Do This When She Asks You About Other Women To Grow Attraction

What to say to grow attraction when she asks you if you’re dating other women.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who had a first date with a woman who’s friends with his sister. During their date she asked how many girlfriends he had and if he’s a good man or a lying manipulative gaslighter. He flippantly responded gentlemen don’t kiss and tell. When he asked for a 2^nd date she rejected him because of his answer which made her believe their values don’t align. He asks where he went wrong.

My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “Do This When She Asks You About Other Women To Grow Attraction”.

So there’s a part in my book where, because this usually comes up, especially the first couple dates when some women are going to be like, “are you dating anybody else?” Kind of type of question. And so this particular email is from a guy, he’s young, he’s 23. He says he’s been following my work since 2018, so about eight years. He says his uncle introduced him to my work. So he’s read the book a bunch, but he doesn’t look like he really completely understands things.

Because he’s out on a date. Now it looks like this girl, comes from a broken home. They had what seemed like a good date. And I assume he’s in the Middle East, maybe like Lebanon or somewhere like that because he talks about taking this girl on the first date through like bombed out areas and give her the history. And she said she really liked it.

I can’t imagine taking a girl on a first date through an active war zone or what was an active war zone, just because you never know. But you know, he lives there, so he knows the area. But at the end of the day, during the conversation on their date, she asks him about other men if he has a lot of girlfriends, if he’s the type of guy that lies or gaslights women. And so it looks like she’s gotten burned by dishonest guys.

Because again, her father wasn’t around in her life. So she’s had a lot of bad experiences and she’s basically like, “Are you a good dude or not?” And he just flippantly goes, “gentlemen, don’t kiss and tell.” Instead of really listening to her and trying to understand where she’s coming from. So this is important. This is like a basic adult communication.

A lot of guys do this with women. Women will say things and they don’t really listen to what they say. They’re very dismissive about it, and it bites them in the ass. And that’s basically what happened here. Because he’s very flippant with the gentlemen don’t kiss and tell, which basically makes it sound like he’s exactly the guy she’s afraid of because of how he answered it. Because again, it’s her concerns.

And so if a woman brings up some concerns, like in her case, she’s like, “are you a good guy, an honest guy, or are you just a shitbird dating a lot of girls and you’re gonna lie to me and gaslight me like all the other guys?” Which, you know, that sounds like a jaded girl. A girl who isn’t good at judging character. Because again, the father wasn’t around a teacher these things. And so he just puts his foot in his mouth.

And then like a week or so later, or a few days later, he asks her for a second date. And she just basically said, oh, they don’t want the same things. So he basically confirmed her with his flippant answer that he’s the guy that she’s trying to avoid. And so she ditches him and he’s like, “what happened?” So this is why it’s important to not only read the book 10 or 15 times, but try to understand it.

And part of being a good communicator is you’ve got to actually listen to the other person and try to take in what they’re saying, not just be dismissive of it and make a joke out of it. So this is where learning to tactfully handle uncomfortable conversations is really important. Because if you don’t handle it right, you’re going to end up rejected unnecessarily like this guy did.

Viewer Email:

Hello Coach Corey Wayne,

First, thank you for the impact you’ve had on my life. I’m 23 years old and have been following your work since 2018 when my uncle introduced me to it. I’ve read How to Be a 3% Man more times than I can count and still review it regularly.

Well, that’s great that you read it a lot, but the most important thing is practice. Because it’s in the practicing like this, obviously you make mistakes and you learn. And so it is a good thing even though it didn’t go well. This is a good email to learn from what not to do.

Since discovering your work, I’ve had success dating, several relationships, and have developed much more confidence. I recently graduated as a mechanical engineer and am now looking for something more serious. A few weeks ago, I asked out a 25-year-old woman who is a friend of my sister.

So you would think sis put a good word in for you.

We had a brief exchange on social media before I invited her to dinner. She seemed excited and agreed immediately.

