How to determine which girls are disloyal hookup and party girls, vs. women who are dateable relationship material.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss 2 different emails from 2 different viewers. The 1st email is from a viewer who fooled around with a woman he met in December who was unhappy in her relationship. He’s bumped into her several times since then. She invites his attention and then pushes him away when he tries to escalate things.
The 2nd email is from a guy who met a woman who was on and off with her ex, but who also likes to invite attention from other men who are not her boyfriend. For the past 2 years, she has stayed with her boyfriend but continues to regularly contact him to invite his attention and interest. Both of these guys are hung up on the fantasies of who they want these women to be, while ignoring reality. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the bodies of their emails.
Both of these guys have kind of gotten involved with women who have boyfriends or they’re bouncing back and forth between their ex. And you can tell they’re projecting their fantasy of what they want, while ignoring the reality of what’s really going on. When the girl needs attention and validation, she reaches out. But both these guys are in the mindset of, “Hey, I’m going to rip off this dude’s girlfriend and make her mine.” And so, they’re ignoring some things that are glaringly obvious.
And I like breaking the balls of the dudes in the Red Pill community, because they’re constantly getting involved with women that, quite frankly, are the party girls and hookup girls and confusing them with the kind of women that are dateable and that you should be looking to potentially have a relationship with, if that is what you’re looking at. You’ve got to make sure your goals and your values are aligned before you get involved with anybody, and that includes your friendships. And especially if you’re going to go into business with somebody, you’ve got to make sure your goals and values line up. Otherwise you’re going to have problems when all your different values and goals have conflicts.
First Viewer’s Email:
I met a girl last Christmas time on a night out who had a boyfriend but was very unhappy in that relationship.
When I was younger and I didn’t know any better, I was like, “This is my chance. She’s not happy, she’s going to leave him, we’ll be together. It’s just like I saw in the movies. This is great!” But in real life, it’s typically not so cut and dry, and you don’t have the fairy tale ending like you do in the movies.
It does happen sometimes, but character is destiny. And if you get involved with somebody whose character is shady and then you later get burned, you can’t blame her or the guy that you went into business with that turns out to be a scumbag. People don’t change who they are. They may become a better version of who they are, but at the end of the day, character is destiny.
I ended up back at her house without him knowing.
He’s like, “Yeah, the boyfriend didn’t know!”
We never slept together, just kissed and she opened up about a lot of her life. I started to really like this girl.
Keep in mind, she’s in a relationship with somebody else.
I reached out the next day saying, “Hey, I had a great time.” I never heard back, obviously, because she was still in a relationship, but found out that she split up with her now ex-boyfriend just after the new year. I didn’t reach out because, obviously, it was too soon, and I was focusing on myself anyway through January into February. I ended up seeing her again on another night out at like the end of January. We talked and she explained her feelings to some degree and told me she couldn’t believe how good I was to her.
“You’re such a great guy. You’re so nice. You’re just so different.” We always look at what people do, not what they say.
She had a few drinks and ended up kissing another guy after I left.
“You’re so special. If I didn’t have this boyfriend, we could be together, and it’d be just like the movies.” As soon as you leave, she’s making out with another guy. That’s definitely the kind of woman I want to take home to my mom.
I did see it, and I left the club.
So, he saw it anyway, but the thirst is real.
A few weeks went by again, and I saw her out again. This time, I stood my ground and said we can’t keep doing this every time we’re out, because it’s not going anywhere, when I would like it to.
I probably wouldn’t be saying something like that. “You’re frustrating me!” Women like to troll guys, especially guys that act weak and soft like that. In other words, you’re basically communicating, “I’ve got no self control. I’ve can’t handle myself.”
Again, she said similar lines of “I’m staying with you. You’re not like the other men. Message me tomorrow,” blah blah blah. I left the club again.
So, he takes the bait, then leaves the club. Keep in mind, as soon as she thinks he’s out of sight, she’s already making out with some other dude. He’s so special to her, though. So special. What happens is guys project their fantasy, and they just completely ignore all this stuff.
A couple weeks went by again, and I saw her out again (shock), and we ended up together again at the end of the night, but this time we were both pretty sober, so we actually talked, touched, flirted, etc. and I made sure she got home in a taxi, and she was sad to see me walk home on my own.
So you pay for her to get a taxi and then you walk. Mr. White Knight. Captain Save-a-Hoe to the rescue!
