Did I Screw Up & Turn Her Off, Or Was She Just Not That Interested?

How to know if you turned her off or if she simply wasn’t that interested.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who has read 3% Man a few times. He and his friend recently met two girls while playing pool. Another guy was aggressively pursuing the one he eventually got the phone number of. He tried setting a date a week later, but she was busy. Then he texted her a few weeks later after returning from traveling on Christmas Eve and never heard back.

My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This particular email is pretty much every guy that is watching this video. We’ve all had this kind of experience. You meet a girl, you think, “Wow, she’s into me.” You get her number, she seems excited, then you try to set a date and it just kind of doesn’t happen, and you think, “I thought she was into me?” Sometimes there’s alcohol involved, and obviously when the girl sobers up, she might not be so keen for you and you just got to charge it to the game. That’s the way it is. You can’t get discouraged. All you need is one good yes. You might have to go through 100, maybe 1,000, maybe 10,000. Who knows how many different women you have to meet and talk to, ask out, hit on before you find one that you really click and really jive with and who really likes you, but if you give up, then it’s definitely not going to happen. So you got to keep moving forward and you can’t get discouraged. You got to dust yourself off, pick yourself up by your bootstraps and just try to keep moving forward because tomorrow is another day. There’s another pitch about to come over the home plate, and you miss 100% of the pitches that you don’t swing at. So swinging them all and see what happens.

So in this particular email, this guy and his buddy are there hanging out, I guess like a pool hall, a bar or something that has pool tables. He and his friend are in like their mid-30s and they met these two girls that were there and they’re like mid-20s. So in their interactions and talking, he’s kind of showing her and her girl friend how to play pool. Just the basics of it, it’s not like he’s a great pool player himself, but there’s also a guy there who’s kind of aggressive coming over, talking to the girls, hitting on them, and he even comes up and kisses one on the cheek that he ends up getting the phone number for. So he was pretty certain, or at least he thought, “This girl likes me. Seemed like it.” Keep in mind, everybody’s drinking. So if you’re out drinking, you meet a girl, she seems overly enthusiastic, it could just be the alcohol talking and she’s just having a good time. I mean, girls do get the beer goggles as well. Every guy’s had beer goggles. You’re excited about a girl when you get a nice buzz on. Then when you sober up, you’re going, “Yeah, what the hell was I thinking?” It happens. Again, you just charge it to the game. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Just laugh at it and say, “On to the next! Next play! Next batter up!”

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach,

I’ve read your book 2-3 times…

Obviously he’s talking about 3% Man.

If you’re new and you haven’t read the book yet, it is free to read at UnderstandingRelationships.com, the web address. It’s at the bottom of the screen during the duration of this video. Just when you get there, put your name and your email in, create a password and the book will open up right in your web browser and you can start reading it, because the idea is these videos are meant to be a teaching tool. In other words, these are real world situations that guys are encountering as they’re trying to apply the fundamentals that are in the book. So you’ve got to learn the fundamentals in the book. You can’t use the excuse, “Oh, I can’t afford it. I don’t have any money.” It doesn’t cost you anything except a few seconds, your name and your email and it opens right up in your web browser. So you got to learn the fundamentals.

…And listened 3-4 times on audio-book. My friend and I (Young-mid 30s) met two girls (Young-mid 20s) while playing pool at a popular dive bar. The girls were impressed by my pool skills.

Or maybe it was the alcohol talking or they were just having a good time.

I was teaching them to play and they were quite friendly.

Well, that’s why they call it the Brave Juice.

A younger guy aggressively approached them, it triggered my friend, who kept telling me, “This guy took our girls!” But I reminded him, “Girls are like cats, let them come to us if they want. There’s plenty of other girls, we don’t own them, and this guy is probably turning them off.”

You can’t ever get butt-hurt or upset because who knows, maybe this dude actually knows the girls or dated one of them or is an ex-boyfriend. You just don’t know, so you can’t let it get under your skin.

