Disloyal Women Who Don’t Respect Your Authority

Why you can’t fix & shouldn’t date disloyal women who don’t respect your authority.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who has been talking with his ex-girlfriend again. They are both in law enforcement and the military. He has caught her multiple times having inappropriate relationships with other men, including inviting their romantic attention and interest. They’ve had many discussions on the topic. Even now since they are seeing each other again, she is still inviting romantic attention from another guy while she tries to get him back. He asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Video Newsletter is, “Disloyal Women Who Don’t Respect Your Authority.”

Well, that’s not good. You want women who admire you, who respect you, who look up to you. When daddy says, “This is the way it is.” And makes a decision, they say, “yes, Daddy.” Not a cranky, bitchy woman who wants to argue and challenge your authority all the time, or is always going full boss girl on you and jockeying and fighting for control. And this all boils down to girls that have a great relationship with their dad. They love their dad. They admire their dad. They respect their dad. They respect his authority.

They look up to him. They seek his advice. They seek his counsel. Typically, the mother respects the father. She doesn’t browbeat him or berate him. The father is not squishy. He stands up for himself. He lives his values. He lives his goals. He lives his truth. He’s a man. He’s in his masculine and his wife is in her feminine, and the daughters are in their feminine, and they all respect the father. I’ve done a lot of phone sessions over the years where guys initially will tell me how much the girl loves her father, but then when they start describing the relationship dynamic between the father and the mother and the father and the daughters and the family, oftentimes what you see.

Especially because I’m on the phone with guys and guys don’t call me when things are going well, they usually call me when they’re having problems. And I see the same patterns over and over and over and over again. If a guy thinks, “Well, her parents are still together, they’ve been together 20, 30 years, they’re very successful.” And then when we really get into the nitty gritty of how the parents are with one another, and you got mom constantly browbeating and nagging the dad until he eventually gives in. Well, the daughters do the same exact thing. They nag, they annoy you, they question you, they agree to things. Then a few days later, they bring it up again and keep trying to get you to change your mind. In other words, they just don’t respect your authority.

And if a woman’s not going to respect your authority, she’s not going to respect your manhood. She’s not going to respect your masculinity. That’s just a girl to have fun with. That’s not somebody to wife up or to have a family with. You’re not going to fix that. You’re typically not going to undo all the years of trauma and bad parenting that mom and dad did. Now, it doesn’t mean that women that grew up in a bad environment or didn’t have a good relationship with their dad can’t become great people. It’s just very unlikely, and the odds are not in their favor. When you look at patterns of how women actually behave, it’s most of them are not; when they need the help, they’re not going to go get the help.

They’re not going to do the work on themselves to become a better woman. They’ll just expect the guy to put up with it. And unfortunately, in our society, where there are so many fucking pussies and so many beta males and so many thirsty guys, a woman can be an absolute toxic pain in the ass. And there’s ten other dudes that are thinking, “I can work with this.” And they’ll constantly validate to her that, well, there’s always another guy that will put up with it. And then. So there’s no boundaries. It really happened in society because there are so many men, so many weak men, that are willing to put up with it. And so, your job as a man is to recognize what you’re dealing with.

And recognize that you can’t make good wine from bad grapes. As Maya Angelou said, “when somebody shows you who they are or tells you who they are, believe them the first time.” And so, this particular emailer, he’s in law enforcement and in the military and so is his ex-girlfriend. They broke up in January this year. And so, now we’re in June and they’re talking again. And the reason they broke up is because she’s constantly having inappropriate conversations, and relationships with other men. In other words, even though she was in a relationship, she’s constantly giving other men the green light to hit on her, and she doesn’t think that there’s anything wrong with it.

They’ve had countless discussions over it. She says it’ll change, and then she doesn’t. And then when he brings it up again, he’s like, “hey, you haven’t changed.” Then she wants to argue with him about why things should stay the same. And the one thing this guy is not getting is like he’s thinking marriage and stuff. It’s like, you’re not going to fix this woman. It’s pretty clear. I mean, even now they’re seeing each other and dating each other again and hooking up. But she’s still inviting attention from other men and sending inappropriate selfies, and giving this guy the green light to hit on her.

And the guy is constantly trying to get in her pants, he’s seen the text between the two of them. And she’s like, “oh, I don’t really want to boot him out of my life.” In other words, she wants to keep the attention from the other guy. That’s not the actions of a woman who loves and respects her dad and respects a man’s authority. This is a woman that just doesn’t respect men, period. She doesn’t fucking give a damn. She’s going to do what she wants, when she wants, with who she wants. And her attitude is she’ll just keep pushing it because she’s been able to get away in her life with wearing men down, because there’s so many soft dudes in society, and there’s plenty of guys that have put up with it.

