Did We Both Move Too Fast?

How to know if you moved too fast when a woman you were dating suddenly goes cold after several weeks of dates and hooking up.

In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a twenty-four year old viewer who met his hot twenty-two year old neighbor. They started dating and hooking up for about two weeks straight, and she asked what he would do if she made it official between them.

A few weeks later, she became distant, stopped being affectionate and now he hasn’t heard from her in five days. He wonders what he should do next. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Things started off great. They went on on a date, hung out, had fun, hooked up for the next two weeks, a lot of passion, and then it slowly started fizzling out over the next couple of weeks. Now he hasn’t heard from her in five days, and he’s wondering, “Did we both move too fast?”

He doesn’t say how many times he may or may not have read How To Be A 3% Man yet. But looking through this, you could see things went so well in the first week or two, he got sloppy. And when you get sloppy, you’re going to experience pain.

Viewer’s Email:

Hey Corey,

About a month ago I (M24) met a 22-year-old girl. We met on a Monday and I used the phone to set up a date for a Sunday night. We got pizza, went to a bar, then went to my place and we hooked up.

Hang out, have fun and hook up, textbook. You liked her, she liked you, easy peasy.

This was rather easy to do since we both live in the same apartment, on the same floor as this is the way we met. From here on out, she was initiating most of the contact and hitting me up while I was at work with things like, “I just want you to know that at this moment I’m thinking about you right now.”

So, the important thing, you’ve got to stay in the present moment with how a woman is thinking and feeling. That was the feeling when she sent that. It only applied in that moment. A month later, obviously, he hasn’t heard from her in five days. And a lot of guys make the mistake of going “Well, she was really thinking about me,” but then she’s cold and they think, “What happened?”

Women are more emotionally driven than men, obviously. They’re more connected and they’re more intuitive to their emotions and feelings. And so, when they tell you something, it’s kind of like a limited time offer in sales. It only applies in that moment, and then it’s like a Snapchat message, Poof! It disappears. It has a twenty four hour window, and then it no longer applies.

Even when she says, “I love you,” it’s based upon how she’s feeling in that moment. And guys will think, “Well, she told me how much she was in love with me six months ago.” It’s like, well, when was the last time she said, I love you? Six months ago. Well, she was in love with you six months ago, but not anymore, obviously.

This was the first week of us knowing each other. We started to spend a lot more time together just because it was so easy. Typically, I would just walk over to her side of the hall when I got home from work, and then we’d have fun and hook up for about 2 straight weeks.

So, it became the same dull, boring routine. You wanted access to the box. You just walked over and knocked on her door. You didn’t mention anything about her texting or messaging you. So, I don’t know if you were texting and messaging and then you walked over, or it was just a daily routine and you just started going over there and treating her like your girlfriend.

Because you mentioned that she was doing most of the pursuing, but then at this point, you’re just walking over. So, I don’t know if she invited you over, or she texted you and you said let’s get together. But you basically went out on one date, and then just started hooking up. You got lazy. You stopped hanging out and doing fun things. Instead of being mysterious and unpredictable, you became boring and totally predictable. “Oh, look, it’s 5:30. He’s coming over for his afternoon delight.”

We both went to a fourth of July party and both had a good time.

Another thing, I wouldn’t be going to do things like that, group dates or parties, with somebody you’ve been seeing for two weeks. Because there is a high probability that somebody there is going to do something or say something to cockblock you.

You’re trying to get a woman to emotionally bond and connect with you, and when you bring other people into the picture after two weeks and start parading her around like your girlfriend, somebody’s going to throw a grenade in. Which obviously, somebody did something that I’ll get to in a second, and you can see that her behavior kind of changed after that.

At one point at the party, a girl yelled at me, (in a playful way), and said, “She wants you to make her your girlfriend!” to which I kind of laughed off. The weird part wasn’t that, but at the end of the night when we said goodnight to each other at my door, I noticed she didn’t go in for a kiss.

Why didn’t you kiss her good night, dude?

I thought it was strange, but the next time I saw her she was saying that she had a great time, without me even asking. About a week ago, we hung out and watched a movie at her place and she didn’t seem to initiate any physical contact, so I again played it cool and just laid off, not getting butthurt or anything. She was just getting off her period. 

We hung out very briefly the next day, as I just had to pick up some stuff from her place and I was starting to get the feeling that I was around her too much.

Yeah, it’s like, right away you started treating her like a girlfriend.

I went into her place to grab a phone charger, and while I was in there she asked if I wanted my laundry done that was at her place to which I replied, “Sure.” She was cleaning at the time, so I said to her, “Okay, I’ll let you finish up then,” and left back to my side of the hall. The next day, I sent her a text stating, “When are you available for me to come over?”

Come on, man. Lazy, lazy, lazy. Hang out, have fun, hook up.