The idea is when you’re doing these kinds of interactions, you’re just out socializing with your buddy, having a good time. You’re talking to a couple cute girls. You don’t know what their background is. You don’t know if that’s a boyfriend or whatever. So you want to be easygoing, joke around and laugh. No one ever feels threatened. There’s no reason to get into a fight in a bar or get upset. Again, you don’t know the pre-existing situation between the guys and the girls there. So always go with the attitude of, “Hey, I’m here to make friends and have a good time. Maybe talk to a few cute girls. Who knows, maybe go home with one or maybe have a date with one.”

We went outside for a smoke, when we came back in I began talking to “Sara” the girl I was interested in while she was alone. She was asking me all sorts of questions and was impressed that I had passed the bar exam. I was humble, gentlemanly, playful, reasonably confident and humorous.

Well, it could have been the Brave Juice.

She asked how old I was and when I answered she teased me about being old. I brushed it off with humor. The aggressive guy came over and kissed her on the cheek, when he left she told me, “That was weird…” And I again brushed it off, gently mocking him, saying, “I thought it was cute.” She seemed to have really liked me not causing any drama.

You got to keep in mind, everybody’s drinking, so it could be the juice talking. You just don’t know.

Sara began talking to my friend while I played pool with her friend, who I wasn’t interested in. I was teaching her friend how to play pool and could tell she was interested in me. I also heard Sara talking to my friend about me, who sung my praises.

Well, it sounds like a good dude, a good wing-man. That’s always essential.

I could see her staring at me out of the corner of my eye, checking me out. A little later, I was bending over to play pool and she kicked me playfully in the butt.

Well, that’s when you turn around with a smirk on your face and you say, “You need to kiss me if you’re going to touch me like that.“

I felt certain her attraction level was at least a six plus.

Well, she’s touching you, but again, everybody’s drinking. So if everybody was sober and this is the mall, probably not going to be kicking you in the butt like that. So you got to pay attention to these things. “Wow, she really likes me.” Well, maybe she’s just a little drunk or buzzed. You’ll know for sure when she sobers up.

I once again left her alone while the aggressive guy talked her ear off. I hung back and played pool with her friend. At the end of the night, I asked for her number, and she excitedly gave it to me, calling herself with my phone to get my number and said she wanted me to teach her how to play pool. My friend, who is a bit dorky, failed to get the number of Sara’s friend.

Well, too bad for him!

I texted her a little over a week later on Friday, saying we should get a drink and play pool again, asking if she was free sometime that weekend. She said she was right in the middle of studying for finals and couldn’t do anything. I said, “You’ll never become a mediocre pool player like me with that attitude but good luck with finals.” She “Haha” laughed, said thanks and I didn’t hear from her since. Eighteen days went by, I didn’t have the opportunity to ask her out again because I was visiting my family for holidays/birthdays. On Christmas Eve around 5 p.m., I texted her…

I wouldn’t have texted her at Christmas. You haven’t even had one date yet and you’re texting on Christmas Eve, that just shows you got nothing else going on, you got no roster, you got no other girls, you’re probably lonely on Christmas Eve and you’re wanting to hang out with her, just like Ocean’s a little, “I went to go roam around and Rocky’s in my seat.” Little drama queen…

…And asked if she wanted to get a drink with me on December 26th at a nice bar. She didn’t reply.

So he’s asking her to get a drink, or he’s asking her to get a drink on the 26th of December at a nice bar.

See how they are? Don’t pay attention to them, they get fussy. This is just like little girls. They behave just exactly what I talk about for my book. This is probably, I don’t know what, the eighth video that she’s done this? They’re just like robots. When you understand how feminine energy works, it’s kind of cute, it’s amusing and it’s always the same. It’s as predictable as the sun coming up in the east and setting in the west.

I’d appreciate any feedback. I thought I was doing well and was very excited to see her again. I don’t plan on texting her again and feel a bit pathetic for getting my hopes up, thinking so far ahead about dating this girl I barely met. Did I overestimate her attraction to me?

Is the age gap (~10 years) too much? Did I simply wait too long to ask her out again? Thank you, your coaching has helped me a lot. I recommend it to everyone including my dorky friend who has read your book once but never follows the advice LOL.