But this particular guy that wrote the email, he wants a family. He wants a good family oriented woman, and she has not displayed any kind of character traits or self-control or ability to show that she’s going to be loyal to him. She’s doing the same shit she was doing back when they were together, and she still doesn’t see anything wrong with it. Even though they broke up over it and they’ve had countless discussions over it. You’re not going to fix this. It’s not your job to fix or to save somebody, but it is your job to evaluate and vet their character. And the number one most important thing to us guys in relationship is loyalty.

And if a woman is going to constantly act disloyal, you can’t work with that. It’s not your job to fix that. There’s nothing you could do about it. She’s going to be the way she is. You either accept it and put up with it, or you live your values and end it and go find somebody who shares the same goals and values. Because when you stay with women like this, all you’re doing is sending a signal to the universe that, “hey, send more of this, this is what I want. These are the kind of people I’m okay with having in my life.” So let’s go through his email.

Viewer’s Email:

Hey Coach,

The other day I had my ex watch the video about a married guy with an inappropriate co-worker. She is very defensive, and I found that her watching your videos helps her digest the points I want to make more easily.

Yeah, probably because she doesn’t respect you or your authority.

She said she saw how this guy wasn’t actually a friend based on your video. However, since the couple in the video are married, she says it is different.

It’s the same disloyal behavior. If you want a man to commit to you and commit his resources and give you his heart and soul, you got to show that you’re loyal. And if you’re going to constantly be texting other guys and sending selfies that are inappropriate, it’s like, you’re not a loyal woman. You’re a fucking hoe. You act like a hoe. So if you want to be a hoe, that’s great. Be an OnlyFans girl. Whatever. Be a Stripper, whatever. Be a sex worker, whatever. But don’t expect to lock up a good family oriented man because he’s not going to trust your ass any farther than he can throw you. That’s just a fact of life. So I assume she’s going to be watching this video.

She also disregarded the part where you said a good woman would close the door on a “friend” who is obviously inappropriate. 

Yeah, out of respect for the marriage or the relationship. And if she doesn’t respect the relationship and wants to continue an inappropriate friendship with a guy, it’s constantly hitting on her. Well, it just shows she doesn’t value loyalty or family. I mean, how would she feel if there’s 3 or 4 hot women always sliding into her man’s DMs, constantly trying to fuck him, and rip him off and steal him away from her? She wouldn’t like it, but she wants a double standard because again, this is obviously the kind of environment she was raised in where this is normal and she’s kind of probably a little selfish and narcissistic.

She doesn’t see anything wrong with it. It’s like, that’s fine. That’s her choice. But if I was this guy, it’s like, I’m not putting up with that. It’s like, no way. It’s too much downside risk, especially if you’re one of those guys that wants to go get married and involve the state. It’s just too much downside risk, especially with a woman that’s behaving this way. If she’s betraying you when you’re together, it’s not going to stop because you got married. But what will happen if you decide to get divorced down the road, it’s going to be extremely expensive and unpleasant.

And especially if you got kids it’s not going to be good for the kids to go through that. So you got to think about where does this end up in the future? As Gerald Celente of the Trends Research Institute so correctly says, “Current events form future trends.” If she’s acting like a hoe bag when you were together the first time, and she’s still doing it now that you’re seeing each other and she doesn’t see anything wrong with it, that’s her value system.

Respect the fact that she told you what her values are, that she told you who she was. You’re not going to fix that. You’re not going to change it. She obviously doesn’t want to. That’s why she argues with you. She wants to stay this way. She doesn’t see that there’s anything wrong with it. The only thing that maybe potentially would get her to change down the road is losing enough guys like you to where she realized, “every time I get with a good guy, I lose them because they don’t like my disloyal behavior.”

The short version is we broke up in January. We are both in Law Enforcement and in the Military. I caught her more than once having inappropriate conversations with co-workers and guy “friends.”

She’s like the town bicycle. You know everybody gets to ride her.

Admittedly I became controlling in an attempt to prevent the behavior which she uses against me. 

It’s like, yeah, you’re not going to be able to control her. You have to evaluate her as she is. And loyalty doesn’t mean shit to her. She doesn’t fucking care how it looks. Can you imagine being married to a woman like this? She’ll go out and have drinks with this guy, and then your parents are out and they’re like, “Hey, uh, it’s 10:00 at night and your wife is having drinks with some guy, and they seem like they’re on a date. What are you doing?” He’s like, “Oh, I’m home with the kids. She said she was gonna have dinner with her boss, or she was going out with people after work to have drinks.”

