How to handle dating, texting and messaging in-between dates, especially when you already have dates set.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who met a girl he has been seeing for the past six weeks on a dating app. He shares details of their physical interactions when they are together as well as some of their texting and social media messaging when they are not.
Her interest in him is obviously very high, but he is unsure of himself and how to handle her ever-increasing frequency of messaging, even when they already have dates set. He’s worried about her getting bored and talking and texting too much on the phone instead of in person. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
I’ve got an email here from a guy who’s been dating a girl for about six weeks. He met her on a dating app. And obviously, if you’re familiar with How To Be A 3% Man and the process of dating and taking a girl from an initial meeting to the point where she wants to be in a relationship with you, typically, if you followed what the book teaches to a T, usually around like week seven, week eight, that’s when she’s going to be falling in love with you, and telling you that she’s in love with you, and especially wanting, if she hasn’t already, to lock you down in a relationship.
And so, this guy doesn’t say how many times he’s read the book or if he’s even read it, but he’s obviously confused, because it’s to the point now where she’s frequently messaging on Snapchat or texting him and sending him other messages, videos of her and her dog in the park and stuff like that, and it’s happening just about every day. And he’s thinking, “Hey, I’ve already got a date set up. In the book, Corey says that if you have a date set, there’s no reason to text.”
But you’ve got to learn to transition, because if you’ve already got a date set and then she texts you the next day, even though you have a date set, this is indicative of the fact that she feels safe and comfortable with you and she really likes you. And that means her interest is going up, and therefore, her attraction for you is growing. And feminine energy, when it’s happy, when it’s starting to fall in love, wants to bond, connect, open up, receive your love and your presence more and more. And so, I think part of this guy’s problem is he doesn’t really know the material that well, and he’s kind of in that mode where he’s trying to act like a robot, because he really doesn’t know the material, and he’s thinking about one sentence or one paragraph in the book, or maybe something he heard in a video.
The idea is you want to learn to understand the philosophy, because the problem most guys have in these situations is they’re over-texting, they’re over-calling, they’re messaging too much. And what happens is they start acting like girls, they start acting like women. And these women go from being really attracted to these guys to being totally turned off, and then they start backing away.
And most guys that don’t know any better want to fix it. They start texting, calling too much and they pursue her even more, which eventually leads to ghosting and getting blown off, rejected, friend-zoned or hearing, “I’m confused. I’m not sure I’m able to be at this point in my life. I’ve got to get my head together,” and all of those things that women say to guys. And the guys are like, “What? Huh? What’s that mean?”
So I’ve got a quote that I wrote, and then we’ll go through his email. This is a good topic to discuss just to kind of clean up some of your texting and messaging, because I do see this somewhat often when I get questions, and I see comments on my social media about these topics.
So the quote says:
“As a woman becomes comfortable and feels safer in your presence, the longer you are together and as long as her interest is growing, her attraction and attention seeking will increase. This is because as a woman’s romantic attraction for you grows, so will her desire to bond, connect, talk and spend time together more frequently. This is feminine energy. That is why when guys behave this way and start over-texting, messaging and talking on the phone too much, they are acting like feminine women, and it starts to turn women off because it ruins the sexual polarity.”
And this happens in gay and lesbian relationships as well. So, when the masculine one starts acting like a feminine one, the same exact thing happens.
“Men who can’t or won’t exercise emotional self-control eventually get ghosted, rejected friend-zoned and/or start being told by the women they are seeing that they are confused, not ready for a relationship, need time to work on themselves, get their life together, etc.”
It’s amazing how so many different women from all over the world say the same things. It’s so interesting.
“It’s always better if a woman thinks that she likes you more than you like her. If she is always chasing you, you simply never have to worry about getting dumped.”
And that’s the idea, you don’t want to overdo it, it’s always better if she’s chasing you more, because that’s just feminine energy. If you think about it, everything a woman does is to get your attention. She does her nails, she does her hair. She puts some nice perfume on that makes her smell like candy. She puts on tight fitting clothes, maybe clothes or a skirt or blouse that reveals cleavage, or her body or her curves, because she wants your attention. She wants you to be taken by her beauty, so you can take her and ravish her passionately in the bedroom. So, that’s what you’re looking for. You’re looking for the attention. It’s like she’s saying, “Hey, my door is open. Come on in, big boy!”
Dear Coach Corey Wayne,
I met this girl on a dating app and have been seeing her for just under six weeks. Our sixth date was this Saturday. After I went to bed that night she texted me, and the next morning I took that as an opportunity to set up our next date.