I messaged her two days later and she replied with “she’s not ready to get to know somebody because she’s confused,” so I said something along the lines of, “It’s ok, I understand,” and I haven’t looked back. Next time we’re out, I can’t be with her, simple. I’m not stupid. I haven’t messaged her since she said that, because it’s the principle, and out of respect for what she said, but I do like this girl.
Well, this is the kind of girl, what was different, when you saw her making out with that other guy, more than likely she knew him. Maybe she just met him, but she’s looking to hook up with no attachments. And you’re thinking, “Hey, I’m going to wife this girl up. I’m going to show her what a good dude I am and be such a gentleman, I’ll keep my hands to myself. And then eventually, she’ll see that and we’ll live happily ever after.” Meanwhile, it’s obvious she’s has no problem being disloyal to her boyfriend, who more than likely is still in and out of the picture. She just gets done telling you how special you are, you’re not even out of the club yet, and she’s making out with some other dude.
So, when you have a situation like this, you never call, you never text, you let her do 100% of the pursuing. If she’s a fuck buddy, a friends with benefits, you don’t try to take her out on dates. You don’t do anything. If you’re out in the club and she comes up to you, kiss her, make out. Fool around, go back to your place, boom chicka boom, boom. And then when she leaves, you can say, “Call me later,” but you’re never going to call. And you’re never going to try to date somebody like this. You’ll just hook up when she’s available.
But that’s part of what his problem is. He’s confusing the two. She’s probably looking for a rebound, unattached sex, no drama, no strings attached. And he’s thinking, “I want to have a relationship with her.” And she’s basically like, “You’re just such a sweet guy. You’re so nice. Let me give you a little pat on the head. You’re such a nice boy. Tell your mommy she did a good job. Be a nice boy. But you get no pussy tonight for me. I’m going to go make out with some other dude.” And that’s what happens. You’ve got to see reality as it is, dude. Not better than it is or worse than it is, but as it is.
Second Viewer’s Email:
Thanks for your books and videos. They have been a great source of knowledge for me, as I’ve read 3% Man three times and listened to the audio version perhaps 15 times in the last two years. As you state, one needs to read it enough and apply it to the point they can give a seminar on it, which I think I could if placed in that situation. But I have an interesting situation that perhaps you can see from a different perspective than myself.
Going back nearly 2 and a half years, I became interested in a girl in my social circle that started to give me signs of interest herself. Unfortunately, at the very beginning of this budding interest, I left the area for three weeks for work and family visits. It appears during this time that her and her ex were seeing how things could be patched up, though he completely ignored her birthday, which happened on one of the weekends I was away.
I think we have another white knight here. “Oh darn. I wish I could have been there for you to help you out with your grief therapy, give you a little rebound sex.”
Upon return, for her birthday, I had reserved dinner for two at a fancy place near where she lived (no money just reservation), for her and whomever she wanted to go with, be it her mom or her ex.
Didn’t you just get done telling me how you read “3%, Man” three times? And yet, “Oh, yeah. Here’s a dinner reservation. Bring whomever you want.” Well, as it says in the book, your job in the courtship as a man is to create an opportunity for sex to happen, to hang out, to have fun and to hook up. And here he is inviting her to have a group date, bring her friends and family, and he’ll basically buy them all dinner, and hopefully they’ll see what a good guy is and encourage everybody she should date him, and then they’ll ride off into the sunset.
You’re not applying what’s in the book, bro? You’re doing the opposite. It’s like you read the book, and you just continued doing what you normally would do. Which, I mean, he’s writing me an email, so obviously it’s not working out too well for him. If you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll continue to get what you’ve always got.
Instead, she invited me.
Well, that was nice of her.
Long story short, it was a good time, good vibes, good conversation, and when I kissed her at her place later, she did not kiss me back. I backed off, kept talking and went in for a kiss later, where she again did not return the smooch.
Just think, all of this emotional energy. This dude is ready to just throw in all of the cash to buy her and her friends and her family a nice, expensive dinner for her birthday, because her big meanie ex-boyfriend didn’t do anything, totally forgot her birthday. But he was going to show her how special she was and blow a lot of cash.
But it was just him and her. He filled her belly, and she gave him a dead fish kiss. We all know the dead fish handshake, where you go to shake someone’s hand and they just kind of reach their hand out and you go to squeeze it and they just do nothing. It’s kind of like that. Yeah, loads of fun.