“Well, she’s sitting there with some dude, and it really seems like they’re on a date. They’re kind of holding hands and touching. And it’s like, What? Who is this woman that you brought into our family? What is this shit?” You know, a family oriented woman is going to be absolutely terrified that something like that would happen.

And she’ll never put herself into a position like that. It’s you know, when I look at my close friends that I’ve known for decades, it’s like, what would any of them think if I’m calling their wife because we’ve known each other for 40 years as well, like, “Hey, let’s go out and go to dinner and have drinks.”

What do you think they’re going to think? “Oh, Corey. You’re hitting on my wife. You’re trying to take my wife out on a date.” It’s like I would never do anything like that. It’s like, that’s common sense. And neither would they. It would be inappropriate. But that’s basically what this woman is asking you to be okay with.

Recently we reconnected. After a few weeks things seemed to be going well. She did mention however that one of the “guy friends” who was an issue in the past is back in the picture.

I’m shocked. Shocked, I tell you. He’s back in the picture. A male orbiter is back in the picture. I can’t believe it.

When we were together the first time he refused to stop making inappropriate comments, which caused us to argue on more than one occasion.

Yeah, she didn’t shut it down. That’s on her. That’s her fault. It’s not your fault. That’s her fault. She doesn’t see anything wrong with it. You’re the man. You’re supposed to lay the law down. You’re supposed to be Daddy, you’re like, “This is what I want. These are my standards.” She’s going, “no, no, no, no. He’s just a friend. You don’t have to worry about him. I don’t want to. I don’t want to not have all my male friends around me.”

Eventually she blocked him. This was a long drawn-out thing, not right away but for the sake of brevity I’m cutting it short.

She doesn’t respect you. She doesn’t respect men. Obviously, he didn’t respect her dad. You should have just told her like that’s inappropriate. And she said, “I’m sorry, honey.” And she would have cut it off, but she didn’t. Character’s destiny. This is what her parents did to her. This is how she was raised.

Since we started talking again, she made it seem like she only reached out to him.

Okay, so she unblocked this guy.

She only reached out to him because he is a superior in her military unit and because she didn’t want it to be weird, but I didn’t buy it.

I don’t either. I wouldn’t trust the bitch as far as I could throw her. You can’t turn a hoe into a housewife. And plus, if he’s a superior on some level, she’s thinking he’s an alpha type dude. She’s keeping her options open.

One night I saw his messages and went through them.

Remember, you already had this discussion the last time you were together. And if she’s trying to get you back now, the lines of communication are reopened with this guy. And what is she doing? She doesn’t want to cut him off. And she’s expecting you to put up with it. Probably because she thinks you’re a bitch. And quite frankly, you’ve let her get away with it. This is why you don’t take women like this back. They’re not going to change. All you’re doing is validating her behavior and communicating that it’s okay.

There were a lot of selfies sent back and forth, he made multiple comments. In her defense, other than the selfies, it was mostly one sided. He made comments about having dreams they went out and slept together (he said not X-rated), multiple compliments, and other things. He even tried to get her to stay home one night, instead of going out, to talk to him on the phone (not friend behavior.)

He wants to fuck your girlfriend. He’s making inappropriate comments. He wants to get into her pants. She likes his attention, she likes his romantic attention, and she doesn’t want to give it up. And the fact that she can say with a straight face that this is fine and you should just put up with it, is fucking absurd, and you’d be an idiot to put up with it.

They also made plans to go to lunch, & even discussed doing a long distance race that would require traveling to another state. It was also clear to me that they spoke about me, and he made comments comparing himself to me, like he was more understanding than I was.

Yeah, again, he’s trying to get into her pants. If this girl is trying to get another chance with you, and she’s basically giving some other guy the green light to continue trying to seduce her, the same guy who she promised to boot out of her life six months ago. Well, no matter what comes out of her mouth, it’s fucking bullshit again. I wouldn’t trust her as far as I could throw her. Fuckbuddy. Friends with benefits. Sex playmate. She ain’t no wife material. She should not be the mother of your kids. It’s just, she’s not a good person.

Mind you, he has a girlfriend as well.

Yeah. You’re tolerating disloyal people in your life. Your ex is disloyal. She’s interacting with other disloyal men. That’s who she is. She and this guy should be together, but, you know, and they’ll go cheat on each other eventually. 95% of the relationships that began in cheating end in cheating. Like attracts like. People that like the same things tend to like each other. Liars and cheaters tend to like each other.

