Do This If She Breaks No Contact…

What you should do if your ex or a girl you turned off breaks no-contact.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who provides an update to a previous video newsletter. She broke no-contact after three weeks. However, he dropped the ball because he didn’t read the book or prepare himself if she came back.

Now he’s wondering what he should do because she came by his place looking hot, but he acted like a statue and did nothing. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This is an update. I believe that was titled, Why She’s Distant, Unaffectionate & Lacks Passion For You. So he was in no-contact for about three weeks and she broke no-contact. However, most people tend to major and minor things. I know I told this guy to read the book 10 to 15 times and get familiar with 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back and learn the material in the book because if she came back, we want her to find a more confident version of you that has more swagger, more competence and your game is tighter. Again, most people major in minor things, so he didn’t really do anything. Three weeks go by, she broke no-contact, even came over looking pretty hot, but he didn’t take the time to prepare. What did Confucius say? “Success depends upon prior preparation. And without said preparation, there is sure to be failure.” So sure enough, his ex started coming back and even looked hot for him, and he just stood there like a statue and did nothing. Now some time has gone by and he’s gone, “Oops! Did I screw up? What do I do now?

So the idea is that if you’re following what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, if your ex-girlfriend, ex-wife, a girl you were dating and thought was going to become your future ex-wife or future girlfriend goes cold or tries to friend-zone you, so you went no-contact because it wasn’t going anywhere and they were only offering you friendship and blue balls, you go no-contact because the strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and mean it. In other words, a meeting of the minds or a win-win deal is not possible at the present time because she’s not open to it. So that’s why you walk away and say, “Hey, well I’m not interested in friendship, but if you ever change your mind, you got my number. Hit me up. I’d love to see you,” and then you just walk and you never, ever will contact her again as long as you live.

Now, if a woman breaks no-contact, she’s typically not going to say, “Hey, I had enough time away from you and enough space. I’m ready to rekindle our relationship.” They don’t typically do that. What you get is a meme, a woman’s favorite text, “Heyyy.” That’s typically what they do. As the book says, if she’s reaching out, you assume she wants to see you and you make a date. So in this case, he should be inviting her over to make dinner at his place, hang out, have fun and hook up. She even came over looking hot and he just went, “I’m a robot. I don’t know what to do. I did not download the operating system that Coach told me to. So I stood there like a statue and a robot and did nothing.” So she came, then she left and no happy finishes for either of them, because again, he didn’t bother reading the book and learning what to do.

So she showed up. Maybe he was probably surprised that she showed up. Maybe he thought he was just never going to hear from her. Then she does show up and he’s probably gone, “Probably should have listened to Corey. I probably should have read that damn book,” because as time went by, after she had come over, he realized it was probably a missed opportunity. So you go no-contact. It’s like in sales, if you’re in a negotiation and you give your final number, “Ye who speaks first, loses.” So you give your number and then you just sit there and you go… Not necessarily like that, but you stare at the other person.

So what happens is if they’re not skilled in negotiation, they’re going to get a little uncomfortable with the silence. If you’ve offered a price that you know should be significantly less than you expect to get but it makes the other person uncomfortable, then they’ll start negotiating and coming off their price, but if you keep speaking, well then you’re going to lose the negotiation and you’re going to end up paying more than you should have.

So in this case, you went no-contact because no deal was possible, and you basically said, “Hey, if you ever change your mind in the future, hit me up. If I’m still available, we can go on a date.” So she breaks no contact for whatever reason. She sends you a meme. She says, “Hey, how you doing?” She sends you a direct message asking you a question or talking to you on social media that’s not hearting your post, but where she asks you a question and types it out and sends a direct message. Then you should assume, “Oh, she’s re-engaging. She wants to see me. So let me make a date at my house in the evening to make dinner together, just like 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back says.” So that’s what’s supposed to happen. However, she broke no-contact and came by. Then he didn’t do anything.