I see this sometimes. When you first start dating a girl, if she sends you a good night text or, “Hey, I had a good a good time,” that doesn’t mean you use that to set up the next date, especially if it’s in the beginning — if you just had your first date, your second or maybe even your third. You’re not using that as an opportunity, because technically, she’s still messaging you on the day you had your date.
What you’re looking for and why you just take measured steps where you go out on one date per week is you’re taking your time. Now, why would you take your time? If you’re a busy professional, you might only have one or two nights a week of free time, because the rest of your time is going to be taken up by friends, family, your social activities, and you might have one or two nights open a week to potentially go out on dates. So, you just don’t have a lot of time to sit there and talk and text all day long and just drop what you’re doing to hang out with a girl.
Your time is very valuable. Therefore, if you know you’ve only got maybe one free night a week that you could take a nice, cute girl out and have a good time with her, then you’re going to be taking your time, you’re going to be in no rush. And so, you’re going to be trying to plan one date a week and that’s it. And that’s why it’s so effective when you just reach out no more than once a week to set a date.
What happens, as her interest grows, she doesn’t want to wait until next week to talk to you. She wants to facilitate you potentially inviting her over. You don’t have to take a girl always out on an official date. Say you’ve got a date set up for Thursday, and you set that date on Monday night when she texted you. And then Tuesday, she’s like, “Oh, I miss you. I want to see you.” You’ll be like, “Well, you should grab a bottle of wine and come over to my place and hang out.” It doesn’t matter that you have an official date set up on Thursday. If you’re five, six weeks in and she’s texting you this much, you can invite her over.
If you had your second date and maybe you went to your house, maybe you hooked up, because most women sleep with guys by the second or third date provided they do what’s in the book. And so, if you just slept with a girl for the first time after you set your second date, say that was on a Sunday night and then Tuesday she’s going, “Oh, Sunday was so wonderful. It was so nice. You’re such a great guy. I’m not normally like this. I was thinking about you,” it’s like, “Well I was thinking about you too, and I think you should get your cute little ass over here to see me. What are you doing later?”
Invite her over. If not, fine. “Okay, when are you free?” But typically what happens, as she starts telling you these things and gushing over you, just invite her over. It doesn’t mean you have to take her out on an official date and blow a bunch of money on her. A date is spending time together. It can be anything, any activity. You don’t have to spend a ton of money.
The idea is that you’re taking measured steps. You’re taking your time, you’re trying to go slightly slower than she is. And when you’re going slightly slower than she is, her interest starts to go up, because it’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. It just means that she gets to a place, because her interest is going up, and she doesn’t necessarily know where she stands with you. And so, she reaches out to get your attention and your validation, and then you can just invite her over. That’s what you’re trying to facilitate.
You’re trying to go from just going out a couple of times over the course of two or three weeks, to where when she starts initiating contact more frequently, it’s going to get to the point where she might be texting you every day or every other day. But when you’re in a full blown relationship, you’re probably going to be hearing from her at least once or twice a day, maybe three times a day. If you guys are spending every night together, you should expect that.
And like I said, the problem with this guy, you’ll see as we get into his email, he’s kind of being like a robot. The idea is to facilitate the process of her interest growing, so she wants to spend more time with you, she wants to come over to your place more. Or you can just have a spontaneous date. It’s like, “Hey, I’ll be free at 8:00. Let’s go have a bottle of wine at that wine bar around the corner from my place. I’ll pick you up at 8:00,” or whatever it happens to be. Or her place. Don’t be a robot. Kind of go with the flow and just kind of sense things. If she likes you and she misses you, she’s going to reach out.
It is now Tuesday and we are seeing each other again on Thursday. On Monday she sent me a Snapchat video of her and her dog in the dog park with the caption, “You see us in the dog park, what you doing?” I replied, “If I see you in the dog park? I’ll come give your dog a big hug.”
I like that response because it’s playful, it’s totally innocent.
She replied, “Honestly that is fair.”
Because obviously everybody loves their dogs and their animals. And in a way, you’re kind of teasing her, “Well, I kind of like your dog better than I like you. I’ll be really happy to see your dog.” You’re not being rude. You’re just being kind of silly, and goofy, and playful. That’s perfect.
And her reply was a selfie, which I could tell she was trying to look as cute as possible.
Feminine energy grows through praise, so that’s why she’s doing it.
I did not reply to that.
I would have liked it. I would have said, “Babe, you’re looking really cute in that outfit. I like that blouse on you,” or “That skirt looks really hot. Can’t wait to take it off next time we’re together.”