I told her that by continuing to talk to this guy she is disrespecting herself because he’s in a relationship, us, and the guy’s girlfriend.

She doesn’t care. She just doesn’t give a shit. She’s fucking ratchet, doesn’t care, has no integrity. And you know, it’s just another person in law enforcement who’s just, quite frankly, shouldn’t be in law enforcement because they suck. They’re not a good person.

I also mentioned that she wouldn’t like it if she were in that girl’s shoes.

Yeah, but double standards and all. She doesn’t care.

Since we started talking, she got mad at me because she saw that I got messages on a dating app. I told her that I didn’t delete the app because we hadn’t made a commitment yet. But once I saw that she was upset about it.

Well, notice how you’re behaving loyal. You immediately delete the dating app because it bothers her, but in her case, she just continues to argue and throw the dude back in your face. Continues to have inappropriate conversations. She’s not going to stop. She’s just not.

I deleted the app out of respect for her and to give us a chance.

It’s like, why? There’s no chance that this is fixable dude.

I told her that I expect for her to respect me the same way that I respect her, or it is a deal breaker.

And so, here it is. This is again. This is why it’s not working. Your values are not aligned. She doesn’t see it the same way you do. Why try to argue with her? It’s like you’re in law enforcement. Criminals or criminals. Some people you can’t reach, you’re not going to help them. They just belong in jail. You don’t wife up a hoe. Simple as that.

She told me that she doesn’t think she wants to tell him that they can’t be friends.

Again. This is totally to be expected. She’s living her value system.

She said that I should just trust her.

Nope. Nope. No. You shouldn’t. She’s not trustworthy. She hasn’t done anything to earn your trust. She’s a liar. She’s a cheater. She belongs to the streets. Throw her ass back.

And that she will just not talk to him outside of the professional setting.

Yeah, whatever. I got a bridge to fucking sell you.

I am not comfortable with that because the guy obviously has no integrity.

Well, neither does your girl, bro.

And because due to military obligations they will be away together and whatnot.

Yeah, she’ll fuck him when she gets the first opportunity. She ain’t loyal to nobody but herself. She sounds like a fucking narcissist dude.

He is also getting moved to the same unit she is in so they will have to work together directly. 

Yeah, they deserve each other.

I don’t think it matters that we aren’t married.

Thank God you’re not married.

We have discussed getting married.

Why? I want you to take your right hand. I want you to reach out and fucking choke yourself for that. I can’t believe you’re even contemplating marrying this woman. That’s insane.

And are trying to make it work.

No, you’re trying to make it work. She ain’t doing shit. She’s trying to make you eat her shit sandwich and tell you that, “Oh, it’s not a shit sandwich. I put barbecue sauce on it. It’s delicious.” “Well, it tastes like shit.” “No. It’s delicious. It’s got barbecue sauce. I seasoned it myself.” Don’t eat shit burgers, dude.

How could I take the next step in out relationship if she won’t set and keep healthy boundaries?

You can’t. She won’t. She won’t respect the boundaries. That’s what a boundary is. Don’t cross this boundary or it’s over. Well, she keeps crossing it, so it has to be over.

My hope is that you answer this email and you can give us your insight about this stuff. I would also hope you could give us your take between healthy boundaries and “control” because sometimes I feel like I am being gaslighted. 

You are. She’s full of shit. I wouldn’t trust her as far as I could throw her.

Thanks for your time, Coach. I hope to see your answer!

Bob

Well, there you have it, ladies and gentlemen. Again, this is not a girl that you’re going to fix. This is a sex playmate. Fuck buddy. Friends with benefits. This is a hookup girl. That’s it. This is not a wife. This is not a girlfriend. This is definitely not somebody you want raising your kids because she ain’t loyal to nobody but herself. And that’s how her parents raised her. You know, it’s the way it is.

You can’t make good wine from bad grapes. You’ve given this girl countless chances. She continually violates the boundaries. The problem is you have been too much of a bitch to enforce them. And so you just need to enforce them and say, “Hey, we can be friends with benefits. I’m going back in the dating apps. And you know, when I find a girl, that’s the right girl for me, I’m gone.”

And, you know, keep in mind, she’s probably going to be fucking the other guy and ten other dudes. Who knows? Make sure you wear a condom with her. Again, I wouldn’t trust this girl as far as I can throw her. I know it’s not what you want to hear, but it’s reality, man.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page on my website, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.