Do most relationships suck? I mean seriously. What do you think? Our divorce rate is over 50%. I have found in my work that only about 3% of the couples are truly happy, balanced and in love. The other 47% are living a life of quite desperation. They’re not happy, but they’re not miserable enough to anything about it either.
Why did I get married in my mid 20’s only to get divorced a year later? I was young, inexperienced and weak. I simply did not know any better. We had a dysfunctional family growing up. No one ever expressed or showed affection towards each other. Little kids want to be held, hugged and kissed and loved by everyone in their family. Especially their parents. But usually most parents are screwed up in some way or another emotionally. They simply do not know how to give, receive and express love freely.
So at some point in childhood the children start to feel unloved, unlovable and even unwanted. They start to think there is something wrong with them. They start projecting their self-hatred onto others. They can become mean and cruel to animals, their siblings and even their own friends. Their friends stay their friends because that toxic relationship fulfills their needs for human love and connection. Even though it does it in a dysfunctional way, it still meets their needs. They usually have similarly screwed up family backgrounds. They can become destructive and misbehave. Parents who don’t know any better only pay attention to their children when their kids misbehave. That conditions and trains the kids to misbehave to get attention. Misbehaving is the only way these kids can get any attention from their families. Its dysfunctional. The parents get even more resentful, pissed off and distant. The child misbehaves even more. Over time they can become so conditioned to meeting their needs in a dysfunctional way that they can even get into trouble with the law or worse, end up in prison.
Everyone wants to have normal and loving relationships. Everything human beings do can be broken down into two basic objectives. Trying to get love or trying to give love. Its just that we are conditioned to accept a totally fucked up and heartless way of living and loving. TV, movies and the mainstream media in general focuses on tabloid journalism and magnifying societies problems and shortcomings. People in the media sensationalize celebrities and their opinions. As if they are some how better than the rest of us simply because they are rich and famous. Having spent a lot of time in, on and around TV, radio, and the media I’ve gotten up close and personal with the people we all see and know.
Whats really pathetic is people in the media, politicians and most actors and actresses are phony in-authentic jackasses. These are the same shallow jerk-offs and suck-ups that ran for class president, treasurer, etc. in high school. These people are some of the worst and most morally corrupt people in the world. We could not stand them in high school. Now they make our movies and TV programs. Give us our news. And even worse, they run our countries and make the laws that determine what we can and can not do. The geek who could not get laid in high school writes a movie script where a geek gets the hot girl by doing some ridiculous scheme that all normal women can see as silly and weak. Of course in the movie he gets the girl. In real life he gets rejected when he tries those silly antics. People who grew up in a dysfunctional family will try what the douche-bag in the move does. When it does not work they will give up on having someone like they really want and deserve. They become so scared and insecure that they settle for someone who is not what they really want, but they are just happy to “find” someone. All they really did was find somebody else who had decided to be mediocre and settle just like them. Their marriage is miserable, but hey, they’re stayin in it for the kids. Heaven forbid they leave the relationship and resolve to become the person God created them to be and to do the work necessary to become the type of person they want to attract. Then they overcome their past and can present a healthy, balanced, happy and loving example to their children to model.
Most people in the media are shallow, easy to manipulate (especially our shallow politicians who crave the power and significance public office gives them) and are only out for themselves. They talk out of both sides of their mouth. They screw each other over for money, power and percentages. They have no problem running for office and lying their asses off reading teleprompter’s and saying things only to get votes and win. Hours after taking office they are already breaking campaign promises they had been repeating for years. In their mind they are just being practical and pragmatic. In yours and my minds, they are dishonest self-centered assholes.
Did you ever have one of these suck-ups and phony ass-kissers in high school tell you what a great person and friend you were? Only to hear they were trashing you to other people the moment you walked away? Its the same people.
So they pump our heads and minds full of their politically correct bullshit and phony fake world. My attitude? Say what you mean and mean what you say or get the fuck out of my face. You and I know what truth is and what honest people are really like. However, these people are so lost in their minds and disconnected from their hearts that they callously do and say things that are harmful and deadly to the good people of the world who are just trying to figure it out and make a nice life for themselves.
I love this quote the best by Dostoevsky: “A man who lies to himself, and believes his own lies, becomes unable to recognize truth, either in himself or in anyone else.” Its like all the suck ups are still trying to get the attention of the popular kids. Do you really give a shit about what Brittany Spears, Paris Hilton or Lindsay Lohan are up to?
Besides, many of these celebrities and media types have all kinds of relationship problems, mental problems, run-ins with the law, drug problems, money problems and are not someone who I look to as any kind of standard to measure myself against.
So you can see how growing up in a dysfunctional family and having an even more dysfunctional media, TV and film industry giving us our entertainment destroys our society. It dumbs us down, lowers our expectations, destroys our confidence and can cause us to give up and lose hope. People never have a chance to be great and learn how to love. First their own family screws them up, then when they start watching TV, movies, etc. they become conditioned to accept and expect a life of mediocrity and quite desperation.
Everyone’s so worried about being politically correct and not offending anyone that they take on masks and facades that are not authentic or real. Their lives become a joke and most of us good people just tune them out. When kids are born into this world they really are up against an onslaught of negativity, mediocrity, false beliefs and destructive dysfunctional propaganda. If they are born into a dysfunctional family the odds are stacked against them even more. When you take into account the fact that most people will do more to avoid pain than they will do to gain pleasure, is it really a mystery why so many of us are so screwed up?
The good news is that it does not have to be this way! You can decide to change your life for the better in an instant. You just have to get to the point where you are so dissatisfied with where your life is at, that you are no longer willing to accept or leave things the way they are. Changing for the better becomes a MUST! Not a should. Life will never be the same again!
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“If you really want something, & really work hard, & take advantage of opportunities, & never give up, you will find a way.” -Jane Goodall