Do I Treat All Women The Same, Even If She’s Reserved & Religious?

Why you should treat all women the same even if they’re reserved & religious.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email success story from a viewer who has been following my work for a few years and read 3% Man 11 times so far. He shares his first long-term relationship success and how things are going with a new woman he really likes. However, she is a bit reserved because of her culture as she’s Iranian and he asks if he should treat her differently because of it.

My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

In this particular email, this guy’s kind of got a success story. He’s been following me for a few years. He’s read 3% Man 11 times so far. If you’re new around here, you can read my book at UnderstandingRelationships.com. Just subscribe to the free email newsletter and it’ll open up right in your web browser, and you can read it right on my website for free.

He’s been following me for a few years. He’s read the book 11 times, and he had his first successful long-term relationship that lasted about 18 months. Then he broke things off. So he recently started dating a new woman, I guess both of these girls are Iranian, he lives in the UK. Iranian women are very beautiful if you guys don’t already know, and he says she’s a bit reserved, the last one was, and now he’s like, “Well, because of her culture, should I kind of back off or should I just treat her the same just like you teach in your book?” So obviously you’re going to treat all women the same because they’ll respect you more if you go for it and they reject you, versus if you’re holding back because you’re worried about offending her.

Viewer Email:

Hi Corey

Thanks for your expert advice in your book and videos. I’ve been following you for a few years and read 3% Man 11 times. Due to this, I had my first exclusive relationship which last around 18 months with an Iranian girl. I grew so much and am very grateful to her. However, I knew she wasn’t a good match long term so I ended it. 

Fast forward a few months and after sleeping with one Irish girl, I’ve now met another Iranian girl (I live in the UK). I’ve been on one date with her and I feel totally different to her than my ex. She is exactly my type. Long dark hair, dark brown eyes, a beautiful smile, etc. All things I put on my list of what I was looking for in a woman. She is a lawyer and doing a masters degree in finance.

So she’s obviously smart and very high IQ, which is nice. It’s nice to date women that are smart because your kids will be smart, if you decide to have kids.

Our date went really well. By the end she was touching her hair, grabbing my arms, laughing a lot and told me that she had been on one date before this since being in the UK which was awful and she’s so grateful I showed her they can be fun!

Now I know that Iranian women are extremely reserved sexually (Until you’re in a relationship with them)…

Well, the bottom line is attraction level, interest and her feelings. So if her feelings are high and you’re acting masculine, you’re acting in ways that are in the book, you’re going to be able to seduce them more than they would say, or claim that they’d be willing to wait.

As a man, you keep moving towards your goal no matter what. You don’t get tripped up by her religious values or hang ups or whatever, because women submit to the man and it’s about overcoming her resistance. You penetrate her with your strength. Women want to be dominated by a man anyways. They’re designed to do this, but you got to be more masculine than they are, because if you’re not, you’re not going to get anywhere.

…This girl told me she’s had one relationship which lasted 18 months, and knowing their culture, I doubt she has had sex either side of that.

I don’t know about that. Sounds good, but the reality is, if she’s in love with you, women will abandon their families, they’ll change their religion, they’ll move countries, they’ll abandon their kids, they’ll quit their jobs, if they fall in love with a dude that’s in prison, they’ll try to break them out of prison. It’s all about how they feel about you. That’s the most important thing. When you’re acting in ways that are consistent with the book, all of those rules typically tend to go out the window.

So I walked her back to the student accommodation, hugged her and went in for the kiss. She turned and gave me her cheek. I carried on talking with her as if it never happened and then she just lent in and kissed me on the lips about five seconds later.

Well, that’s a good sign. She turned the cheek, but the reality is she still wanted to kiss him. So if a guy was being extra nice, he might have just gone for a hug because he’s like, “Oh, I want to be respectful,” but at the end of the day, this guy went for the kiss. Even though she initially turned her and gave him the cheek, she changed her mind, leaned in for the kiss because he didn’t get butt-hurt, didn’t bother him, wasn’t deterred. That’s what you do.

Sometimes a woman holding back or pulling back is just a way to see if you’re going to get upset, you’re going to come unglued, you’re going to get mad or you’re going to cause a weird, awkward moment. So you’re always calm, cool and collected because masculinity is calm after all. Feminine energy is chaos.

