Did I Completely Ruin Things Or Is She Too Nutty For It To Work?

How to know if it’s your fault or if it was never going to work because she’s crazy.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a new viewer who tried dating a girl he met over the course of a few months. She displayed some nutty behavior and blocked him only to unblock and contact him a few days later. He started getting attached and over-pursued and she dumped him again.

He wonders if he completely ruined things. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This particular email is from a viewer who’s new to my work, and he was trying to date a girl over the course of a couple months that he met. She kind of displayed some nutty behavior, then blocked him, then unblocked him, contacted him again, and I guess about a month or so went by and he just kind of moved on. Then of course, she reached out and things started going pretty well, he said. Then he kind of became a little attached, started over-pursuing a little bit, and then she broke things off. Then once again, I think now, last last time they spoke, she’s blocked him. So he’s wondering, “Did I completely ruin things?”

Well, it’s kind of hard to just ruin things 100% on your side, especially if you’re dealing with a girl who’s displaying some nutty behavior. I suspect that this girl probably does not have a good relationship with her father because she gets mad, she gets upset, she seeks to punish, she blocks you, let’s you twist in the wind for a while. It’s kind of passive aggressive behavior. Then once she feels you suffered enough or she stayed away long enough, then she unblocks you, contacts you, and wants to hang out like everything’s fine. The problem is with women like this is that’s kind of how they always operate. Things are good for a while and then they get upset about something, they threaten to break it off or they break it off, or they block you, or they give you a silent treatment for a few days, and then they show back up and act like, “Hey, everything’s fine.”

So you’re not going to have an easy and effortless relationship with women that are like that, and they’re out there. I’ve dated some of them. It’s just nothing you can do really to fix it. You can have fun, the sex is usually really good, but when they come from a broken home and dad wasn’t there, which is what I suspect just by looking at her behavior is probably going on. So this guy’s beating himself up over it. In reality, you can’t make good wine from bad grapes. He did make mistakes, which obviously we will go over, but at the end of the day, him applying things that are in the book perfectly, he’s not going to fix this girl. Unfortunately, lots of guys try. They think, “Man, I got this book. Works like magic, gives me the cheat codes,” and they think they’re going to fix a broken woman whose dad did a bad job if he was even around, and it just never works out.

It’s not your job to fix or to save somebody. You got to see them as they are and find somebody that shares your goals and values. Especially if you’re looking for a long-term relationship. She has to be raised right. Her dad had to have done a good job. I know they’re hard to find, but if you’re looking for a long-term relationship, all you need is one good one.

So with that in mind, let’s go through his email.

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach,

For a heads up I’ve only been tapped into your work for about two months and haven’t read the book yet.

Come on, man! The book is free to read in the Members Area. Put your name, your email address and create a password, and it’ll open up right in your web browser. If you went and got the audio-book, if you put it on two-speed, you’d get through it in like four hours. So if you’re trying to solve a problem, you got to learn the baseline fundamentals that are in the book. The videos will help you, but the videos are designed to help you apply what’s in the book, assuming you actually know what’s in the book to your specific situation. That’s why I go through these emails that guys send in, because these are guys in the real world right now that are struggling with a situation. If you haven’t read the book, if you haven’t got the book yet and you haven’t started reading it, then it’s like, how are you going to fill in your knowledge gap? You’re going to still be doing and saying things that are unattractive to women. You’re not even going to know it.

So the idea is you’re trying to do more things right than wrong, but if you don’t even know what you’re doing that’s unattractive, you’re just going to keep making those mistakes and making it way harder to turn things around than it needs to be. So you got to participate in your own rescue. How can you ever have the time or find the time if you never take the time? In other words, you got to schedule it if you want it to become real. So you got to block out time to spend with the book. Again, four hours with the audio-book on two-speed. That’s all it takes to get through it one time that will really make some light bulbs go off for you, but you want to get to know it so well, you could teach a class on it. Then you don’t really have to think about it too much. Then you just respond effortlessly.

So this girl in my line of work came up to me and asked for my number I gave it to her and went about my business. Later that day she started texting me about life and what not and said we should get together…

Well, she’s got high interest, but is it in Estonia? I think Estonia is one of the countries where there’s more women than men. So the women that are there are really competitive, and they’ll come up and ask guys out just because they want to get a date. They want to be with a guy. There are more of them than there are dudes, which is a nice problem to have.

So remember, attraction is not a choice. Love is allowing. These women are already predisposed to like you. You just want to not talk them out of it, but you gotta get together with a girl that is healthy and normal.

…So we did and and about two weeks later she texted me out the blue and said she doesn’t want a relationship. So I asked why, then went about my business. I didn’t text or pursue her until a week later. She texted furious because she thought I was with another woman. I explained to her I wasn’t, then was blocked.

That’s not normal behavior. That’s kind of nutty behavior. That’s a girl that’s got no chill. Either that’s the way her dad is, or he wasn’t around to teach her to chill out. So bottom line is that’s just not normal. You got to be able to have a conversation. I mean, you just met and she’s like, “That’s it. I’m blocking you. You are very immature.”

Later that day I had seen on social media she was with another guy.

The other thing is she’s constantly accusing him of things that basically she’s doing constantly. You know, she accused him of being with another girl and what’s happening is she’s hanging out with some other dude. So when you notice that, you go, “Oh, OK.” Fuck buddy, friends with benefits, sex playmate, that kind of thing.

Cut forward about two months and she called me. We stayed up and talked on the phone then I went to bed.

