This is a recent email I got from a client who has been dating a girl who accepts all his advances, but does not seem to put the same kind of effort into the relationship that he does. He is not sure if she is really that into him.
I am in a new relationship, and I can’t seem to tell if she is into me or not. I am actually leaning towards “not really.” She never initiates a phone call to me. I always have to call her. I always have to initiate physical contact,even holding hands. How do I ask her if she is into me without appearing weak and needy? In what setting can I bring it up?
Here is my response to him:
As I talk about in my book and audio CD’s, you always look at what a woman does, and not what she says, to determine what her true interest level in you is. Alpha males don’t have to ask if the girl is really into him. Why? This would communicate to her that he is unsure of himself. It also communicates that he is waiting on her. Asking if she is really into you is going to communicate weakness to her. An alpha male spends time with the hottest and most giving of the women he is dating, so he would simply spend the most time with the chicks that he has the most fun with and who also are willing to put the same kind of effort in that he does. They are also blowing up his phone all the time, so he gets to pick and choose who he wants to spend his time and money on. Some women are selfish, spoiled, lazy and not givers. They have just gotten used to men always kissing their ass. They never have had to make an effort since so many guys are always chasing them. In other words, guys have trained them to be this way. There are also structured women who think and believe the guy is supposed to do everything. Structured women will not initiate contact or affection. Many of them will also turn their head even if they like you when you try to kiss them, because they have been taught to rebuff a man’s advances until the guy reaches some milestone that is only known to her. Many women who were raised in the 50’s and 60’s are like this, and nothing is going to change them. Women who are like this are a waste of time in my opinion. Plus, they are like energy vampires as all they do is take and take and take, giving very little in return. They also can be totally lame in bed.
So what should you do with this girl? It’s possible that you have come on too strong and have not given her the space and time to pursue you in your eagerness to make things happen. The only way to know for sure is to back off and see what she does. Don’t call her anymore to ask her out. Wait to see if she actually calls you when she has not heard from you. If she has any true interest in you, she will call when she has not heard from you. If she has just been going out with you because it’s better than staying home and looking at the four walls, or because she is structured, then you will never hear from her again. Obviously, it bothers you that she is not reciprocating. It would bother me too. I have been in similar situations in the past. When I backed off, it caused them to start pursuing me when they had high interest. If they did not have high interest, (51% interest level or more), I never heard from them again. It’s the only way to know for sure. If she does call you and ask why she has not heard from you, you can simply say you were busy, and then tell her that you would like to see her. Make a definite date, tell her you will see her then, and get off the phone.
Try it out and let me know what happens.
From my heart to yours,
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur