Dating When You Have Kids

When it’s appropriate & when you should & should not introduce your children to people you are dating. Over the years I have dated a lot of women who have children from other relationships. Most women are very protective about their children and do not usually involve them with people they are casually dating. In the first few months of any relationship, you want to spend most of your time getting to know the other person and not trying to get to know them around your kids, friends or family. It’s only after the relationship is serious or on the verge of becoming serious or exclusive that you should ascertain letting people you are casually dating meet your kids. The following is an e-mail from a reader who is getting a hard time from the women he is dating about his unwillingness to involve his young daughter with them. My comments are (in bold brackets like this) in the body of his e-mail:

Hi,

I always enjoy reading your relationship articles! I always re-read your book too. (You can download the Amazon Kindle version of my book to your Smartphone, PC, Mac or iPad in under 60 seconds for only $9.99 by CLICKING HERE to learn how to meet and date the type of women you’ve always wanted and have effortless relationships.) I have an 8-year old daughter who lives with me 50% of the time. She’s my inspiration and center of my life. Lately, I’ve been dating and it is often challenging when I start to like someone and they turn me off by suggesting to buy a book on parenting, or they often buy one because they feel they don’t understand why I don’t share my parenting lifestyle. I do share our day and talk about her, but I’m not in a position to introduce every woman in my life to my daughter. (You’re a good Dad!) This might sound one-way, but they have to earn it. (Smart man.) There’s tons of women out there and I generally don’t want a “needy” woman. (Needy women turn men off as much as needy men turn women off.)

This is my challenge, I try and keep the relationship at the start between us, so that I get to learn more about her. I don’t involve my daughter until I feel the woman can contribute to that part of the relationship. Very often they get frustrated about why I don’t spend enough time with them. As a result, I end it because I’m not ready to try and convince her over and over why my daughter doesn’t need a thousand women flying through the door. I often explain that part of the relationship runs at a gradual pace and I’m not rushing it which usually makes me end the relationship. (Stop explaining and justifying your parenting habits to women you are only casually dating. Simply state that is how you and your daughter’s mother have agreed to handle dating other adults. Women who are secure with themselves won’t get bent out of shape. They need to be patient and understanding about your wishes. She’s YOUR daughter, not theirs. You make the decisions. Have fun, keep it casual. Only introduce women you are serious with to her only after they have earned it. You should date a lot of different women so you can have options and choices. You need to learn to master the art of seduction & getting what you want. The right woman will be patient and respect your wishes. Take your time. It’s a MARATHON, not a sprint or a mad dash to the finish line.)

Any suggestion would be most helpful?

Thanks!

Jose

“Assumptions are the termites of relationships.” ~ Henry Winkler