Discipline, Effort & Romance Ensures Relationship Success: Update

Update to previous newsletter “Discipline, Effort & Romance Ensures Relationship Success.”

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email update from the viewer who got dumped by his baby momma after 12 years. She has apparently already monkey branched to another guy and he found out through his 8 year old since he’s met their kids without his knowledge or consent. However, he’s had a paradigm shift and things are going great as he details. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Cory Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter in the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “Discipline, Effort & Romance Ensures Relationship Success: Update.”

So this is an update to an email that I did a while back. And so this particular original email, he got dumped by his baby mama after 12 years together. And apparently she’s already monkey branch to another guy and he found out through his eight year old because I guess apparently she’s already introducing their children to the new guy that she’s dating without his consent. So he’s driving along in his car and his eight years, like eight year old is like, “hey daddy, guess what?”

So that’s how he found out that his wife is already dating and sleeping with somebody else, and he’s already met their kids. So he was bummed at first, but now he’s like, after 12 years. It’s like she just had low character, low integrity, and, but he’s had a complete paradigm shift. And so things are going great. And so he’s got a very detailed email that shows all the epiphanies and great things that have been happening to him. So when one door closes, another one opens. So a breakup is not the end of the world. Better always comes if you put the time in.

Viewer Email:

Evening Coach,

I wrote in a few weeks ago and you did a video response named: “Discipline, Effort & Romance Ensures Relationship Success.” I can confirm that I was indeed taking the piss when I said hello from sunny England. England continues to be an Islamic republic with near constant rainfall. Hello, none the less.

Yeah, the problem is, it’s like when you see the speech from the foreign minister of the United Arab Emirates. He spoke in English to this group of Western leaders. And he said, “the people in the West don’t understand Islam like they do.” He says, “There’s going to come a day where there’s more terrorists coming out of Europe than there are the Middle East, because of political correctness and their unwillingness to address this, because you’ve got these Islamic bearded Muppet hate preachers going into all the mosques in the West and including the United States.”

There’s one just recently down in Miami that are just preaching the jihad. Preaching the same ideology as ISIS. And they all believe that they’re going to take over the world. And, you know, you can’t preach that shit in Saudi Arabia. You can’t preach it in the United Arab Emirates. But in the UK, Germany, Netherlands, the United States, all over the place, they’re preaching it and radicalizing their congregations or a percentage of their congregations. And that’s a problem because the political correctness, I mean, in the UK, they’ll throw you in jail if you even talk about it or complain about it.

And so you can’t solve problems unless you can talk openly and honestly about them. And in the UK, they just don’t allow you to even talk about it. And if you do, they throw your ass in jail. They let out murderers and rapists in order to make room for people that point out obvious things that the government has fucked up with the immigrants because they say it’s hate speech. It’s pretty nuts.

So, since returning to your book I thought I’d share a few insights from my comeback from being dumped as a needy, insecure man. Obviously my partner left as I hadn’t dated her. This made her lose attraction over time and to her credit there were plenty of signs which I completely missed and failed to do anything about. I recently learned that she has immediately monkey branched into a new relationship with a guy who couldn’t tie my boot laces.

Before coming back to the book, truly seeing myself as a catch and putting on my Chad Thunder Cock branded underpants every morning, I would have been very upset. But at this stage I’m just like ‘well, good look with that shit’. Don’t get me wrong, there’s a lot I would like to say to her but I’ve developed and exercised uncharacteristic emotional self control and never shown her even an inkling of me being bothered by her shitty behavior.

I’ve got little Lyla here in my lap. Say hi, Lyla. That’s where the whining is coming from. She wanted to be in here while I was filming, so I let her sit and hang out.

This has been dignifying for me & has also stopped any unnecessary drama around my children because at the end of the day what would it have achieved?

Nothing.

She has now introduced her new boyfriend to my kids without even a heads up to me and taken them to play center dates with his son. For reference we were together 12 years all together and have been separated 4 months. I calmly explained I deemed this to be low integrity behavior and is a risk of confusing the kids as they have only just been separated from their father, especially as he is unlikely to remain in their life the long term.

This was all right. Go hang out with your sister.

I calmly explained I deemed this to be low integrity behavior and is a risk of confusing the kids as they have only just been separated from their father, especially as he is unlikely to remain in their life the long term.

What are you doing?

As he is unlikely to remain in their life the long term. That was all, no more, no less! I mean, it may have been a common courtesy not to hear about Mums new relationship from my 8 year old. What a fucking car journey that was, but I have no control over anything else and instead I have focused on the things I can control.

That’s what we call the controllables. Because again, if you were in a relationship with a ratchet, you’re not going to fix her ratchet behavior. You just have to accept that that’s the reality and do better next time. Remember, wherever you are in life, you can take great comfort in the fact that it was your best thinking that got you there.

I have continued to streamline my business, keep a decent home and I have started practicing what is in the book as often as I can. I am naturally introverted but I have been talking to everybody. I have been cracking shit jokes left, right and center and walking with a new step thanks to my ongoing pursuit of the gym, boxing, jujitsu and the fact that genuinely feel quite confident in myself for the first time in a long time. I’m a decent bloke and a catch for a woman who has similar values to me and is willing to support me on my initial mission, to open a few health clinics across the northwest.

I presently have 1 which is almost at full capacity. What you say about women noticing you when you’re out & about is so true. I now make eye contact with many women throughout the day, interact and at least smile with most of them. I even interact more seamlessly with other men, less awkward eye contact and low key hostility that I have perceived in the past and have more banter and smiling. Something has changed within me that I can’t put my finger on.

