Why you need to be very careful in how you reply to a woman who asks you or messages if you are missing her, how you should respond and how an improper response can ruin her attraction and interest in you, even if she knows you are dating other women.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who is in his fifties. He had been dating a woman for about seven weeks who is forty-two. She had been telling him how confident she thought he was, how strong he was and how every time she saw him, she liked him more and more. After they had sex on their fourth date, she told him that she did not date guys who were dating other women. He told her that she was his number one. She started asking him why he did not text her all the time. A few weeks later, after spending three days together, she started asking him if he was missing her. He was evasive and said “maybe.” He basically started making her feel like she was just another notch in his bedpost. They had a date for the following week set up. She reached out to him a few days before the date to chat. As he was trying to end the call and tell her how he looked forward to seeing her, she said she had planned a dinner party at her house on their date and that another guy would be there in an obvious attempt to make him jealous. He failed to stand up for himself and the fact they had a date set up on that day, but rescheduled their date anyway. After he thought about it, he texted her and canceled the date, because he felt she was jerking him around. He has not heard from her in six days. He asks my opinion. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email:
I have been a student of yours for about a year now and have come a long way thanks to your help. I’m 50 yrs. old, fit, look to be in my early 40’s and I’m a bloody good catch. I met this girl about 7 weeks ago who is a solid 9. She is 42. When I saw her, I shit myself but went up to her and boldly asked her out, gave her my number and she texted me the next morning. (That definitely is a sign of high attraction.) I have followed your advice and believe I have done a solid job to date. Some of the positive comments she has made about me are: “You’re so confident,” “No one has ever come up to me and asked me out the way you did,” “You’re a strong man,” and “Every time you come to my door, I like you more and more.” (When you apply the things that I teach, you’re never going to have any competition.) Even my friends comment on how into me she appears to be when we are together. (You shouldn’t be going out on group dates unless she’s your girlfriend. That is violating one of my principles.) Also, the sex has been great. After the first time we had sex, date number four, she said, “I don’t date guys who are seeing other women.” I cheekily replied, “You’re my number one,” to which she smiled. She also asked, “Why don’t you text me all the time?” to which I gave the Corey Wayne response. (I would say, “I like to keep things random and spontaneous. It’s nice to just surprise each other with those kinds of things. If you feel like you’d like to talk, just reach out.”)
Two weeks ago, we had an amazing weekend of dates Friday, Saturday and most of Sunday… I know I know. (There’s nothing wrong with spending that much time together. Hang out, have fun and hook up. As a woman’s attraction level grows, she’s going to want to see you more and more.) I gave her some space with no contact until Wednesday to set up another date, but she said she was busy having dinner with family and would call tomorrow, which she did, and we agreed to meet Wednesday the following week, due to her family commitments. Over the weekend, she was still texting me sweet things, but I noticed it had cooled off a bit. (Like I discuss in my book, women are like cats. Sometimes they’re texting and calling all the time, and sometimes they back off.) She called me up on Saturday and asked if I was missing her, to which I replied “maybe” in a sweet way. (I would have asked her to come over. If she’s reaching out, you should assume she wants to see you.) I said in conversation that I was looking forward to seeing her on Wednesday and was thinking to get off the phone, but she said I’m having a small dinner party on Wednesday and went to the trouble of naming some other guy who was coming. (She’s trying to make you jealous, and she’s being disrespectful by canceling your date and blowing you off.) I replied, I thought we were going out on that day, but didn’t make a fuss about it. (I would have said, “Hey, we had plans to go out on a date. What do you mean you’re having a dinner party?” because that’s disrespectful. She’s blowing you off and treating you like a second class citizen.) I asked her, “When are you free?” She said Thursday, and we got off the phone. (You definitely did not handle that one well dude.) I then thought about what had happened and felt, I’m getting dicked around here, so I texted her, “I can’t do Thursday or Friday, so next week’s out. Maybe some other time. Stay in touch.” She replied, “Okay.”
That was six days ago, and I have had no contact. Bloody nerve racking!! I have continued to date other women, so my cup’s not empty, but I really want a shot with this woman. (Instead of talking and communicating, she’s punishing you. It looks like she was expecting you to be exclusive with her, and when you didn’t go along with it, she decided to rub another guy in your face.) I feel that the two points she doesn’t like are the days when I don’t text and the fact that I am dating other women. I haven’t told her any details on my dating other women, I told her that she is my number one, and I haven’t hidden my attraction to her. (You’ve got to be clear about what you want. Are you looking for a girlfriend or are you looking to play the field? The only way you can play the field is if women allow you to come and go as you please. The majority of women are going to want you to be exclusive with them after 6 weeks.)
Please help mate,
My Response to Him:
I would not have said, “maybe” when she asked if you missed her. I would have said, “of course I miss you and I am looking forward to seeing you again on Wednesday!” Remember, women want to feel like they are the most special woman in the world to you. Not another notch in your bedpost. I also would have said, “We have plans on Wednesday. What’s up with you planning a dinner party when we have a date and trying to rub another guy in my face? That’s not cool.” However, what’s done is done. It was bullshit for her to jerk you around and then rub another guy in your face in order to try and manipulate you. When a woman expects you to text her every day or send good morning or good evening texts like a well trained dog, I would reply with, “I would rather things remain fun, random and spontaneous. Otherwise, things will become boring, predictable and robotic. If you want to chat or text me, I always love seeing your name pop up in my phone. Let’s just go with the flow.”
She basically is trying to punish you and use another guy to try and make you jealous. She also blew off your date when you did not robotically do what she asked. It is an unreasonable request to expect you to text her every day like a robot when you just started dating. She is acting like a teenager by treating you this way. The reality is, with the skills you are learning in my book, most women, no matter how hot they are, simply are not a good match or good relationship material. There are plenty of 97% women out there. She needs to do 100% of the calling, texting and pursuing from now on. If she behaves and starts treating you right, consistently for several weeks, and still wants you to text her as well, then surprise her once per week with a simple text along these lines, “Hey you! I was thinking about you. I hope you’re having a great day. I look forward to seeing you tomorrow.” Something along those lines. Otherwise, she has disqualified herself from your love life. Keep dating and meeting new women. She needs to earn you. She is fucking things up because she is fucked up.
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Most exclusive relationships start off as casual affairs. Over time, and as both people start to become more and more interested in each another, other people they may be dating slowly fade away. Women find men who have many options with other women to be more attractive than guys who have no other options. However, in order to maintain a woman’s growing attraction for a man, he must make her feel more special than any other woman he may be dating. If he makes her feel like just another notch in his bedpost, or as if he is only using her for sex, she will lose interest and back away. Therefore, as a woman’s attraction grows, she will start inquiring how much or if you miss her, ask about other women you are dating and where you think things are going. Why? The more a woman likes you, the more attention of yours she will seek. Make her feel special, but never mislead her about your true intentions.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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