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach Corey,

A little update on the video you did on my previous email, she contacted me three weeks into no-contact telling me she was thinking of me due to my grandmother passing away after talking to my sister.

I would have said, “That’s really sweet and really thoughtful, and it’s really good to hear from you. I would love to see you. Why don’t we get together and make dinner at my place and catch up? What’s your schedule like?” That’s what should have happened. Not. “Hey, how are you? How you been?” You go right into setting the appointment because she says she’s thinking about you.

When a girl says, “I’ve been thinking about you,” what it means is, remember, it’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear, and you’re doing nothing. That cake is just in the oven. The sexual anticipation is building and weeks have gone by and she got a taste of what life is like without you, and she clearly was not happy about that. She didn’t like living life without you in it. So that’s why she reaches out to tell you she’s thinking about you.

Women are not going to come right out and go, “Well, I was thinking about you and hoping we could get a little rebound sex going.” They’re not going to say that. They’re going to reach out, because if you’re over it and you don’t want anything to do with them, you’re just like, “Oh thanks, I appreciate it.” Then to her, it can kind of look like, “Oh well, I was just saying nice things about your grandmother or offering my condolences because that’s protocol,” but in reality, you should assume, like the book says, that the real reason she’s reaching out is she wants to see you, but it kind of looks like it’s only about the grandmother, but the fact that she says she was thinking about you, you assume that she wants to see you and you make a date. That’s what should have happened.

That’s why you go no-contact. She had enough of no-contact. She had enough of not speaking to you. She had enough of the silence. To her, the silence was deafening and she didn’t like it. She prefers life with you in it. That’s why you invite her over to make dinner in the evening at your place. You don’t go to her. You don’t pick her up. You don’t take her out. You don’t meet for coffee. You don’t go on a group date with a bunch of mutual friends and acquaintances. She’s got to come over to make dinner or you withdraw the offer. All this stuff is laid out in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, the article and video I did years ago.

So her and her sister were friendly. That’s another thing women will do. They’ll contact friends or people that know you tangentially, because it just kind of looks like, “Oh well, they’re just keeping up on those relationships that they built when we were together,” but in reality, she’s finding out what’s going on with your sister, or your sister’s probably going, “Well, you should give him a call. I’m sure he’d love to hear from you,” because she’s wanting to make sure things are OK. Then she reaches out.

When she was talking with her she even said she missed me.

So there you go. So you should assume she’s ready for the horizontal bop rebound make-up sex.

I didn’t ask her about a date, just thanked her for her thought gesture. Was this a missed opportunity?

Uh, yeah. This is why I told you to read the book. This is why I say read it 10 to 15 times, because if she comes back or when she comes back, you need to be prepared. You need to be ready. Otherwise you’re going to drop the ball. Of course, you were lazy. Most people major in minor things. So you didn’t take it seriously. You had a perfect opportunity and you blew it.

About a week ago I contacted her about some of my belongings still left at her place. She told me that she would deliver them, but not when.

So you didn’t try to set a date. You reach out saying, “Oh hey, I’m calling about my personal effects.” So she might take that as you really want to dip, you’re over it and you’re moving on, which can have a positive effect on her interest and cause her to be more aggressive and more emotive with how she’s thinking and feeling, but again, based on what I’ve seen already, it’s like you should have been making a date. She should have been over making dinner together, and you guys should have been doing the horizontal bop already.

The very next day, she showed up unannounced at my house with my things. We had a small chat, I didn’t mention anything about seeing each other. She was all dressed up and wearing makeup, looking really good.

I would have said, “Well, you look hot. Why don’t you come on in? Let’s have a cocktail. Let’s have a glass of wine.”

I didn’t comment on her appearance. She told me it was good to see me and was wondering how I was doing. Before leaving she wished me a pleasant Saturday and initiated a hug. Ten minutes later, when she got back home she realized she had mixed one of her chairs with mine since we had identical ones and told me she would be right back over with it.