It’s called acceptance. Acceptance of reality. Because now you’re living in the present moment and you can be happy. Because when you don’t accept reality as it is, you’re going to suffer. Most people live stuck in the past or worried about what may or may not happen in the future, instead of what they need to do today before they go to bed at night.

I can’t put my finger on and when you say about moving into your masculine that’s all I can put it down to. 

Again, I’d say it’s acceptance. You’ve accepted what’s happened has happened, and now this is your new reality.

I’ve taken a couple girls out at this point whereby they’ve been perfectly nice but something seems off. So I have pulled back after the fact. Two observations from that. Number One: I am now intuitively screening women for ratchet behavior and long-term compatibility.

Yeah, vetting is the biggest part of the dating. It’s like test driving a car.

Historically the strength of my erection was the only gauge as to how committed I was to a woman. I now expect and seek more. I will never again end up in a situation like I did with my kids Mum whereby despite my part in its ending the relationship was always irreparable because she has low integrity and daddy issues. This is my fault because I’m the person who got with her and blindly put up with her shit for 12 years.

Yeah, no one will ever do or say anything to you that you don’t invite them to do. And whatever you tolerate, you’re going to invite more of. And so this is part of why he feels so good. Because he accepted it. He accepted his responsibility and it was his best thinking at the time. He saw the ratchet behavior. He made excuses for it and it never got any better because character is destiny.

However for what it’s worth that mistake gave me my beautiful daughters and now all I need do is find a strong supportive partner so they can see what a loving relationship is supposed to look like. When I do pull back from the women I don’t really want to date, those women are sending me gratuitous messages, pictures and obsessively pursuing me.

Well, it’s a scientific fact women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. That’s just a fact of life. And so this is where most of us guys realize and learn that, you know, as you’re dating, it seems like the girls you don’t really care about are crazy about you. And the ones that you really want, it’s like they’re bored, they’re disinterested, there’s no enthusiasm. And the difference is you’re treating the ones you really like different than the ones that you don’t care about. And so that’s why I talk about in The Book, you’ve got to treat them all the same.

Because you’re vetting them for character and looking at their actions. And so you’re not going to get dopey or overly excited just because she’s hot and she’s got a nice ass and you could bounce a quarter off of it. You got to just, you know, they can be gorgeous on the outside, but an absolute shit show on the inside. This is why you got to look at what people do. And it’s usually for most people, not until they’re after out of the honeymoon period and the infatuation period that they can kind of see reality as it is.

Because when they’re totally head over heels in love, they’re seeing the fantasy of who they want the person to be, and they ignore everything else. It’s just like, we’ve all been there, whether it’s ourselves or we’ve had friends that were dating someone, we’re like, “yeah, that ain’t going to work.” And you tell that person, and they just get pissed off and irritated at you and want to spend less time with you. And so you learn as you get older, you’re like, you know what, it’s best just to keep your mouth shut. And then when things blow apart, then you’re like, “well, yeah, I kind of knew all the time it was fucked.” “Well, why didn’t you say anything?”

It was like “you wouldn’t have listened to me anyways.” So sometimes people, whether it’s yourself or people you love, you just got to let them kind of crash into the wall, let them get their heart broken or dicked over. Because when they’re in la la land and they’re in love with the fantasy and the idea of who they want the woman to be, they’re not going to see reality. And so it’s only once you get life experience, you get burned a few times, you start to recognize that, vetting is important. You got to look at people’s character because character is destiny. He says, you know, after he pulls back and the women are obsessively pursuing him.

Which isn’t really my bag at 38 when I’m eventually looking for wifey but I’ll take the compliment lol. I think you have a quote about the need to occasionally “blow the barrels out as well” hilarious. Fuck me though, if I’d known the word “no” was a superpower I wouldn’t have spent my entire adult life as an overly agreeable bitch. 

Well, if you act like a bitch, women will treat you like a bitch. Right? Right.

What a lot of wasted years, but I am extremely grateful that I have rediscovered your work and that she left me when she did. I have a new lease of life and I’m enthusiastic about living it. I can’t wait to find the woman who really bowls me over so that I can practice what is the book, be an excellent reciprocally giving partner and set a good example for my children. Given the last few months I’ve had there’s no way I should be so calm, centered, determined and hopeful, yet here I am!

That’s because you’ve just accepted reality. You’re not obsessing about the past. Like, “Could I have done this? Should I have done that? I wish I’d have said this. I wish I’d have done that.” Because again, 12 years, this is what you got.

So, at risk of blowing smoke up your ass, you’re the absolute man, thank you so much, I truly appreciate your work and the new lease of life it has afforded me. God knows I could have spent the next 40 years stumbling in the dark becoming a bitter red pill loser instead of finding an absolute 10 and beating the breaks off of life. I have a date on Friday with a very attractive woman who seems to tick a lot of boxes.

Guess we’ll see.  

Bob

Well, Bob, thanks for the update. And like I said, even after 12 years, kids together, being betrayed, seeing your baby mama within a matter of months already introducing your kids to a new boyfriend, when you accept that, her character is unfixable, and that’s who she is. You see it gives him a sense of peace and calmness. Because he’s accepted reality. He’s realized he ain’t going to change her. He’s not going to fix her.

The best thing he can do is control the controllables, which is how he shows up and who he dates in the future, because that’s going to be the example that he sets with his new woman for his kids. And as his kids get older and mom’s fuckery continues eventually, especially when they get to be teenagers, they’re going to realize that mom’s a shit show and dad is a good one, especially when they see dad in a good relationship and they like their new stepmom. Or his girlfriend or whoever he ends up with in the future.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.