Today she sent another video of her dog. I replied, “Cute, thanks for sharing.” She replied to that, “Thank you, here is a kiss,” and a selfie of herself making a kissy face. I just said, “Thank you very much.”
At this point, six weeks in, he could definitely be spending more time with her. I know he’s got a date set with her a few days in the future, but if she’s texted you several times a day and you’ve got nothing going on that night and you’re just chilling, you’d say, “Hey, I’m just going to chill and relax tonight and probably have a few beers, binge watch some Netflix or something. I’d love to see you if you want to come over. Bring your dog, so your dog and I can hang out.” Something like that, something kind of goofy. And more than likely, she’ll probably come over. The whole idea is to hang out, have fun and hook up. Create an opportunity for to happen.
Again, what I’m talking about right now is not going to happen in the first or second week of dating. These are not things you going to do in the first or second week. This guy right now, where he’s at, he’s six weeks in. And so, it’s going to be okay to invite her over more frequently and not really have official dates. But invite her over, because you’re the gift, you’re the prize. She’s missing you, she’s thinking about you.
Yeah, it will build more anticipation if you wait until Thursday to see her. Maybe you have nothing available, but like I said, if you’re available at night and you want to see her and you’re like, “I don’t want to wait until Thursday, and she’s kind of messaging me every day and trying to get my attention, so let me give her the gift of my time, because she’s treating me awesomely.”
If a girl treats me properly, she gets a gift to my time. And she’s cold and distant, I’m okay with that too. It doesn’t bother me one way or another. I’m completely indifferent to it. I’m happy if she’s in my life. I’m happy if she’s not in my life. Either way, it’s cool because the right people, the right person, the right girl is going to want to be in my life. So, you don’t overthink it. And she might say, “Oh, I’d love to come over tonight, but I can’t. I’ve got to do this.” It’s like, “Alright, babe. Well, I can’t wait to see you Thursday. I’ve got to run. Have a good night.”
I don’t feel like what I am doing would be hurting her attraction, which I feel is very high at this point based on her contacting me every day this week and how much she comes over to hug, touch, and cuddle with me when we are together.
It’s like, the whole process, everything in “How To Be A 3% Man” is all about creating the conditions where she’s pursuing you. If you’re not together, she’s pursuing you over the phone. If you’re together in person, you’re being who you are, and she’s coming into and out of physical contact with you. She comes over, puts her head on your shoulder, you embrace her. Then when she pulls away or lets go, you just let her be. You don’t go chase her. You don’t grab her hand. You don’t try to pull her over. You just let her be. And a few moments later, she’ll come back. What you’ll see is exactly what she’s doing.
For example, if we are in my kitchen, she comes over to me to hug and kiss me every few minutes.
I talk about this in “How To Be A 3% Man.” It’s something that clicked with me when I was I was dating my girlfriend who had a little daughter at the time. At the time, I remember I would go over and we’d all be hanging out in the garage with her family, and there were chairs in there and we’d be having beers. There was a fridge in the garage. And if I had my leg crossed, she’d come over and pick my leg up and put it down. And meanwhile, her cousins and her friends are all playing in the front yard.
She’d sit in my lap and put her arm around me and she go, “Corey,” and she’d ask me some kind of question. She’d sit in my lap for a few minutes, and then she’d hop up and go run out and play with everybody. And ten, fifteen minutes later, she’d come back in and want to ask me something else. And it just kind of clicked. I was like, women do this when they get older. They go to the man, the masculine man that is the rock, the mountain in her life.
So, it’s like the same way that little girls seek attention and safety and comfort from their dad, or their grandfather, or whoever they look up to that’s the masculine presence in their family. When they grow up and they become adult women, they do this with their boyfriends, or their husbands, or the guys that they’re seeing. And it just clicked with me that day how important it is just to let them kind of come and go and do their own thing.
Even from the time they’re a little girl, they’re just naturally going to feel safer around masculinity, and masculinity is just there. If you think about it, think of a mountain, it’s just there. It doesn’t move, it doesn’t go anywhere. And what happens with Mother Nature? It moves around it, surrounds it, over it. It goes to one side, the other side, but the mountain never changes. It never does anything. It could be sunny, it could be rainy, it doesn’t matter. The mountain is just there. You don’t see the mountain running after the wind. The wind is chasing the mountain. Something to think about.
If we are on the couch, she is almost always resting her head on my chest with her arms around me, and if she stops, she is back within a few minutes.
Yeah, I’d say this girl really likes you, dude. I’d say she’s getting closer and closer to falling in love. She may be feeling those feelings already.