She was telling me I needed to be nicer to her as I was really teasing her…

Well, you can take it too far. That’s why I say in the book 90% of the time you’re the charming James Bond. 10% of the time, you’re breaking her balls, treating her like the bratty little sister.

…Suggesting she wants to meet again. We said our goodbyes and parted ways. I have not spoke to her since (About a full day).

With my ex, we ended sleeping together on our fourth date and it was actually almost by accident as she invited me into her apartment out of cultural politeness expecting me to turn it down. I obviously went in not knowing that was a thing…

Well, you did the right thing anyway.

…And then the night progressed from there. 

At the end of the day, the important thing is you went for what you want. A woman invited you in, you went in and what happened? It led to the Promised Land.

Typically, women in the west are going to sleep with the average guy by the second or third date. This was the fourth, so it’s pretty close. Even though she was religious, a different culture or a little more reserved, she still gave it up. I would say so will probably the girl he’s dating now. As long as he continues to act masculine, continues to be the leader, he’s direct, he’s decisive, he gets the point, he goes for what he wants without apologizing for it, he’s brave, he’s courageous, he’s not a coward.

But now I understand how restrained these women are. I am wondering if I should do everything the same as usual (Treat all women the same)…

Yes, you should treat them all the same.

…Or if you would make some adaptations to the approach.

Absolutely not. That’s why the book says you treat them all the same. It doesn’t say there is exceptions. A man does what he’s supposed to do, and she can politely decline or tell him she’s not ready. It’s part of the two steps forward, one step back. So if you encounter resistance, you just back off and then you take a run a little while later.

Again, this is all laid out in the book. This is something that you have to understand, because women want to know that if you’re going too far, too fast, that you’ll slow down, you’ll relax, you’ll back off so they can feel safe. Then a little while later, you take another run at it. You should never look at a delay as an outright denial. That’s where a lot of guys go wrong. As soon as they get rebuffed or they get the cheek right away, like in this guy’s case, they get upset, they get mad, they turn around, they leave, but if you’re not bothered, if you’re kissing her, you’re fooling around, you’re taking her clothes off, and then at some point she stops you and starts putting her clothes back on, that doesn’t mean you’d give up forever or even the night. It just means you’re going a little too fast. So you slow down, you talk for a while, 10, 15, 20 minutes, whatever, start making out again, clothes start coming off again and each time you’ll notice that you’ll get a little further until ultimately, she’s naked, you’re naked. Hopefully you strap on your love glove and then you bump uglies.

It’s a process, but you have to have self-control, and you got to be infinitely patient so the woman always feels safe and comfortable that you’re not going to force her to do something she’s not ready for, and if she wants you to stop or to slow down, you have enough self-control to respect that. If you do, that’s incredibly masculine, incredibly attractive, because the reality is most guys could overpower the women and take what they wanted anyways, but when you have the self-control to back off and you’re not upset, you understand that a delay is not a denial. It just means slow down a little bit. Don’t go so fast. You want her to feel safe. You want her to feel comfortable. You want her to have a good experience.

I expect living in a student building is effecting her world view.

Thanks again, Coach!

Bob

Well, maybe your next date. That’s the other thing I talk about in the book. You got to think about the logistics of sex. Where are you going to go after the third place that you go to when you guys are all over each other? If you go back to her dorm, in this case, maybe she’s got roommates, she’s worried about what they’re going to think. Your third place that you’re going, it should be someplace relatively close to where you live, so when you’re all over each other, you can say, “Hey, why don’t we get out and go back to my place and open a bottle of wine?” Or, “Hey, let’s get out and go back to my place and hop in the Jacuzzi,” or “Let’s have some coffee and tea,” or whatever. If she’s ready, she’ll go. If she’s not, she’ll say, “Hey, let’s have another drink.”

Again, these things are all laid out in the book, so I would absolutely not change your approach at all, because all you got to do is look at the first girl. She was Iranian, she was a little reserved, but if you held back, if you waited, she might have friend-zoned you because she thought you didn’t have the guts to go for what you wanted.

So again, if the signs are there that I talk about in the book, you keep moving forward until you encounter resistance, then you just back off and then you take another run at it a little while later. Again, it’s all laid out in the book for you. So congratulations on your success and hopefully things continue to go well with this new girl!

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