Why asking a woman out on a date with confidence and certainty is way more effective when her interest is low.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who met a girl in his college calculus class. He was shy and nervous about asking her out. He got the opportunity after a few weeks, but he says he walked away like a coward instead.
Then, after she dropped the class he reached out to her on social media and asked if she wanted to go on a date with him sometime. She ghosted him. He asks what he should do now. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
Women know that if you’re talking to them, it’s because you’re interested. And when you go up to her and you kind of dither and hesitate, and then you don’t have the guts to ask her out, and you kind of keep creeping on her and trying to take the roundabout way, eventually, she starts to recognize that you don’t have any confidence. And the number one, most important quality that women love in men is confidence.
So, when you’re constantly displaying a lack of confidence, you can typically get away with that with women that have high interest for a period of time. But a woman who’s got low interest, or who would give you the benefit of the doubt but you keep displaying weakness and never pulling the trigger, eventually, she’s going to go, “Oh yeah, that guy’s soy. I’m not going to go out with him.”
He reached out to her on WhatsApp and had a pleasant conversation. And you can just tell from his conversation there’s a lack of confidence, but the girl might not have been interested. Regardless, it’s just the way he goes about it. She’s been approached at this point in her life so many times, by so many guys, she can tell what’s going on. And it’s obvious her interest is low or she has no interest. But the guy’s thinking, “What do I do now?” He asked her on a date and she just ghosted him.
So, it’s a good email, because the idea is, if a woman’s interest is low – I talk about this in the “It’s All In The Numbers” chapter in How To Be A 3% Man – on a scale of one to ten, if you’re a five in her eyes, you’re barely holding on by your fingernails. And so, there’s not too many things that you can do or mistakes that you can make without her just going, “No, I’m not going to go out with that guy.”
I think that’s probably the situation here, that her interest is low to no interest, and it probably wouldn’t have mattered. But it’s a good email where we can help him clean up and help him interact with women in a more confident way, in a more confident vibe, which will help him get over the hump the next time he encounters a woman where he’s just kind of perceived as a five.
Hi Coach Corey Wayne,
First off, just want to say I’ve been a fan of your YouTube channel for years. Rock On! Keep doing you!
Well, I do what I do because it’s my purpose.
There was this girl in my calculus class that I finally worked up the courage to introduce myself to, but I didn’t get her number and said “talk to you later” like a coward.
A simple, easy to use pickup line is something along the lines of, “Hey, we should get together for a drink sometime,” and then just hand her your phone. If you’re really feeling nervous, especially making a date on the spot, just “Hey, we should get together sometime. Let me grab your number.” Just like that, very simple. It makes it even easier just to hand her your phone and let her put it in.
Fast forward a couple weeks, the 2nd exam destroys 1/2 the class. Twelve As and 12 Fs, so many people drop, including her.
So, we know she’s not the smartest or sharpest tool in the shed. She dropped calculus. But then again, I dropped it three times, so what’s that say about me?
I panic and start talking to her on WhatsApp! (I got her contact info from the group chat.)
What should I do?
Okay, so here is his text exchange:
HIM: Hey, is this Jessica?
HER: Yes, it is.
HIM: This is Bob from calculus I. I saw that you weren’t coming anymore.
HER: Yeah, I just couldn’t anymore. I just saw myself failing his class, and I needed to save my GPA and transcript.
I remember those days, because you’ve got until almost the middle of the term before you can drop the class and not have it show that you failed it, basically. It’s just a dropped class. It doesn’t count.
HER: But I’m taking it next term with a better professor, so fingers crossed.
Yeah, I did that a lot. Four times, I took calculus. It was the fourth try that I finally passed.
HIM: Totally understood. He’s a tough grader. Half the class just failed!
HER: Really?! The test was bad?!
HIM: Yep, I got an A though. Not trying to brag, just relieved.
HER: LMAO. Damn, I could never.
HIM: I think it was like 12 A/Bs and 3 C/Ds and 12 Fs. So, yeah, you could, LOL.
So, this is his next move. What he says is just kind of weak, “let me fly under the radar,” instead of just being direct and decisive and saying, “Hey, we should get together for a drink sometime and catch up. What’s your schedule like?”
HIM: Maybe next time you take calculus, we can get a study session going?
Come on, man. All these years you’ve been following me, and that’s the best you can come up with? You’ve got to “do betterer.” I would give you probably an F for that pickup line.
So again, it’s like you’re trying to fly under the radar, you’re not really interested in a study session. You want to beat up her pelvis, that’s what’s really going on. And she knows that that’s what you want, but you’re communicating that you don’t have the confidence to really go for it.
HER: The first exam, I completely bombed, LOL. Yeah, for sure.
I guess she’s saying, “yeah, for sure” to the study session because it’s like, that’ll never happen.
HIM: I got a D the first exam, so I think I figured out what can help people improve.
And then he goes for the date after he’s already made himself kind of look weak. Or, he probably saw she said yes to the study group and he’s like, “Well, maybe I’ll ask her on a date and she’ll say yes to that.”
HIM: In the meantime, do you want to go on a date with me sometime?
He’s still waiting for a response. So, he got crickets. Nothing. I mean, if the girl had super high interest and really liked you, you would have been able to tell when you met her, but it’s obviously low to no interest. And the fact that she ignored you, you’re out. I wouldn’t do anything. Just leave it be.
Who knows, maybe a few days or a week or so later she reaches out, or maybe not. But the bottom line is, you had to shoot your shot, and you did. Like I said, it was kind of like an F, considering the fact that you’ve been following me all these years and that was the best you came up with. You should have done better. But quite frankly, dude, I don’t think it would have mattered, because her interest was low. It’s like either no to low interest. But she could have a boyfriend, you don’t know.
So, she blew you off. Never try to keep somebody in your life who doesn’t want to keep you in theirs. It’s harsh, but that’s the reality. She’s not making any effort, so therefore, she doesn’t care.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Attraction is not a choice. Mother Nature handles attraction. Therefore, attraction is not created, but revealed. However, when romantic interest is low, a man can’t make very many mistakes that make him look weak, undesirable or unattractive without ruining his chances. When romantic interest is high, a man can say almost anything and still be successful at first, because it will take a lot of mistakes and displaying a lot of weakness before he ruins his chances. Women with high interest make it easy to date and spend time with them. Women with low interest are often dismissive, difficult and unenthusiastic about making dates. Spend your time with people who celebrate and cherish spending time with you, not those who merely tolerate you.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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