Dating: Texting, Calling & Messaging

Why you should only use the phone, texting or messaging to set dates, and how making the mistake of being constantly available to message and chat makes things boring, predictable, unattractive and leads to getting stuck in friends zone and never getting together in person.

In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who is only twenty years old. He asks about his generation and how women his age tend to always be messaging and texting constantly. He believes that, unless he is available to text and chat digitally all the time, women will lose interest in him. He also admits that too much messaging and chatting on smart phones and social media lowers attraction.

He says that constant worthless chatting and texting leads to boring and pointless conversation. His real problem is he is addicted to messaging, insecure, fearful and worried that if he is not constantly available to chat, women will lose interest in him and simply text another guy, and he will lose his chance. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.

Hi Coach Corey Wayne,

This is an interesting topic I always hoped you’d cover in one of your videos. As a young adult, being 20 years old, the generation I’ve grown up with is much more technologically dependent than older generations, unfortunately, and I feel this dependency is even more expressed with kids still in high school, although just a couple years younger than me. My question is, do you feel, when advising people to only use text as a form to contact to make plans, that this may be counter productive for younger generations under you? (If you’re chit chatting all the time, you become boring and predictable. It’s much better if women are curious about what you’ve been up to. You want to build sexual tension. If you are talking all the time, the sexual tension never has a chance to develop. If you use the phone strictly for making dates, you never get her in the habit of chatting all the time.) I ask this because, I feel that nowadays, especially girls, love to have text conversations, that you’d find useless, about merely nothing, just “to talk.” (That’s why you set a date to get together in person.) Due to this new age of constant, worthless communication between people for the pure sake of communication, I feel when I use texting only to make plans, and NOT to “just talk” with younger women, they lose interest more quickly because they’re so used to holding text conversations with the people in their lives. (This is just your fear of change. Pull away from the phone and get a life. Do something. Women like guys with goals and ambition.)

The problem I’ve realized, however, is that too much texting between my significant other and myself leads to boring, unentertaining talk, lowering her interest level. However, vice versa, too little communication through text seems to lead to the same results; I suspect this to be the case because, since she can just text any other guy to entertain her throughout the day, and because I’m not communicating with her as much as the next guy, I get slowly pushed out of her life. (You should be spending time together in person. When a girl reaches out, assume she wants to see you and set a date to see each other.) Your advice has helped me tremendously, and I think you’d make a fantastic response video to this question. (Make a date. Your job as a man is to create an opportunity for sex to happen. Hang out, have fun and hook up. If a girl starts texting other guys behind your back because she’s bored, find another girl. She’s not girlfriend material.)

Thanks for your time,

Bob

“It’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. Women like guys who are mysterious, interesting and more difficult to figure out, and tend to lose interest in guys who are always available 24/7 to chit chat, message and talk on the phone. Men should be busy with their mission and purpose in life, not sitting around waiting to spring into action to be a woman’s therapist or digital pen pal when she gets bored. Women need time and space away from a man to understand, contemplate and grow their feelings of attraction for him. Men should only use the phone, texting or messaging to set dates, not give out information or to get to know someone. When they violate this principle, they predictably get friend-zoned. Act like her fun, charming and mysterious lover, not her friend or buddy when your interest is romantic.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne

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