Bob

Well again, it could have been the alcohol talking. If you think back, did you get a, “Hell yeah, I’d love to go out with you?” Or did you get, “Yeah, I’m studying for finals. I’m real busy with school,” and she didn’t offer a reschedule or any alternative day she was free? She just said, “Yeah, I’m busy with finals. I don’t have any time for you.” So I look at that and go, “Sounds like she sobered up. She was just having a good time the night before.” She may have thought you were cute and liked you, but she didn’t like you enough, or she didn’t like you more than any other guy that you might have been dating or seeing at that point.

If you’ve never had a date with a girl, you shouldn’t be texting her Christmas Eve to try to make a date. That kind of makes you look needy and desperate, you’re looking for a holiday booty call, and it just clearly shows you got nothing else going on in your life on Christmas and you’re reaching out to her. You got to think about these things, my man. The other thing is, you waited 18 days to reach out to her. Like I said, if we just look at our first response when you texted her instead of, “Hell yeah, I’d love to see you,” if she really wanted to see you, but she was busy with finals, she would have said, “Man, I’m really busy with finals. Can you give me a week and we can plan something for then when finals are over?” But she didn’t do that. She just said, “Yeah, I’m busy,” didn’t offer an alternative.

Off the bat I would look at that as hey, you got the number, you had fun. If I was a betting man, I would say it was mostly the alcohol talking on her part, your part and everybody else’s part. Yeah, you got her number, but only a few days later, a week later, you reached out to her and she did respond the first time, but the fact that she just said, “Yeah, I’m busy with finals. I don’t have any time,” all that shows is she’s not willing to make time for you. So we have to assume her interest was low, but hey, if you’re going to go out, you’re going to meet girls in bars and they’re drinking, man, this kind of thing happened to me. I couldn’t even count the number of times when I was younger and didn’t know any better. So you can’t get butt-hurt, you can’t get mad. You gotta understand that yeah, she’s probably just buzzed and that other dude was kissing her on the cheek or whatever, but we don’t know what his status is. Maybe she’s seeing somebody else, but the fact that she just completely ghosted you, I wouldn’t reach out to her. Maybe in a month or two, if she frees up, she might reach out, but I would just flushed the number and move on. You probably won’t ever hear from her again, but the good news is you made an approach, you hit on her, you got her number, you try to set a date up, you waited a week, she still responded, but she wasn’t willing to open up her schedule.

What I would have done is when she says, “Oh, I’m real busy. I don’t have any time,” I would be like, “Well, when are you going to be freed up from exams so we can get together for dinner?” And she says, “Oh, probably a couple of weeks.” I would be like, “Alright well, have fun on your exams. Enjoy the holidays. We’ll talk later,” and just say it like that. Don’t say, “I’m going to call you.” Just leave it up in the air, and then maybe a week or two after she’s done with the finals, which is probably going to be sometime in January, text her again, “Hey, you! Wanted to see what your schedule is like so we can get together for dinner. Hope you did well on your finals,” something along those lines. That’s what I would do. I wouldn’t have texted her on Christmas Eve. Again, it looks like you probably had a couple cocktails on Christmas Eve, you’re lonely. That’s a bad way to go with a girl that you’ve never been on a date with. Especially a girl that was unwilling to make any time in her schedule for you like she was.

So I would say her interest was already really low to begin with, but like I said, the critique I had, I wouldn’t have texted her on Christmas Eve, when she said she was busy with finals, I would’ve said, “Well, when are you going to be done with finals?” Let her tell you and say, “Great! Well, let’s touch base after you get your finals and we’ll see where our schedules line up, and then we can get together for dinner. Good luck in your finals! Have a great Christmas! Talk to you later.” That’s all you got to say. Then reach out when you say you’re going to. At the end there, if the girl likes you, she would have gone out with you, but it just looks like her interest was low and she was buzzed. Don’t take it personally. This is just the way it is, man. Most of the time you’re not going to succeed. It’s one girl. There’s probably going to be hundreds of these kind of interactions, hundreds of these where you ask a girl out, you get a number and it just never goes anywhere. That’s the game. It’s just the way it is, dude, but at least you showed up, you showed out and you shoot your shot.

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