Did I Do The Right Thing By Dumping Her After She Lied About A Male Friend?

Things to consider if you dumped your girlfriend after she visited a male friend.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who dumped his girlfriend after she went to visit a male friend. Her behavior changed after she got back. He confronted her and she admitted he was previously more than just a male friend. She tried twisting things to make him the guilty one. He wonders if dumping her was the right decision. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne, and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “Did I Do The Right Thing By Dumping Her After She Lied About A Male Friend?”.

Oh. Excuse you. Momo was yawning. She has such a rough life. So this particular email is from a viewer. He dumped his girlfriend after she went to visit a male friend. He noticed that when she got back from this male friend visit, he just initially was like, “Oh, they’ve been friends for a long time. Lifelong friend. Totally innocent.” But when she got back, she was like a little distant. Her behavior was a little off.

He confronted her and she admitted basically he was more than a male friend in the past. And then she tried twisting things around and blaming it on him as if he was the bad guy. Typical narcissistic behavior. And so now he’s like, wondering if dumping her was the right decision. You know, the long and short it’s like, hell yeah. Because she lied and she went and hung out with somebody. Probably slept with him.

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach,

Name’s Bob and I’m formerly in the Marine Corps. Feel free to tear my ass up and critique me. I never truly got the chance to apply your work because I’ve been dealing with physical and mental battles for a long time. I bought both your audiobook and the physical copy, and they’ve already been life changing. My goal is to go through the material 15 to 20 times and then do a monthly refresher, especially as I get back into flirting, dating, and putting everything into practice.

So here’s my situation. I was in a relationship with a 23-year-old woman who, at first, seemed amazing. She was accepting, kind, loving, and checked off a lot of the qualities I want in a partner. Our time together was fun, affectionate, peaceful, no drama, no arguments, just enjoying each other’s company and connecting emotionally and physically. The turning point happened when she made plans to see a long-term guy friend. I had zero issue with it because I thought.

Ha, ha. I thought.

He was just a genuine friend from another state. I even encouraged her to go enjoy herself. We were exclusive, very affectionate, saying “I love you,” and I genuinely thought she’d be crazy to cheat on a guy like me.

Well, you found out what you were really dealing with.

But what she didn’t tell me was that this guy wasn’t just a friend; he was someone she had history with. She only told me after I sat her down when I noticed her behavior suddenly shift. Her attraction went from a solid 9. Calling, affection, “I love you” every night, to a weak four to six. Short texts, distant energy, and overall pulling away.

So she clearly went. She hooked up with the dude. And in her mind she told you about him. And women have the attitude of, “Well, if he couldn’t put two and two together. It just happened. Oops. He ended up with his penis inside me when I went to visit him. It wasn’t expected. It just kind of happened.”

When she confirmed the history, I told her I felt uncomfortable. It blindsided me. But instead of talking it through, she immediately brought up personal things about me and used them against me. She avoided the topic entirely and shifted the focus onto random ‘problems’ that had never existed before. Which could’ve been talked about at any point other than when I was uncomfortable.

So that’s what she’s trying to deflect and goes into victim. Again, this is what a narcissist does and you can read all about it online. Just look up narcissist, narcissism, for an eye opening read.

For me, honesty, transparency, and accountability are major, non-negotiable traits.

Well you are a marine after all. What does Semper Fidelis mean? Always faithful. (Always faithful or always loyal.) Always faithful. Always, not sometimes faithful. Always fucking faithful. And you deserve a woman that behaves faithfully. This woman lied and cheated on you. Her behavior changed because she came back feeling guilty. It was written all over her face. She knew what she did was wrong, but she’s a fucking hoe and she belongs to the streets. She’s not always faithful, so she doesn’t deserve a Marine.

The fact she hid this until confronted, and then reacted defensively instead of openly, felt like a deal breaker.

You’re absolutely right, dude. It’s a deal breaker.

I addressed all the sudden issues she claimed to have, but we never returned to the real topic. So I said, “I think we should break up.” Right now, I’ve been going out, flirting, talking to new people, therapy, focusing on my goals and purpose, and grieving. My questions are, did I make the right call by breaking up with her?

Abso-fucking-lutely. She’s a fucking hoe. You can’t turn a hoe into a housewife.

And what could I have done better?

Well, initially you should have been like, “yeah, that’s not okay.” No woman is going to be okay with you going and hanging out with some hot female friend at her place all weekend or all week on a trip. They’re going to assume it’s somebody you’re fucking or used to fuck, and you want to fuck them again. A woman’s not going to be okay with it, and you shouldn’t either. So I’d say from that perspective, you were a little naive.

He should have said something to her. But she went and she revealed her character. So doesn’t really matter. You could be the best boyfriend in the world, and if you’re with a hoe, given the right circumstances, she’ll cheat on you. And you thought you were in a great place with her, and she just went ahead and had a fling with some guy she used to fuck because she’s not loyal.

Being a former Marine I can be aggressive, but maybe it was my tone of voice when I asked her? 

Tear me up, Coach, I want to learn. 

Like I said, that’s the only thing I would point out is you were a little naive and sending her on that trip, but you just assumed that she had the same value system as you. And then unfortunately, when she came back, you realized you didn’t. So you should sleep like a baby at night. You shouldn’t feel bad about what you did. Because you didn’t do anything. She’s the one that did it. She’s the one that lied to you and tried to misrepresent her actual relationship with this guy.

That’s only what a narcissist and a liar and a cheater would do. So she told you what you wanted to hear so you would go along with it. But after the fact, when you noticed her behavior changed, she basically acted like she was guilty and did something she shouldn’t have done. Then you confronted her on it, and then she starts pulling all these other things out of the air, which was nonsense. So you did the right thing. Good job. Takes balls to do that. But she doesn’t deserve you, bro.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.