To which I told her, “It would appear you and your ex are farther along than you let on.”
This is what happens when you go Mr. White Knight. “I’m going to buy you a big, expensive dinner for you and all your friends and family, because you’re special and you deserve to have a special birthday. And your ex-boyfriend’s a big meanie for just blowing you off on your birthday.” But she still went and had sex with the ex, probably.
And so, I ended the date, such is the way of things.
Such is the way of the sucker, as I would add. This is not how you treat this, dude. Simple date, maybe meet for drinks, see how it is.
I was content to let her go, and I told her as much at a social event 5 days later.
“I can walk away and never look back. I read it in a book. I’m going no contact with you!”
But this girl went into super flirt (only flirt) mode for the next few months, where it seemed to everyone else (including her mom) that her and I were dating, but she was only sleeping with this other guy (the ex).
Yeah, you’re the guy that wines her, dines her, buys her flowers, fills her belly. The one that she shows off to all the friends and family. Meanwhile, you get nothing, and he’s rearranging her insides. He doesn’t even have to show up for a birthday party. Nothing. And yet she still sleeps with him, and gives this dude blue balls.
Keep in mind, I was still dating other gals, so I wasn’t hooked on this one girl, getting blue balls and nowhere in the interactions.
Well, It doesn’t sound like you were going very anywhere. Remember, he says he read “3% Man” three times. Maybe he read it three times in his imagination. Maybe he was sleepwalking when he read it.
Eventually, though, I confronted her on what exactly was going on between us.
Again, this is something that’s addressed in the book. This is not what a guy who’s confident and sure of himself and has plenty of options with other women is going to be saying. This is a guy that has no game and no clue, who’s saying, “Mommy, where are we?” He’s not being the leader in the relationship. A man who asks a statement like that is not being the leader. He’s being the follower. Women don’t want power and control in a relationship, and yet he’s giving it up to her.
She had just recently become Facebook official with her now ex-ex, or boyfriend, and I asked her point blank what was going on with all the flirting then between us…
She liked the attention and validation, and she belongs to the streets, Like the first girl. She’s a streetwalker.
…while she was building this relationship with her main squeeze. To which she said, we were “just friends”.
He’s going out and he’s spending all this time hanging out with her, putting on his best clothes, shining up his shoes real nice. Taking her to lunch, taking her to dinner, and he gets a little kiss on the cheek. “Corey, I read your book three times. I’m really making progress.” You’re filling her belly, while the boyfriend is filling her vagina full of his baby batter. And you get a nice peck on the cheek. So you’re part of our Frankenstein boyfriend project. Well, actually, she’s kind of back together “official” with the ex. The sex must be good, because obviously you’re not giving it to her.
My pursuing ended that day.
It has been nearly two years now, and since then she has done 95-98% of the contacting…
Well, she should have done 100%. You don’t pursue women like this, dude. What are you thinking?
…(multiple times a month, not quite once a week), but she is with this other guy.
So, what we’ve got here is an email from Mr. Harry Honda. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Harry Honda is a nice guy that drives over to her house right after Chad Thundercock has dipped out and left the most ginormous turd in her toilet that has completely clogged it up, and her sewer. Harry Honda is over there. He’s got his little motorized snake, he’s got his toolbox. And he’s like, “Oh, your boyfriend left a turd in the toilet, and he’s not mechanically inclined? I will fix that for you, your highness.”
He takes the toilet off, runs the snake, gets Chad Thundercock’s poop all over his hands and his tools. But he’s like, “This is worth it. She’s going to be mine someday. She’s going to be mine. She’s going to see what a great guy I am.” And then she says, “Oh, my boyfriend is coming back for lunch. You’ve got to go. I’ve got to tell him it was a plumber. The plumber came over and fixed it. But thank you so much,” kissing him on the cheek.
I have had two girlfriends during this time, and she has visibly disliked both of these girls when I finally brought them to group stuff. I know she is not the cheating type…
Seriously, dude, did you write that in an email? “I know she is not the cheating type,” really? She’s hanging out with you, she’s giving you the dead fish kisses so that you’ll say, “Well, she’s not the cheating type.”
…as we had the opportunities in the early part of this story, but she was sleeping with her ex and couldn’t emotionally go from one guy to the other physically.
Yet here you are two years later, Harry Honda hanging out in the background.