To which she replied, “I don’t know. I’m gonna go for a run soon, and then I have to shower and clean a little before I hang out with my friends tonight,” which is strange since she was cleaning the night before. I said, “Alright, could you grab my clothes for me?” and a few moments later she was outside my door with my clothes. I said with a grin on my face, “Looks like your hands are full,” because they really were, and grabbed my stuff. She was smiling and I stated, “Alright, well have a good run,” with a slight grin on my face and she replied, “Yeah, it’s gonna be hot!” That was that.

It’s been 5 and a half days and I haven’t heard from her. I don’t know if I should hit her up again or not, because I offered to hang, and she rejected me.

Obviously, you can tell things are changing. You were mysterious at first, and then you would just start going over and knocking on the door and hook up. It became boring and dull, acting like an old married couple that had been together for thirty years. Not much excitement going on there.

My concern is that we just spent too much time together since it was so easy to, and I may have lost some mystery.

Yep.

Although I really didn’t spill my guts at all or anything.

You don’t sound so sure about that.

At one point, about 2 weeks in, she was talking about how badly she didn’t want to mess things up and that she told her mom about me.

So, she was really digging you.

She even brought up what I would do if I were to make us “official,” and I said “sounds like you want to be my girlfriend,” and we both just kind of laughed it up and I kept it playful.

Well, when she’s bringing that up, granted, it’s only two weeks in, I would have been saying, “Are you saying you already want to be boyfriend-girlfriend?” See where she’s coming from.

Should I contact her or keep waiting? If I am to contact her to reach out, how should I phrase the request to spend time together again? Attached is a picture of us at the 4th of July party.

Bob

So one critique on the picture — she’s a cute girl, by the way — is he’s got a rifle over his shoulder, and he’s got his finger on the trigger. You don’t ever put your finger on the trigger unless you’re going to pull it. It creates bad muscle memory. Don’t fucking do that, ever. Don’t ever touch the trigger unless you’re aimed and you’re about to shoot something, and you know what’s behind what you’re about to shoot. Again, it creates bad muscle memory. You’ve always got to be safe with weapons, especially the AR-15 rifle.

So, with that said, what I would do if I were you is I would wait two weeks to see what happens, see if she reaches out. She obviously got kind of bored, because you just started doing the same dull, boring routine. You took her out on one date and then just started going over for booty calls. The idea is if she’s reaching out and it seems like she started reaching out a lot, then you can make dates. But instead of just, “Hey, I’ll just walk over to your house,” you should have gone out and done something. Go out and do fun things together.

And it’s okay if she’s inviting you over or saying, “Hey, what are you doing?” You can be like, “Well, I was thinking about coming over to your house and kissing those beautiful lips of yours. We can do some Netflix and chill,” something along those lines. But you’ve got to be going out and doing fun things.

It just sounds like after a couple of weeks you just got used to it. You get home from work, you change, you just walk over, knock on the door, didn’t have a date or anything set up. So, you just got sloppy. It’s like, “Hey, I’m getting laid. I got free pussy here. Hey Corey, here’s your book, but I don’t need this.” You didn’t follow what the book teaches, and now here you are, five and a half days I think he said, and you haven’t heard from her.

I’d wait two weeks, but if you bump into her in the hall you can be like, “Hey, cutie, I miss your face, we should get together and go out. What’s your schedule like? When are you available?” and make a definite date. If she texts you, say, “Hey, it’s great to hear from you. I miss your face. We should get together. What’s your schedule like?” Then actually go out on a date and take her somewhere. Take her through this seduction process, do it properly. See what she’s been up to, and then let things slowly re-establish that way.

You just spent way too much time, too fast, too soon and got kind of sloppy. It’s like, all the mystery evaporated. It just became a dull, boring routine, and so her infatuation, her high feelings of attraction dropped off a cliff. And obviously, I don’t really know, because you weren’t real clear about that chick at the party. Why would she say that “She wants you to make her your girlfriend and you’ve only been dating for two weeks”? That’s not a helpful comment. Who is this person? Did she know you? Were you talking about this girl to other people, so she said something like that? And then, you laughing about it.

Also, if she’s bringing up being girlfriend and boyfriend after only two weeks of dating, she sounds a little insecure. Because typically, women who have their shit together aren’t going to be talking about boyfriend-girlfriend within a week or two. It’s just way too soon. So, I would be on the lookout for signs of insecurity if you start seeing her again and she starts really pushing hard for the relationship. You’ve got to pay attention to those little things.

When I say read the book 10 to 15 times, I mean read it 10 to 15 times. And also, my new book, “Quotes, Ruminations & Contemplations” is out. You can get it on audiobook, iTunes, paperback, e-book and hardcover at all of the typical retailers.

And if you’d like to book a coaching session with yours truly, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen.

“Women are more attracted to men whose attention and validation they have to earn versus men who over pursue and smother them with attention. Women want to be in a love story that evolves slowly over time. Women need time to slowly fall in love and be present with their feelings and emotions so they can become emotionally bonded and eventually desire to become exclusive. Women love men who are a challenge, mysterious and unpredictable, but also direct and decisive. Romantic affairs that are based upon lust and impatience will quickly fizzle out and dissolve because this inhibits women becoming emotionally bonded.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne

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