Do I Tell Her I Know She’s Lying About Seeing Another Guy?

How to know if you should tell your ex you know she is lying about seeing another guy.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who has been following my work for 11 years and read 3% Man over 20 times. He ended his current relationship because it’s run its course. His ex is in the process of moving out, but talks about them hanging out again in the future. However, she is seeing another guy from work and lying to him about it. He wonders if he should tell her that he knows she is lying because it pisses him off when she suggests that they continue seeing each other after she moves out. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne, and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “Do I Tell Her I Know She’s Lying About Seeing Another Guy?”

Well, this particular email is from a viewer. He’s been following my work for about 11 years, and he’s read 3% Man over 20 times, and he recently ended his relationship of several years because he felt it had just run its course. But he and his girlfriend, they still live together, but she’s in the process of moving out. And so she talks about some guy, I guess, that she works with that she is hanging out a bunch. Clearly this is the new guy that she’s trying to replace him with, but she’s adamant about, oh, he’s just a friend.

There’s nothing going on, and I guess he knows better. I don’t know, maybe he’s checked her phone. Maybe they have a joint cell phone plan. I don’t know, but he knows that she’s dating and there’s more going on than she’s actually saying. So he’s he’s certain that she’s lying and he’s wondering, do I tell her that I know she’s lying? Because what pisses him off about that is that she says even after she moves out, it would be great if they could continue to hang out, maybe be friends with benefits or whatever.

And he’s thinking, we’re in the process of breaking up. You’re talking about hanging out together. Then you’re lying to me about some other dude that you’re hooking up with. It’s like, so he’s kind of stewing about it, and he’s wondering if he should let her know that he knows. So it’s an interesting situation. He doesn’t want to stay with her or get back together because again, it’s run its course. But she’s still living there and she’s still slowly moving her shit out. And they were together eight years, so it was a long time.

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach,

Hope you are doing awesome. I’ve followed your work for 11 years now, and read your book easily over 20 times, with many more audiobook listens and daily videos along the way. Thank you for all the advice you’ve provided, it truly has made an incredible impact on my dating and professional career. And your Members-Only content is awesome, happy to be subscribed.

Well, I’m glad you’re subscribed too, and so is everybody else’s watching this. I’m glad you guys are here,

Here’s my question: My girlfriend of eight years and I recently split up. She technically said the words, but we had both known and even discussed the feelings that we had been growing in different directions over the last six months or so. 

Hey, you either grow together, you grow apart.

I feel like the relationship had run its course and I’m not interested in rekindling things with her in the future, as I feel like I want different things in my partner now than I did when the relationship started. I’m actually excited to get back out there and play the field and meet new, better women. But, the week after we split, and while she was still living with me, she went out with a new “friend” from work and didn’t get back until 3 a.m.

But you say he’s just a friend. Oh, baby, you. You got what I need. But you say he’s just a friend. Friend with benefits, maybe? The cunnilingus friend. What kind of friend is he? It’s not really a friend.

I asked her about it the next day and she insisted he is just a friend, but when she later gave me her phone to look at a post from a musician, we both like, a text from him popped up, saying he “missed her already”.

Oh, isn’t that sweet?

And wishing she had spent the night. 

3 a.m… Probably beat up her pelvis. She didn’t stay the night. Didn’t want the ex-boyfriend to suspect anything. But the text popped up when he was looking at her phone that she handed him.

She is still in the process of moving out, but she has gone out a number of times with him and lied about it to me, saying she was seeing a girlfriend from work, going to a training session, etc. but the messages show on the lock screen of her phone and he is always there, referencing their night, salivating over her, et cetera.

Maybe she hooked up with him once and he can’t handle it, and he’s drooling all over her and potentially chasing her back into your arms, but you don’t want to be with her anymore anyways. But it’s disappointing after eight fucking years to know that you ain’t worth the truth. You’ve broken up. She’s moving out. You both agree that the relationship has run its course. Your goals and values aren’t aligned. You want different things, and yet she’s lying to your face multiple times about it. Why would she do that? She’s worried that he’s not going to like the fact she’s fucking somebody else already. And probably she wants to keep the lines of communication open, in case she wants to be able to come back for a booty call and such.

I’m struggling with the feeling that despite not wanting to pursue anything with her again, that I shouldn’t let her get away with this and treat me like I’m a sucker. I’ve been happy to keep the peace and get her moved out, but she keeps bringing up things like “maybe we can hang out still even after I move” that make me angry because I know that she is being deceptive and thinks she can get away with it. I’ve bit my tongue so far but would appreciate your thoughts on if I should tell her I know the truth, or, let karma and ceasing contact do the work once she is gone. 

Thanks,

Bob

Well, as they say, revenge is a dish best served cold. And if she’s lying to your fucking face like that after eight years and doing it repeatedly because she doesn’t think you’re worth the truth, you can just stop replying when she moves out if you like. Or once she moves her last stuff out and she suggests hanging out in the future. You could say, “well, I know you’ve been hooking up with that guy and you’ve been seeing him, and he’s more than a friend. And I don’t appreciate, after eight years together that you continually lied to me, lied to my face, and I’ve just lost all respect I had for you.

And quite frankly, I don’t really want anything to do with you anymore. I just want you to ride off into the sunset. We have our memories. You go your way, I’m going to go mine. We’re not going to get back together. And I don’t want to see you again. It’s disappointing, again, after eight fucking years that I wasn’t worth the truth. We lived together, for Christ’s sake. And you’re going out and fucking some other guy while you’re still living with me? That’s just rude. And I don’t appreciate it. And it just makes me think even less of you now.

And it makes it easier to break it off and to go find somebody whose goals and values are aligned with my own.” Maybe you say that, maybe you don’t. But, I mean, it’s up to you. What value is it going to do other than maybe just seeing her kind of twist in the wind a little bit, knowing that, you know, she’s lying? Let her tell you another lie. Once she’s gone and you got your keys back and everything. Then you can let her know that you knew all along that she was lying. And how much respect that you lost for her.

And how she’s suggested that you guys can continue to hang out after she moves out. But because of her behavior, that’s just not going to happen. Because why would you want to hang out with somebody after eight years together? Think it’s okay to lie to your face about already sleeping with somebody else when she’s still living in your place? Yeah. If it was me, I’d just be happy to get her out and get her moved on. And you can ride off into the sunset.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly.

Until next time, I will talk to you soon.