Well, if she’s a friend of your sister, why not ask her out in person? Or why not at least get the number from your sister? Especially if your sister tells you that her friend likes you.

During the date, she did most of the talking, laughed constantly, asked me personal questions, and appeared highly engaged. After dinner, I suggested we continue the evening, so we got ice cream and then spent an hours driving around areas that had recently been part of a war zone during a temporary ceasefire.

So again, I’m assuming I can’t imagine you’re driving around in Gaza. I’m gonna assume it’s probably Lebanon, maybe. And he can write in or confirm this or maybe in the comments tell us. But that’s pretty crazy because that area, it’s like, again, he lives there. Maybe it’s safe because all the Hezbollah guys are dead.

I shared some of the history behind the destroyed buildings, battle sites, and underground tunnels in the area.

That’s why, again, I think it’s Hezbollah, but it could just as easily be Gaza. But I can’t imagine somebody driving around there. But I don’t know. I don’t know where he’s from.

She repeatedly thanked me for the evening and even said, “I never thought of you as this fun and interesting person.”

Yes. I don’t think I’ve ever gotten an email from somebody who’s like, yeah, I took my first date and drove around an old war zone. Right now, there’s a temporary cease fire that could flare up at any time. But again, if maybe it’s safe, maybe all the bad guys are dead.

Later that night she texted me to make sure I got home safely and asked me to send her one of the songs we had discussed.

So, you know, after the date you get something like that, you think, “oh, she must’ve had a good time. Must like me.”

Some context: we’re both engineers working in the oil and gas industry. Her father left when she was young, is an alcoholic, and still causes problems for the family.

So you have to assume more than likely, this girl’s going to presuppose the worst. Now, in the long run, is she really a good candidate for dating a long term relationship? Marriage? Probably not, because dad’s a problem. So she’s not going to trust men. And she clearly doesn’t know which men to trust because she’s gotten burned and obviously gets triggered easily by it. And so trying to date somebody like this, I would assume more than likely there will be other things that you’ll say that are innocuous that just set her off and she’s like, that’s it.

So trying to date her, it’s probably not going to be easy and effortless anyways. So at the end of the day, even though we know it turns out in a rejection, it’s probably for the best because just based on her history, I mean, would you want him, the crazy alcoholic father, to be grandpa to your kids? Probably not. Would you want his negative influence in your family? Probably not.

That’s why it’s important if you’re a family oriented guy that you date a woman who also is family oriented, especially women who love their fathers because women that don’t love their fathers, especially in this case, I can’t imagine she has a high opinion of her dad. So that just makes it really difficult to date somebody like that. Because you’re always having to deal with the trauma and the fact that she’s going to be a little screwed up.

During the date she asked whether I had a lot of girlfriends and whether I was the type of man who lies or gaslights women.

So right there, you know, most women are like, “hey, are you dating anybody else?” It’s like, “well, yeah, I’m kind of casually dating. But, you know, obviously if I had a girlfriend, I wouldn’t be on a date with you.” But in this case, it’s clear she’s bringing up lies and gaslights again.

This guy’s young, so he doesn’t have a ton of life experience. But those are her concerns because she’s been burned in the past. I mean, obviously, the dad being an alcoholic, we have to assume he probably lies and gaslights. And so she’s typically probably attracted to men that are like her father, which lie and gaslight. And so she’s kind of like, are you like my dad? Are you a good dude?

Of course I replied with “I don’t kiss and tell” but this made me think she may have trust issues from past experiences.

Well, you’re absolutely right about that. But so this just tells me the fact that you threw that line at her tells me you don’t really understand what’s going on here. And you weren’t really trying to understand where she was coming from. So you know, if a girl comes right out and says, “do you have a lot of girlfriends? Or are you the type of guy that lies and gaslights women?”

