Finding a way to be happy along the journey towards achieving all of your goals and dreams is going to be essential if you want to keep your sanity. All too often human beings tend to only focus on what is not working or what is missing from their lives.
The quality of your life is in direct proportion to the quality of the questions that you consistently ask yourself. If you find yourself constantly saying “Why does my life suck so much? Why is life so hard? Why do I have to struggle so much? Etc.” your brain has no choice but to come up with really crappy answers. On the other hand, if you ask yourself empowering questions like “What’s good about this? How can I use this? What can I learn from this? How can this help me? Etc.,” your brain is forced to come up with good, positive and empowering answers. The following is a very powerful affirmation you can use and say out loud when you feel like crap:
“My present happiness is all I see. Saying it instructs the subconscious to focus on perceptions & data that support your happiness.”-Marianne Williamson
The following are a couple of e-mails I got from one of my coaching clients. He is a trucker and spends his life in an 18 wheeler. He’s always had a dream of being a veterinarian since he was a kid, but until I started working with him, he spent his life mostly making excuses and doing things for a living that he hates because he felt he did not deserve any better. Obstacles are the scary things you see when you take your eyes off your goals. He is moving in the right direction and just got back from a trip to Texas where he was looking at a college and checking out the job market. He’s taking action and making progress, but still he gives himself absolutely no credit for his tremendous progress. My comments are (in bold brackets like this) in the body of his e-mails:
Hey man how`s it going? (awesome!) You know when I sent that email about personal secession my intentions were the best. I just never got around to it (it was not a burning desire, just a random thought). I took a ride to Texas last week on my Harley to see my family and job hunt (good job, you are executing your plan). Saw Ted Nugent Saturday eve in Ft. Worth and it was easily one of the best live Rock shows anywhere (of course, Ted is your idol). There were a ton of unbelievable women there obviously (Texas is a Goddess haven). Well, it was a Texas show, so one can expect way better people in general than here in Illinois. I thought the ride down and back would clear my head but no (your life will continue to change for the better very slowly as you take consistent action). Is it really attainable to be like one of those guys I see everywhere that got a ton of women? (with hard work and dedication to improving yourself and being at your best personally). I don`t see it possible for some of us (its only possible by taking consistent relentless action towards making your goals and dreams a reality), unless certain collectivist conditions are met. You know, it really makes one lose hope when everything is group think nowadays (your making excuses and trying to protect your ego from getting hurt if things don’t work out for you in the end. However, the ONLY WAY for things to work out ok for you in the end is if you continue to take action in spite of your fears). Individuality isn`t respected hardly and that is sad man. I wish I had the liberty to date who I want when I want but I don`t see in what area of the world I could do it (you do have the liberty, but you are still addicted to putting yourself down and avoiding things that are uncomfortable). I mean, I`m in a pretty bad position don`t you think? (no, you simply live in Illinois at the present moment. You’re in a city you don’t like, doing a job you hate and desire to relocate to the south. But right now, you’re not where you want to be… not yet anyway).
All I ever wanted out of life was a fun beautiful tall slender hottie (you’ve already had plenty. You just let yourself go for so long that you created a life full of things you can’t stand. It took a long time to create the life you have now. It will take a long time to create and become the person you’ve always dreamed of being) and a few kids with her and a good job. That ain’t too much to ask out of life is it? (nope. You deserve it. Just continue to take baby steps to better your situation) There is no one in existence that I can think of that is successful with women that ever had to work for all the great shit they got (that’s total BS and you know it). It only gets handed to them or they luck out and step into it. I don`t know how much more I can stomach seeing this. I know I`m a complainer but when I get off my ass and do something about it, it never goes anywhere. I HOPE i don`t have to be content with just looking at all these women while most everyone else wins them over (you won’t as long as you continue to strive to become a better man…and… take action).
