
so I called her and asked if she was coming, and she said, “I don’t know. You sound busy already, and I know how you like to have plans in advance.”
(You don’t call your dentist or your doctor saying, “Yeah, I’ll see if I can swing by on Thursday.” They have a set number of appointments. If you want to see them, you better make an appointment.)
I responded with “I do have plans already, can we reschedule?”
(I wouldn’t say reschedule. I would just say, “I’ve got plans tonight, but I’d really love to see you. What’s your schedule like this week? When are you free to get together?” Something along those lines is how you want to respond, because when you ask an open ended question like that, it forces her to give you her schedule, when she’s open. And then you pick a day and a time when you’re available as well and make the date. The idea is to make the appointment. It’s like a sales appointment. Instead of selling a product or service, you’re selling you. And you only sell yourself in person.)
Her, “How come we only hang out when you want to and not when I do?
(That statement right there tells me this girl is a little insecure. And the more she likes you, the more she’s going to get upset and butt hurt. Remember, like attracts like, and wherever you are emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically how you view yourself, you’re going to attract people that are vibing on the same level. So if you’re still kind of insecure, you’re going to tend to attract members of the opposite sex that are insecure as well.)
And no, I have plans for tomorrow. It’s Fathers Day.” So I said, “Okay. Well, I’ll call later in the week so we can meet up.”
(That was a missed opportunity dude. Make a fucking date. She’s reaching out, she wants to see you, so make a plan. Don’t say, I’ll call you later in the week.)
This did not go well. She got upset and said, “Forget it. You’re too busy to see me. Go hang out with your friend.” My friend is a girl I accidentally told her I was talking to when I drunk-called her once,
(Come on man. If you can’t handle drinking, you shouldn’t drink. That’s one of the worst things you can do, get yourself into trouble and you don’t remember what you said. When you first start dating, you can only fuck up like that so many times before she blows you off),
so I ignored her comment and told her, “I’ll call you later this week, okay?” To which she hung up and sent that text to me.
My question is, should I reach out like I said I would,
(Well, if you told her you were going to reach out, you should do it. You should be a man of your word),
or give her a week to wonder about me?
(It’s not about playing games or jerking her around. The idea is to be consistently masculine, alpha, be direct, be decisive, get right to the point. And you were kind of like a floppy cock. You were all over the ice, leaving shit up in the air.
If you were calling to look at cars, they’re going to want to know what day and time you can come by. Any salesman knows, they’ve only got a certain number of hours in the day to sell people, and talking to tire kickers is going to waste their time.)
Her: “Hey Do you want to hang out tonight?”
(My response to that would be, “I would love to see you tonight, but I’ve already got plans. What’s your schedule like this week? When are you available.” That’s being direct, being decisive and you’re showing her you’re grateful she reached out.)
Him: “If you pick me up.”
Her: “Lol, from your place?”
Him: “Yeah what time would you be here by?”
Her: “I mean if you want. You don’t have to.”
(She’s testing. “Does this guy really like me? Does he really want to see me? Does he care?” That’s why she responds that way. She’s a little unsure of where she stands. Remember, it’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. The proper response would be, “Of course I want to see you.”)
Him: “Smh lol up to you. I wouldn’t mind seeing you, but if you want to take back the offer, that’s fine as well.”
(Now you’re putting the ball back in her court and expecting her to make the decision. You’re the one with the penis dude. You’re supposed to be the strength, the rock, the mountain. You’re supposed to be the man. Be direct, be decisive, get right to the point. But you’re dumping it back in her court going, okay tell me what to do. Then you’re presupposing, “She doesn’t really want to see me.” You need to read my book 10-15 times. You’ve got to learn the fundamentals. This is a completely unnecessary fuckup.)
Him: “How about tomorrow.”
Her: “I wasn’t taking back my offer, you just seemed busy. Forget it, you can delete me now.”
(Just say, “Don’t be ridiculous. I’d love to see you tomorrow. What time are you available?” Your outcome is to make the fucking date. You’ve got to step up your game.)
Him: “I was willing to cancel my plans for us to hang out tonight. Then you said if you want to, which made you sound unsure. I’m not going to argue with you. You have a good night.”
(That’s feminine energy dude. You’re supposed to be the man. You’re supposed to be direct, decisive and totally certain, not act like a woman. And now you’ve walked away, so you need to be congruent with that statement.
This girl likes you. She’s obviously a little insecure, but now there’s a good chance you’re not going to get the opportunity to progress, because you were a dick to her. If she reaches out, make the date, be direct, be decisive and get right to the fucking point.)
Thank you coach!
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“It’s a pleasant surprise, compliment to you, gift and an honor when a woman you are dating reaches out to you first. You should always be charming and playful and assume she is thinking about you and wants to see you. Therefore, your outcome should be to set the next date to get together. The more a guy talks and texts with a woman he just started dating, instead of simply making dates when she reaches out to him first, the higher the likelihood is that he will talk her right out of liking him, by saying or texting something stupid, or worse, become her therapist and get stuck in friend zone. The more you talk and text digitally, the less time you will spend with her in person having fun, getting to know each other, hooking up and growing her attraction for you.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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