I am happy that she is Snapchatting me, because I know she is thinking of me. However, I know you often say that whenever a woman reaches out, that is an opportunity to set up the next date. The reason I have not done this in reply to her Snapchats is that we already have plans coming up for Thursday and because Snapchat is not a good medium for setting up dates or appointments.
So when she Snapchats you, switch it over to texting. Then say, “Obviously, you’re missing me terribly and I don’t want you to suffer, so I think you should get your cute little ass over here and we’ll throw some shrimp on the barbie.” I have a lot of clients in Australia I talk to. They always chuckle when I when I say that.
I don’t want to ignore the Snapchats, because I like getting them.
Yeah, you should never ignore your woman. That’s stupid, and it makes her think like you don’t care and you don’t appreciate them. And then what happens is she stops doing them, and then the guy goes, “Oh, she doesn’t like me.” So you’re always going to say yes, you’re going to be appreciative, you might have some funny comebacks and be playful, like the dog comment that he he said, I thought that was great.
I have considered just texting or calling her when I get them to set up another date…
Again, it doesn’t have to be a big official thing where you get all dressed up and you go to go to pick her up and open the door and all that stuff. If you guys are seeing each other and you’re sleeping together, especially six weeks in, even though you’ve got a date, it’s like, “Obviously, you’re missing me terribly and I don’t want you to suffer until we see each other on Thursday, so why don’t you come over and snuggle later? Bring your dog. I’d love to see your dog.”
…but again, I feel like that may not be appropriate since we already have plans.
It’s totally appropriate. In the first one or two or three weeks even, it’s going to be helpful just to keep your date on Thursday and be sweet in your replies. But when you’re six, seven weeks in, I’d be inviting her over.
I am sure that as I absorb your material more and read your book 10-15 times…
Yep. See, I knew it. I knew he hadn’t read it enough. And this is why I say you’ve got to read it 10 to 15 times. You have to get to know it backwards and forwards. because you end up overthinking things. And now you’re kind of acting like a robot instead of natural.
And remember, your job is to create an opportunity for sex to happen, to hang out, have fun and hook up. You take measured steps, because she’ll contact you more frequently down the road as her interest goes up, and that’s what you’re looking for. If she’s chasing you, you don’t have to worry about getting dumped, just like the quote says.
…I will know what to do, but I’m not there yet and would like your perspective.
So, other than that, you’re obviously doing really well with her. Since you’re six weeks, or probably seven weeks in now since you wrote this email, but I think that’s perfect. You could definitely invite her over more. But like I said, in the first one or two weeks, maybe the third week, it might be okay to do that. Like I said, you’ve got to just judge. I would say after you you’ve hooked up and you’ve had sex, that’s when I would start inviting her over, but not before that.
Because again, sexual anticipation causes her to like you more. It’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear, and if she thinks she likes you more than you like her, she’s going to have to be around you and talk to you to try to find out where she really stands, and that’s what you want. She’s seeking your attention and validation. It’s feminine energy to be unsure of oneself, and so that’s okay.
So if you haven’t read “How To Be A 3% Man,” it’s free to read at UnderstandingRelationships.com. All you’ve got to do is subscribe to the email newsletter. Same thing, you can read “Mastering Yourself” as well.
And my new book, the quotes book is finally out. At least the paperbacks and the hardcover are available. I think you can find them on Amazon. Like I said, it’s still filtering through the search results, and I’m waiting for all that stuff to connect so we can upload the audiobook. So, in the next few weeks we should have it. But if you want the quotes book, it’s thick. It’s like 700 pages, and there’s about 250 quotes and articles and stuff in there in that particular book. So, it’s available at Amazon right now. It’s called “Quotes, Ruminations & Contemplations – Volume I.”
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“As a woman becomes comfortable and feels safer in your presence the longer you are together, and as long as her interest is growing, her attraction and attention seeking will increase. This is because as a woman’s romantic attraction for you grows, so will her desire to bond, connect, talk and spend time together more frequently. This is feminine energy. That is why when guys behave this way and start over-texting, messaging and talking on the phone too much, they are acting like feminine women and it starts to turn women off because it ruins the sexual polarity. Men who can’t or won’t exercise emotional self-control eventually get ghosted, rejected, friend-zoned and/or start being told by the women they are seeing that they are confused, not ready for a relationship, need time to work on themselves, get their life together, etc. It’s always better if a woman thinks that she likes you more than you like her. If she is always chasing you, you simply never have to worry about getting dumped.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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