She says she isn’t the conservative and structured type, but this and other things suggest otherwise.
No, you just can’t turn a hoe into a housewife. She just belongs to the streets, dude. This woman ain’t going to be loyal to anybody. What she’s not getting from her boyfriend she gets from you. She gets all the emotional attention. You get to be her emotional tampon and her therapist. And for all your troubles, you get a peck on the cheek and blue balls, while you continue to empty your wallet and spend money on her, or whatever it is that you do.
So, he hung out for a whole year that went on, and then he stopped hanging out with her, but he’s still calling her. You can’t tell somebody you’re not interested in platonic friendship and “Hey, you have a boyfriend. It’s not appropriate for you to contact me,” and yet you continue calling her. You don’t make any effort, any energy in the direction of a woman like this. You’re encouraging her to cheat, and the reality is you’re hoping to rip her off from her boyfriend who blows her off for her birthday, while you go out and spend money on her.
She reaches out first, something she doesn’t like and has brought up to me multiple times but she continues to do it.
If she complains about it, you’re like, “You have a boyfriend. We’re not dating. We’re nothing.” It’s like, “We made kissy-poo, I got a few dead fish kisses from you, and I spent a lot of money taking you out to dinner, wining you, dining you and buying you flowers, when you go back home and have sex with Chad Thundercock, and I get blue balls for my troubles.” I wouldn’t say these things to her, but that’s what’s basically going on here.
The problem is she is that one gal you meet every 3-5 years.
Well, the thing is, what you’re ignoring here is that she has you on the side, while she supposedly has a boyfriend. What do you think’s going to happen? Say you get into a relationship with this girl, what’s she going to be doing? She’s going to be hanging out and hooking up with the ex-boyfriend on the side. And meanwhile, you think she’s all yours, like you won the lottery or something.
Characters is destiny, dude. This woman’s not going to be loyal to you. This is a hookup girl and a party girl. Both of these girls from both these emails are hookup girls and party girls. But we’ve got Mr. White Knight here, thinking he’s going to wife up the hoe. “Oh, but I feel so much for her.” It’s like, really? She gave you a dead fish kiss, and yet you stuck around for two years. Bad way to go. And in the meantime, you’ve had girlfriends, and yet you’re still chasing and pursuing some girl that has a boyfriend, while you’re in relationships with other women. Doesn’t sound like you have too much integrity either, dude.
When we do see each other at group stuff, it is effortless conversation and fun. She goes out of her way to stand/sit next to me, seeking my attention and doing practically all of the work. But she is with another guy, so I’ve walked away. She just won’t let me go. So, Coach, what do you do?
You don’t ever call or text her for any reason. And if she does reach out, just say, “Hey, I’d love to see you, but you’ve got a boyfriend, so it’s not appropriate. So, I’d appreciate it if you’d stop calling me.” You’ve got to be man enough to do that. You can say, “Hey, if it doesn’t work out and you ever are actually single, this guy’s completely gone from your life and you’re done, and I’m still available, we can go out for a drink. But other than that, it’s just not appropriate.”
Plus, it sounds like he was going around parading her, or she was parading him in front of all these people that are in their friend group, to the point where they all thought that they were dating. Meanwhile, he was just her beard, if you will. It’s a bad way to go, dude. You’ve got to have some self-respect. You’ve got to see the situation as it is. This is not somebody you should be trying to date. Just because you got strong feelings for her does not mean you can just ignore her total lack of integrity. Like, Come on, dude, What are you thinking?
But the moral of the story is both of these women are hookup girls and party girls you maybe hook up with a few times, then you move on. You don’t try to have a relationship with them, because the ex is always going to be in the background. Or there might be 4 or 5 other male orbiters that are always around as well. Just don’t mess with these girls. If you’re looking for a relationship, you’re just going to get burned.
Two years this has been going on with this guy. He’s had two girlfriends in the meantime, and yet he continued to text and talk to her, maybe meet up with her, who knows what he’s doing. So, he doesn’t really sound like he has much integrity himself. Character is destiny. Maybe they deserve each other. Maybe he deserves what he’s getting from her and he deserves to get jerked around, because it doesn’t sound like he was very loyal to his girlfriends when he was in a relationship. So, you are who you associate with. You attract how you act. If you act like a dude that has no integrity, well, guess what? You’re going to attract people that have no integrity.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.
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