What a coinky-dink! Makes you wonder if she did that on purpose just to have another reason to contact you, because again, this is about as far as women go. They put themselves into your orbit in hopes that you like them enough to do something about it, which sadly he did not.

We both laughed when she came back over, and said, “Gosh, so silly of me” and said, “Stay in touch” before leaving. Before I ended things, I basically told her I couldn’t be with someone who is unsure of their feelings and doesn’t feel the same way, but that my door would remain open if her feelings changed and that she was sure she wanted to be with me.

That’s nice, but at the end of the day, she broke no-contact. So if that was your last message to her, “Hey, you gotta want to be with me. Not platonically, though,” and she reaches out, well you assume the reason she’s reaching out is because she’s ready to get down. She’s ready to do Naked Twister and everything all over again with you. That’s what should have happened, but it didn’t. Women are not going to come to you and go, “OK well, I’m ready to be back in a relationship.” It doesn’t work that way.

It takes time for women to fall in love, it takes time for them to fall out of love, and it takes time for them to fall back in love. It is a process that takes many weeks, usually about two months, about six six to eight weeks on average for most women if you’re following the book to a T to go from just meeting to where she’s in love and wants to be in a relationship. If she lost interest to the point where she didn’t want to be with you anymore or tried to friend-zone you, then it’s going to probably take a month and a half, two months of dating, doing things right and having your game cleaned up to where she falls back in love and does want to be exclusive again.

As the book says, your job is just to create an opportunity for sex to happen, and she came over looking hot because she wanted to look good for you. She’s saying she missed you and it just sailed right over your head because you didn’t bother reading the book and doing the things that I suggested. So you dropped the ball and gave yourself another healthy dose of blue balls for free.

She tried to friend-zone me at the time of the breakup, but I told her a platonic friendship doesn’t work for me and that it was romance and intimacy or nothing at all. What do I do? Do I contact her about a date or let her contact me again? I’m worried that I gave her the impression I’m not interested in taking her back after not asking her out after our previously mentioned interactions. It’s been six weeks now since the breakup. I have bought the book and audio-book and going through it as you recommended. I’m on my second read at the moment.

Thanks again for all your help!

Bob

Well, you should have done it right after I did your video newsletter. That’s what should have happened, but you were lazy, “I’ll get around to it.” The bottom line is she came back probably quicker than you expected, and since you really didn’t take the time to learn the book and learn the material, you didn’t recognize what her reaching out to you meant. It seems like you incorrectly assumed she’s going to go, “OK, well great, Bob. Let’s go back to being in a relationship.” It doesn’t work that way. All they really do is reach out. The rest is up to you. You’re supposed to be the leader. So in this particular case, because you acted like a statue, I would call her up and invite her over to your place to make dinner in the evening, to catch up, and then just hang out, have fun and hook up. Treat it like a normal date. It’s all laid out in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. You should be reading the book. I mean, it’s such an easy thing to fix. If you would have just taken the time to read the book and learn 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, she just basically offered herself on a silver platter to you and you just were like, “Well, I think I’ll chase my tail for a little bit,” and he got nowhere.

Like I said, in this case, I’d call her up, invite her over to make dinner, and she’ll either do it or she’ll give you an excuse. If she balks at it, just say, “Well, if you change your mind, hit me up.” If she reaches out after that, invite her over to make dinner. If she still won’t do that, then at that point you won’t ever bring up getting together, even if she continues reaching out to you, then from that point forward, one of two things will happen: She’ll either bring up getting together or she’ll stop contacting you. I suspect as long as it’s only been a week or so or a few days since the last time you saw her, if you do call her, she’ll probably be happy to hear from you, and she’ll probably make the date, because you definitely kind of gave her the impression you just wanted your shit back and, “See you later.” So the longer that goes on, she might just go, “Well, I guess it’s over,” and then she’ll start dating somebody else and then ride off into the sunset.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.