Do Looks Really Matter?

Do looks really matter? Here is a recent email from a client who has given up on himself because he does not believe he is good looking enough to attract the type of women he really wants.

Hi Tom,

Thanks for your email. I am going to make some comments to your email in (parenthesis like this):

Hi Corey!

First, let me say that I read your book. It truly has merit, and I agree with many points of your book, but I feel, as I am a bit older than you, 48-years old, that it really boils down to one thing. You spoke about the “Alpha Male,” whatever that means. (An alpha male is a guy who is centered in who he is. He has high standards for himself, and he is not deterred from his path or who he is just because a beautiful woman is around. He can be enchanted by a woman, but will never compromise who he is and what he wants for her. He must pursue his dreams and goals, even if it means leaving her behind. He does not change his opinion to match a woman’s. He does not need, nor does he seek, approval from a woman.) I, for one, have seen scrawny little “pretty” boys with beautiful women who I DO NOT view as “alpha” to me in any way, or some guy with weird mousse in his hair and makes some more money than I do. I consider myself maybe more MASCULINE than many of these metro-sexuals, so to speak. (You must be who you are. What you should be is not important. Be the guy you feel most comfortable being — the guy that your heart tells you that you are.) Anyway, I digress. What it really is, if you are a “pretty boy,” you know, “Oh, he’s so cute,” women love that word, THEN I think that is basically all you need. (Not true. Looks only get you so far. I am a good looking guy. My looks were not enough to make me successful with women when I was younger. I acted weak, and they responded accordingly. I was always the “friend,” but not the boyfriend. Just ask women what they want in a guy. Looks are always 4th or 5th on their list of needs and wants in a man. What do they say is # 1? Confidence.) I have seen these guys treat women like absolute shit, and they just throw themselves at these guys — yes, as you mention in your book. However, I like the expression, “water seeks it’s own level.” Do you get the meaning? I just think it is biology at play. (Women respond to certain male strength characteristics when a man is congruent with who he is and is not diminished by challenges or obstacles in life. As a matter of fact, an alpha male rises to meet his challenges. The whole mating dance can be boiled down to a biological level. We are trying to mate and get our genes passed on to the next generation. Women biologically are attracted to men who exhibit dominant male strength characteristics. If a woman mates with you, and offspring are produced, at a biological level, she wants that child to survive and carry her genes forward. If a guy appears weak or unsure of himself, he would probably produce offspring that would also be weak, having a hard time surviving, mating and carrying on the family gene-pool. If you don’t mate and produce offspring, your genes die with you.) As you KNOW, beautiful women WILL NOT GO UNDER THEIR WATER LEVEL, so to speak. How often have you seen “average Joe” with a super-model? Not very often. (Actually, I see that all the time.). Now, you may say “woman of your dreams,” but I don’t know if a woman like that is of my dreams. As a matter of fact, the most beautiful women are usually the biggest “pains in the ass” or HIGH maintenance. (You are right. Many beautiful women are spoiled and are assholes. The weak men have trained them to be this way.)

I just think the average guy really doesn’t get it, nor did I. It all boils down to what a guy looks like. Brad Pitt would have women after him, even if he wasn’t rich, (Women would approach him more than average guys, yes, but if he was weak, they would get turned off and leave), or even if he was the biggest loser on earth. Who knows, he probably is? But yes, he sure is “cute,” isn’t he? I just wanted to “sum it up.” I agree with you on many aspects of the book.. but it could be “condensed” down to this…Seek your own LEVEL boys (in other words, you are communicating, just settle for average, because you can’t get what you really want), or you are in for a long road of heartache. (“I might as well give up, because becoming the best version of myself is just too hard, and I would rather quit.”)

Tom

Here is my response to his email:

Hi Tom,

With your attitude and belief system, it is impossible for you to get the type of woman you feel is out of your league and is what you really want. Along the way, you have talked to many women you have really liked and assume it must be your looks, and not anything you are saying or doing, as being the reason you have not found a beautiful one who wants you. Any that would have had interest, you probably talked them right out of liking you. You sound cynical and a little jaded.

Here’s the bottom line:

“Most people have the will to win, few have the will to prepare to win.” ~ Bobby Knight

You have to talk to enough people and women, especially to improve your conversation skills to the point where you no longer have any fear of talking to them, nor do you care whether they like you or not. Guys that are quitters and give up after trying a few approaches are never going to change anything in themselves. They will blame others, their circumstances, God, lack of this or lack of that, etc. for their lack of success. If Tiger Woods would have thrown his golf clubs down in frustration and quit forever after the first few times his shots did not go in when he was a little kid, we would not even know who Tiger Woods is today. You have to pursue your dreams and goals relentlessly and without exception. That means you don’t quit until you succeed. If you want to quit and give up on yourself, and therefore never have the types of women and relationships in your life that you’ve always wanted, that is your choice. Quitting is always easy. But if you really want to get this part of your life handled once and for all, then you have to participate in your own rescue. You need to put in the time and effort to improve your skills and confidence to the point that women start responding to you.

Women that are really hot (to us), have similar interests, who are mature, fun, outgoing, sexy, charming, etc. are rare and don’t come along very often. That’s why you must practice, practice, and practice some more, so you can be prepared and ready for when that magical moment happens. If you are jaded and pissed off at women for not liking you, when one good candidate comes along in your life who would be totally perfect for you, you will be totally unprepared and blow it. If you are prepared when she does come along, you two will effortlessly flow together, and you will know exactly what to do in every moment to win her heart. In the meantime, you can have fun with all the other girls who are not what you really want long term, but are still fun and good practice material until the right one comes along. You can be getting laid, and improving your skills to get yourself prepared, for when Miss Right comes along.

Destiny favors those whose minds are prepared.

From my heart to yours,

Corey Wayne