So two months go by, obviously doesn’t work out with the other guy and now she’s back. That’s why it’s so powerful when you just stop moving forward, especially when she’s not treating you good, you give her the gift of missing you permanently. Then they come crawling back, like in this case, two months later.

After that everything was really good she was super into me wanted to talk and hang out all the time until I started to actually get attached to her.

So what you notice here is he goes to no-contact, moves on with his life, she rides off into the sunset with this other guy, doesn’t work out with him, probably because she’s a nut, and then she comes back with a completely different attitude because she had to come to him. It was her idea. Notice that her attitude is completely different. She makes it really easy. She’s not giving him a hard time. Then as soon as he still he gets a little attached, he starts displaying…

Then I showed weak and needy behavior and pushed her out of my life.

Suddenly he just started acting really unattractive. Then she lost interest and respect and boom! Once again, he was out.

She broke up with me and said I might hear from her again.

Well, you should always have the attitude of, “She’ll be back. You’ll be back, honey. You’ll be back when you miss me. Hit me up and we can hang out. Maybe if you’re lucky and play your cards right, you’ll get a little kissy-poo from yours truly.”

About to two weeks she called at night and again talked about life I woke up in the morning to a text from her saying things weren’t going to work out because I followed another women I told she didn’t mean anything to me, etc.

That’s just like, “I haven’t heard from you in two months. You were clearly dating another guy. We’re not exclusive. You’re clearly dating who you want. I’m going to do the same. I’m willing to give you another chance.” This is what you should be saying to her. “I’m not going to commit to you. I haven’t heard anything and you just show back up out of the blue after two months. So you’re going to have to earn another chance with me, and I need to see that you’re going to be on your best behavior. You’re going to treat me good. You got to make my dick hard, not my life hard. Quite frankly, before you were making my life difficult, instead of bringing me peace, you were bringing chaos. I don’t mind a little chaos, but it’s just too much, in your case.”

She didn’t want to hear any of them blocked me once more about four days later, I caved, broke no-contact, explained to her I didn’t like this woman.

Again, a man doesn’t need to justify anything. Quite frankly, even if you were hanging out, having fun, and hooking up with another woman, you hadn’t heard from her in two months. So tough titty for her. She can’t show back up and act like she owns you. She has to earn that. She has to prove to you that she’s better than all the others. Then maybe you’ll be exclusive with her, but she hasn’t done anything to earn that.

So that’s why you need to stand up to women when they behave this way and put them in their place. Let them know that they’ve got to work for it. Again, this is not normal behavior. A girl who’s raised right is not going to be getting upset that she saw somebody on Facebook, or that you followed a girl on Instagram or whatever. Again, this is not normal. She’s kind of nutty.

She acknowledged that I didn’t but still said she stood behind her decision I told her to think about it and to that she responded with, “I don’t think I’ll ever not think about it.” Which to that I said, “My door’s open if you change your mind.”

So I assume by that point he’s probably following my work, but again, it’s designed for normal, healthy women that were raised in good families, not chicks that come from broken homes. The idea is the girls from the broken homes, the book is going to reveal that behavior right away, which it looks like it did successfully in the beginning, but obviously you were displaying unattractive behavior.

If you notice when she came back, she was doing all the pursuing. Her attitude was completely different. Then when you started caring too much and you started pursuing back then, she got really flaky and started jerking you around and being nasty again because you weren’t letting her come to you at her pace. Again, this is why you need to read the book.

When I woke up, I never got a response. She broke no-contact again and sent a question mark. She said that she won’t get back with me and I asked, “Really?” She said yes and to leave her alone, which I didn’t. I told her that she’ll won’t fucked up and I was done and I want my stuff back.

I guess he’s basically telling her, “You fucked up. Give me my shit back.”

She responded and said not stop then blocked me.

I don’t think English is his first language here…

We haven’t talked since. I still check her social me for time to time and see video re-posts about me like, “I won’t be able to open to anyone else like I did with you and like I’d marry a man who emails me after I block him.”

She’s writing this stuff on social media. “He continued pursuing me anyways after I blocked him.” Yeah, that sounds normal…

I’m not sure what to make of those, but I know I won’t be reaching out again.

I wouldn’t either.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, Coach. Did I completely ruin things?

Bob

Bro, this is not fixable. This girl’s fucked up. Her dad did a shitty job of raising her. This is the kind of girl, if you look how she’s behaving, she’s kind of acting like a man. She’s got plenty of other dudes around, and so she gets upset at you for talking to other girls, but in the meantime, she’s doing the same thing and probably way worse. So when you see that, you just go, “Hey! Fuck buddy. Friends with benefits. Sex playmate. I can have fun with her, but I’m always gonna wear a raincoat. Not going to get serious.” Even if she brings it up. Just say, “I like you, but I don’t think we really jive in that level to be in a serious relationship, but until you meet the right guy for you, or I meet the right girl for me, we can have a lot of fun together. No strings attached.” That’s how I would handle that.

I would not consider this woman for a relationship. That’s just a no-no. If you’ve been following, well he’s only been following me for two months, but again, once you start reading the book and start applying it, this kind of wacky behavior will come out really quick with the women that are bad and you need to stay away from, and the good girls will eat it up like catnip. They’ll love you and think you’re you’re so different. There’s something about you. You’re unlike any other guy that she knows. She won’t be able to put her finger on it. She’ll say things like that, and that’s what you want. Easy and effortless women that just open the doors and all you gotta do is walk through to her strawberry fields and have your fill again and again and again.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly.

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