I`m real close to giving up forever, unless I experience something great that changes my thinking (you are deluding yourself by thinking one event will change it all. Its a lot of events combined together that will change your circumstances over time). It`s the only way I think (no, its simply the way YOU CHOOSE to think). Sorry man, I don`t think any of this stuff you’ve done for me (emails and/or coaching calls) will work (you’re bullshitting yourself again. You just drove across country to check out a college and new town. People don’t do shit like that unless they are really committed to changing their lives for the better). Guess I`ll be the first that you couldn’t help achieve their goals and great women and other stuff like that (I can only be your coach and help you find your own solutions. Its up to you to do the work. No one else can do it for you. You must participate in your own rescue). Why can`t good people like you just accept the fact that some of us are just not destined to succeed with beautiful women and in life no matter what? I don`t get it (dude, you hired me to help you become great and to become the best version of yourself possible. You are making slow steady progress. Women LOVE MEN who’ve got their shit together. You are a work in progress. Take your time. Enjoy the journey).
Here’s his second email:
Y`know man, I don`t want to make this a whiny email and it won`t be (You seem to enjoy whining. You’re pretty good at it). A couple or a few years ago whenever it was, I looked for help with women online and got your book (smartest decision you ever made) with the best of intentions to better my life in that area only, but none of the other areas do I have my shit together (like I said earlier. You’re a work in progress. By getting your shit together you will feel better about yourself, you’ll be in a new city and you’ll also be surrounded by some of the most beautiful and charming women in the world. The better you do you and feel about life and your future, the easier it will be for you to get the women you really want). All I`d like to know is how can millions of dudes who don`t have it all together have all the women after them? (they choose to not let their circumstances define who they are. They don’t associate not having it all as being necessary or important to getting the women they want. Therefore it isn’t. Your perceived and self-imposed limitations are all in your mind). Attitude? (absolutely) Luck? (I don’t believe in luck) Spirit? (absolutely) Looks? (it helps) Material possessions? (window dressing) What do you know about people like this? (There’s plenty of them around, however, I’ve learned we’re all fucked up in some way or another. That includes all the people that you perceive as “having it all”. How you feel about your own unique “fucked-up-ness” is what determines your trajectory and success in life. We can’t always change the external events of our lives. We only have control over what we decide the circumstances of our life mean to us. If you don’t like what’s in your life, but you can’t change it right now, then change what it means to you. Life and the events of your life only have the meanings THAT YOU GIVE THEM!!!!!).
Y`know, I heard you mention that if one is excited about something then it is contagious (that’s not accurate. I said that if you have a compelling vision, something to get excited about and then take action, that you would be too busy to worry about it working out or not working out. Having something compelling to look forward to is the fire that propels you to take action towards your goals even when you don’t feel like it). I don`t get hype about anything at all. Well, I know what definitely would make me shape up, however where it is?… I dunno man (“it” is in your heart, where the Lord dwells. Learn to trust it so you can become the person he created you to be. Otherwise the tyranny of the mind, will keep you confused, lost, separated from what you want and without hope). Is there a way to get pumped up about something or anything in life at all so I can bring a little or a lot of enthusiasm to the forefront (simply change what you are focusing on by repeating… “My present happiness is all I see” and then write down what you see. That way you force your brain to come up with things to feel good about)… Believe me, if there was a way to move up the ladder I would do it. If I knew the hard work would yield vast amounts of success and girls coming after me wanting to do me and date me I`d do it (you’re already are doing it. You’re just taking your time. You don’t appear to be in any rush to change things for the better, but you are making slow progress. Just go at your own pace, keep taking action and CUT YOURSELF SOME FUCKING SLACK!!!!!) Not many guys have the worry or over-analyze shit like I do, do they? (everyone deals with the tyranny of the mind in their own way) Is there a valid honest concrete answer out there? (little daily successes add up to big success over time). I would give anything on this earth and in this universe to know and feel what it`s like to be great and revered and loved and pursued like a beast. Anything to go on that you could think of? (quit yer bitchin, celebrate your wins and put your head down and keep moving forward… inch by inch… millimeter by millimeter. You already know its going to take you the better part of the next decade to finish school and become a veterinarian. You got a long road ahead of you. Be patient. Success will come in time).
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“When you trust in yourself, you’re trusting in the same wisdom that created you.”-Dr. Wayne Dyer