Here’s some things you should consider before deciding to get an ex back who is lazy when you are an active person. Do I believe that opposites really attract? Personally, I think it’s a bunch of crap! An urban legend or an old wives tale, take your pick. Just because two people are sexually attracted to one another and have a lot of fun together, does not mean that they are a good match for a long-term relationship. Successful long-term relationships are relationships where both people have similar goals and values. One of my former girlfriends is still to me, one of the most beautiful and sexiest women on the planet! However, she always used to tell me how she was a simple girl. She had a lazy streak and constantly made promises of things she was going to do, but never got around to. Her whole family was that way. They all had big dreams, but no guts to follow them. They were all talk and no action. I always had fun with her and her family. I still love all of them dearly. However, I am a high achiever. I always eventually accomplish and do the things I say I am going to. People who are all talk and no action drive me nuts! I have a lot of people like that in my own family. Unfortunately for my ex-girlfriend, as much as I loved and wanted her, she was never going to be a woman who encouraged and complemented me as an equal teammate. I always felt like I had to drag her along and drag her up to my level. The longer we were together, the more it bothered me. Eventually it was one of the main reasons why I never got back together with her after we broke up. She was always going to be this way. It’s hard for me to respect someone who constantly runs their mouth, but never follows through on their plans or what they promise. That is a mother fucker to find yourself in that kind of situation. I was totally in love with her, and she with me, but it was never going to be the kind of relationship, partnership and union that deep down I really wanted and knew I deserved. That is why it is always best to notice red flags of bad habits and character flaws early, and before you fall in love. That way, you can get out before either of the two of you gets too emotionally invested.
The following is an e-mail from a reader. He recently broke up with his girlfriend for similar reasons. He is a very active person, and she is more lazy and complacent. He has noticed this has caused him to lose attraction for her. He wants to rekindle things, but also is struggling with the fact she is lazy. This has caused him to no longer put his best foot forward at some point in his relationship before it ended. He probably has a good chance of getting her back if he cleans up the communication mistakes he is making. However, he will still be left with the fact that his ex-girlfriend is lazy when he is a very active person. My comments are (in bold brackets like this) in the body of his e-mail:
Hey there Corey,
I was dating my girlfriend for almost a year. We broke up almost a month ago. We were fighting a lot (Men who understand women do not fight or argue with them.) and one of the biggest reasons we stopped is, because I wouldn’t take the next step with her. She wanted for us to get a place together, but unfortunately, I’m financially not ready yet. (When you’re not ready, you’re not ready. The more a woman cares for you, the more she will want of your time. Eventually this leads to living under one roof so she has you all to herself. However, it is the right decision to turn it down when you feel you are not ready for it. Why? Your FEELINGS are your TRUTH.) I made a big mistake by not saving, and I believe I lost her trust. (Any woman would doubt your “provider” status if you are poor with money. Women want to feel safe and comfortable. In a relationship where the woman lets go so the man can take control and pay the bills, run the household, etc., she expects and deserves a man who takes care of business financially. If he does not, it causes her to doubt his masculine core which ruins her ability to feel safe and comfortable and trust he will do as he says. Women often will become bitchy when this happens. Women want, and deserve you at your best.) I hate that I hurt her, but I was losing attraction for her because of her simple complacent lifestyle. (You must become what you want to attract. If she is lazy and you are active, guess what? She’s not going to become an active person like you. Either accept and love her lazy ass the way she is, or grow the necessary set of balls it takes, and go find a woman who has similar goals and values. You can’t force, cajole or manipulate your ex into being the type of woman you really want and need. People don’t change, they only become better versions of themselves…IF they are willing to help themselves. Most people aren’t. Current events form future trends. Your ex was already this way before you met her.) I’m a very active person and she’s not. (You should find a woman who is active like you and who has similar goals and values in life. You will always suffer when you try to change her or fail to accept that she is the way she is and she’s not going to change.) I’m not saying that we have to have the same traits, but there were times I just couldn’t relate with her. (You can’t force chemistry or force yourself to find someone fun and interesting when they are not.) I tried this past Valentines Day weekend to see her, but she kept getting angry at me and telling me that I wasn’t putting in enough effort. (She is hurt and gets mad because you do not understand how or why you have hurt her. Read my article, how to open your woman emotionally.) I got her cards, wrote a poem, got her gifts, etc. (You buying things comes off as a bribe to placate her. You must acknowledge the pain you have caused her thru proper communication and convince her you understand how you hurt her, why you are sorry and how you plan to make things different going forward. The longer you don’t acknowledge how you have hurt her, the angrier she will become.) I’m extremely confused, and don’t know what to do with her. (Good! Being confused means you are about to learn something. You need to read my book again. Especially the communication and relationship techniques towards the back of the book. You can download the Amazon Kindle version of my book to your Smartphone, PC, Mac or iPad in under 60 seconds for only $9.99 by CLICKING HERE to learn how to meet and date the type of women you’ve always wanted and have effortless relationships.) I told her we need time to ourselves. I know I’ve lost a huge physical attraction towards her, and I know she has with me, but what can I do to try to rekindle what we once had? (Keep it simple. Next time she calls you, ask her out for dinner. Treat it just like your first date all over again. Create a romantic fun-filled opportunity for sex to happen. However, you must be prepared to communicate with her. Read the articles and sections in my book I refer to. Never argue! Shut up and listen to her and what she has to say without trying to justify your behavior or actions. Don’t talk about getting back together, relationships, commitment, boyfriend/girlfriend, etc. Just focus on having a good time, making sure she does 70% to 80% of the talking by asking her questions and making her laugh. I would also recommend you book a phone coaching session with me ASAP by CLICKING HERE. )
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Those who lack the courage will always find a philosophy to justify it.” ~ Albert Camus