It’s like, I was like, “wow. Well, that came out of nowhere. Well, obviously if I had a girlfriend, I wouldn’t be out on a date with you, silly. But what do you mean by lying and gaslighting? If you dated a lot of guys that have done that to you. Oh, yeah. Terrible. It’s like, well, that sucks. Well, that’s not like me. Well, you know, my sister. So obviously I’m a good dude and I want what everybody else wants. I want to meet the right person, fall in love, live happily ever after.”

That’s the best way to respond. But when you just go, “oh, I don’t kiss and tell.” That just makes it like you just basically confirmed to her. “Yeah, I’m kind of a scumbag.” So again, this is important. You’ve got to listen. You have two ears and one mouth. That means you should listen twice as much as you speak.

A few days later I called to set a second date. She didn’t answer and later texted that she had been teaching a class. She assumed I was calling because my city had recently been threatened with bombing. I replied, “I couldn’t care less about what’s happening, I want to see you. When are you free this week?” She then sent me a long voice note saying she didn’t think we wanted the same things, didn’t want a situationship or friendship, and didn’t believe we were a good match.

Something like that, I’d be like, “where did you get that from that I was looking for a situationship or a friendship? Why would you think that?” But again, this is part of the problem dating or trying to date a girl from a broken home. She just automatically assumes the worst. But then again, you kind of put your foot in your in your mouth when you responded to her. So again, when somebody’s asking you if you’re a good person, you’ve got to answer it.

You can’t just go, “Gentlemen, don’t kiss and tell. I read that in a book.” Yeah, if the girl is like, “do you have do you have lots of girlfriends?” Like, “Well, I’ve always got room for one more.” That usually gets a laugh. It’s like, “come on. If I had other girlfriends, would I be on a date with you?” She’s like, “well, I have gone out with guys that do that.”

“Well, I’m not that type. You know, my sister. It’s like, come on, you know, my family, we’re not like that. And it’s not fair to judge me against guys that you’ve dated in the past that may have been total shitbirds. So I would appreciate it if you judge me based upon my actions and our time together, not based upon what some dirtbag did in the past.”

I told her I enjoyed meeting her and that if she changed her mind, she could reach out. What confuses me is that her actions during and after the date seemed to show high interest, yet she rejected a second date before we ever discussed a relationship. Did I miss something during the interaction?

Yeah. You didn’t listen. And the fact that you wrote this and it’s just sailing right over your head. It’s like, bro, that should be obvious.

Or is this simply a case of someone with trust issues and a difficult past?

Well, she’s definitely somebody that has trust issues and has a difficult past, and probably for a long-term relationship would just be too difficult to deal with because she’s going to be incredibly insecure, probably accusing you of doing things you didn’t do. Just because, again, she’s got trust issues. Dad wasn’t around.

What would you do if you were in my shoes? Thank you coach for all your impactful work on my life and the lives of thousands of men around the world.

Best regards,

Bob

Well you’re welcome. So at this point, there’s not a lot you can do. Because it’s kind of like what’s done is done. And she made up her mind. And so if you happen to be talking to your sister and your sister’s good friends with her, say, “oh, what happened with so and so?” “Well, I went out and she basically sent me this long message thinking, I’m looking for a friendship or a situationship. And I was like, I don’t know where that came from, but I was like, okay, whatever, hit me up if you change your mind.”

You know, again, the fact he didn’t push back, he didn’t say, “well, what do you mean?” You know, again, something else you could do. And you know, when she brings it up and says, “are you a man who lies to or gaslights women?” You’re like, “wow, that’s like, what? What made you think that? Why? What makes you think that I would be that type of guy? I mean, you know, my sister.” So it’s like, “what’s happened that caused you to think like that? That’s pretty random.”

And you just, you know, “what are your concerns around that?” And then also, if she says “she didn’t think we wanted the same thing. She didn’t want a situationship or friendship.” You could have messaged her back with the voicemails like, “well, I’m not looking for a situationship or a relationship. I want the same thing that everybody else wants. I want to meet the right girl and live happily ever after. And you seem like a nice girl. I’d like to take you out again. I’m not looking for a situationship or a friendship.”

