What you should do if your girlfriend or wife is texting and talking excessively with a male coworker of hers.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss a YouTube comment from a viewer who says his girlfriend of four years started working a great paying job in an all-male worker environment about two years ago.
Last month, he noticed that she spends hours talking to and texting with a male coworker of hers who supposedly has a hot girlfriend, and they are very happy together. His girlfriend says that they are best friends at work and it’s totally platonic and all work talk. He thinks there is more to the story but wonders if he is wrong to think this way. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
You really feel for guys that post things like this, because they want to give their girl the benefit of the doubt. But when you see the context of what’s actually going on, it’s pretty obvious to anybody that’s listening that he made a bad choice with the woman he got involved with. What’s basically going on is that he’s been with his girlfriend like four years now, and about two years ago, she took a really good paying job, and everybody she works with is a bunch of men. That’s not necessarily a problem, as long as you have a woman who has integrity and you’re dating and courting her properly.
But let’s be real, everybody, including myself, the longer you’re in a relationship, the harder it is to do everything right a hundred percent of the time. You’re going to get lazy, you’re going to get complacent, you’re going to get caught up in life. It’s just human nature. And if you’ve made a good choice and the woman you’re in a relationship with, you will talk and communicate and work things out and resolve your differences in a peaceful and relaxed manner and have great passionate sex afterwards. If you’re in a relationship with a chick who belongs to the streets, she’s not a good communicator and she doesn’t value loyalty, communication or commitment, because she probably came from a background where she didn’t see that example growing up, she’s going to do things like this particular guy’s girlfriend is doing.
And so, about a month ago, after about two years of working at this job, he noticed that she’s talking and texting for hours with a male co-worker who supposedly has a hot girlfriend and they’re very happy. But they’re just friends, nothing to worry about. And his Spidey sense is going, “This doesn’t sound right, but maybe I’m being unreasonable.” And so, he posted this comment, which I’ll go through.
It’s a tough pill to swallow, because if you’re in this situation, can you imagine four years of your life with somebody — everything you do, your families are intertwined and intermixed and your friends, everybody knows you, they identify you with being with this person — and then you find out she’s talking and texting with another guy at work, and she’s trying to get you to believe that “you don’t have to worry about him.” When a woman says, “Oh, you don’t have to worry about that guy, there’s nothing going on there,” it’s kind of like when a woman says, “It’s fine.” It’s not fine.
Hey Coach Corey and Community,
My Girl of 4 years started a new great paying job 2 years into our relationship. The job is a majority male environment. Last month, I’ve seen she’s been excessively texting a coworker while at work. He teases her and whatnot, mostly work talk.
Teasing and playfulness, treating her like a bratty little sister, that’s flirtation. Why would you do that? Because you like the person. It’s as simple as that. There’s no other explanation for it. Occasionally, it’s not a big deal, but when it’s constant, especially if you know that person’s in a relationship, that’s inappropriate.
They even were talking on the phone for 4 hours before and 30 minute to 1 hour multiple times.
She belongs in the streets! If you’re woman is talking to another man for four hours on the phone, it’s not work related. They’re enjoying getting to know each other. They’re bonding, they’re connecting. Because, four years together, I mean, you know pretty much everything about each other. And so, this is somebody new. It’s exciting.
And obviously, it’s harsh to recognize that your girl is just talking to somebody else and she doesn’t see a problem with it, or she doesn’t want you to think there’s a problem with it. Just like when a woman says, “It’s fine.” “What do you mean? What’s the matter? Don’t tell me it’s fine, you’re obviously upset. We need to talk. What’s going on?”
He has a girlfriend who she says he’s madly in love with.
Yeah, if he was madly in love with his girlfriend, he wouldn’t be spending four hours on the phone with your girlfriend. He’d be spending four hours on the phone with his girlfriend or in person making mad, passionate love to her and ravishing her constantly.
She says he’s just a work best friend and it’s all work talk.
Sure. That’s a load of fucking bullshit, if I ever heard it. That’s what the late, great Doc Love would have said, a whopper she gave you. She sold you a whopper! In other words, a big fucking lie.
Am I wrong for thinking it’s more to the story?
No, dude, you should listen to your Spidey sense, because it’s tingling and it’s going, she belongs in the streets!
What do you guys think?
Well, obviously, she belongs to the streets. So, here’s where you’re at. It’s obvious that if this continues, at some point, they’re going to probably end up fucking or having an affair. If it was me, I personally would dump this bitch. I wouldn’t put up with that. Somebody that does after four years, if you get married and you have kids with somebody like this, you’re going to get lazy, you’re going to get complacent, and something like this will happen again in the future.
She obviously doesn’t value loyalty, monogamy, exclusivity or the commitment. I would just say, “Look, you talking for four hours on the phone with this guy is not appropriate. I don’t care what you say. If he’s so madly in love with his girlfriend, like you claim he supposedly is, he wouldn’t be spending four hours on the phone with my girlfriend. He’d be spending four hours on the phone with his girlfriend or four hours in person beating up her pelvis. He wouldn’t be talking to you for four hours on the phone and texting you constantly.”
“It’s obvious that he likes you. He’s teasing you, he’s flirting with you and obviously looking to having an affair. And the fact that you’re entertaining this is enabling his behavior and you’re encouraging it. I don’t care what you say. If I was talking and texting to a hot girl from where I work for four hours a night, you’d be getting really fucking upset with me and really worried that I’d be banging her. And so, I don’t understand why you think it’s okay for you to do it with this guy, but it’s not okay for me to do it with somebody else.”
“And so, you’ve got two choices. You can either tell this guy it’s not appropriate, ‘it’s interfering in my relationship with my boyfriend and quite frankly, you should be spending all his time talking to your girlfriend. We need to keep everything professional at work, and that’s it, out of respect for my relationship and out of respect for yours and your girlfriend.’ That’s the way it needs to be. And if you want to stay with me, that’s what’s going to happen. And I want to hear you call him. Put him on speaker phone, so I can listen. Because right now, I don’t trust you as far as I can throw you.”
“And if you really love me, and you really care about me, and you really care about what we have and the four years we’ve been together, you’ll do this without hesitation. And if you want to hesitate, then I suggest you pack your shit and get the fuck out, because I don’t ever want to hear from you again, see you again or talk to you again. There’s no coming back from this. You’re either in or you’re out. You’re either in it to win it with me, or you can go be with him and his girlfriend. I don’t give a fuck. I’m not going to tolerate a disloyal woman in my life.”
“So it’s up to you. Whatever you want to do. Do you want to call him and drop the boom on him? And I’ll throw two cents in to what I think of him as a man, which is obviously very low. But if he keeps trying to go and interfere in our relationship, I’ll fucking go down to the office and I’ll cause a scene. I’ll make sure that little motherfucker gets fired, and maybe I’ll stomp his ass on his way out the door as he’s bringing his box of things with him.” That’s how I would personally handle it. I wouldn’t put up with shit like that, no fucking way. But I wouldn’t give a woman like this a second chance. I’d just be like, “Pack your shit, go.” It’s like, that’s it. Check, please. I absolutely would not put up with it.
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“Loyal women who have integrity and who value and respect their relationships and commitments do not spend countless hours on the phone talking to and texting male coworkers. Women who are unhappy, looking to cheat or who simply don’t value loyalty or their relationship commitments do this without remorse. If your woman is talking to or texting a male coworker of hers all hours of the day and night, but she claims you have nothing to worry about, she’s a liar and not to be trusted because she belongs to the streets. Either have an open relationship with her or dump her and find someone who shares the same goals and values.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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