But, you know, again, I would say also her interest isn’t super high anyway. But at the end of the day, based upon her family background, she wouldn’t really be a good person to get into a relationship with. Because again, she presupposes the worst. It’s like, what about a relationship with your sister? You know, your sister be like, “why would you fucking say that to my brother? Why would you talk to him that way?” He’s like, you know me. You know our family. It’s like, you should apologize to him for that. It’s like, that’s kind of insulting.

But at the end of the day, the brother didn’t do himself any favors by not handling things tactfully. So again, this is important. You know, there are times where you say, “well, gentlemen, don’t kiss and tell” or “I’ve always got room for one more.” It’s kind of something funny and fun and playful to say. But when a girl has been dicked around like this girl has and she comes from a broken home, you’re going to have to address that. You can’t just throw a platitude at her and go, “huh? I read that in a book. That’s going to go great.”

Because you’re not really listening to her and you’re not addressing her concerns. So this is important. And I would imagine you’re probably with other women you’re dating, this is something that you do. They’ll say things to you and you’ll be dismissive of it. It’s just like guys all the time. It’s like when they get served divorce papers or the girl breaks up with them. “Well, I didn’t think she was serious. I didn’t think she meant she was really unhappy or that she really was going to leave me.” I was like, “well, she’s been saying it for years.”

It’s like, “well, yeah, I thought, she’s just being emotional, coach.” It’s like, yeah, but if a woman’s constantly communicating; with women, that’s the other thing. Women tend to complain about the same things over and over and over again. And oftentimes guys just dismiss that, “oh, I just she’s just being moody.” And then at some point when a woman realizes this is not going to change or he’s not listening to me, then they look for the exits.

And depending on their character, determines how nice or how nasty they are when they end their relationship, they can be nice, you can go your separate way. You can do kind of like, who was it? Famously Gwyneth Paltrow and the lead singer from Coldplay. We’ve decided to consciously uncouple. In other words, they ended their relationship with love and they were nice. I don’t remember anything about them when they split up, just talking shit.

And, then you’ve got the nasty version, which is like, look at Giselle did to Tom Brady. We all thought they had a great, wonderful relationship. She was always there for Super Bowl victories. And instead, you know, she’s getting her freak on with a jiu jitsu instructor. It’s like she’s just kind of a nasty fucking person, not a good woman. And, you know, even despite all that, Tom’s just too much of a nice guy. You know, Mother’s Day came, you know, was like last month.

He writes this nice post about his ex-wife and what a great mom she is. And of course, she’s like talking what a great man her new husband is and all that. And everybody was over the weekend was like, oh, it’s Father’s Day. She didn’t even mention Tom Brady. It’s like he’s just a better dude. He’s a nice guy. He’s too nice. That’s part of his problem. And despite, you know, things I’ve talked about and that he’s done that he made mistakes. But, you know, at some point Giselle gave up on Tom and look what she did. She cheats on him. Of course she still denies it that it happened.

But it’s pretty common knowledge. I mean, you guys saw the roast. It’s like it’s obvious what happened. And I know because of mutual people that I know that she actually did cheat on him. So there’s that. So she’s a liar and she’s a cheater, but she presents this image to the world that’s basically bullshit. And a lot of people buy it. But I mean, there’s that. So again, you’ve got to listen to what a woman says. You can’t just be dismissive of it.

And if you don’t understand what she’s saying, you say, “what do you mean? What are your concerns?” That’s another good question to say. “What are your concerns around that? Why would you bring that up? What makes you say that? Why would you think that I would be that kind of a person? You know, my sister.” That’s kind of insulting for her to say that to you when she’s supposedly friends with your sister, unless they don’t know each other that well.

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